February is colder, and January is snowier, but December takes it for Seasonal Affective Disorder. And that may seem to be nuts when you think about it, because January has its share of dark days, too. But December has more of them. The last 20 days of December are the 20 darkest days of the year, plus for the first 20 days of December the amount of light is declining and declining and declining. So they are hard.
A lot of people look forward to holidays now, but Chanukah (even though it's one of the only holidays we actually do celebrate) is not a big deal by the time you become an adult (plus the traditional foods are all fried, so they ain't happening this year). Xmas, well, it's not my thing, and it won't become my thing. As a Jew, I suppose by definition I am a nonconformist of sorts and this time of year brings that out in spades. It all (I don't mean Xmas, I mean this time of year) ... and this is not meant to offend anyone; it just is what it is ... annoys me. I suspect a lot of that has to do with the airwaves having been taken over since Halloween. Ai yi yi.
In news that's more germane to SP, I had a small loss this week but have been kicking around the same 5 pounds since November 10th. And I know that this is a part of how I'm feeling, even though my measurements have improved. I've got new personal bests in my bicep, band, waist and hips. And those are all great accomplishments as I hurtle closer and closer to a size 16.
But it's not fair, as the scale is king when it comes to this. And so, while I appreciate being smaller, I'd like for the scale to agree with that assessment. I know, too, that the scale not moving, for me, has a lot to do with stepping up the exercise. Once my body gets the muscle built from this extra exercise, I'll start to drop again. It is discouraging, though. I was averaging 11 pounds lost per month (not unheard of on alli) and now to be going at less than half that pace (and I am well aware that others go slower, and this is not a race), well, it's less than optimal. I know that the way I am feeling is fueling this attitude, which is fueling my emotions and around and around we go.
Medicating yourself with exercise only goes so far. Adding in St. John's Wort, eating more mushrooms and in general eating right and getting enough sleep, those all only go so far. I am going to see about purchasing a full-spectrum light. It's time.
I have accepted some invitations to do things, and know that I need to get out and be somewhat active, but right now it feels rather overwhelming. I have a natural tendency to just want to stay in and sleep and I just can't -- and shouldn't -- do that. It was 13 degrees this morning when I stepped outside to go to work. Fortunately, in order to get to work, I've got to venture out and I've got to walk. And then the same in reverse. I am committed to getting in extra walking on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and I did not make today into an exception. I'm tired, though. Perhaps I'm coming down with something.
One thing that also heartened me was the oil bill. The last one was over $800 and I was scared that this one would be similar, but it was about 1/3 of that. Hence we can turn up the heat a bit. It's been miserably freezing in the house, making it extremely uninviting, so that will help a lot.
Plus, I have things to look forward to. I am refusing any number of invitations, but this weekend I'm going to see a friend whose friend (you got that?) has clothes for me. And then the following Friday I've got a lunch date with a guy who I write with. Or, rather, we both write, then we critique each other's work. I haven't seen him in months. That day will also be a full day off. Then the following week is only two and a half days off and then I'm out of the office until the first week in January. I need the break desperately. Plus I have plans.
My plans for the end of year break are not some fabulous trip. Rather, my husband and I are going to paint my exercise area. I'll post before and after shots. I am looking for an oceanic type of theme. Something serene. Right now it's the very antithesis of serenity.
There are cures for this feeling, but the biggest cure is light mixed with time. In the meantime, though, there are a few things I can do in order to make things bearable and make the recovery go all the more smoothly. Stick with the plan. See a few friends, but not too many. Take control over a space or area or something, and beat back the chaos. Take time off. And get through it, any way possible.
I guess the Winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower
about the things you could not show her
And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold onto these moments as they pass