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Getting through...

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

These past few weeks have been completely exhausting. The second week in August I had a work party at my father's house to try and get ready for the estate sale. I had some fabulous friends come out and help me. It was a very productive day and a lot was accomplished. Everyone just jumped right in and started moving things out to the garage, cleaning, sorting, and disposing. It would have taken me many, many, many hours to do what this team did in such a short period of time. There were 3 sparkfriends there (big shout out to Kelly (happy92003), Felicia (FHamwey) and Jocelyn (wolfkitty). Two other sparks were there Kim and Linda but they are FANTASTIC coworkers of mine who I turned on to spark.

The following day was a Sunday and I purposefully tried to take a break and relax. That was a disaster. I broke down. I cried and cried and moped around the house. My honey didn't really know how to handle it very well (not his strong suit) and it pretty much sucked for everyone.

Anyhow, we got a lot done but there was still tons to do to get ready for the sale. Especially pricing items. LOTS of items. A lot of things I had no idea what their value was. I tried to look up items on the internet but you have no idea how time consuming that can be. There simply aren't enough hours in the day to do all of this with a full time job, a daughter starting school and day to day life to contend with.

On Friday, 8/21, I had a preview sale for the residents at my dad's condo complex. Quite a few people showed up and I sold about 300 dollars worth of stuff. It was great and people were very nice. Most knew my father and I got to talk with some of them about him. It warmed my heart to know that some of the items were going to good homes where my dad could be remembered. One guy named Kirby bought this really beat up leather jacket and later on his GF came back and told me how much he loves his jacket. She said that he feels like he has a piece of Glenn. How nice is that? Kinda makes me sad but happy all at the same time.

On Saturday, we had the estate sale. It was successful and once again I had fantastic friends show up to help support me and the cause. I couldn't have done it without them. It was a good day overall. Most people were cool and didn't try to wheel and deal. I HATE THAT and know it is all part of the deal but things were priced to sell, ya know? I appreciated all the folks that were happy to get a good deal and respected what I was trying to do.

Since the last weekend we were working on dad's house, I realized that Sunday I would have to keep myself busy so I wouldn't fall apart. I decided to run the 4 mile Fire Run from La Jolla to Pacific Beach. It went well and I shaved about 2 minutes off my time from last year! WHOOO HOOOO!!! Then, I had plans to meet my friend Jess to redo the front walkway area of my dad's place. I dug lots of fairly deep holes and I was sweating like crazy. Great for burning calories and using some weak muscles. Then we washed down some of the stucco. That was the best part!!! We got a little bit wet, which cooled us down and the place looks much, much better.

Now, I am afraid I am going to have to have another estate sale to try and sell more stuff. URGH! You ahve no idea how much I really don't want to have to do that. It is overwhelming and exhausting just thinkin about it. Plus, who is going to help me this time? I have had such great support these past few weekends but I can't keep asking the same folks to keep giving up their weekends to help me with all this crap. I wish they all knew how much I appreciate everything they have done for me. I try to convey it but it never seems like enough. There is too much stuff to just pack up and store for the time being. I need more help and I hate every minute of it. I am usually the one helping others.

Sometimes you just come to a point in the road and go "now what?" and I am there. I am overwhelmed, exhausted and feeling slightly defeated. Will I get through this? Yes. Right now it all just SUCKS though. I want to have my own little pitty party and just wallow for awhile. If I thought that would help, I would do it. This might be a small one right here. I hate that this has taken over my life. I hate that any free time is spent thinking about all the stuff that needs to be done. I hate that I haven't been able to focus on eating right and exercising in the way that I want to. I hate the stress I feel. I hate the fact that my dad is gone and there is nothign I can do about it. I hate that I am left to deal with all of this mostly by myself. Even Ty said "I can't wait to get my life back" HIM? HIM? What about ME? He doesn't have to worry about the bills, the lawyers, the real estate agent, the glass guy, the carpet guy, the handyman, the credit card companies, a collection agency, the hospital bills, the ambulance ride bills, the MRI bill, the insurance on 5 - yes, count them 5 vehicles, registration for one of them, the morgage, the homeowners association, homeowners insurance, verizon, cox, sdge, property tax owed in ND, and the list contines. I never feel free from these major burden.

I do have my faith and that gets me through. I know I need to let go and let God. Sometimes, that is easier said then done. I am working on it. Venting about it makes me feel a little bit better but the stress is still there. I know working out will help me deal with the stress more effectively. I will get up in the AM and get my booty to the gym. I will do what I can for today and that is all. I will try to deal with tomorrow when it comes and not before. I DO realize things could be way worse. Really, I do. Sometimes though, that doesn't really make what you are dealing with easier to swallow.

This is tough. There. I said it.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Leah, this broke my heart. I'm still crying. I lost my beloved Daddy three years ago and there are days when the pain is still enormous and I cry for no good reason except I miss him so much.

    I can relate to all the fixing and selling parts - I am the oldest of 4 girls, and I was the executrix of the estate. Dad lived in PA, I live in OR. That was NO FUN! (especially since the other three live in PA!) Add to that my Dad did some weird stuff about who got what that hurt the two youngest sisters so I had their tears and anger to deal with. I was thrilled that he gave his house to his caregiver (he had been a quad the last 17 years of his life) because that was one less thing I had to deal with.

    Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that it's perfectly okay to cry and mope jsut because you miss your Dad and you want him back. Tell your sweetie when that happens you don't want "fixed", you want hugged. Oh, and he can hand you the kleenex too! But you just need to cry it out of your system. My sweet hubby has learned that I only cry at random moments if I'm thinking about Daddy, so he just holds me and lets me go. It helps.

    Hugs, and good wishes for TONS of happy and funny memories. More and more to remember as time goes by!

