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I Hope You See I'm Dedicated, Look How Long That I Have Waited

Monday, December 29, 2008


Today was the final weigh-in of the year and it did not disappoint. I lost 1.8 lbs. and made my 7th minigoal. My next one is another 12 lbs. off. This one took me 63 days since the last one. And it was only 13 lbs.! The one before that took me 28 days, and most of them took a month although the first one did take 53 days. See where I'm going with this?

So, the weight loss is slowing down. Fortunately, I regularly take measurements so I'm not about ready to tie a scale around my neck and jump into the Charles River or anything. My measurements are percolating along just fine, except for my ever-massive butt, and I even hit 4 personal bests this week. My band, in particular, is interesting. It's been under 40 since September, but do ya think that translates into a bra smaller than a 40D? Sadly, no. Those seem to be a hit or a miss for me. Sometimes 40D is fine, sometimes it's tiny and uncomfortable. This is within days and is not a cycle issue. It's just karma being a pain in my not so rapidly disappearing patoot, that's what it is.

But the real point of this entry (and I do have one) is that I've had a clay idea forming around in my head for quite a while. Last year at this time, I was kicking around the idea of trying to lose weight, but I kept the actual resolution as something a lot mellower. It wasn't to lose a set amount of weight (although I was hoping for 60; I've almost doubled that -- ha!). Rather it was to "treat myself better".

Well, I have. I have treated my body better than I have in decades. I was already starting to do a lot more cooking and this year has really kicked that into high gear. Plus working out. I started on 12/31/07. It's been almost a year and this week and the last one, in particular, I have stepped it up big time and, crazily enough, have not been downed with things like shin splints or other pains. I've just been more tired, but still don't nap much. When I sleep, it's deep and refreshing.

But back to the clay idea. Last year's bit of clay was to do better for myself, and that meant being more vigilant. This year's, rather, this coming year's, idea is to not be so tightly wound. I have been vigilant to the point to hyperactivity, and it shows in my personal interactions. I find myself wanting to rush through the food portions of socializing and get on with the talking or other thing(s) so that I'm not dealing with the food quite so much. I've found that I am less into the concept of centerpiecing gatherings around food. But I'm afraid I'm not the best company. Hence I want to relax a bit.

This does not mean that suddenly I can eat whatever the heck I feel like, not exercise, plop down in front of the TV and absorb all of the old movies, Oprah and sports that I can stand, all while thrusting my arm into chips up to the elbow.

Rather, the idea, which is still forming (hence the clay metaphor), is to not beat myself up if perfection is not attained on a daily basis. To give myself permission to go with a weeklong schedule instead of a daily, meal-based one. With alli, I am still committed to a somewhat meal-based life, but I can pull back on that, too, so long as I hit and don't exceed my fat goals per meal. I can still give my permission to not go nuts if don't get enough fiber in one day, or enough calcium or iron.

The trick of it is, I feel, to know that tomorrow you can make up for it. Today may be low in iron, let's say. Well, then, eat more chicken tomorrow, or more broccoli. And exceed with iron. And then tomorrow the deficit might be calcium. So the next day, have more yogurt, or cheese, or another glass of milk. And then the issue might be too much salt. So lay off the salt the following day.

I think the idea of daisy-chaining the days together is a step toward maintenance.

A goal of mine for next year is to get onto maintenance, but I recognize that that might not happen. If I am going 2 months between minigoals now, then there are some 10 more before I hit 146. And, let's face it, I should really be looking at less than 146 in order to have a workable range. Hence that's another 1 or 2 goals. So I could be looking at not this year but perhaps as many as 2 more years after that.

Something tells me it won't take quite so long. Perhaps I'll be back to a goal a month or split the difference, and it won't be Everest in front of me. But just when you think you've scaled K2, then Everest looms in your sights and you've got to climb it, too. And then perhaps it'll be the mountains of Triton or wherever there are bigger mountains than here on Spaceship Earth, because those goals never stop, and that mountain never goes away until you actually scale it.

But while the goals may be granite and stone, the methodology can still be clay. It can still be workable, bendable, shapable and in your hands. The roads are out there. They all reach the same place. You can take a long one, or a short one. A slow one or a fast one. An easy stroll, a meander, or a hard slog, or even a cliff face to be climbed. But to stand still is to watch the world go by and not be a part of it, not engage in it.

Come with me, my friend, as we throw our own pots and climb our own mountains. It's always easier with a friend. And I want you on my team.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh, yes, you are SO right! Each day is its own creation, and is independent of the others (therefore, there's no purpose in beating ourselves up for the days we don't reach our goals, and no resting on our laurels when we do meet them! Each day is a new goal and a new attempt!). But even if each day is separate, they do link together, and as you travel down your path you notice certain patterns (in our cases, continued weight/inches loss, hopefully!). The main thing is to not give up, and enjoy the journey.
    4348 days ago
    Thank you dolling. How you feelin'?
    4349 days ago
    I love your plan. I watch with patient interest.

    4349 days ago
    Beautiful emoticon
    4349 days ago
    You're doing great... molding... adjusting... learning... Sooner or later (and it just MAY be later) we'll shed our ever massive buttinskis!

    Here's to 2009! I'm hoping to be maintaining too, but will need to step up the pace a bit if I'm going to get there!

    4350 days ago
    HELL YEAH! You WONDERFUL woman you!!
    I'll be walkin' right along with ya all the way. I love your clay idea of the daisy-chain of less-than-perfect days. I think it's how I do it now - and I manage to keep myself positive by being kind to myself. I may have slower weight-loss than some people, but I feel that I eat like I'm on maintenance and exercise like I'm a thin person so it's bound to happen one day that I really become one.
    I can't wait for 2009, it'll be a year where we shine, Jespah!
    4350 days ago
    Thank you both. :)
    4350 days ago
  • LILLIAN364
    You're doing great. emoticon
    4350 days ago
    A big congrats to you on your success. I wish you much more on the new goals that you set.
    This was an excellent post.
    4350 days ago
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