Tuesday, July 21, 2009
so I oined sparkpeople in DECEMBER!!!!! and I'm still only at 170. I've literally lost 5 lbs in a little over 6 months. That is terrible. But really all it says to me is that I haven't been trying ...at all.
if at first (or second) you don't succeed, try, try again. I'm not giving up! I am in a wedding on Labor Day Weekend. I had to order a dress size 10. And you know what, I want to have to get that dress taken in. I'm pretty serious.
Day in, and day out, it has been the same thing with me. I wake up with a great attitude, and start my day out eating a healthy breakfast, and even a healthy lunch most days. But then all of sudden, 1 or 2:00 hits and I start craving chocolate or chips and doritos. Sometimes I'll be at the house where I'm a nanny, and the kids will be eating their normal crappy diet of ice cream and cookies and I'll sneak "just a taste" and that's it - I've ruined my whole day. I'll be making dinner for the kids and it'll be mac n chz or chicken nuggets or pasta with extra fresh parmesian cheese and I can't help but have some...and then I'll have some more. I hate myself the minute I do it, but while I'm doing it I'm completely enjoying it.
And in the long run, I'm not gaining any weight but it's the fact that I'm not losing any when I know I have the power to do something about it that is making me completely angry at myself.
I've become extremely lazy. I don't go to the gym ever anymore and i used to go almost everyday. I'm not really sure what happened. Two and half years ago, I wouldn't miss a day at the gym and I would say to myself that I would never allow myself to put the weight back on. I don't know how i let it happen. And now I don't want to see people that I saw when I was thin. I feel like a failure... like I've let myself and other people down because I motivated them to get in shape too. What kind of motivation is someone who lets themself go again? I feel aweful. Depressed even.
My boyfriend has told me that he feels the same way abou this weight gain. And both of us are just miserable.
So i'm going to take this negative energy and TRY REALLY REALLY hard to succeed this time. I'm back...i think. at least I'm going to try to be.