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I need to vent

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I don't even Have a title for this one. Well I do now, this is a rant so proceed with caution!! emoticon
I have found myself feeling envious of some whose blogs I read. They can get out there and really exercise for hours a day. I cant, I want to, but cant. This morning I read a friends blog and was like why cant I do that. I was upset and a little angry at me. Now I want to cry, cant tell you why just do. Ok I an feeling sorry for myself so I don't need sympathy. But again WHY???? I have been making good progress, weight loss and exercising consistently. I am tracking food and exercise times, drinking at least 8 cups of water a day. I read emails, blogs, team pages and am getting move interactive with fellow sparkers, made new friends here and am very grateful for all they are sharing and adding into my life. WHY do I still feel down????
I tell others that its takes time, to be strong and hold to course, to believe in their dreams and goals, to not be too hard on themselves when miss steps are made. I don't listen to myself, lol read about that the other day too in a friends blog. Maybe what is happening is that I am realizing that I have not been applying what I share with others, does that make me a hypocrite!! NO it just says I am nut case.

Yesterday I revised my minutes on my fitness and it changed my nutrition too. I was like NO WAY and I going to add calories into my day, I want to lose the weight not gain. NOW that is a wrong way to think, I have read the articles that explain that when you are more active your body needs more nutrients, I do get it. But this old and stuck in the mud mind of mine is not there, its fighting the logic with old held emotions and thoughts, less is the only way to lose. That is partly true less calories will cause weight loss, but I want to be healthy too. So I need to dust off, shake out and general do some cleaning in my brain to get those old ideas and preconceived notions out and get the correct ones in. I have made so many changes in my thinking in the last 7 months and see there are more to go, not that I thought I was done with learning, we never are done with learning, unless we just want to exist. But I want to live and do it to the fullest.

I have a great man in my life and we are very much in love. He is here on Sparks and together we are getting healthier and fitter. That man has lost 35 lbs since March and I am so proud of him. We are sticking with this together and that is a great gift, I know it is. I have been on the other side with a mate who does all they can to pull you down, it makes the journey a daily fight. We love so many of the same things and being active and doing things in one of them, now with these lost pounds we are doing more, less TV and sitting around and more doing, right now the front yard reno, and reading and just being with each other. I do have a busy schedule even though a housewife, being blessed with not having to work, I can enjoy other things, like volunteering 2 days a week, I take care of the home, which I love doing, time with our 3 cats, they are cuddly furry things, spending time here on Sparks and keeping connected, and time too for friends and family.
So why you ask as I feeling sorry, well I should not be!!! I am being really kind of dumb, letting dark moments and thoughts mess with me. I like being bright and sunny and happy and Sparkly, its a much better me. So time to stop all the dark and dismal thoughts, time to get a plan of action in place and time to remember all I have to be thankful for and there is alot I must admit.
Plan for the coming months
1. to exercise 60 minutes a day, combining the time for both cardio and strength
2. to get the incline on treadmill up to 5% by September ( I am now at 3%)
3. to adjust my minutes of fitness and let it reset my nutrition and work to eat healthier
4. to write a blog at least weekly and be consistent
5. start to clear out the old and let the new fill in
6. to remind myself daily that I am worth this effort
7. to remember that I will do what I can and not compare my progress to anyone but me
8. to be grateful daily for all that I have to not take anything or one for granted

Time for a sunny and great day . This was a rant and I needed to go just that to rant and see that I am being really nutty and need to get my head back in this journey where it needs to be.
Once again I feel the need to thank Sparks just for being out there. It is a best place with wonderful and helpful people and I am grateful for them all. emoticon

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think # 7 says it all. I also was comparing myself to all the weight others had lost and I am not losing. I am doing alot of exercise because I get so energized. I am having trouble getting in the calories, doesn't feel right, but I am working on it.
    You do inspire, you are going the right thigs and doing a great job.
    I know that eating more sounds foreign, it does to me and we will do it together.
    4138 days ago
  • SUSAN134
    Deb, no matter how wonderful one's life is, nor how many blessings we have, we all have times of feeling down - I think you would have permanent sunbeams coming from your head if you didn't.

    By blogging about how you are feeling you have helped put your temporary
    mental state into perspective, and been able to get it off your chest. Smart girl!
    You've also had the insight to do some proactive planning...again, very smart.

    In your shoes, and before I joined SP, I would have headed to the fridge and had a sympathy for Sue party with all my favorite (non healthy) foods - now, I am learning how to deal with this type of emotion and it is such a great feeling. Obviously you have learned too!

    4140 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5385436
    I don't agree with your title "rant". Your blog is a truthful self-examination and an expose of the way that many of us feel on occasion. Your plan is excellent and I know that you will succeed. Like you say, SparkPeople are always supportive and I rely on the daily blogs and articles to both support and inspire me. Continue to strive to live life to the fullest. I hope you have a great day!
    4140 days ago
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