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8/28/16 9:46 A

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So glad you found something helpful!! i do wake up at night sweaty...maybe that would help me, too!

Holly
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LOVELYSPIRIT16's Photo LOVELYSPIRIT16 Posts: 3,796
8/27/16 11:54 P

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Thank you! Holly and it is ok I figured I would still have them since just starting..

I got a little 6" fan for my desk which I am at a lot of the time at night when they hit most. I am talking an over the counter herbal thing that my GYN suggested. It is Estroven and I take it 2 times a day. It really has cut down a lot of things.... restless legs, night sweats and hot flashes. Mostly get them during the day now only when stressed. So all the time now .. just kidding. But I have found that when I do get nervous and stressed they do come on more frequently. So I try to avoid it. but we still have deal with a lot of things that are out of our control. I know it is in part how we re-act to it. So I am being more aware of my reactions.

My name is Paula I live in Utah = MST

UTAH, USA =MOUNTAIN STANDARD TIME


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8/27/16 9:32 A

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Hi Paula so soory this hasnt been responded to before now!!
i'm 58 and just now going through menopause. i havent had the hot flashes..but i know others have used fans, water spritzers, etc.
so so sorry to hear your mom passed. big hugs to you!!
Holly

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LOVELYSPIRIT16's Photo LOVELYSPIRIT16 Posts: 3,796
8/5/16 3:41 A

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Hi last post here was in March of 2014... I am struggling with Hot Flashes. I am 53 years old and think I have been having them regularly now for about 1-2 years but it is really hard to tell for me when we are out and about town or doing anything that is a effort? I get in a lot of back pain quickly and when I am in pain I sweat a ton. My hot flashes ( power surges/ wished someone would cut the power.. lol ) are that I just feel the heat climbing until sweat is just running off of my head and I feel like I am going to burst. The gyn doc has me taking Estrovan and it does help some. I was actually happy to have one yesterday that came on slowly and was in a store shopping but it went away quickly so I didn't get into the all sweaty stage.

Really hope that someone responds to this as my mother just passed away 3 weeks ago and I can't ask her and everyone else I know is a lot older and can't remember.

What do you ladies do for hot flashes so that you do not get so drenched in sweat for me it gets embarrassing being heavy.

My name is Paula I live in Utah = MST

UTAH, USA =MOUNTAIN STANDARD TIME


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3/1/14 7:01 P

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HI Tammy. YES to the dry skin!!! no bumps...i do use a good skin cream on my arms and legs, and my hands just look..well..old.
I thought i made it to menopause. hadnt had a cycle since Christmas 2012. but you guessed it..got one on the 20th of December. so now i have to wait ANOTHER year!!
Please join us on the march thread, which i am heading to start now!!

Holly
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2/28/14 8:31 P

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Hi I am Tammy and 52 years old and begining the change of life. I was wondering if anyone has had a problem with their skin as of dryness and also break out on face the pores like. I do not have pimples they are just bumps like and no show of break outs. I have been washing my face everyday and using cleaner on it and it just bothers me. there are days it is worse then others. I have not had a cycle now since August 2013. Doctor said I am approaching the menopausal stage and I believe it because of my mood swings too. I just do not feel like myself anymore it is like something has taken over. Let me know if anyone else is dealing with what I am. Thank You
Tammy emoticon

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1/31/13 12:52 P

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click on the main team link, then look under i think general? its called january Jumpstart and its not stickied...maybe 3rd one down?

Holly
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KITTYHAWK2's Photo KITTYHAWK2 Posts: 1,839
1/29/13 1:56 P

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Okay it;s been awhile since I have been on the message boards, How do I find you in the January Thread?

what if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday.


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1/28/13 8:07 P

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Hi Kitty and WELCOME!!! please join us on the January thread..good to have you with us!!
Holly

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KITTYHAWK2's Photo KITTYHAWK2 Posts: 1,839
1/28/13 3:37 P

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I can deal with the hot flashes I just open my window in the middle of -32 weather and take my shirt off for awhile. emoticon

My most difficult thing to deal with is things make me angry faster and before I know it I am either snippy or actually yelling.

what if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday.


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8/4/11 1:47 P

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Hi there..cant help with the heat i'm ALWAYS hot. i dont like it one bit!!
the bladder thing, though. i stop drinking at 6.pm. i make a point of going at 11. then i'm good till 6-7 am. its the only thing that works for me.

Holly
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LIVEVINOW50's Photo LIVEVINOW50 Posts: 24
8/3/11 7:27 P

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If I could sleep through the night without heat surges I would be less sore (recovering from surgery) and able to get that morning exercise in. Also does anyone else have to get up to go to the restroom in the middle of the night? What happened to my bladder? lol So what can I do?

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1/27/10 3:56 P

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oh and i forgot...REMEMBER WE LOVE YOU!!! i think we need a full diva fest. i really do.

Holly
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1/27/10 3:54 P

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Wendy sit down. close your eyes. breathe in for four beats. then breathe out for 8. keep doing that. in four, out eight. it will lower your bp, stop panic, and relax you. trust me.
when you feel the mess surrounding you do it. it works.
take it from someone who was incapacitated from stress.
if it doesnt work, and you still feel that awful, GO TO THE DOC. and i mean it!!!

Holly
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GIRLBIKER's Photo GIRLBIKER Posts: 2,681
1/27/10 3:40 P

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Just let me know if I am about to die from stress. It feels like it. Thanks for being there, in case i need to lean.

