Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?
I saw this quote on someone's blog today and it really resonated.
This last year has been an amazing roller coaster ride. There are lessons to be learned from it that I am still trying to figure out. I totally changed my life in so many ways... and finally realized how capable I am. I knew I could do anything I wanted to do, as long as I believed it. Until recently.
I have been on sabbatical from SP for the last couple of months. My grandmother died at the end of april, which brought up my old self destructive patterns. I don't deal well with death. We have a history, me and death. I mean, I deal well, but only on the exterior... I'm good at playing it cool. I can console others with the knowledge and experience I have, give insight and comfort, but I cannot do it for myself. I convince myself its all ok until my inner child throws a tantrum and I have to let her out. I have been struggling with this.... fear. That's the only name I can think to give it.
And then last month my dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer. When I found out I am pretty sure I stopped breathing for a minute. My worst fear has come to fruition. Now, after all the tests and surgery, things are looking good for him, but I am still fighting with that inner child of mine.
I am done listening to that brat. I can't, its not in my agenda. I have changed; am a fighter now. I am NOT going back to that place of despair I was stuck in for so many years. All of the power lies in my hands... I choose my fate.
I... am POWERFUL.
and to that inner brat: *raspberry*