Well not feeling the best of Monday's. Lost .2 of a pound this week, I know why. I am a little deflated I was hoping to get to 275 this weigh in. I took my measurements though and they showing nice loss. Overall I am feeling good. Went out to dinner last night to Red Lobster, I was just craving a taste for salmon. We had a nice dinner, had a half portion and that was plenty, only no-no was the cheese biscuits, and I did splurge and had 2 (300 cal) They were so good though, I had not treated myself to anything like that in a long time. I do not have guilt.
Today I am feeling down on another front, my sons. They are both still at home(nearly22 and 24). The youngest in in school and the oldest is somewhat looking for work, well we all know about that job market these days. They are not bad to have around, but still they need to move on and finish the growing up process. I am a recently wed, in Oct last. We have lived together for just over 2 years. I love him and he loves me, and we are looking forward to some years together, like not with kids. I say that and it seems wrong and right. The boys do pay us a token rent and are expected to do chores around the home. I do a lot of cooking but not all. I am blessed to be able to be a housewife and I love it.
Yet with all this said, they do take some advantage, I am not sure they realize it all the time. But its hurts me a lot. I know the day could be coming when they are asked to leave whether the situation is good for them or not. I just cant bear it, I cant deal with them being out on the street or without means. They could with money for a trust manage out there for a few months maybe, but with no job that wont last long. I just don't KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!! I feel bad like I raised them wrong. I ... I don't think I did, I don't think. But somehow their lack make me feel its my fault. If this hurts me then it hurts my man too. He works hard and is a good person, he has dealt with troubled steps before, but I don't want him to have to deal with mine. I don't, but he does and that hurts me too.
This is want is making today feel so bad. I am going to talk to them later, unfortunately Aaron was sick during the night, so I am letting him sleep. I have to wait and then not let the hurt and sadness more me too much, I have to be strong even if inside I am crumbling, cant show it. I need to tough. Tough love can hurt.
Yet I did have a wonderful weekend, got yard work done, found the stone we want for the front walk, had a love mini date with my dearest, got lots of delicious pool, we played badminton in the pool was a blast and just know I am loved. Its his greatest gift to me, just loving me for being me. Want more can a girl want.
So ok......today my not be my best feeling but I cant let it keep me for being happy and busy and all those other things that make my life so rich. I am getting up and going to refinish a bookshelf and make some curtains for the kitchen so that the dining area will be completed. I plan a couple times to take for some pool exercising, need to finish the surprise blanket I am knitting for hubby and they get started on a new one for greatniece. Oh yeah and stick to the new nutrition guidelines, I reset today. I WILL GET THOSE LAST .4 LBS OFF