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i found spark people by accident and thought it was a good place to be for motivation to help achieve my fitness and weight loss goals.

i live in northumberland (uk) i have 2 children - paula 19 a student photographer hence some of the strange photos and michael 21 a psv mechanic, i also have 2 dogs and a cat

i love walking my dogs (harry a 12 year old ctoss breed and lulu a tiny chihuahua, i also love music very much into dance (hardcore, makina, scouse house and tance) and love going to gigs and festivals

i am 55, a nurse, i have worked in child psychiatry adult mental health and learning disability, i have also trained as a counsellor, i am very good at helping people sort out their issues but somehow dont manage with my own. I tell people that the best thing to start with is to talk about their problems as to talk about them makes them real its a starting point its shared and it is no longer something that has to be endured alone. i have never done this before for me i shy away from discussing me and my problems. so here goes

i am overweight, i have recently discovered through much soul searching that i probably have suffered from eating disorders all of my life. this comes from my mothers own issues with food. Her story is she grew up in holland during 2nd world war where when the germans invaded the dutch were literally deprived of food all the home produce went to feed the german army. needless to say when she came to the uk to marry my father who had been a uk soldier in the war she was very thin i would say looking at photos she would now be described as anorexic.

when she had children of her own (me being one of them) she had this need to feed them and so all three of us became fat kids and bullied, my brother and sister are both seriously overweight, but for me when i became a teenager i kind of rebelled.

i suppose this started when i was younger about 7 or something when i would hide food or give it to the dogs especially meat (i am now veggie) then i would avoid meals, when i became a teenager i started exercising. i from there got into the cycle of diet and exercise then binging.

i have been very thin and and exercise addict and seriously overweight. can you believe at one time i was a womens bodybuilding trainer, i am also a brown belt in karate and a blue belt in taekwando,

i think i have been dangerously close to being anorexic at times i think i want to go back to that, i hate the way i am now, i have nice clothes that i cant get into anymore but wont throw out just incase. i guess i have to say that i have very low self esteem and i am probably mistaken in the belief that if i feel that i look good every thing will change, yes i know that's not true but we all have to put our hopes and fears into something that we think one day we will achieve but maybesomewhere deep down we sabotage it because we know achieving it will not make any difference the world and how we view ourselves will never change.

enough thats my story and now i have told it i will change, i feel good for doing it it has taken a long time to do it, a few bits have been told to my daughter but not all of what i have said here. so even if no one else says it i say to myself well done ist a start.

Member Since: 2/6/2009

Fitness Minutes: 6,135

My Goals:
i appear to have had food issues all of my life, looking back i would say i have been the victim of an eating disorder. I have exercised to extream, been very thin but then put it all back on at times when there was change in my life, only to find the exercise addiction and food issues to start over again when my life settled down again. this time i will sort it once and for all - no more food issues no more exercise addiction

i will loose weight
get fit
feel better about myself
change my life for the better
no going back

My Program:
take it one day at a time
(thanks jholland64)

Personal Information:
my name is carole i am 55 with 2 children michael aged 21 and paula aged 19, 2 dogs harry a 12 year old cross breed and lulu a 2 year old chihuahua also bubbles a 3 year old cat and my husband john.

i live in a village called mickley which is in northumberland (uk)

Other Information:

Read More About CAROLE152001 - Profile Information moved here. (Updated January 16)

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