There is Beauty in Imperfection
Sunday, December 07, 2008
How can it be? I have just lost fifty pounds, and I am still feeling fat. Despite that everyone is telling me how great I look, I am just not feeling it some days.
Yesterday, I went shopping with my husband at the mall, and I just felt fat in everything I tried on. Granted, those 3-way mirrors do not help. I know I will never have the figure I had 20 years ago, everything seems to be going south, and I still have what I perceive as a big stomach. My husband says I look great and that I’m being obsessive.
I have always been a perfectionist, and I know that is part of my problem. In many ways, I have learned to let go of the idea of being perfect. For so many years I was so afraid of failing, I wouldn’t even try for fear of not being able doing something perfectly. I have come so far from that point. I have dared to go to college after dropping out of high school in the 10th grade. I didn’t do it perfectly, but I now have a master’s degree in English, and ironically I now teach high school, despite the fact I never really went myself. Despite a failed first marriage, I now have a wonderful marriage, better than I could have ever imagined. I have always wanted to write a novel, and now I’m about a third of the way through my first one, and I’m certain it’s not perfect, but I am having a blast writing it. If anything, I think being quirky and imperfect is what makes for a good writer.
So, why can I can’t I grant myself the same permission to be imperfect when it comes to my appearance? Only mannequins have perfect bodies and I am a REAL person. There is not a woman out there who is not happy with some aspect of her appearance, so I guess that makes me pretty normal. For today, I think I am going to embrace the idea that there is beauty in imperfection because that is what makes me who I am, and I am going to feel good about what I have accomplished so far, no matter what a 3-way mirror tells me!
Thanks for listening. I feel so much better now.