SANITYDREAMER

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My name is Jenna and I just turned 31. I came to a few hard truths about myself recently, the main one being that I want to be healthier and feel comfortable and pretty in my own body again. I used to be thin years ago but due to inactivity and bad eating habits I slowly began gaining weight. I was also diagnosed as Bipolar years ago and the meds added to the weight gain. I've come to the point where there is no more looking back, no more waiting on the sidelines. If I want to lose weight and get into shape I have to take the bull by the horns and actually work for it. The only thing holding me back was myself and my fears. So look out world here I come!

Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results. ~Anonymous


Member Since: 9/16/2012

Fitness Minutes: 1,323

My Goals:
I want to lose at least two pounds a week. My goal is to workout no less than 5 days a week for 1 hour a day. My goal for calories is to burn at 2000.


My Program:
A friend of mine has decided to work out with me some. I work 40 minutes at least on the treadmill, 20 on the bike and as long as we can on the elyptical. Did I mention I suck at that last one?? We also stick in zumba workouts and the WII Fit Plus workouts to shake things up.



Personal Information:
My name is Jenna. I'm 31 and reside in Baton Rouge LA. I'm an artist and a writer. I love trying new things, I was even a stand up comic at one point. lol... I have an extreme passion for music, everything from classical to hard rock. Some of my fave bands are Papa Roach, Within Temptation, Kelly Clarkson, Taylor Swift, and anything 80's. My day isn't complete without me having a cd or the radio on. I'm also a huge movie buff. Comedies such as the Lethal Weapon series and horror like Nightmare on Elm Street (the original). I also love to read. I like old school Stephen KIng, Laurell K Hamilton and yes the Twilight series. My view on life is to live life to the fullest and be sure to smile and laugh at least once a day.


Other Information:
"Willpower is the key to success. Successful people strive no matter what they feel by applying their will to overcome apathy, doubt or fear." - Dan Millman

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better. ~King Whitney jr

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~Marilyn Monroe




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  • v COURTNEY055
    Hey Jenna!

    I've really come to enjoy your writing! You have a great perspective on things and a good outlook. I like what you wrote about curse or blessing. It really made me think. I agree with your thoughts.

    I'm having a tough time. Last night was bad for me. I'm not sleeping (again!)...I don't wanna keep repeating myself so if I'm boring you with this issue feel free to skip this blurb...Lol. emoticon ...NOT a wink on Sat. night and not a wink on Mon. night. Up the entire night. I'm getting worried. I don't know who to tell about this. I tell my MD and she says psych..I tell psych and she gives me some half ass sleeping pill that does nothing after about a week or two and then I feel stupid calling her again. I see her next week. I don't wanna sound like a whiner. That's my dilemna but I'm kinda going a little NUTS over this..My body does not function well on NO sleep anymore. Not made for it...whenI was in my 20s and living life with mania and self medication then yeah ok..sleep was whatever but....I'm 37 i need my zzz's.......what do u think I should do? Ive tried the tips and tricks..I've done 6mg of Melatonin, and I've done the sleeping pill she gave me which is Mirtazapine which is actually an antidepressant and she can't up the dose cuz that dose is not used for insomnia it is used for depression..thanks Doc.

    I've also decided that I'm on too many meds. Yesterday and IDK if it was due to lack of sleep, but I decided to come off of some. I am on NOT 1 but 2 atypical antipsychotics...Seroquel 600mg and Risperdal 2mg...WHY IDK...IDK why the psych just increased my Seroquel either? I have now a steady dose of Seroquel running through my blood at all times? I take 300mg XR at 8am and then 300mg XR at 5pn. WHY is what I wanna know. I'm not dangerous. I've never hurt myself or anyone else. I used to work in a rest home as a med tech and I KNOW crazy. I worked with dangerous peeps and they were on LESS meds than me! I am on 7 psych meds. WHY??? I was ready to go OFF of everything escept my celexa for depression, my Klonopin for anxiety, and my Lamictal for mood. The rest? I don't feel I need them. Again, my lack of sleep cuz I was so so tired last night. Maybe I was overreacting. I took everything this am. BUT I still have that feeling like I'm being overmedicated. I mean, all in all, I tolerate my meds very well.