Wendy

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1/27/10 3:17 P

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I'm here Wendy...what can i do to help!!
i'm sorry about your grandson. that stinks. would they let you take him? if the cops know she is lying how can they arrest him?
and i'm sorry about work...thats not good. \please let me know if i can do anything...

Holly
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1/27/10 3:11 P

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I fight every day with the folks at the job. My daughter had her son arrested three days after he got out because he spoke rudely to her. She called 911 and lied to say he assulted her. the police called me because they knew she lied but could do nothing but take him in. I am losing my mind. He is in ten days till they have a court date. She said she wants him locked up till he is 18! Just because she is a lousy mom.

Yesterday I shook all over, had a light head and couldnt feel my feet. I thought I was having a stroke. Mark got me some juice and a turkey dog for blood sugar balance and I felt better. i cant do this any more and want to run away. Leave town. i am fighting it but it would be so easy. I need advice. I need something.

Wendy

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11/26/08 10:49 A

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you have my email...use it!! i'm just going to make pies. Had my cardiology appt..hes such a doll. He said i made his day because i'm always so cheerful and happy and all the rest of his patients groan and complain. I tried to tell him how to make them more chipper...you know give the old pacer a jolt. But i guess hes not that fun kinda guy.
anyhow..he said i was doing great and i dont get to set eyes on his hunky self for a year now, unless i have a problem. so thats good news. now off to the pies..and stuffing..and cranberry sauce...then to the cakes..and the cleaning. But i will check in every hour or so if you need me!


Holly
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11/26/08 10:41 A

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Hurray for fruitcake. I will take you up on the support, Im not kidding, I really am worried.

Wendy

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11/26/08 10:38 A

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i'm here Wendy..hang in!! and your package is on its way..

Holly
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11/26/08 7:53 A

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I just wanted to get in line here as turkey day comes closer. I hope several of you will be on stand by because I feel I will need to lean on you. Having the challenge of both an eating holiday coupled with a weekend makes me very nervous. I am doing really well now and feel I can make some strides but not with a challenge like this.

Weekends are difficult enough but throw in a holiday where binging is the focus and Im am worried. I will be here too if anyone else needs a shoulder to lean on.

Wendy

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10/28/08 8:20 A

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good job Wendy!

Holly
Northern NY
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10/28/08 7:34 A

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The prayers are working as I am not spinning any longer. Raines got us moving and action beats depression no matter what card game I am playing.

Wendy

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10/27/08 7:23 P

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Prayers for you Wendy..and for me, and for ALL of us. We CAN do this.
I went to the doc today for my 6 month checkup.
my cholesterol is 121..good cho is high, bad is low. BP was 117/70. everything perfect. EXCEPT my sugar which was 117. not dangerous but warning. i HAVE to get going with exercise and food!!
So Wendy its not jus tyou. I have to do this too. Email me when you need to ok? Love you!

Holly
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10/27/08 10:15 A

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I find myself on the lesser used board today. I am happy that no one has had to use this for a while. I am on the tidy bowl spin. I saw myself in photos with Leslie and can not believe that is the me everyone sees. Its not me. An imposter has taken over my body and I dont feel I have the fight to get myself back.
Please pray for me as I feel myself falling into a depression. Its also rainy and gray, my two least favorite weather patterns. Please say a prayer. I am need.

Wendy

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1/7/08 9:18 P

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well done HR!! I am proud of you!

Holly
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HATRACK1's Photo HATRACK1 Posts: 13
1/7/08 7:57 P

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Thank you so much! I got past my bad spot and right back on track. So nice to have caring people around me again.

Exercised today and boy...am already sore. But I know that is a good thing.

Anyhow, just wanted to say thanks for the help.





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1/7/08 8:58 A

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HR you came to the right place. These ladies can get anyone through anything. They are wise and really do care.

I think we have all been in your shoes. Claire is right that when you are lonely it causes your resistance to be low. Food is friendly, it asks no questions and is always there for us. Grandma gave us cookies to make us happy. Mom made our favorite dinner when we were sad. Party food is never good for you but makes you feel festive. We tie so many emotions to our food. One would think it was about the muffin. A muffin in itself is inert. It can not cause you harm to MAKE you do anything but put a sad song on the radio and that muffin turns into our best friend. It comforts. It even CALLS to us. Come, eat, let me comfort you. Feel better. Party on your tounge.
Then the brain says, wait, you have sinned against the plan. And the whole cycle begins again. You are bad, you are worthless, you are out of control, you need to eat to feel better. And here we go again.

If it happens once in a while, no big deal. If it happens every day, you have a bigger problem. We dont get fat from one out of control moment, thank God. But it does give you a signal that you need to look for a new way to comfort yourself.

How sad for you to be so alone. It must be difficult to miss your family and your husband. I was in your shoes. I know how rough it can be. Food can be your friend, or you can find a way to make people your friend.

Can you put on your track shoes and go for a walk? Smile at the people along the way and maybe strike up a conversation with a stranger. It will give you a brighter outlook.

Is there a club, group or gym near by that you might stop in once in a while to get "filled up" with people? If it were not for my church I would have gone insane all alone. I am not real religious but it gave me people with different outlooks to talk to.

If all else fails we are here. 24/7 even on the holidays. There are about 20 or so but about 10 who are here all the time. We care. We have all shared the same experiences. It funny how we think we are bringing new problems to the board only to find that 3 of us just did that and could write a book on it. Its so helpful.

