According to my therapist the way I do things makes me feel "Superhuman"... and yeah, I have to admit she's kinda right. For many years I made sure I found something I could do really really well that would "add value" to my life so I would be lovable... wasted years of my life trying to be perfect! BUT I HAD to be perfect or would not do it at all... I was unable to handle defeat or rejection. Am I sounding familiar?
I also at times have done things to make me feel "Subhuman" operating in fear, defeating myself with negative talk that sounded like this: "You won't be able to do THAT perfectly...why even try?" or "You're going o face disappointment if you do THAT!!! or... "Didn't you lose 90 pounds 7 years ago and gained it all back... are you going to go through THAT again?? "Why did you eat THAT?" and "You should have done THAT!" or "If I only knew better I would have done THIS or THAT" BLAH BAH BLAH....
Today, I understand that I am a beautiful human being and I will go through this journey no matter what. Although looking back may be stressful (after all, it is possible to repeat the same mistakes or adopt the same thinking patterns) I can't lose sight of the importance of bouncing back. Starting over as many times as necessary... accepting that I am only human after all... And all I can do is make small changes in the things I can control...no panicking, no frets. WHAT A CONCEPT!!
That's why I'm doing some things differently. For example:
1) I am no longer"dieting", I am changing my eating habits;
2) Since I hate bad grades, I visited a community college near me and enrolled to a beginner's fitness class and a jogging class for the summer. Aiming for an "A" on both classes;
3) I am taking a test I've been putting off for two years to finally obtain my college degree in Real Estate. It's a graduation requirement and the only thing keeping me from graduating (pathetic!)
4) I am "forcing" myself to drink lots water... I am one of those types of people that love water but does not drink it because, listen to this (my doctor loved it): "I don't want t have to stop what I'm doing to go to the bathroom." Little did I know I was killing myself... I now have bottles filled with water everywhere as a reminder;
5) I am downsizing... I currently live in a huge 5 bedroom home. All the kiddos, except for two are gone. My house is going on the market and I'm moving to one half its size!
6) I am simplifying...getting rid of most of the unnecessary possessions I have accumulated through the years. This is exciting to me! I will not have to cram 5 bedrooms and an office in a much smaller house!
7) I am cutting costs.. no fast-foods, restaurants, ice cream, expensive outings;
8) I am spending more time with my children;
9) I am learning to enjoy every moment;
10) I am taking the time to educate myself about health. The more I learn, the easier for me to make good choices to help me regain my health.
For me this is an amazing start... a lot better than the "nothing" I did for a while...I am proud of where I am at this moment. Have I experienced fear?? Heck Yeah... Disappointments? Sure... Failures? You bet I have! Successes? Lots of small ones every day!
I am only human after all... and I like it!
Ask the pirate if you don't believe me!!!