    I guess, and this will be my last rant and then I deperately want your input, I'm just tired of meds and being bipolar and being anxious, and carrying a diagnosis of "paranoid psychosis"--which to me is nonsense anyway. and being borderline. I'm tired of the dizziness, the headaches, the weight gain, the difficulty in LOSING weight, the insomnia, the mood swings, just all of it. I'm so da-- tired. I didn't even Spark like night like I always do. I was just so upset.I'm not depressed just sick of things. I want desperately to get off this stuff and LIVE again..experience LIFE...for me, they steal my passion. They make me flat...just like whatever..no more passion for anything..just exist. What kind of life is that?

    alright, honey, I'm sorry if I bored u. This is just me right now. Not feeling too good today. Hoping I'll snap out of this and start living again! Let me know you're input...I trust your advice!

    TAG!

    emoticon Courtney
    2590 days ago
  • v COURTNEY055
    Hey Jenna---

    You're not gonna believe this! I just wrote u this HUGE post and I went to post it and it just disappeared!! UGH..now I gotta remember what I wrote. OMG, I can't believe that. I've never had that happen to me before. Let's hope this one works!

    Well, as far as your exercise goes: You're doing a great job! emoticon You will see a loss! I bet if u weigh in next week, you'll see something. You've already lost some so, you're doing something right. Have u changed anything since u were working on losing those pounds? How did u lose those? Whatever u were doing then, do that? It's SO important to your motivation and well being that u have that sunshine and positive attitude and def have it! That goes a long way! You will find your niche! I bet it's right around the corner..it's always there when u least expect it! You are right though when u said u need to take a day or two off and regroup. My advice: Start up fresh on Wed. Read some of the articles on SPark about fitness, nutrition, wellbeing, etc. There is so much info. If u have questions like why u gained the 1.5lbs, you will prob find the answers you're looking for. I mean, I can speculate (and I believe that I'm right..Lol)but Spark can probably give u more accurate info. If u take the time off, browse around. You cannot arm yourself with too much knowledge.

    As for the meds: I'm on Seroquel too. I take 300mg XR 2x/day. I'm also on Risperdal. I still managed to lose 30lbs. while taking both of them. It can be done u just have to have ALOT of patience and perseverence. Remember, all u have is time. U didn't pack on those pounds in a week u def won't lose em in a week. The problem with us bipolar peeps is two fold:
    1. for whatever reason--and this is proven, I got the article from Spark--bipolar peeps love carbs. See, I knew it wasn't just me..Lol. We crave them. It's not 100%sure why. But they did a study and bp peeps were drawn to carb over everything else. We tend to take em to the high end of "normal" or go beyond normal. They suggest to practice (and yes it is gonna be ugly and tough) substituting them for fats (the good kinds) and proteins. Well, u and I already knew that. BUt, the fats? I can't. I've been told too many times for too many years to steer clear of fats. Proteins, ok, but dont go crazy cuz too many of them stores as fat too. (another new thing I learned). SO, I took that article and tweeked it. Ok, I'm bp and I crave carbs. I love em. I can't give em up. Heck, I can't even go low cuz I know me and I know I'll turn to fats when I'm hungry. I'm going to exercise some good old fashioned will power and head for the lower to mid range of my alloted carbs. SPark is actually very generous with their ranges. Fruit is full of carbs but is such a healthy source. Good carbs right there.