I am emailing you my home phone number. I dont know where you are but I am here for you. We all are. If you want to type, this is the place. If you want an adult to talk to, you will have my number.

We care. We are here. You are normal.

Wendy

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1/6/08 9:02 P

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I agree w/ Holly, HR. What's done is done. No need to beat yourself up over it. It seems to me that the cause is emotional -- maybe b/c you're lonely, in fear, whatever. Feelings pass. It doesn't do any good to eatover them. Ever heard of HALT? Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Whenever I'm feeling any of those things, I tend to be out of balance and more likely to do some emotional eating. What I do is to realize that A) the feeling will pass, B) not to eat over it and C) figure out what's REALLY going on. If I'm really hungry, I need to eat -- but stop when I'm full. If I'm angry or lonely, I can call a friend, or (like you did) ask for help -- but get the feeling out in the open so it can breathe and be released, and I don't have to eat over it. If I'm tired, I need to rest. The important thing is to not eat over feelings and, if I do, to forgive myself and learn from it.

Hope this helps. Claire

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1/6/08 7:55 P

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you dont..you acknowledge them and dont beat yourself up over them!!
YUP--you should say ok i goofed and get right back on. But you are human like the rest of us!! and its easy to say but NOT so easy to do.
Sooo..my best advice is to get a whole cupboard full of REALLY low cal stuff. broth based soups, gum, if its sugar you are craving get hard candy and suck on one piece till its gone (no crunching!!) salads...that kind of thing. and for me it helps to say NOTHING is off limits, just portion controlled!!
I discovered in my store the other day some jello pudding "sundaes" 60 cals each and REALLY good..i got the chocolate banana and the dolce de leche..and they are FANTASTIC!! Italian ice helps too..
Hope some of this helps!!
Holly

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HATRACK1's Photo HATRACK1 Posts: 13
1/6/08 5:33 P

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I am new here, and I know you all don't know me yet, but I need to talk to someone. I started back on my program today and did really well till dinner. I just sorta snapped and ate 1900 calories in about 45 minutes. Now I feel like dirt. I just can't understand why I do this. I guess part of it is that I'm alone here, my husband is working out of state right now, and we just moved here a few months ago so I don't know anyone. My best friend lives 3 hours away, so does all my family. I know I should just pick right up and get straight back on program right now this minute, but mostly I feel like giving up....yet again. How do you all get past these feelings?

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WANDERED Posts: 168
1/5/08 7:17 P

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hope tomorrow is better!

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1/4/08 8:42 A

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hugs and good thoughts..Love you Wendy!

Holly
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1/4/08 8:24 A

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Ya gotta have friends.
I do.
Thank God for you all
The sun came out. Its hard to be me sometimes. But I get by with your help. Big hugs.

Wendy

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IMCBEAR's Photo IMCBEAR Posts: 1,883
1/3/08 8:56 P

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Love you my sweet friend.

www.claireclopez.com
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1/3/08 1:36 P

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thaks i should never post when i am down. dont worry i just need a quiet space. please understand. now is not a good time to talk

Wendy

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1/3/08 1:12 P

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Not a problem..let me know if/when you need to talk
love ya
Holly

Edited by: NIGHTSKYSTAR at: 1/3/2008 (13:47)
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1/3/08 11:30 A

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should not post when down, note to self

Edited by: GIRLBIKER at: 1/3/2008 (13:36)
Wendy

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8/14/07 6:35 P

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Thanks..i did get good sleep last night and i got alot accomplished today. Kevin is still in alot of pain but much better today than yesterday am. I also took 2 hours and went out, cleaned the pool, then slept on a raft in the sun for 2 hours..ahhh BLISS!!!

Holly
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8/14/07 12:12 P

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sounds like you need to be in the bed next to Kev, even for a couple of hours. Maybe they can set up and exam room for you to take a nap. They have to understand the stress you are under. I wish for you a blissful nights rest and a week of no worries.

Wendy

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8/13/07 7:32 P

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hi all..it took 2 full hours at the chiropractor and he was totally amazed and cringing at the damge Kevin has in his back--but he fixed it to the point that kev just slept...peacefuly and with no snoring or cringing in his sleep..for 4 hours. I am so very relieved. Thanks for being so supportive....this doc is fantastic. we have to go back tomorrow or weds to get it done again...then Friday...or every day this week if need be. now maybe i can sleep tonite too..

Holly
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SPARKLEE's Photo SPARKLEE Posts: 1,531
8/13/07 3:10 P

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Hi Holly, SO GLAD Kevin didn't have a heart attack--although back problems are no fun either. HUGS. I was missing you on the August Chat thread, and am relieved to hear you're doing okay. Keep us posted!

"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." -Psalm 37:5-6


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ZMOMMA's Photo ZMOMMA Posts: 339
8/13/07 2:55 P

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Nightsky, I was wondering how you were doing so I was glad to see your post. Hope Kevin is okay. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. emoticon

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8/13/07 10:50 A

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Thanks..been a very very long week. i just got up a few mins ago...we thought Kevin had a heart attack on Friday night but its a disc problem in his back..it never ends. i'll be back soon as i can...thanks for thinking of me!!
Holly

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8/13/07 10:48 A

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Good to see you again Night. You are the little star here. Love your energy and spririt.

