Wednesday, September 09, 2009
About a week and a half ago I had a free day - no expectations on what I was going to eat, didn't have to exercise if I did not want to etc. I wasn't that bad really - went for a walk, and ate reasonably well. But ever since then I seem to have lost my motivation. It's like I'm on the edge of a black hole that is trying its hardest to suck me in. I've struggled on through these last ten days never totally falling into the black hole, but never being able to pull away from it either. Kinda like I'm hanging on to the edge by my fingertips. I've tried re-visiting my reasons for wanting this, acknowledging my feelings, re-vamping my eating and exercise etc. But I can't seem to pull myself out of this funk. I know that if I can just hang on long enough I'll be able to pull myself back, but it's really tough, and I'm doubting my ability to tough it out. But really what choice do I have - back to the couch and a bag of chips. Do I really hate myself that much? I know the answer is no - it's just sometimes that couch and the chips feel like love instead of hate. Here's hoping the next time I blog I'll have vanquished that black hole I am currently in.