Me vs. the Macaroni
Saturday, July 18, 2009
On the outside, I'm sure I look like a calm, together, rational sort of person. No one knows the diet demons that lurk inside...the battles with food I fight daily. Last night's bout, beaming direct to you from my mother's dining room.... Me vs. the Macaroni. In one corner, weighing in currently at 205 pounds, was poor little me. Earnest, trying VERY hard to stay motivated and positive about my recently begun healthy eating and exercise plan. In the other corner, weighing in at a whopping 7 pounds at least, was the deep dish Corningware casserole of homemade Macaroni and Cheese. Steamy, creamy, dreamy Macaroni and Cheese, the foundation upon which all comfort food was later built. I knew I could have a little bit. That's what I like about this eating plan. You don't completely deny yourself. It's all about moderation, balance and control. For many of us, (and I'm obviously including myself in this group), the words "moderation," "balance," and "control," have not been part of our daily lexicon. One doesn't merely spoon out a paltry 2 tablespoonfuls of Macaroni and Cheese onto the plate. To truly enjoy a masterpiece like homemade Mac & Cheese, one must indulge all the senses. As the heady smell of melted cheese laced with baked butter fills your nostrils, you break through the thick, rich, extra-cheesy crust (don't forget to get those wonderful chewy parts that stick to the edges) and slowly spoon (it's more sensuous when done slowly) portion after portion onto the plate until there is a heaping pile of pasta/cheesy glory just begging you to take the plunge. I briefly entertained the thought of taking off my clothes and rolling around in it, but since this was a family gathering, I restrained myself. After all, there were kids present. Instead, I mustered my resolve, held my chin high and spooned a measly 2 tablespoonfuls of Mac & Cheese onto my plate. At first I felt sorry for the pitiful little pile..so small, so vulnerable, so NOT powerful anymore. Evidently a Mac & Cheese divided cannot stand. I ate it along with my healthy dinner. It tasted good, but honestly not as good as I had imagined (but then I have a very vivid imagination). I think this whole eating problem isn't about taste, however. If taste were the key, then we would always be satisfied with just one bite. It's about the satisfaction, the fullness, the doing of something until you just can't do it anymore, the unbutton-my-pants-need-to-go-l
ie-down-on-the-couch level that has gotten me in trouble. I'm an "all or nothing" girl that has to embrace living in a world of moderation to get where I want to be. Eating just a couple of spoonfuls of the Mac & Cheese was akin to showering with your bathing suit on. It was the "dry humping" of the food indulgence world....mildly enjoyable but not as good as it could have been. Oh well, if that's what it takes, then that's what it takes. Yay.....the crowd erupted in wild cheers at my awesome display of willpower while the poor Mac & Cheese got jeers and boos. Ding ding.....round one goes to the fat lady.