I need to get rid of my self destruct button.
Monday, February 23, 2009
It was all going so well. Over a stone lost, several inches lost, lots more exercise in a week than I have done in 20 years and I was feeling good. So good that my automatic self destruct sequence kicked in.
It started with a biscuit here, a snack there and soon I was back onto the takeout menus and home delivery of pizza, indian and chinese. Then bags of crisps, chocolate bars, .... I was soon back to all my old ways.
Then I had the excuses - it was a hard day, I was worried about my job given an external review of it, then hubby had a stressful time - it was so easy to find an excuse. I stopped visiting spark people as it was easier to avoid as my mind was set against a diet.
And here I am two weeks later, feeling less fit, having put on weight (I don;t even need the scales to tell me this) and I am struggling to get back on the wagon. But I still have over 100lbs to lose, still am embarrased about my facebook photo, and still embarrassed about what I look like in a swimsuit. I am determined to get back on this plan, and will do.
But I need to find and jetison that self destruct mechanism which always kicks in when I am doing well. I have to succeed. I will succeed. I will be slim. I will be fit. I will be healthy. I am DONE being the fat girl.