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I had a bit of a revalation this summer and it is a big part of what finally got me back on track so I want to share it with some of you! I had it somewhere in another post but it didnt seem the right place for it! So here we go....

My friend takes care of schitzophrenic outpatients and some of them are women who cut themself! A couple of them are often suicidal and take street drugs on top of their meds in the hopes of either getting everyones attention or perhaps actually killing themself! These are wonderful women who have had horrible things happen to them in their lives! We try to councel them,try to befriend them and try, sometimes to no avail. to make them realise that they are loveable/likeable and worthy of themself putting effort in to their own lives so that they can be all that they can be! I cry for these girls that they dont always see the potential and the beauty inside of themself! I have to admit also that I sometimes dont quite get it though!

Interestingly enough it is these women who have made me realise what I have been doing to myself! I have started to think of my own over eating and my not caring enough about myself as being very similar to how they treat themselves! I have started to think that although I dont take drugs........and I dont do things that are typically called self injurious behaviours BUT I over eat knowingly and I binge eat knowingly(and secretly)I thought one day...............how does that make me any different from them??? I have caused my body to have high blood pressure,varicose veins,and asthma which are ALL related to my small body not being able to handle the excess weight that I have put on it! That is ...I think...self injurious of me! It made me take a long hard look at why I do this to myself and it made me cry...a lot! I have made a decision that I will never ever again allow myself to fall away from healthy eating for more than one day ! I am not gonna make myself crazy depriving myself of something that I want but If I have a bad eating day.......I get right back on track the next day and I CHOOSE to control those moods and feelings of mine.....instead of letting them control me! Its really making a difference for me! Its not easy! I love to eat! ...and I eat to comfort myself! I actually have a lot more issues than people realise ...I think a lot more than I was even ready to admit that I had! Its truly all about choices and I choose to LIVE and live a healthy life! I might fall away a bit again but I have promised myself that I will catch myself and get back on track before I let it get out of hand! Wooohoo.....its working for me!

I dont necessarily know where anyone else is at in their progress but I want you all to realise that.....YOU ARE ALL SO VERY IMPORTANT IN THIS LIFE! And you all deserve the best that life has to offer you... so go after all that you want every day! Dont ever give up on yourself or the people that you love! Life is too short afterall and you need to make the most of every single moment of it! When you can truly wrap your head around the idea that you are important and that no matter what has happened to you in the past....you deserve good things NOW....maybe then you or we can all start to heal those emotional burdens inside of us and we will no longer need to turn to food as comfort but turn to ourselves and our loved ones!

I wanted to share this with you all for many reasons! Number 1 it keeps me accountable for my own actions ! and number 2 if thinking about something like this can help anyone else to stay on track I will be sooo happy! I wish you much luck whatever you choose to do! Stay strong and be good to yourself! Sending hugs and blessings Tina
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It is gaining insite of what is to be. To get on the right path or go the right direction for healthy us. We all seem to have skeletons in the closets. Of who we really are or think we are. Sad what you have seen with people you wrote of and helped. They say unless you have walk in peoples shoes. We really don't understand there cry but at the same time. We are partly a section of that slice of pie of sadness. We would not be here. To this site.
    Food has been our enemy and our self inflicting urge to dishonour the body that the Lord gave us. Sometimes it take someones blog to realize. We are all in here to-gether. To love others enough to care. The body can be beautiful when handled with care. We need to pick the tree of good instead of the tree of evils. Food temptations and learn to appreciate what is truly for us. The tree of the divine fruit. What the Lord had made for us.

    I like your blog. Thanks for sharing. It speaks to many on your comment list. Now we must walk accordingly to what is good and proper and not go under our food intake calories and abuse the body to go into a mode of undesirable illness's and also get caught up in the not good of it all. To over exercise. To go anorexia.

    Which is a one denial of losing weight can cause and then to find out your still not happy . I have seen gals pictures in here trying to be the perfect size six or even a four. Pumping those abs. Denying the way they look. If we are true sparks. I think we should help our fellow sparks if we see they are too thin. Love is worth to our sparks friend and sparks groups or even far off sparks you may not as we do here. You may save their lives. Some gals realize they are not young and they lose the elasticity in their face and they look even worse. Some have so thin legs after. You wonder how thy walk and keep themselves up. I do not want to discourage my sparks. I just want to say. The life you save. May be your own. So be true to thy self. Look and listen when a friend tells you. I think your a wee bit over zealous and relax and accept who you really are. Not need to go further on weight loss. Your a gem already.


