August 28, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
I just wanted to give an update on things. I know I was doing so well, I had dropped almost 35lbs this year, but then my grandmother became really ill and passed away right before Mother’s Day and my boyfriend and I broke up around the same time. Ever since then I just haven’t had the want or the will to get my butt in the gym or to even eat properly. This of course has caused my weight to go back up 5lbs. I was doing well with maintaining my weight, but my self-esteem has just gone down the drain. I am also no longer going to the Y, my roommate had lost his job and I was going through his membership plan. But I do still have the free gym at work so I really have no reason not to be exercising. Every time I look at my calendar on my desk I feel a little depressed. I have only four check marks on it, meaning I have only worked out 4 times this month. My calendar used to be filled with brightly colored check marks, made me feel good to look up and see my progress.
One of my biggest motivations to lose weight was my grandmother. I could remember her telling me when I was 10 or 11 that I had such a pretty face but really needed to lose weight. So ever since I got on my New Year’s resolution kick this year, making her happy and proud was definitely at the top of my reasons of why I wanted and needed to lose weight. When she fell ill, I went to the Hospice she was being watched over at, to say my good-byes, I leaned down to give her and kiss and she somewhat pulled away. Even though I know her mind was not fully there and I really cannot hold it against her, what she said next hurt more than anything. She said to everyone in the room that she was afraid I was going to crush her when I had leaned down to her to give her a kiss on the cheek. But I could see in her eyes she wasn’t meaning to hurt my feelings, but me being as sensitive as I am, it ripped at my heart.
I am going to try to get back in the gym on a regular basis and to also eat more on the healthy side. It is just going to take some time to get back on track.