Stay on track, Judy

This is what happens everytime I lose weight. I get to the weight that I am at now and then I slowly gain back the 30 I just lost. I don't understand why I do this. I would think I would feel motivated to continue to do well. I have not yet gained any weight, but have basically stayed the same for the past 3/4 weeks. I have been slowly slipping in some old bad habits, which I want to get a handle on and stop. For now , until January, my goal is to not gain. If I lose any weight that will be a bonus. I don't want to get discouraged and take steps backwards. I think it would also be helpful if I logged in what I ate just before eating it.....waiting until afterwards (hours later) is not a good idea. I have now vented....expressed my fears....hopefully I can stay on track!