    4041 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/5/2010 2:26:18 PM
    Beautiful ~ on so many levels!
    Thank you

    4472 days ago
    Thanks, so much for articulating so beautifully what I struggle with on a daily basis. We lost a dear daughter to an eating disorder. In my grief and even prior to her illness, at times of stress or whatever other excuse I could find, I used food as a coping mechanism. I was never seriously overweight prior to her death but always struggled with binge eating and then dieting to stay "thin." The doctor recently said that I had to loose weight as I was pre diabetic, obese, high chol, worsening asthma, fatigue, and foot problems. The word diet was a word that left sad memories but I try to keep the focus on caring enough about myself and those I love to choose healthy coping mechanisms and behaviors. The weight is a bi product of a healthy lifestyle. A healthy weight that is! It has taken a long time to not beat myself up with these self destructive behaviors (binge eating, isolating, sleeping) and not continue blame myself. I've learned through the help of a counselor the best way to honor my child is to attempt to live a healthy lifestyle and be a healthy role model for other young women. I know this is what she would want from me and for her sister. Thanks for letting me share this very painful event and why I'm here. I already feel you are a new friend emoticon
    4576 days ago
  • CAROL50219
    Wow, what a powerful revelation. It sounds so much like me, all of it! I'm going to try and follow what you're doing but I know I have a long way to go. I just have to take one day at a time and take slow steps and I know I can do it. All of the feelings and health issues that you describe sound all too familiar. Thank you so much for posting this blog. I will be coming back to it regularly as a reminder to myself. emoticon and emoticon
    4608 days ago
    Boy, talk about hitting the nail on the head. You put it so beautifully, that not taking care of ourselves, with putting unhealthy food in our bodies, with negative self talk, and all the rest, is just like trying to escape Reality with drugs, and self mutilation. Not so different at all. Food was my mother's drug of choice, and my grandparents as well. I am working on my self-esteem, and I am better than ever before...but your writing has really helped also. Thank you.

    Take good care,
    4649 days ago
    You are so kind and compasionate; it really comes through in your writing. I wanted to tell you that this message comes at a time that I can use it in my own life and pass it on to my daughters too.

    My first thought when I saw your picture was what a beautiful woman you were. And after reading this brief letter I know how beautiful on the inp,side you are as well. Thank you for caring. emoticon
    4665 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/19/2008 10:05:58 AM
    WOW - these words hit home for me - I am hoping that I can follow in your footsteps.

    Thank you for sharing - I really appreciate it even though it made me cry - unfortunately they are right when they say the "truth hurts"

    Thanks again for sharing.
    4694 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/20/2008 3:19:30 AM
    Tina, Sorry i hadn't gotten back to you before now. it's only become recent that i've been getting on my spark people page and thank you for commenting on my page. i too am back on track with my diet, a lot of times i won't log on to my spark people because then it makes me accountable for what i eat. That's why i'm back on. i think you have a great way of looking at life. i still have a long way to go, thanks again- Laurie
    4710 days ago
  • BECKY1960
    Thank you for sharing this with us. I abuse my body so much with food. I am starting again TOMORROW I will treat my body better from now on.
    4713 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/31/2008 11:54:48 PM
    Thank you for sharing, as I posted yseterday , in dealing with the alcoholism of someone I love, I have made a few significant self discoveries! I have not eaten to the point of illness,YET, but if I don't change it now I will. I said I was grateful that my addiction is food, in no way did I mean that that was not destructive, it is or I would not be here! I am learning so much about myself with the help of the people here and the message boards, it is almost like free therapy! I never imagined in a quest to lose weight I would come to understand myself better everyday! So my weight is not flying off like i would like, but I'm gaining insight to change the things that helped it pack on and that is going to make it stay off. Thank you again for sharing!!
    4720 days ago
    o.k.....so I just reread my last 2 blogs and realised......I sort of already posted this exact thing! hahah......Im not loosing my mind....really!........I guess it is just really strongly on my mind! haha Ah well it is an important part of what has made me do better so I guess its worth repeating! (too many kids to take care of has my mind spinning )
    4724 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/21/2008 8:12:21 PM
    Self-injury and overeating, and drugs and sex and gambling and even internet overusage can all be addictions that do the same thing. Any time we are using a material thing to fix a spiritual (or emotional) problem then you may be get a temporary short term fix.

    If I eat to 'cover' an emotion so I digest and it is uncovered. It's so quick. Self-injury is particularly useful at releasing anger. And I think that's why it's mostly engaged in. It works. But then it becomes compulsion and we have a problem.

    I'm reading "The Brain that Changes Itself" and a cure for reoccurring thoughts is to recognize that it is that a reoccurring thought and then change the focus to something pleasant. I just learned this this morning. I have been trying to catch the pleasant delightful moments. Now when I have the urge to eat obcessively I will turn to the delightful things (baby's puppies intreging books) instead of food and see how that works for me.

    So according to this book we can overcome these addictions by replacing them with joyful activities. I find this hopeful.

    4724 days ago
    Thank you for checking in on me, and for this wonderful blog. It's an ah ha moment indeed. Keep up the good work.
    4724 days ago
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