Now where'd that silver lining go ... ?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I am not a Pollyanna. Never have been. BUT in the last year or so I have really made an effort to look on the brighter side. And when I decided to tackle this weight/diet/health thing, I jumped in with that same goal: yeah, there will be setbacks and mistakes and frustrations and plateaus, but the key is to keep-a-going. (Antidepressants have certainly made this easier, not to mention possible ...)
And that seems to be my struggle at the moment. One of those o-so-self-destructive habits that I am trying desperately to break is this habit of throwing in the towel if I can't be perfect. Oops, I gave in and had a cookie, might as well blow the rest of my day and just pig out. Ugh. Not a productive mindset, and it ends up being counterproductive for more than just calorie reasons: the more "mistakes" I make, the more I give in to temptation and adopt that "eh, I no longer care today" attitude, the worse I feel. I feel guilty and frustrated and even angry with myself: why o why can't I just stay motivated? And that negative self-talk is exactly what has eroded my self-esteem and destroyed my self-confidence. It's that attitude that got me to this weight in the first place.
My problem, I have discovered, is perspective. I need to remind myself that I have permission to be a B student. I am going to make mistakes. Period. I am going to have good days and not-so-good days, but in the end, it's not the second-by-second stuff that counts, it's how it all adds up. OK, so I gave in and took a cookie. That's no reason to kiss off the rest of the day; I can just make it up by actually getting off my butt and MOVE (shocking!), or eat fewer calories at my next meal to make up for the "extra" calories I just consumed. OR, and here's another "aha" concept, I can accept a day or two that might go over my daily calorie goal, and just move on. As long as those kinds of days are FEW and FAR BETWEEN (ay, there's the rub), I'm OK. I will still make my goals.
Sigh. Easier said than done, huh?