The Fear of Success
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I've been sparking now for over two months. A couple of weeks ago I realized that I was "plateauing." But honestly I wasn't, I just wasn't following the plan as diligently as I should have been. As I analyzed what was happening, I realized that I was afraid. I was not afraid of failure, because so far the plan was working. I was afraid of really being successful. If I was successful then I would not have an excuse for running the half marathon with my cousin next summer. I wouldn't have an excuse for hiding my spectacular personality at the next singles activity. I wouldn't have an excuse for getting on with my life! I realized that I have sabotaged myself my whole life--not because of the fear of failure or rejection--but because of the fear of success.
As I came to this realization, I remembered one of my favorite quotes. Most people attribute it to Nelson Mandela because he used it in his inauguration address, but it's actually by Marianne Williamson:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. You playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure about you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
So as I recommit myself, I hope that this journey will carry me out of the darkness to a place where I can more fully embrace my own light!