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The hospitalised diabetic (or how to survive imprisonment)

Friday, November 28, 2008

Please excuse my use of verse
My opinion of hospitals is quite ugly and terse emoticon
But to make it easier for those who don't know emoticon
I'll let you in on some secrets, just read the below emoticon:

First, when feeling yucky, not good, or ill emoticon
Check and fix blood sugar, take Tylenol and chill
If still not feeling better then quick
Get to the bathroom if feeling really sick emoticon!

If all else fails and to the doctor one must
In one's deity they must have trust
But should said doctor say "to the hospital you go"
Pack up a bag, and with what, you should know

Two meters and strips for 12 tests a day
For twice the length of your predicted stay
Enough catheters, reservoirs, batteries and stuff
To withstand all of the poking, prodding and testing, so gruff!

If off to the MRI you must go,
then out comes the pump you should know
If a CAT scan is a doctor's request,
You can keep it on and in, only if they don't guess

For you see, the hospital is a fascinating place
Who's services are a disgrace
And just wait until the bills come back to taunt
For 20 years they will continue to haunt

Please remember to check when you are there
What they are supposed to be doing for your care
Do NOT let them assume they know what to do
Unless you don't like your arms and legs attached directly to you!

Make sure they mark anything they must take
So that other organs and pieces they don't mistake
Because an arm and a leg look so much the same
They might take the wrong one if your not onto their game

So have good faith and enjoy your vacation away
For Eight to ten grand a night this should be a good stay
Make sure to account for each thing you brought
So when after your exit it won't need to be bought

If your reading this poem and not laughing out loud
It's clear that you've been there, and not in a cloud
But for those younger readers, whether in years or in care
The hospital stay is best left for a bear

He can go in November for a long hibernate
He'll forget how many arms and legs he had in his original state
And don't forget, he'll replace them with some that he ate
So it's not as bad as a human patient's fate

So with G-ds help you should be on your way
From the hospital away you should stay
But if there you must go, you should generally know
Your insurance card first you must show!!

They can't figure out what to do
Including how or with what to treat you
Until your carrier does tell for which tests money they'll shell
And how long they will pay for your stay

Enjoy your vacation, and demand
(since you're paying each night twenty five grand)
Lots of food, rest and play all during the day
And less than fifteen wakeups each night!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    ROFL, this was cute. Refuah shelaima!
    4521 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2530937
    Is this a tongue in cheek way of sayign they should have taken your leg but got your arm instead? Or confused the right and left apendages or something equally appallling? I'm sure going to hope not but I've been wondering where/how you've been lately...I'm still a little wondering but at least you still have a sense of humor and you're typing which must mean you still have at least one hand!
    I am part of a local ADA family group and we sometimes meet in one of the conference rooms at the hospital and it gives me the willies having to "go to the hospital" even if it is just for a fun afternoon of games with friends, there's just something ominous about it. Your lovely versage only lends me more reason to balk at such meeting places.
    Now stay out of the hospital and good luck with everything!
    PS. Do you have enough for your book yet? I've found a few more to add if you still need material....

    4550 days ago
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