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ANDREAGIA

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If your significant other gained weight, would it bother you???

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

well, my answer is a strong and confident NO! I can say this for sure because he has, but I still find him as sexy as ever. Unfortunately, I can't say that he feels the same way about me and my weight gain - and he's made it clear - abundantly clear! I've told him that I don't feel good about myself. And all I got in return was a swift kick to the emotional department of "to be honest I'm not as attracted to you as I was before you gained this weight, but I still love you and I'm willing to work with you and do what it takes to help you lose it." Of course, I stopped listening after the first half of that sentence and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. I was at a loss for words. I'm also an emotional eater, so obviously these words have not helped me. In turn, they have made me completely uncomfortable around the one person I'm supposed to feel most like myself. I feel like hiding... All the time. I not even as heavy as I once was. But I feel like I don't have the support of the one person that matters most to me. If he's not attracted to me, then why should I care about myself?
It's terrible.
what to do?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ANDREAGIA
    wifeyjill,

    i know it came off as him being unsupportive and him being an ass BUT I'm 100% positive that this wasn't his intention. I just stopped listening after he told me he wasn't as attracted to me as he once was. Don't get me wrong, it's very clear that he still loves me, and not much has changed. And he is very willing to help motivate me whenever I need it. The problem lies within me. It has nothing to do with him. I took that conversation and picked out the bad and stopped listening for the good. (And trust me, there was plenty of good in it.) He's been very supportive of me. He takes food away from me when I eat for no reason - something I've told him to do. He's taking ballroom dancing lessons with me because I've asked him to explore alternative exercise options together. So, you see, He's been great. The emotional eating and lack of self-confidence is something I have to work on now. And unfortunately, I don't think it's going to get any better until I'm back down to the size 8 I was when tony and I started dating. It's just something I have to work on myself.
    3851 days ago
  • no profile photo DMADELSEN
    I can totally appreciate where you are. I just recently remarried and after being together for the first year, yes I have gained weight. Not bunches but enough for me to want to stop. However my new husband has let me know that I am not as desirable to him as I was before we were married. I have always struggled with my weight and this is the area where I "hurt" the most. So while I wish I had the encouragement of my guy I have to remember it is ultimely for me (this weight loss journey). I try to not be too sensitive and tell myself that I am a work in progress. After all if you give away your personal power to another you will never do it for yourself. Know you are strong, beautiful and can keep going. Just think how it will feel to hear someone say to you "Great Job" and know you did yourself. Keep the faith!
    3851 days ago
  • WIFEYJILL
    I am so sorry that your hubby is that cruel! Sometimes men just say things and don't really understand the impact it makes. They are used to thinking of "feelings and emotions". I don't take his side on this one, but do you think maybe he told you that to motivate you to take care of yourself? I don't know him or all the details, but he sounds like an ass. I can relate to you kinda, cuz my hubby comes off like that sometimes cuz he says things differently then what he means. When I was pregnant, I was balling one day and he asked me what was wrong. I replied that I was so fat, and stretch marked, and F*ugly! He just grabbed me and held me and said, ya, but you look good fat... DEVASTATING~! He didn't realize what he said, he was trying to comfort me and he was so sincere. It is so funny looking back now at it. We sometimes push them in a corner and they tell us what they "think" we want to really hear. So I suggest getting to the bottom of why he really said it. Because if that is 100% ass speaking, that doesn't sound unconditional to me.

    To answer your question... my significant other has gained weight and so have I, he looks good, I do not! The attraction level is the same for me. The only reason I pushed my husband to lose weight is because he was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure and put on medication. He is only 25. I thought, no way! We are gonna be together a lot longer than what it looks like, so we are changing our ways. That is the only reason. But even if he fought me on changing and refused and got fatter and more unhealthy.... I would still love him all the same. this is kinda the things to think about when you say your vows. LOL I hope you have a great day! And sorry for such a long response. Don't let anyone get you down! You do this for you! and only "YOU"!
    3851 days ago
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