terrified and thrilled at the same time
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Tomorrow morning, I have to be at the hospital by 7:30 for surgery to reconstruct my jaw. This will be the FOURTH time! I'm really scared, but I can hardly wait!
Why the conflict? It's such a horror to live with the pain and have to put anything I want to eat in the blender until it's either liquid or paste, I want it over! Three times, the surgery's been done arthroscopically, and then I grow calcifications that destroy what was done. This time, the surgeon is going to cut my face to get at the broken discs and remove them, then put in plastic ones which he will have to operate again to remove in six months or so. The last procedure was in November, and it was almost immediately wrecked. The doctor thought he would have to remove my ears to get at it all, but the November surgery healed better than expected. so I guess it will look like I've had a face lift. I don't care about the scars, and my hairdresser says she'll style my hair to cover it completely, That's the frightening part.
The thrilling part is the chance that the pain will be reduced or just plain gone in a few weeks, and I'll be able to make my teeth come together, which I couldn't do for the last several months, so I'll be able to chew, and I'll even stop talking funny. As a teacher, I make my living talking, so I had to explain to my students why they have a lisping teacher who just can't pronounce some words. Since most of them are hispanic and concerned about their accents since English is fairly new to them, they fully understand. For now, only my front teeth will come together, and only sometimes. I'm so excited about being more normal and in less pain!
I'm also looking forward to eating instead of drinking a nice big crunchy salad!