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Sunday, October 12, 2008

So - we got some light moosetracks ice cream. I went against my better judgment and got two containers of different ice cream because they were buy one get one.. I just had a small dish of the moosetracks, but now am fighting that freaking annoying urge to go get more. I despise the obsessive nature of my food issues.

And, yes, I know all the tricks to dealing with this:
go for a walk
brush your teeth
read a book

I know all the tricks, but sometimes it doesn't really matter. Bottom line: Something inside me *wants* more ice cream, and I have to fight to not go get more. I thought that after losing 100lb+ this crap would be easier to deal with - and it's not. Food has almost become more obsessive/compulsive for me actually. I go through these waves of phases - sometimes borderline obsessive about healthy food, and then I get ticked and then the cravings start. I don't cut out any foods, I know that will drive a person to binge any day. But, I'm just not sure what my deal is. I have come very far, and still need to lose more. I sometimes lose that notion that I am the one in control. I go through times where I just "want to feel normal", and not have to think about the weight I need to lose, or what we're gonna cook for dinner, and I hope I don't eat stuff while I'm cooking.

Just a rant...
Thanks for "listening".


ps - I suppose this wasn't for nothing, since I sat here blogging instead of getting more ice cream. Now, it's almost 4, and probably too close to dinner anyhow. lol
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