Wendy

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ya know when i first saw it i thought YUCK!!! i wouldnt try it go anywhere near it thought it was POISON.
then i find out my sons best friends folks own the stand...so they give me 2 fries with some curds and a little gravy...i took one bite and thought uh oh...
but i've been good..just that one very small one. i did get a fried dough with maple cream. but i took 2 bites and tossed the rest..it was delicious but i guess i'm getting an aversion to grease. good for me!

Holly
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8/9/07 5:19 P

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You guys can keep the cheese on fries and with gravey..... must be a northern thing. I am not a fan of any of the ingrediants. But dont put chips in front of me. With or without cheese. I once had a "walking taco" at a fair. I was starving and I hate fair food. A lady said try this its great. It was Fritos with canned chili and poured on cheese. I took one bite and threw it and the contents of my stomach into a trash can. Dont let them talk you into that one.


Edited by: GIRLBIKER at: 8/9/2007 (17:20)
Wendy

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8/8/07 9:33 A

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Oh these southern rebels....Holly....that settles it, when our group meets they must come this way to enjoy the squeeky fresh warm cheese curd.....

and Holly, you can use anything I have including a saying that was given to me. I plan on using yours too. You have been through so much and continue to go through much, yet you keep your humor and your spark (no site reference intended). I truly look forward to the day we meet face to face.

-Raine

"I cannot control the wind, I can only adjust my sails."


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8/7/07 9:47 P

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lol we have alot of cheese factories here. you can get the curds warm out of the cooker...and you KNOW they are fresh if they squeak!! no kidding..its one of life's little pleaseures that shouldnt be missed!!

Holly
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8/7/07 9:43 P

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squeaky cheese?? that's a new one!!

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8/7/07 9:37 P

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hey i checked out the wikipedia definition...it was really good but never ever get it at mcdonalds or any other fast food place...they use mozzarella and its just not the same..you need fresh cheese curds..they squeak in your teeth and are just so perfect for it. Actually..never ever EVER get it PERIOD!! its just plain not good for you!!!

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8/7/07 9:35 P

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Nope its a French Canadian thing..I live on the border so we get this stuff...
its really crisp french fries with tons of cheese curds on it which melt on the fries..then they ladle on brown gravy...its a heart attack on a plate but ohhh so very good!! It looks horrid..but i've never seen anyone who took a bite that didnt become addicted. argh!!!

Raine..beautiful quote and so true..I remember when my daughter had broken her elbow and was in surgery...i was told i was dying from Lyme disease...I had to go in the OR with her to keep her calm enough till they could put her under. When i left because i couldnt watch them rebreaking her arm and twisting the bone around i slid down the wall put my head in my hands and was just trying to keep together..a friend from the ER saw me came over said HOLLY..you ok?? i said no..i'm at the end of my rope..she said well, honey..tie a knot in it and hang on....I have never forgotten that it has gotten me thru so many bad times!!!
I do love yours...and it may be my new mantra if you dont mind sharing!!

Holly
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8/7/07 8:04 P

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Claire, I managed another technological breakthrough! I figured out how to put a quote on my page.

I worked at the Hospice Regatta this weekend with a lady from National Hospice who shared a quote that I fell in love with...I hope all of you ladies enjoy it too.

(Today adding a quote...who knows maybe tomorrow I may be able to figure out how to add the photo....lol)
-Raine

"I cannot control the wind, I can only adjust my sails."


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8/7/07 6:55 P

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Okay, HAD to go look it up.. Check it out on Wikipedia..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poutine


"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." -Psalm 37:5-6


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8/7/07 6:31 P

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lol Claire - I was thinking the same thing...and I'm a Yankee!

"I cannot control the wind, I can only adjust my sails."


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8/7/07 4:32 P

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OK....maybe it's a yankee thing but what is poutine??

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8/7/07 3:42 P

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Right between Redwood and Theresa. It's beautiful there.

Edited by: RAINEMARIE at: 8/7/2007 (15:42)
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8/7/07 3:31 P

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nope where is it? we have camp overlook here...

Holly
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8/7/07 3:27 P

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Claire,
That gives me an idea! Holly ever heard of Camp Wabasso 4H Camp. Our family has rented the place every Memorial day weekend and the 2nd weekend in September for years. Cabins, full recreation kitchen, beautiful lake, hiking, campfires .....if we ever want a group meeting....
-Raine

"I cannot control the wind, I can only adjust my sails."


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8/7/07 2:11 P

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thanks ladies. i did have one foible yesterday..i stopped to see my son's friend whose dad owns the poutine stand..Nick says Holly come on you LOVE this stuff!! i said now i'm trying to lose some weight..this other guy comes over with this tiny little one. He says here..you get a taste and its sosmall it wont do any harm..i tried to pay for it they wouldnt let me, so i did eat it..maybe 5 fries with the cheese and gravy so i coulda done worse. that was breakfast and lunch so i'm not going to obsess.
Off to the tractor pull..talk to you all later!!
Holly

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8/7/07 1:58 P

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That cabin sounds great -- got room for.....oh, say.....15 more +/- (ie all of US!!)?? I'm sure it will be a good break for both of you. A change of scenery and schedule and do wonders for me!

And to RRKelly (outside Austin) the Canyon of the Eagles is a FABULOUS place to go hike, relax, get away......

Edited by: IMCBEAR at: 8/7/2007 (13:58)
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8/7/07 10:18 A

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HI Holly,

Sounds like it is a busy, intense week of activity.. Glad you have the cabin retreat coming up! That will be a nice reprieve. Keep your chin, up, enjoy the days, and give'm hell if they give you any!!
emoticon
HUGS!

