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Depressed....

Monday, September 07, 2009



Every year in September I get very depressed. It lasts until January. I get depressed because my ex-husband took my son away from me. We got divorced in 2004 and it was the happiest day of my life. Apparently, he was very angry about the divorce, because when we were walking out of the lawyers office he told me that I took away what he loved (which was me), so he was going to take away what I loved (which was my son). We went through court and I spent over $10,000 on a lawyer. His mom and step dad went to court and so did my ex-husband and they lied about me completely and the judge believed them. So my ex-husbands parents won custody of my son because of horrible lies they told about me, and because my ex-husband has numerous domestic assaults against me and my daughter, 2 child protection cases, and 2 DUI's. The minute his parents won custody they gave my son to my ex-husband and I haven't seen him since he was 9. This year is especially hard because my son will be 13 on September 17th. I cry all the time and today when I went to work out I didn't even try. I feel like I don't care about me any more. I stay strong for my daughter, but she is the only reason I have for living right now. I want to be able to see my son on his birthday. I want to eat thanksgiving dinner with him in November, and I want to see him open his Christmas presents in December. I buy him things all the time and send them to him but I don't know if he is getting them or not. I mail him a card every month so he knows how much I am thinking about him, but I don't know if he is getting them. I love my son very much. When my son was born my ex-husband invited his mother into the delivery room.... I didn't want her there, but she was more helpful then my ex.... he did nothing to help me. After my son was born it honestly felt like my ex and his mother thought they were Jacob's parents. My ex and I would have plans and he would let his mother just walk into our house and go upstairs to Jacob's room and just take him like our plans meant nothing. I got my butt beat one day for telling him it was like he only needed me because he couldn't have kids with his mom. My ex was very abusive which is why I took the kids and left. My daughter is not his which is why he couldn't her. I just hate this time of the year because I really want my baby back. Because of the lies my ex and his parents told the judge ordered that I had supervised visits and that I could volunteer in Jacobs school class and the after school program they put him in. I did all of that, but the first day I was suppose to volunteer they changed schools and wouldn't tell me what school he went to. I went to the supervised visitation center and they terminated serviced because I got sick with bronchitis and couldn't go once and because I missed one other time due to road construction. The freeway exit I was suppose to take was completely ripped down and I didn't know how else to get there. My ex and his mother put my son in counseling. I found out that my exes mother would talk to the therapist before my son was seen and everything she told the therapist ended up in the judges report, not what my son said. My exes mother knew this therapist since they both worked in the medical field so I got completely screwed in court. I have no money to go back to court so I feel hopeless and helpless. I feel that my son is getting hit by my ex since he is very abusive and I feel like I failed my son. I did get my daughter away from my ex. He was emotionally and physically abuse to her. God, I just want my baby back!

I really sucked working out today. I can do 60 minutes on speed 3.0 (and work my way up to 3.5) with an incline of 5.0-6.5. Today, I didn't even challenge myself. I walked at 2.0. Then I went home and slept. I figured I would finally post a blog to give me something to do. I haven't felt like eating but I have been forcing myself.

As for the kitten update. I found a home for the little boy. I think its going to be impossible to find the little girl a home.... but I'm trying.

I guess I have nothing more to say. ~Good Luck~
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JESICA-MAMA
    Legal aid society can help. There are many around the country that do it for free. Check on line. Also, I would suggest hiring a detective. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Even if the tree's has changed its way. God bless you, and don't allow that a!@#$%^ actions cause you depression. It then becomes another battle he has won. emoticon
    4134 days ago
  • CHERYLRG
    My brother is currently going through a similar situation. He's fighting for joint custody of his children, while getting a divorce from his wife, who had him arrested and kicked out. She and her family are making up many untrue and extremely hurtful allegations. My brother had to very quickly find an apartment, hire a lawyer, buy furniture, etc. Luckily he is able to see both of his children, and hopefully the permanent plan will be even better.

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can't imagine how it feels to have your child ripped away from you. I hope that things change for the better. I also know what it's like to be depressed and it's a terrible thing. Remember to stay active on SP and reach out to your friends. Please take care of yourself.
    4155 days ago
  • HAPPYCPA1965
    I wanted to impart some great words of wisdom but as I read your blog over and over I realized I have nothing insightful to say. So let me say that I hope everything works out and that you are able to meet your weight loss goals and your goals to achieve a happier life. Do not forget there are lots of people on Spark People that can offer their assistance and in times of need, just be here for you. Just keep working at it and I know the clouds will part and the sun will shine down on you once again.
    4156 days ago
  • MOM2ACAT
    emoticon Keeping you and your children in my prayers.
    4156 days ago
  • MUSTANG_SALLY2
    Wow. I'm so sorry that you are going thru this. One of the hardest lessons that life has taught me is that the judicial system is not fair. (I use to work for an attorney.) I wish there was an easy way to fix this for you but I know what you mean about being expensive. Can legal aid help? I wish you could find someone that would fight for you probono. That would be so cool. I'm glad you got your daughter out of that situation and that you are taking care of yourself for her and for you.

    Depression can be tough. Hang in there and don't give up. As long as you are there loving your son, there is a chance that one day you will be together.

    I'm praying for you!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4156 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/7/2009 7:24:06 PM
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