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"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do."

I'm 23 and looking to find a sustainable way to maintain a healthy lifestyle for a lifetime! I'd love to share my process and experience with friends who have similar goals!

I used to think that I have always struggled with weight issues but, looking back I have always struggled with IMAGE issues, not weight issues. Well, hindsight is always 20/20 anyways, isn't it? So for me, my weight story is kind of funny. I was pudgy as a kid but then grew to 5'7 freshmen year of high school and really leveled out at around 150 until college. I always hated the way I looked, would go on extreme diets and then sort of pig out. I never really focused on being HEALTHY but I was obsessed with thinking that I was fat. Then slowly but surely I gained weight in college and then the year after, and here I am today. I would say I gained about 5 pounds a year. The funniest part? Today I'm content, I have never been happier with myself or the way I look! Not because I like being bigger, but because one day I just had one hateful thought too many about myself and I really just had a big a-ha moment. Being that way, being so hateful, made me gain the weight that got me to a point of being overweight. I never was overweight, EVER! But I called myself fat everyday. And everyday, slowly but surely, I made poorer and poorer decisions that did physical harm to my body in the form of weight gain to make myself the way I THOUGHT I was. My self loathing manifested itself into being actualized. And now that I'm overweight, I've finally learned to love myself!!

What happened was, after this aha moment last winter, I vowed to start working on being kind to myself before I tried any kind of program to loose what weight that I had gained. I knew that I couldn't work on my relationship with food before I worked on my relationship with myself. I started by writing a letter of forgiveness to myself. It was probably four pages long and it hurt to write because there laid before me was years of being unkind to the one person that matters, me. Then I started looking up self love writing exercises. I know it sounds sort of corny but it's just one of those things that you've got to let go of the critic in your head and just commit to doing! One day I even made a love scrap book to myself, haha. It was around Valentine's day, I was a single girl in the heart shaped chocolates isle at Walmart when I ran, in desperation, to the diet pill section. As I stood there, I was about to spend $100 dollars on diet pills- I stopped myself and walked away and that's when I walked by the valentines themed scrapbooks and decided to make one for myself, LOL! In it I wrote all the things that make me great. Of course it's burried in my room and I would never show it to a soul, but I know it's there and it was a really defiant move for me, rebelling against what my old self would have done. Then I started working out, but not worrying about focusing on the food just yet. And now I have gotten to a point where I love myself and I'm in pretty darn good shape! I workout regularly and even just recently ran my first trail race and did pretty good too! And so, I reactivated my spark account because I am now finally ready to start really treating myself well. I'm ready to work on my relationship with food. It's not about love or hate, it's JUST FOOD and I'm ready to respect it as the fuel for my body that it is. I know I can do it this time because it truly and FINALLY is coming from a loving place. Now i just want to be well, not skinny! Cause if I can feel this great in a dress at 175 then I don't need to be skinny- just healthy!!

Member Since: 12/18/2009

Fitness Minutes: 4,669

My Goals:
-5, 177
-10, 172
-15, 167
-18.2 (10% BW), 163.8
-20, 162
-25, 157
-30, 152
-32 (GW), 150

1/2 Marathon by 12.30.13

My Program:
*Slow and Steady wins the race
*Focusing on foods that I overindulge in and finding ways to moderate my intake of them and, or find alternatives to them
*frequent workouts, 4-5 times a week

Personal Information:

Other Information:
I love art, hockey, music, hiking, zumba, weighted hula hoops, adventures, road trips, and the great outdoors!

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 current weight: 180.0 
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