"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." -Psalm 37:5-6


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8/7/07 9:37 A

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You girls are just the BEST. I was so exhausted after the show yesterday i came home and just went up to lay down for a minute..the next thing you know its dark and i'm wondering where i am and realizing its the middle of the night..i came downstairs took a quick shower and went back to bed and just now at 9:30 am i getting up. No work today..just thought I might try to get Kev out of the house and go over and just have FUN at the fair. even if its just for a little bit.
Its pretty hot and humid but theres plenty of hoses over there so i can squirt down if i need to!!
Tomorrow is the hardest day..I announce at the goat show from 7 am till its done..usually around 3 and its my job to keep it moving as the evening horse show is at 5. My daughter is showing tomorrow night..its all halter classes no riding. I'm there till that is done too..usually by 9. Then i have to transfer all the points i've been keeping out of my book onto posters and people are VULTURES...they hang over your shoulder watching and they know if you made a mistake and get all pissy about it..you would think this was some huge world championship that would earn them millions of dollars!! They all think i'm a total you know what..lol..
Anyhow..thats the FUN part..i get to let off steam and i have a reason for it!!LOL!!
I am feeling better and you all are a huge part of that. I wish you could all come today and just have fun!!
My mom also did a really nice thing for us i dont know if i told you...My youngest, Billy goes back to college next week so thats hectic..then the week after Ma got us 4 days at a lakeside cottage..quiet, peaceful, and no pressure..just sleep all day if anyone wants, swim to my hearts content, canoe...and the best part, one of my best friends from gorwing up in this small lakeside village also got a cottage nearby for the week...she is going thru tough stuff too and it will do us both alot of good to see each other!! And it was such a shock to us both when we found out the dates were the same...
anyhow sorry to be so long-winded...but i want you all to know i'm doing ok and how much you all mean to me..
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Hugs and lots of love...
Holly

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8/7/07 9:15 A

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Holly,
Wendy would have to come right through here, I can show her the way "home" from here. We love you kiddo.
-Raine

"I cannot control the wind, I can only adjust my sails."


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8/7/07 7:55 A

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Holly, I dont know your situation but sometimes life just gets too much. Pull the love we send up over your head and rest in the knowledge that you are not alone. Sending good vibes your way. I have been down and you were there to pull me up. I extend the same support girl. You are needed here, take care of you. Just breathe and let it pass. Im here if you need me. I can jump into a car and be anywhere in the country for a big hug if you need it. emoticon

Wendy

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8/4/07 10:11 A

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Big hugs to you Holly,

Wishes of joy being sent your way. Everyone needs joy and deserves it. It's just so hard when our loved ones are suffering. I'm assuming Kevin's illness is bringing you down. Just do the best you can, be there for him and try to take care of yourself in this trying time. You know that we all are here for you, whatever you need.

Big hugs,
Cathy

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.
-Albert Ellis


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8/4/07 8:05 A

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Well said, Claire. Your words say it all. The only thing I can add is we love you Holly. May God wrap his arms around you and your loved ones to provide you peace and comfort. We are all here for you.
Blessings to you today and everyday.
-Raine

"I cannot control the wind, I can only adjust my sails."


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8/4/07 8:04 A

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VIRTUAL HUG, Holly. Sorry you couldn't sleep.. That doesn't help a person's disposition at all. It definitely adds to feelings of depression. I DO hope you eventually got a snooze, even if it was a short one. It might be kind of hard to take care of yourself right now, but just do the best you can, and that will count for something. Hope it is a better day for you!

"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." -Psalm 37:5-6


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8/4/07 8:00 A

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Sweet Holly.....I'm sorry you're in such distress. I know how scary something like that can be and how powerless you feel. When my son (the one with the broken heel) was 4 he was diagnosed w/ hemolytic anemia (his red blood cells were being destroyed faster than they were being made). It's an auto-immune phenomenon that usually goes away as quietly as it comes. Not so with him. We tried any number of things -- and sometimes the cure was worse than the disease. There were times when he seemed to be slipping away from me down a long, dark tunnel and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Moms are supposed to fix all the boo-boos, right? I couldn't fix this. I had no choice but turn to God and surrender my son to him. After all, God doesn't have any grandkids. Obviously he was fine (after 18 mos of weekly blood draws, steroids, and a splenectomy). It was a hard time for me. Two things that stick out in my mind about that time period: one is that I wouldn't have made it through without my women friends for support and the other is that being powerless is a tough spot. There are times when, in spite of medical advances, love, hope, etc., I have no choice but to go to God, surrender, and trust that everything is exactly the way it's supposed to be.

emoticon Claire

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8/4/07 7:47 A

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Holly,
You have been on my mind alot lately. You are going through so much right now, and yet you are still up and there for everyone else. I feel like I know you so well and we've only just posted. Feel free to talk here anytime. What you are going through takes more of a toll on us than we even realize at the time. Be good to you, and take advantage of anythiing you can to bring yourself some smiles along the way. I'm here if you need me and we are within driving reach of each other. k?
-Raine

Edited by: RAINEMARIE at: 8/4/2007 (08:07)
"I cannot control the wind, I can only adjust my sails."


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8/4/07 4:19 A

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Hi all..its been a rough night and i cant sleep so thought i'd say hi. Just hoping one of these days i get some joy back...i'm in a bad hole right now. I dont know what i'd do without you ladies. Hugs to you all..
Holly

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8/3/07 10:48 P

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I agree Claire, I feel so lucky to know each of you.
Good Night, Ladies
Good Night Ladies
Good Night Ladies,
We'll chat again in the 'morn....

