How come I haven't gone crazy yet?
Sunday, October 04, 2009
How come I haven't gone crazy yet? Been admitted to a mental hospital? Lost my marbles? Been put in the nut house? Gone bananas?
One word. Exercise. Yup, that is it. Exercise. It has managed to keep me from going crazy, being admited to a mental hospital, kept my marbles contained and kept the bananas at bay! LOL! Seriously, though. I have been going through A LOT of EXTREMELY stressful stuff since the passing of my father three months ago. It is still something I think about almost non-stop throughout the day. I get phone calls from the real estate agent, the carpet guy, the tax lady and the list goes on and on. I am answering emails for items I have put on craigslist and it just seems like I never have a moment to relax.
Another thing that has come up is that they transferred one of the girls that was working on the Foster Youth Mentor Program with me. So, I have basically taken on an additional position. I enjoy the challenge and am not complaining but work used to be where I would go for refuge. I would do my job, which wasn't usually stressful and I enjoyed it. With this girl leaving, I have assumed quite a lot of responsibility. It makes the days go by quick but it took away some down time that I used to have.
Another thing that I haven't blogged about much and won't go into much detail but things in my home life are strained. They were even before the passing of my father and you can imagine that something as tramatic as this hasn't helped much. It seems that everywhere I go there is stress. No relaxation. No down time. Just go go go and do do do.
We found out that my father's place has termintes and that will cost around $3,000 to treat. Apparently, there are some roofing problems in the unit which may deter the potential buyer. I am paying over $500 dollars alone on insurance costs and it seems that people aren't buying Harley Davidson motorcycles as quickly as they were before the recession. Have you had to try and sell something you know absolutely nothing about? Let me just say that it sucks! People ask me questions and I don't know the answer. Everyone is an expert on how much I should be selling the stupid things for. I inherited about 4 insurance policies, a mortgage, homeowner's association fees, $50,000 dollars of debit in the form of an equity line of credit, credit card debt (I know it isn't my debt but it has to be paid), 2 motorcyles, 2 trucks, and some land in North Dakota that has about $6,000 dollars of back taxes due. Now mind you, I know that I can put on the rose colored glasses and know when all is said and done that I will come out even or maybe even ahead but I would give all this up for one more precious day with my father. IT ISN'T WORTH IT!!!! Everyday I dread what I will face. I know this is all part of the process and I will get through it. I know that there will come a day and I will look back and be impressed with how well I managed to get through such a difficult time. I hold a lot of things in because I don't want to burden those around me. Nobody was even remotely as close to my father as I was. I feel like I can't lean on somebodies should who shares in my grief because I am it. My daughter misses him but she doesn't have the history with him that I did. I guess it just isn't the same for her. I remember when my grandfather passed away, it was much different than this. Obviously. I don't think my dad talked about it much. Their lives were not as intertwined as ours was. I guess the bottom line is that I just miss him and don't want to deal with this. I will though.
Wow, I intended to write a happy blog about how exercise has been my saving grace, especially this last week. It turned into something different but I want to bring the focus back to this. When I work out, I don't think about all that is wrong in my world right now. I just feel....good! I feel strong. I feel exhilerated. It is better than any drug I could take. It is God's way of giving me some relief. I am happy to report that while things have been pretty up in the air for the past couple of months, I am back on a great workout routine and my eating has improved. This gives me something to look forward to. It gives me a sense of well-being and balance. Without it, I can't imagine what kind of wreck I would be!! LOL! Without exercise and the support of my sparkfriends and real life friends (some are spark and real life friends) I don't know how I would have survived.
So, this is the start of a new work week and I am eager to handle the stress in a positive way. I will get my workouts in and enjoy the stress relief. I will also take a little bit of time out of my day to do something that takes my mind off of this, like reading. I haven't done much of this lately and I miss it! I need to be kind to myself so I can be kind to others and manage my day effectively.