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There is Beauty in Imperfection

Sunday, December 07, 2008

How can it be? I have just lost fifty pounds, and I am still feeling fat. Despite that everyone is telling me how great I look, I am just not feeling it some days.

Yesterday, I went shopping with my husband at the mall, and I just felt fat in everything I tried on. Granted, those 3-way mirrors do not help. I know I will never have the figure I had 20 years ago, everything seems to be going south, and I still have what I perceive as a big stomach. My husband says I look great and that I’m being obsessive.

I have always been a perfectionist, and I know that is part of my problem. In many ways, I have learned to let go of the idea of being perfect. For so many years I was so afraid of failing, I wouldn’t even try for fear of not being able doing something perfectly. I have come so far from that point. I have dared to go to college after dropping out of high school in the 10th grade. I didn’t do it perfectly, but I now have a master’s degree in English, and ironically I now teach high school, despite the fact I never really went myself. Despite a failed first marriage, I now have a wonderful marriage, better than I could have ever imagined. I have always wanted to write a novel, and now I’m about a third of the way through my first one, and I’m certain it’s not perfect, but I am having a blast writing it. If anything, I think being quirky and imperfect is what makes for a good writer.

So, why can I can’t I grant myself the same permission to be imperfect when it comes to my appearance? Only mannequins have perfect bodies and I am a REAL person. There is not a woman out there who is not happy with some aspect of her appearance, so I guess that makes me pretty normal. For today, I think I am going to embrace the idea that there is beauty in imperfection because that is what makes me who I am, and I am going to feel good about what I have accomplished so far, no matter what a 3-way mirror tells me!

Thanks for listening. I feel so much better now.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You look great!!!!!!!!!!! I know how you feel though.
    You will be at goal in no time.

    4603 days ago
    "beauty in imperfection"---I love this!

    I also think your picture for this blog is hilarious. Thanks for making me smile!
    4607 days ago
    You're looking great. emoticon emoticon
    4609 days ago
  • no profile photo FLYBABYC
    Wow, Lisa! You have come so far, in more ways than one! I am blessed to have met you, and to be inspired by you every day! You are one amazing woman! I hope you can really embrace and love yourself on every stage of your journey, and learn to truly love the you that you are, imperfections and all. And... I want to read your book!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4620 days ago
    emoticon emoticon What a great job you are doing losing all that weight!!! AMAZING.
    emoticon ~~~~MARY
    4621 days ago
    In my mind ~ I am not the fat person that reflects back to me every morning!

    I will never be perfect ~ thank goodness!! I'm just looking for progression and certainly not perfectionism.....

    Hope you can find the thin person inside you.....
    4623 days ago
    The more I'm on this site the more people I find that are just like me. I too am a perfectionist. And if I can't do it right, I don't want to do it at all. Well that used to be me. I just tell myself to do it and just get over it. The fact that you are doing it is the point (how it gets done...that's another matter. lol.).

    I am soooo very PROUD of you!! You have done an amazing job with yourself. In all aspects of your life. Kudos to you!!

    As far as the way you see yourself...get those "skinny" glasses back on. You know the ones you had on when you were heavier and didn't realize you were that "big". Because let me tell you, you see yourself bigger than you really are...everyone feels that way about themselves from time to time. Then you look at that tag and you see that small number on it and realize that just months ago it was a bigger number...*Smiles*...you are doing it!!

    Hugs and Love to you!
    Go For The Gold!!
    4623 days ago
  • MOB8/2009
    The best advice I can come up with is to look at yourself in those clothes and imagine what you would have looked like 50 lbs ago!

    Perfection is not possible for us mortals. So I strive for happiness and peace. If my butt is a bit big, so be it. It's something to work on. But it DOES NOT define who and what I am. Right now I'm lamenting the wrinkles that are really starting to make tracks in my face. I hate them. But they signify many years of happiness and joy, with a few potholes along the way, and I've earned them.

    emoticon on forging ahead and getting those degrees. That is the most impressive thing I've seen and you should be very, VERY proud of that accomplishment. Focus on those kids in your classes, keep to your new healthy lifestyle, and quit looking in the mirror for flaws! They're there so quit worrying about them.
    4623 days ago
  • MARTY19
    Sometimes it is those perceived imperfections that make us beautiful. It gives us something that no one else has. I look at myself and while I like what I see, I know it could be better. So I continue on but I realize that I will never look like the magazines and I thank my stars for that. They probably don't recognize themselfves either. LOL

    4623 days ago
  • PAMELA984
    I can so relate to feeling fat - I don't think my mind and my internal eyes have quite caught up yet - I just hope they do eventually! You have done great!
    4623 days ago
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