SLEEP TIGHT! emoticon

"I cannot control the wind, I can only adjust my sails."


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8/3/07 9:42 P

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I've been surfing around the site and didn't realize anyone had posted on this thread. I didn't get a notification.....I guess I just need to check each thread periodically??

PS y'all are so cool -- I love our team!

Edited by: IMCBEAR at: 8/3/2007 (21:43)
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7/31/07 11:36 A

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absolutely wonderful way to put it, Sandy. I've done the alone thing..5 years after my ex left and probably3 while he was "here". And frankly although I love my own company it was hard. Its hard now with Kevin here..I have to give up things, add things, but there is a common bond and thats what makes all the difference...

Holly
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7/31/07 8:27 A

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I'm jumping in here late.. been forgetting to look at the thread dates to see if a post has occurred.

ANYway, Wendy, I've been married 16 years and I think marriage goes in cycles. There have been times when I haven't exactly felt fulfilled, and it is hard not to let thoughts of something different(better) cross your mind, but I have a great hubby. Not perfect--NONE of them (or us) are.

Overall, like yours, I KNOW he loves me. He works hard to make me happy, remembers special occassions, helps around the house, etc. He's a great man!

You know the old saying, "Familiarity breeds contempt".. Well, I think that is what makes it difficult to stay married for many, many years. After you know a person so well and they become "boring" it takes something different to keep a relationship together.

I think Nightsky has an EXCELLENT point--I bet your husband would give anything (given that you KNOW he loves you) to have a chance. While it may be really difficult to approach the subject, It could be the what's needed to transform your marriage for both of you! He may or may not be willing to go to counseling, he may or may not be willing to change, but I think he'd be worth working with to try to transform rather than tossing the marriage out and starting over.

And I KNOW that thought that sometimes it'd be easier to just have yourself to worry about, but when I think of that and ALL it entails--in the long run, I know I'd get lonely and bored, and I doubt I'd find a better hubby than the one I've got. He's a gem, a real keeper !! I think of our marriage as a journey together -- we may get grouchy with each other from time to time, but hopefully, if we can just keep on helping each other out of the doldrums, we'll make it all the way to "the end".

Here's a more "practical" idea.. Tell your hubby you are feeling bored and would like a change and want to make a list. Tell him you want a list of all the things he wants to do or try.. Maybe post a big poster board or paper on your wall or refridge and start a list of things you want to do or try, and tell him "add to it". Let's do some FUN, different things! He might surprise you with what he comes up with, and it will give you ideas of things the two of you could do together -- or even separate. Just because it is on the list, doesn't mean you BOTH have to do it, or that you HAVE to do it TOGETHER, but it does serve to put him on notice that you want to, and will be doing different things!! Kind of a way to transform the situation without throwing away the life you've built for these many years. ;-)

So, that's my two cents--for what it's worth!
HUGS!

"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." -Psalm 37:5-6


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7/29/07 10:10 P

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Ahhh Wendy I had no fear that you would harm yourself, but I am going thru some bad stuff right now myself and know how that feeling hits when you just want to go ANYWHERE but where you are and have noone to worry about or do for or wonder if your words are going to set them off or hurt their feelings or WHATEVER!!! I am glad that tonite sems a tad better and you can take a deep breath and hang in for a bit.
Anyhow i'm off to bed myself...I am hoping your tomorrow is better. And you are right..coming home from vacation is a difficult thing under the BEST of circumstances!!
Big hugs and a smile for you...
Holly

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7/29/07 9:34 P

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Thank you God for sending me sparkpeople. I need you girls. I mean I NEED. Your words made me think. I still have a hanky in my hand and feel so sad but will not do anything until this passes.

Raine, you are so right. I do have high expectations. I set myself up for it all the time. (Like thinking that taking 5 kids to the water park would be nothing but fun.)

He was glad to do the trip but you are right, it was me that put the high hopes on it. He works hard and was happy to just sit and rest. I wanted to do a hundred miles. Too much for anyone. 10 days 10 miles a day. Is that too much? Yes it was. No one wanted that but me.

Then when we came home he said please dont call anyone or get on the computer. I want to have it be just us. I took that as a threat. I should have seen it as a loving jesture. I felt trapped and controlled. I need to let him know when that happens but I dont. I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings but he needs to know. Mine are hurt. I am such a coward to confront those I love. I dont want to hurt him but silence is not the answer.From childhood I was taught to suck it up. Dont cry about it.

It seems every time I get into a spat with him I think of being alone. No one telling me what to do. But like Cathy said, the greener grass may not be what its cracked up to be.

I went for a long walk. Took my baby (puppy) with me and tried to count my blessings. I will not do anything rash. I know how my mood swings. Drastically! and maybe this is just one more for the ride.

I love that you are all so helpful and kind. I feel your support. Night, dont worry about me. I would never harm myself or do anything really dramatic. I am an old lady now so the drama is hopefully behind me. I just dont get sad very often and it hit me really hard.

After a nice long vacation coming home is rough.

After I swim in the morning I will come home and tell you all about the trip. I have posted a couple of photos on my home page for you.

Thanks again ladies, I think I will be fine. Its 9:30 and I was up all night last night. Just need to get into bed and wait for the morning.