    2. Biggest prob in my opinion: Not only does our body fluctuate constantly because we're women, but we have to try TWICE as hard as the average female to lose weight. When taking antipsychotics (even the newer atypicals like Seroquel) whose no.1 side effect is WEIGHT GAIN we have to WORK to lose just a small amt. while an "average" woman can do the same amt. of work and lose twice as much. It is frustrating and I know myself can grow resentful. That's why I'm working on my negative self talk. I'm the queen of it..I always used to put myself down for what I was NOT doing. Rarely complimented myself. If I lost, it would be, THAT'S IT! I COULDN'T LOSE MORE? Yeah. negativity all around. I'm trying real hard with that. You seem to have a good grip on that.
    Unfortunately, with our diagnoses we need our meds. I know, in my case (and yours may be the same), i will be on meds the rest of my life. I'm chronic. Never going to get better. I will always be on atleast 1 antipsychotic. Psych prefers Seroquel. Not real sure why I'm still on Risperdal, but she's the doc...If you are in the same boat...we just have to adjust and do the best we can with what we're given. We CAN lose the weight and we should be thankful for that. We are two able bodied women who are physically capable of losing weight, There's alot of people out there with severe physical or mental problems whowill prob never lose weight because they can't. Us, though, WE CAN!! We got this, girl! Let's get up and prove these meds wrong! Show em who's boss....they're not gonna hold us back! We own them, they don't own us! We're better than this illness and these meds...we;re worth more than that!

    Talk to u soon...get back to me when u get this

    TAG!!

    Sorry if I got to rambling! I tried to stay on track. Sorry if I got off for a bit..I tried. Please forgive!

    Your favorite emoticon Courtney

    emoticon emoticon
    2591 days ago
  • v COURTNEY055
    Hi Jenna, girl!

    I'm so glad to find u in a good mood and so upbeat! You will find your niche and I'm glad that u are actively searching for it. It's probably just around the corner! emoticon ..Yep, I agree, regroup today--even take tomorrow if u need it...and then back in the saddle u go! Back to basics! You can do this, girl. You've already lost some weight so u know it IS possible for u to do it! emoticon You and I should both count our blessings that we are two able bodied females and we are capable both physically and mentally to lose weight. There are SO many peeps out there that want and NEED to lose that can't because of physical or severe emotional problems. I think I'm gonna try to keep that in mind.

    As for the Seroquel, I'm on that too. How much are you on? Im on 300,g XR 2x/day. It was just actually increased about 4 weeks ago from once to twice a day. I had to go through the nasty side effects of it peaking in my system. I'll tell ya, Seroquel is the worst drug I've EVER been on as far as side effects go when it's getting into your system. Luckily, it only lasted about a week or so then I was ok again. But, for that period of time I was cold all the time, so tired, felt "fuzzy" in the head, dizzy..typical side effects of any new med I guess but times it by 10. So much better now.

    If u want a little pep talk, I am on Seroquel and Risperdal 2mga and I managed to lose 30lbs. while taking both of them. It can be done! You just need alot of patience and alot of willpower and perseverence...we have to try SO much harder than the average female. That sucks. You know, it is true. Because of our meds and our condition (s) we've got the deck stacked against us to begin with. We really have to give it our all to lose. It's not fair and it really makes me question alot of my beliefs (religiously)--IDK why I was cursed with bipolar 1, anxiety, psychosis, a drug addiction that is in remission but still a habit that had me tied down for 8 years, a weight problem, meds that hinder weight loss so I am kinda corned with a weight problem, bad choices (more than I even start to count....the list goes on. Why, I may never know. I often questioned if bipolar is a curse or a blessing...

    What do u think? Bipolar---curse or blessing? I'm kinda mixed. The mania is kind of a blessing. Things get done. Multitasking is so easy. The crash is HE--....a curse. The depression is a major curse. The helpliness, hopliness,,,,the desire to self medicate bySO many bp peeps, the sadness, the darkness...yeah, a curse. You know the worst part----This is a life sentence. I don't wanna be a downer. I'm sorry I guess I'm just a bit grumpy. We will never get better. When we think we are better, that's when we crash, shortly after. I will be on meds for the rest of my life. Right now, i take 7 psych meds. IDK if I'll be on THAT many, but I will be on mood stabilizer, antidepressant, and atleast 1 antipsychotic, maybe no more antianxiety cuz the celexa is supposed to help with that. IDK why she still has me on Buspar actually but...she's the boss. Yep, this is my life sentence. Probably yours too. I'm sorry. I don't mean to act this way. If I'm bringing u down, please ignore what I'm writing. I think it's more a "self letter" than a response....

