5/20/08 Yep, I'm still here.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Today on the pain scale I am about a 6.5 Two days ago I was a 9. Thank God I am getting better. I went to a few Dr's this past week and they want to do carpal tunnel surgery to see if that helps my nerve problem. Personally I don't think it will but I am at a stage I will try most anything, they also are going to try to remove the calcium deposits on my hands arms and other parts of my body. They are going to start with my hands, some of these lumps are as big as marbles. The only drawback is there is a possibility it will make my hands worse than they are now. I have some(actually a lot) loose skin under my arms from the weight loss,(the side of my chest area)I have these deposits there as well and they get irritated. I think this is where part of my nerve problem derives from. When my hands and arms start hurting I can raise my arms to take pressure off that particular area and the pain starts to subside.
I also have to schedule to have a new knee. I have let it go so long now the joint is bone to bone and starting to mushroom out and bone spurs are developing around the outer edge of the knee, it has also made me knock kneed on that one leg.
I've been kind of in a slump and a little depressed this past couple of weeks. I realize and accept, this is the way my life is. the problems. surgeries, the pain etc. It's just that, sometimes, I get tired of hurting, the pills, the things I have to do to just live and the the things I cannot do. I feel bad that my wife has to live with this. She has given up so much for me, and I wish I could give her more. She deserves more.
I know I will get over the depression, I always do. Things will get back to normal (my normal) and the pain and lifestyle will fade to "status quo". I still count my blessings daily, have my daily chats with my God, and am reassured that there is a reason for everything that happens and one day I will find out. I do know this, i love life and all it has to offer, even if what is available to me is limited.
I have been reading a lot about HFCS (high fructose corn syrup) and the damage it has and can do to your body. I am trying also to eliminate aspartame from my diet and am using stevia now. I bought a couple of stevia plants. You can chew on the leaves and it is very sweet. Mmmmm, Crazy Tasty!
Well better get out and mow my yard, It is pushing 100 degrees here and I want to get done before it hits that mark.