God bless you saints. Good night

Wendy

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7/29/07 7:52 P

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I think Raine has said some things that are packed with wisdom...and i know reading her words i can see some of myself in her words too.
You have been heavy on my mind all day, Wendy..I'm hoping tomorrow gives you a different perspective on things and it looks a little brighter!!

Holly
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Way to pull me back in Wendy. I read your post. As for this site including other than diet issues....have you read my posts? Man would I be in trouble. (I would like to address you all and share more about what I am going through, and will, but in a later post, but for now I thank you all for your support on my recent downward spiral.)

This post is about something more important than me. Wendy. I am so sorry you are crying all day. I don't know the situation I am not there. But you know my saying that a person has to feel what they feel until they do not feel it anymore, or until they decide to take action to change it; if we even know the action to take. It sounds like you are at that point. You are going through so many changes, your loss of weight, your self-realizations, your increasing love of life and being more active.

May I suggest that these are changes for your husband as well. You said he is "Loving you to death". Is he feeling insecure that these positive changes in your life will make you look at him differently and maybe not want him anymore; thus, his holding onto you even tighter, trying to control your moves to make sure he still has you? Let's face it, you are taking more "you" time with all of this dieting and exercise is sort of a solo quest...going swimming, going to the gym...on line with "the girls". Is he feeling neglected? Is he just feeling the routine has changed or things are out of sinc and he doesn't understand why?

I know for me, there are periods when my poor husband works so hard to make me happy, make me laugh when I'm feeling down. And the weird thing that will happen is when I finally am having a really great day, or excited about something, he will often times be in a bad mood or not feeling well. It's almost like there are these roles we settle into, and when the roles change, it throws everything out of balance. Are your roles changing?

Your expectations for this trip were so high, is it possible that he didn't live up to that excitement and your expectations, because it wasn't as important to him as you? I just offer that, because I've had times where I will be so excited to finally go see my family and my husband is willing to take the long drive, but he hates it so much he can't help grumble a bit. Not that I blame him, but at those times I can't help think we would have had a better time if I had just gone alone. My husband is used to having me support everything 100%. And he is wonderful for me, but it is certainly different when the roles are switched and it is some major plan for me. Please understand he is good about it, it's just he doesn't get as excited as I do and then frankly, I feel let down.

I don't know, does any of this make sense to you?

Thirty 31 years is a long time. Again, I do not know the situation, and it must be serious if you are thinking of leaving. I do think Cathy has a very good point about the grass always looking a little greener. Without trying to presume to tell you what to do, what I would ask of you my dear friend, is to do nothing rash or in the heat of the moment...and most importantly to have as many talks as necessary with each other to talk it out, cry it out, yell it out, but to get it out openly and honestly between the two of you, without threats of either of you walking out, but with a committment to fix whatever is not working properly at the moment. Make sure he understands everything you are feeling and make sure you understand everything he is feeling. If after all that,you need to make other decisions, then at least you will have the comfort of knowing you have done everything you can do. The other thing you said was that maybe this is because you have realized some things and you moved out on "your first father" and insinuating a repeat personality. If that is the case, remember you chose him and he has a right to understand that you feel this is part of the problem and what is driving you. You said how much he loves you. If you can help him understand everything you are going through and if you can understand all the things he may be feeling with the changes going on with you, you may just find a whole new exciting relationship in the bloom.

The last favor I would ask of you, is to not "give up on your plan" You have grown so much just since I met you in April ..read your first posts...read your recent posts...night and day. You are a happy person who loves life. You deserve to be happy. I don't know if any of this helps, but you did make the mistake of asking for my opinion. Sorry its so long. But I know not of any simple solutions to these things. But as the other ladies have said, one thing that will be a constant for you, is your ability to succeed and the fact we are all here for you. Be good to you, CCSister!
-Raine

Edited by: RAINEMARIE at: 7/29/2007 (19:47)
"I cannot control the wind, I can only adjust my sails."


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7/29/07 1:54 P

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Thank you both. It all helps. In the end it is after all, up to me to figure it out but it helps to post. I am just so unhappy today but maybe it will pass. That is my hope that I can wait 18 hours and 22 min until he goes back to work and I can go back to being me again.

Wendy

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7/29/07 12:15 P

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Hey Wendy,

Sorry for what you are going through and how you are feeling. Don't know if I can be of much help......but, here goes!

I've been married for about 7 years, so I can't relate to 31 years. I would guess we all get restless sometimes and think there may be a better life out there somewhere. I've noticed to when I'm working on myself, diet and exercise, I seem to want more from a relationship. Maybe that is because I put more into it and expect more back. Maybe we expect the men to notice more.

Talk to you. Don't let him "boss" you around and control you. Sometimes men are clueless and we have to take the lead. Weigh your options of what life would be with or without him. a Just know we are here for you!

Cathy


The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.
-Albert Ellis


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7/29/07 11:46 A

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I dont know if it helped any...I was married 22 years and my ex bailed..refused counselling i never figured it out until i got a letter from somewhere saying he had received a huge inheritance...i didnt even know. he didnt want to share, i guess? but it was so difficult..i sure thought i knew him after 22 years but apparently i didnt know a THING about him!! So i dont know as i'm one to give advice..i DO know i would have given a whole lot for a chance to make it work...I thought i had done something and it took me a year to figure out there was NOTHING i could have done to change it.
Does your husband even know you are unhappy? Sometimes they are clueless...like i was...