    OMG...listen to me...

    Anyway...I say keep up what you are doing! You are on the right track. You will see a loss. How can u not? You're following the program. I don't think one night would have thrown u off like that. U can always weigh in next week or even if a few days if you're curious. Nothing wrong with that. I personally just don't like to cuz if I'm feeling good and "thinner" and I don't see a number I like, it depresses me...so thats why I try to stay away for atleast a week. I do have to weigh in next week for my challenge. So, we'll see on my end.

    You're doing a great job! Proud of you!

    TAG!

    Courtney

    emoticon emoticon
    2591 days ago
  • v COURTNEY055
    Hey Jenna, girl! That chocolatetini sounds heavenly but oh so bad for us.. emoticon ...Lol.

    Yeah, I had to get a fuel pump back in '06 for my car and I won't tell u what I paid but it was costly..Ugh..I'm so sorry for that one. Is the car worth it? Is it a good car? Just askin cuz they can get quite expensive. I know cars are hard to come by now a days though so it's probably worth it.

    A bit manicky tonight,huh? Lol...That'sok. I just get one free pass so when I'm manicky you have to deal with my post..Lol. Your post made sense though so it's all good.. emoticon .

    I know I'm gonna be up for awhile tonight cuz I didn't get outta bed til 2. I never stay in bed that late. Ugh..I'm nowhere near tired and it's way past my bedtime. I'm always in bed by 10! I know I'm turning into an old lady, right? emoticon

    That's emoticon about the cals! emoticon ...I bet u will see a loss..You'll have to let me know in the AM!!! Make sure! If u don't, then your scale is def wrong! I hate it when they change your ranges. I set my own. They do change my carbs and all that, but I set my calories. They set my cals at like 2000...I could never eat that much everyday. I don't think I could anyway. Well, I prob could but I could never burn that much off in a day. I suppose maybe my basic resting metabolic rate plus my exercise may burn off that much but I'd rather stay with low cals. IDK but if I don't see a loss pretty soon (well, I did lose one pound last week) I'm gonna go crazy! I wanna see these pounds start droppin, girl! I mean DROPPIN!

    I've upped my exercise and added crunches cuz all my weight is in my gut and I'm being more careful with my eating, so....let's go, right? Let's start these ugly pounds falling off!

    Keep me posted tomorrow on your weigh in!

    TAG!

    Courtney
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2593 days ago
  • v COURTNEY055
    Hey there, lady! Sorry it took me so long to get back. I've been away for a couple days. Hubbys bday and we had his surprise party yesterday. I figure I took in about 200cals yesterday. I figured I had eaten a little under 1500 b4 I started drinking at the party. Ever heard of maddog 2020? That's what I was drinking. I had one bottle. I have NO idea the cals on it. I've looked EVERYWHERE for the info and can't find it. I've drank that stuff since I was legal and never knew the cals and now I'm really curious cuz I'm watching my cals. I figured around 500 or so but who knows...But, we had a nice time. It was kind of a weird night though. I got real tipsy but not obnoxious which was great cuz the last night I drank (about 6 months ago) I was going through a med change and the med DID NOT agree with the alcohol and I got VERY obnoxious to the point where we had to leave the party early. SO embarrassing. Luckily we were with family (good or bad?) so I only got a little bit teased for my behavior. But,last night I just got a good kinda tipsy but he went to go help with his cousin when she got a flat tire at her apt. complex and when he parked our car, the security had it towed. Yep, towed! Luckily, it was a 24 hour yard so we were able to get it out, $100 later!! So, that was NOT a good birthday thing! We didn't get home til about 4am. I threw up when I got home and fell out til about 2. Got up and I've been drinking water and took a Motrin for my head, neck, and back pains. UGH...

    So, yeah, I'm feeling it today.

    Oh, I'm so sorry about your car...Hope that situation gets fixed!

    I;m gonna research that group.

    Hope all is well today. How was your dinner? Happy belated birthday!! Did u go for the cheesecake?

    TAG!!

    Courtney
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2594 days ago