Saturday, October 03, 2009
I'm tired of being this way.
I'm tired of hiding from the camera when somebody wants to take a picture.
I'm tired of not having any pictures of me to post on Facebook.
I'm tired of always thinking that people are judging me because of my weight.
I'm tired of not wanting old friends to see me because of all the weight I've gained.
I'm tired of feeling like I'll never get married.
I'm tired of not having any cute clothes that fit.
I'm tired of being ashamed to buy clothes.
I'm tired of getting out of breath so quickly and easily.
I'm tired of feeling like a failure to my parents.
I'm tired of feeling like a pig.
I'm tired of treating my body this way.
But I cannot do this myself. I can do nothing myself. God has sovereignly ordained that I be this fat at this time in my life. For what purpose, I do not know; I may never know. I do know that it is for His eternal glory. By living a healthy life, I know I will be a better testimony to the world.
The Lord says in Proverbs 23:19-21 --"Listen, my son, and be wise,
And direct your heart in the way.
Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine,
Or with gluttonous eaters of meat;
For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty,
And drowsiness will clothe one with rags."
The Hebrew word for"gluttonous" means "to shake (as in the wind), that is, to quake; figuratively to be loose morally, worthless or prodigal; blow down, glutton, riotous (eater), vile." I do not want to be this morally loose person any longer.
Lord, sanctify me in this area.