4,000-5,499 SparkPoints 4,122
See this image larger
Hot Mama Fall 2009

See this image larger
The face of a winner! Summer 2009

See this image larger
My face is looking skinny again- when I'm not smiling...having big cheekbones has its price...

go to goodies page
go to goodies page
go to goodies page
Jump Rope

Shared Food & Fitness Trackers
Interact with SDRUM2
Add as SparkFriend Send Private Message Leave Comment Recent Message
Board Posts

Perspective is everything, and my brain often lies to me. Neurotransmitters tell me how awful my situation is and offer me a sense of doom and extreme anxiety. But there is nothing to tangible thing to attack to make the feelings go away. So, how is this to be overcome? In my mind, I must think of myself as a muscular, clever, and magical action hero fighting against those forces that are unseen to the rest of the population. The matchup between my formidable foe and me often takes the form of overcoming by brute mental strength the poison that fogs my mind, and by breaking away from the glue that keeps me in bed all hours of the day and night. My depression is invisible to my colleagues, co-workers, and sometimes family, but its daily deleterious effect is as real as any physical illness. My opponent wins the battle much of the time. I haven't yet learned its weaknesses. But I keep trying. I haven't lost this long and arduous war yet. I haven't been hunted down and killed yet, though the threat is very real to me. Triumph is possible. Desperation, uncomfortable body and mind, nausea, rumination, ideation about permanent solutions- these are all weapons used by my depression to paralyze me and steal my life days and weeks at a time. But. Some days I am free; offered a brief moment of respite and relaxation to simply remember what happy used to feel like. I don't get to have it, but I get to remember its sweet smell and its bright yellow touch. Is my enemy toying with me??? Is hope the slow acting infection decaying my spirit a nanometer at a time? I don't know for sure, but I am so grateful for those days or even hours of clarity. But the best are the days I do manage to fight! I am like a superhero battling to the death for control of my time here on earth. I take up arms, stand with the wind in my face, and attack the villainous beasts of depression and anxiety. That's when I know what I'm really made of deep down inside. The times when I accomplish nothing but maybe just getting out of bed and into the shower or brushing my teeth or opening one email are the days that I have won. To an outsider, it might look like I have been beaten if all I can do is the smallest of normal daily tasks. No, those are the days that are so, so hard, but I fight through anyway, and earn each tiny success. In the end, I may lose to my nemesis. But I'm going to keep attacking. And keep hoping for the light in my heart to come back- to smile for REAL again.

Member Since: 1/31/2009

Fitness Minutes: 5,148

My Goals:
Take control of my body.

My Program:
I work out randomly as I can't seem to find the motivation to workout by myself everyday. Also, I use SparkPeople to track my intake and at least keep one eye on the prize.

Personal Information:

Other Information:
During the Fall semester of 2008 I got up the 145 lb, the biggest I've ever gotten. I was depressed and looking for instant gratification from food rather than nutrition and nrg. Bad habits and low self esteem took their toll. In January I found SP and began making healthy adjustments. I am much more aware of my body and how it works. Friends and family ask me all th etime to help them change their lifestyle becaue they saw how much happier I am now.

Read More About SDRUM2 - Profile Information moved here. (Updated November 7)

Shown if member clicks "Read More"

(Shown after Message Board Posts)
Add a Link
Save Changes
My Ticker:
 current weight: 126.0 
Login to Leave Comment
  • v ABB698
    If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself. ~Henry Ford

    Thank you for commenting on my blog. This journey has been incredible and Spark Friends and the community were such an important part of it. Posting a blog touting a 50 lb. weight loss was something I used to only dream of. Thank you for being there as my dream came true! Spark on!
    Have a fabulous day!!
    3325 days ago
  • v SEXYSLIM78
    Thanks hun for dropping by and commenting on my blog. I really appreciate it emoticon
    3338 days ago
    emoticon to the p90x "Bring it" team! emoticon
    3366 days ago
    Oh yea, I was sore the first week, but not to where I couldn't move..LOL It's crazy: literately whatever muscles I work, those are the very ones that are sore the next day, and then I'll work something else. I can TOTALLY see why P90X works, and I swear by it. I'm not doing the nutrition planning, because I use the Nutrition Tracker, but I am recording my reps and weights on the log sheet. Already I see results on my waist- I'm losing in my upper waist/ribcage area. I can also see definition when I flex my arms on the inner bicep. I haven't lost pounds, but I know that's because I usually don't when doing a new program for about 4 weeks, so I'll probably lose in April.

    I'm sure you are busy! Spring Break will be a good time to get things in order. I'm like that too- I even make a list almost every day. One day I actually had "eat," and "shower," on my to do I'd forget! emoticon
    4036 days ago
    How have you been? I am on the 2nd week, and did my 2nd time of Chest & Back , and did better already! Plyometrics were awesome yesterday, and today I have Shoulders & Arms again. Have you been doing all the workouts??? emoticon
    4037 days ago
Member Comments (15):  123Next >