    3967 days ago
    Oh, honey! I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I don't know what the laws are where you are, but when my Daddy died, I didn't have to pay some of his debt. All I had to do was send the death certificate to "prove" he was deceased. That might help you to get some of the load off you. Check into that and see. It wouldn't hurt, even if it is only one creditor!

    With my mom's estate sale, she had two people do everything. They were a business that was well known and they had people come from states away to buy things. She made A LOT off her sale. Have you checked into that so that pressure and stress can be lifted? They take a percentage, but it was worth it for us....just the stress and sadness of dealing with all the old memories.....I know that you know what I mean....

    Please let me know if you need to vent....I am here for you.

    3967 days ago
  • CGEM61
    emoticon for helping out Celeste and I with our shoes. I feel relieved that she has a good shoe and I loved walking in mine too, my feet did not burn! It was great!
    This is a difficult time for you, just keep getting up in the morning, just keep going, you will get through it. Your facing it head on and that is good. I had a friend that procrastinated (by years) and that made it even worse if you can imagine that. So I think your doing a great job, keep going! I deeply appreciate your taking time out to help Celeste and I when your time is limited, plus good God, it was sooo hot at Road Runner!
    Here is Celeste's Dad's e-mail so you can pass info onto a motorcycle enthusiasts group: cbr@bikerider.com emoticon
    3969 days ago

    i'm so glad you got to get out there and do that run - and get a pr. ::smiles::

    when it all seems like too much just stop and take a deep breath and slowly let it out. do it a few times if you need to.)
    3972 days ago
  • S318830
    I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of this. Jocelyn is right... eventually you'll be on the other side of all this. Just keep going. And I knew you'd get more offers of help for another sale. People want to help you when you're overwhelmed and in pain. It will make them happy to know that they are helping you and easing some of your burden. Don't feel guilty... they WANT to help you. It makes them happy. Heck, if I could I'd be offering too.

    Congrats on making your dad's place look better and shaving those minutes off your run. That's awesome! And I'm glad some of your dad's things were able to go to his neighbors. That is very cool. I liked the story of the jacket.

    Good luck! Hang in there! Keep going!
    3972 days ago
    Hugs Leah!!!

    I don't know if this helps or not, but what about Craigslist? People love free stuff! Plus, you can post on there for FREE! I don't know if you're looking to make money on everything, but I know there are always random things that are in great condition, but you jsut want out of your hair. Since schools are starting, I know there are TONS of kids going back to school looking for new dorm furniture or new apartment stuff. What's nice about craigslist is that people will come to you and move things out so you don't have to do all the heavy work. I don't know if this helps or not, but just a thought.

    3973 days ago
    You are going through one of the most difficult processes of all...! Tying up all the loose ends left behind when a loved one dies is such HARD WORK! No wonder you're feeling so SPENT...but hey, you're SPARKING with your runs and workouts nonetheless!...INCREDIBLE!

    uper Woo Hoo to you for inviting fellow SparkPeople members for help and support and to THEM for *being there* for you! :-)

    3973 days ago
    YAY on shaving some time off your run and on all of the work you've been able to accomplish so far! I wish I was nearby so I could come lend a hand. Let me tell you -- I know that for you there is a huge emotional burden along with the actual physical labor of dealing with these issues. For your friends it is uplifting for them to be able to give aid to you and the emotional burden of dealing with things that were his is NOT THERE for them, so that part is a lot easier for them to deal with than it is for you. I think allowing your friends to help you and letting go of the guilt of requiring their help will set you free to deal with things a lot easier. Still will be tough, I KNOW it will... but accepting help is a hard thing for such dynamic people as yourself but once you do it will be so much easier I think. That's my two cents! YOU ROCK HANG IN THERE!!!!!!!!
    3973 days ago
  • HAPPY92003
    Just let me know when and where and I will be there :-)

    ((Big Hugs))
    3973 days ago
    Leah, you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Even being "mopey" as you call it is better than what it could be. You are still working full time, supporting a family, have a beautiful daughter starting school, and a fabulous fiance. You are the glue and your keeping things together, EVEN through this difficult time. This is when a lot of families may not survive, but from what i've heard, you and your family have only gotten closer, and you've realized all the wonderful people in your life that support you.
    This will not be easy, and it takes time. It's not something that you can just deal with. It's the process. Take your time, keep chuggin' through it.

    3973 days ago
    Leah You are doing an amazing job!!! My mom died over two years ago and I have barely gone through any of her stuff!!! We are still paying rent on her apartment because me and my brother can't decided what to do with her things!!! Thanks for sharing your experiences with your Dads friends...those memories can be very helpful...one of my new running buddies is an old friend of my moms...you never know who parents leave to take care of us!!! Stay strong my friend...see you in Long Beach!!! Jackie!!!
    3973 days ago
    Leah, I don't know how you have dealt with everything so well to date. I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Do you have to do another sale? Would you lose a lot of money if you donated the rest of the stuff just to be done with it?

    I'm sorry. I wish I had better advice or solace emoticon

    Hey, on a positive that is awesome you shaved 2 minutes off your 4 miler! I know it is nothing compared to the stress, but it shows you haven't let the situation interfere with taking care of yourself and your fitness.
    3973 days ago
    Your feelings are completely understandable!! No one can fault you for that, Leah! Remember that this is the time to go through all of those emotions. I know it's not easy and I know it's not fun. But, this will ONE DAY PASS. You WILL get through this.

    I meant what I said on your comments - if you need to do another sale please let me know when so that I can set aside the time! I know that there was a lot of stuff left over, so I was kinda expecting that there would be more to do! :D

    Love ya! Hang in there!
    (Hey, and don't rule out eBay! ;D)
    3974 days ago
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