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10-30-14 I'm starting my new life's adventure after moving from my home of 23 years in AZ. Life begins anew. God has a new life planned for me I hope to learn & grow in this new life in positive ways.

I 'm a soul searching to be happy with myself. In 2001 due to a severe gluten allergy my lupus out of remission, severe arthritis symptoms; then a new diagnosis of fibromyalgia, I was given 6 months to live. OMG not again....

My first thought oh no not again, as I've had cancer, nearly hemmoraged to death, a heart attack, and nearly died in 3 car accidents, then nearly died when I fell into a campfire while on a backpacking trip alone.

Everyday, I live & strive each day to live life in the moment especially on the good & bad days. I remind myself daily; life is like the ocean ever changing in ebb & flow. I believe I am just a little ripple in God's pond. I just have to keep afloat, just keep swimming. Be the leaf traveling in the creek.

I battle depression daily trying to find a reason to live, back in 2001 I lost 125 lbs while coping with far too many losses in my life, on top of dealing with my own health challenges. I'm so very tired of loosing family, friends, loved ones & love in my life.

I believe God wants me to become a happier healthy person. I can only achieve success one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time, one step at a time, with prayer & hope I can achieve and succeed, making positive choices.

I've learned instead of looking outwardly to have someone else be my happiness I must create my own happiness. I accept that a scale nor the lack of money doesn't determine my self-worth! Since joining sparkpeople 7 years ago I've put on 80lbs. Once again, OOps I'm going the wrong direction.

I am not my bodies ailments I am not "that lable". I am a soul searching to live inside this body to learn life lessons while here on this earthly plane. However I know I am ready to cross over from this life. Yet it's not up to me, only God know's my expiration day.

I'm proud that 6 years ago I healed from serious burns from falling into a camp fire, to my hands & arms & leg, dealing with constant pain daily, my nerve endings have healed as much as they can I now live with the nerve pain & scars on the new formed skin.

Within the year of healing I became dependent on pain relievers, when I ran out of money for medication due to living on a limited income, I over medicated with Alcohol trying to numb the pain. Instead I became dependent on the alcohol until the money ran out each month, then I still had to deal with the pain. So then I stopped going outside, except when absolutely necessary. I stopped living a normal life.

I am a schooled massage therapist, to have my hands so badly burned hurt me to my core. I had no one left, so I self destructed myself. I allowed myself to crawl into a lonely self destructive pit.

Then I joined Sparkpeople hoping that I could find a way to help pull me out of my downward spirial. Due to medications & drinking I didn't loose weight.

I learned to measure, control food portions, choose healthy food choices when I would eat. It got to the point I stopped eating; I allowed my eating disorder to once again surface. Then I was afraid to eat anything.

Finally I stopped taking all medications December 3rd 2007. Everyday is still a test in dealing with the pain when using my hands & arms & leg. I've cut way down on the wine.

For the entire 1st year being on Sparkpeople I searched for new friends, a new hiking/walking/exercise buddy. I'm still searching. A new friend would be a gift from God. Now I long to walk & hike so I will go out alone again, leaving it to God for wherever I am God is and all will be well in Divine Order.

I believe in myself I don't want to end up dead at an early age as some of my family and friends have, due to health problems from carrying around too much fat and weight on my body or due to alcohol poisioning.

I still hold out hope & anticipate the changes to occur in my body due to making my Sparkpeople pledge; I hope to make new strides in my life one step & one day at a time.

I hope & pray each person that finds the Sparkpeople site they can achieve their own personal best in this life. Each of us DESERVE to be Our Best, Saying what you need to say with love each day, living and letting go, allowing openings for God's help.

I am a survivor, I've survived cancer, 3 car accidents, dire medical diagnosis's a heart attack, 3 nervous breakdowns, a fire accident, alcohol poisioning, self destruction, & lonelyness and now the loss of my first born child, she died of a massive heart attack 6/9/09 I miss her so very much my life will never ever be the same again I've lost part of my soul . I still believe God still has a plan for me I hope & pray each day, one moment one day at a time. My faith will get me through this too.

Thank you for getting to know me.

Member Since: 7/5/2007

Fitness Minutes: 87,321

My Goals:
Each new day turn it over; pray, release depression & obsessive thoughts. Embrace lupus, fybromyalgia arthritis symptoms; love them to death.

Let go of some of the fear I feel. A little each day. Make it measurable

Give myself realistic daily, weekly, monthly goals for my weight, begin walking more & move Let Go Let God.

I want to be helpful by being an inspiration to others.

God gives us people to care for in our life, for a moment, a week, a year, a lifetime.

Embrace the love in your life for the precious gift it is; Family & Friends are a gift from God.

My Program:
I will Change my words, change my life, accept all Gods blessings meant for me with joyous grace.

Each day is a New Beginning, a New Day God has given me, do what I can, let go of what I can't do alone.

My past shaped me, now I learn from it becoming a better me Right here Right Now, Be easy on myself.

Live my own healthy lifestyle; letting go of excess weight. Let go of obsessing doing things perfectly. Don't try just do.

Personal Information:
As a child I lived in El Paso TX, so my body likes the desert weather. My birthday 10/13/ I'm 5'10" blonde hair, blue eyes, new to living in the beautiful Colorado Springs area.

My first born daughter died in 2009 leaving a husband & two children, he is now remarried his new wife & new life so I've lost those two grandchildren. After the memorial my second daughter chose to leave our family & take her two children away. This loss is the worst of all. Because it was her choice.

I will forever cherish my 4 grandchildren two girls, two boys ranging in age from 19 to 16. Tho I don't see them I will love them; unconditionally. I pray some day I will see these precious grandchildren of mine, They are all of the age it's their choice to have a relationship.

So my 3 furry cat children Prince, Kasey, Baxter are my children & companions now.

Being a Mom is My Best Loved Position in all my life. I was a good Mom.

Other Information:
"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe." - John Muir

What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate. � Walden

Some of my other favorite quotes during my life are from President John F Kennedy and Robert Kennedy.

Things do not happen, Things are made to happen.

Those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly.

We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes.

Robert Kennedy--

Some men see things ans ask why, I dream things that never were and say Why Not?

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