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August 28, 2008

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I just wanted to give an update on things. I know I was doing so well, I had dropped almost 35lbs this year, but then my grandmother became really ill and passed away right before Mother’s Day and my boyfriend and I broke up around the same time. Ever since then I just haven’t had the want or the will to get my butt in the gym or to even eat properly. This of course has caused my weight to go back up 5lbs. I was doing well with maintaining my weight, but my self-esteem has just gone down the drain. I am also no longer going to the Y, my roommate had lost his job and I was going through his membership plan. But I do still have the free gym at work so I really have no reason not to be exercising. Every time I look at my calendar on my desk I feel a little depressed. I have only four check marks on it, meaning I have only worked out 4 times this month. My calendar used to be filled with brightly colored check marks, made me feel good to look up and see my progress.
One of my biggest motivations to lose weight was my grandmother. I could remember her telling me when I was 10 or 11 that I had such a pretty face but really needed to lose weight. So ever since I got on my New Year’s resolution kick this year, making her happy and proud was definitely at the top of my reasons of why I wanted and needed to lose weight. When she fell ill, I went to the Hospice she was being watched over at, to say my good-byes, I leaned down to give her and kiss and she somewhat pulled away. Even though I know her mind was not fully there and I really cannot hold it against her, what she said next hurt more than anything. She said to everyone in the room that she was afraid I was going to crush her when I had leaned down to her to give her a kiss on the cheek. But I could see in her eyes she wasn’t meaning to hurt my feelings, but me being as sensitive as I am, it ripped at my heart.
I am going to try to get back in the gym on a regular basis and to also eat more on the healthy side. It is just going to take some time to get back on track.
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  • ANNAD0675
    You are more than just a pretty face. When people hurt us, intentional or not, we can use that to make us stronger. Remember that you are doing this for you! ~Anna~
    4719 days ago
    Mary, this is the first time I have lost weight for myself without the help of any diet pills.. Believe me I tried them all!

    The reason I said that first sentence is because I have struggled for years on losing 50+ lbs. I would lose them and then they would come back.

    Me, I came from a family that had 3 daughters and a very thin Mother, who lived on Cigs,coffee and grapefruit juice! One meal a day which was dinner. She wasn't active as far as exercise but she worked in factory which had her lifting things continuosly.. She had 6 heartattacks in one night in 1991. We were in Portugal at the time and flew back on emergency leave, of course I had gained weight. The first words out of her mouth, she poked my tummy and asked why were all her girls so pudgy! Of course she was on medication but in my opinion that was her true feelings. Just like being Drunk and I will tell ya the truth! LOL She hadn't seen me in a year and that hurt so much! Actually, I have always been the smallest daughter, so it hit me extra hard..

    This time I gained weight after her death in 2003.. That was a bad year all around and it just spiraled out of control! For once in my life, I'm doing it for me!! I will continue to monitor my weight daily because I don't want to have to lose 50-60 lbs! It's way to much work then just maintaining!!

    4720 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/28/2008 10:33:57 PM
  • JUSTJO67
    I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I think most of us have had someone say something that they didn't mean to be hurtful but we've taken it to heart in a bad way. I have many memories and my resolution is to not be that way to those I love and care about. I also don't think you are the only one in the workout slump. Amanda and I are there too. My curve's closed a while back then my Dad and I started training for a 5k. We haven't ran since he came back from vacation. I actually went to the mall this morning and walked I must say I do feel better now that I've done at least that. I could really blame it on the weather or storms and other things however, I've not been up to par on working out either. I hope you find the will to get back into your exercise and eating right soon. Your only up by 5 so it's easier to start back at it now rather than let it be 10 or 15. You can do it.
    4720 days ago
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