Do Not Read If you can't handle TMI
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Ok, where do I start......
Oct. 2007 my hubby lost his job. We lost everything. Our dream home, both cars, and most of our dignity. We moved in with MIL, wasn't bad but hard to do. He got a job in March 08 but we were so far behind and none of the bill collectors cared to work with us. So with him making half of what he had made before we filed bankruptcy. Talk about hitting rock bottom. He had a friend who really wanted to help (it was nice) and they let us rent their house with the intent to buy. It has been he** every since. Now they are pushing us to buy and we can't afford the payment as is it. I told them before we moved in that we can't afford it and they said they would work with us. Against my better judgment I moved in mostly to get out of MIL house. Now, every time I try to make things work we are neg. in the bank. We haven't had food in days and you all know it's hard when you cant feed the kids. So this is problem #1. We should not have moved in here and we need to get out, but then we loose the chance to buy. I really don't want to move again. I was moved a lot when I was young and I promised I would never do this to my kids. And here we are thinking of moving again. Except with the bankruptcy hanging over our heads, it will be difficult.
My #2 problem is what to do about my career. I'm trying to get into the nursing program and only have one more biology class before I can apply. The problem is that with this CNA class I'm wondering if I'm wasting my time. I don't know if I can do this. If I get into the nursing program all of the classes are during the day. I have no one to take care of my daughter and with money so tight now, I could not afford day care. If i take a break, I lose all chances of getting financial aid. Than I have to pay for everything on my own. I know student loans are possible, but not looking forward to getting back in debt.
Problem #3. Christy and Nessa cover your eyes, Don't ask me why but I'm wanted another baby. I was done. I had my son and daughter. I know we cant afford another and I don't have time, so why am I wanting one so badly????? I don't want to want to have another baby. It's crazy and I keep praying for these feelings to go away, but they are just getting stronger. To top it all of, if we wanted to have another it might just be impossible. You see, hubby had diabetes and his mechanics has been down for many years now. The pretty blue pills are so darn expensive that we have given up hope to ever have that back. Which leads me to my next problem.
Problem #4. I NEED S#X I'm going crazy. I don't know how long any person can go without being touched, but I've past my point. That's all I'm going to say about this problem.
So my problems keep going back to money. But it's mostly because I'm not sure what to do. I've tried to pray and be open minded and know I'm not in charge. But we are just not making it and I just don't know what to do. Do we need to let go of this home and hope it's the right thing? Or do we fight? I am so stressed and getting through each day has been so hard. I'm trying not to cry but it is hard. I don't feel like there is enough time for my kids, but am afraid that if I don't plan for the future, I could be in more trouble. With my hubby having his problems, I worry all the time that he wont make it much longer. I haven't had a job in 7 years, who is going to give me a job? And one that I can take care of my family with?
Well that is most of my issues. The rest come from daily living that is added to everything else. House cleaning, raising good kids, and being a good wife. And on top of everything..... I need to start living a healthy life. I'm not losing this weight to look good in some jeans, but so I can be here for my kids. I was on my own road to diabetes and high cholesterol. I have got to change. And I have no idea how to do this. I've never eaten healthy in my life. And the price of this food kills me. I don't want to teach my kids the wrong lifestyle.
Ok, I'm going to stop now. Thank you to all who are taking the time to read this and who have been here to support me. I'm so glad I have such a wonderful team! Thank you Purple Pound Punchers!