Holly
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7/29/07 11:42 A

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Thank you

Wendy

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7/29/07 11:31 A

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Big hugs to you I do know what turmoil this can be. Is there any way you can take a small break? 31 years is a long time to be with someone, but look at what you have built!! Sounds to me like maybe you need some alone time to think and just be yourself for a bit.
It also may help to talk to a counsellor seprartely then together....at least then if you still feel like you are feeling now you will know you tried everything.
My love and support goes out to you...again I truly think if you take some time for fun on your own it may make a huge difference!! And when he sees you taking the initiative maybe he will change his ways some!!!

Holly
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7/29/07 11:16 A

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My turn AGAIN,
Yes I just got back from a very challenging vacation in more ways than one. Anyone married for 31 years? I now know why marrages break up after 25 = years.
When we were hiking it was wonderful. No sounds except for nature. But when we got the cabin all we did was sit. I got so bored. He use to have fun suggestions and now he just waits to see what I want to do. I refused to play the game so I read.
Now we are home and he wants to control my every move. I tried to get him to go do what he use to like to do but he wants to be with me. Flattering? It would be but I am sick of it.
I would rather have 15 min of fun than two days of starring at each other. I am counting the min till he is back to work. AND I am thinking of getting back to work forget the plan I am on now and just get back to life as it was. BUT once I get enough money saved and job settled I just may move out on my own. I did it with my first "father". I just cant see going on the rest of my life like this. I am a happy person but with him I turn into someone I do not like.
It could be 1. hormones (lets just blame them for everything)
2. I finally woke up and saw my life as it really is. Now that I am finding answers to some hard past questions I am finding that I am growing but he is not.
3. Vacation hang over.
4. Suggestions?
5. I am sick of being married and feeling like a child/parent both at the same time.

Sorry, I guess this is suppose to be for weight loss but I find that you ladies have so much insight I feel like I know you and have no one to turn to.

Im tired of crying all day. I am an action person. When things go wrong I have to fix them.

How do you know when its time to go? Its not like he is mean, he LOVES me to death, literally. Im dying here.

Wendy

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7/23/07 6:14 P

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well the loss held which surprised me!!! i have tried going all over the place with the cals and it never worked before..i'm not going to complain though!!
ok--now i did LA weight loss and never had a 3 day high protein anything!! Must be you got a different plan than me...
Oh well!! I just jope i can keep the loss up....

Holly
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7/23/07 10:11 A

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Hi Holly, welcome back.
First, as for the eating of the menu you love...it's over and done. Now that you've had it, remember how good it was for a treat. No sense feeling guilty over it. As for losing after all that. Cathy is right about one thing this pre-post or mp -whatever it is, certainly messes up how our bodies react. I've had the same thing happen to me. Expect to gain, and end up going the other direction. In my case though, if I didn't immediately go back to healthy eating the weight showed up about 2-3 days later.

I have also read that when a person hits a plateau, increasing calories (although they tout making sure they are "healthy calories" whatever that is) can actually jump start the metabolism. So perhaps the combination of food and walking did just that - jump started your metabolism. I know I certainly do not have this thing figured out. Last week was under calories everyday eating lots of fruit because I was too busy to get out for lunch and I gained. When I did LA weight loss, they explained that's why they do the 3 day high protein, no carbs little/no sugar to jump start the metabolism and clear the system out. Congratulations on the weight loss!
-Raine

"I cannot control the wind, I can only adjust my sails."


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7/22/07 10:56 P

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lol i told Kevin i bet i gained 10 too..what a shocker. i just dont get it!!
i did well with the eating today. i about made myself sick with all that junk i ate...

Holly
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7/22/07 10:13 P

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Welcome back Holly,

lol.....I don't know what to tell you. Whew....I was expecting you to gain 10 pounds also and my mouth fell open when you lost 4. Maybe you done a lot of walking at the fair and burned off lots of calories?

I wouldn't try eating more to lose 4 more pounds.....it will catch up with you in the end. Get it! lol.

Glad you are back. Now time to buckle down and get your eating under control. Tomorrow is a new day!

Cathy

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.
-Albert Ellis


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7/22/07 9:03 P

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lol i'm back..but i need immediate support. OK i go to this fair. Yeah i did my walking. thurs night we go to this restaurant called 99. i was going to have a salad till my brain said..nah...eattttt...so i got prime rib, buttered corn, a baked potato loaded with butter, cheese and bacon, a tall strawberry lemonade, then the 3 of us shared this chocolate cake in a bowl with fudge topping, ice cream and whipped cream. BAD BAD BAD.
friday we had to order from the food stand for lunch and i got a hot dog and (i'm sorry) poutine. then we went out for dinner to Mangia...what do i do?? orde the salad?? yeah right..try foccacia bread and rigatoni quattro frommaggio...probably another 2 thousand cals...then i get back the the fair..everyone else went to the movie i saw last week..so i went out on the fair and had..gasp..ice cream..i am SO embarassed. so saturday comes..what do i do but have the SAME lunch..on the way home last night i stop at the chinese buffet and get crab rangoon and honey chicken and sprig rolls and barbcued pork and whatever would fit in the carry out container...man...so this am i go to get on the scale and shock myself into being good..and get this. OH!! and its that time of the month on top of it..i'm expecting 10 lbs...and what happens?? I've been on a 4 MONTH plateau..and i LOSE 4 pounds. Help. seriously. Help. i want to go eat everything in the kitchen and lose another 4...help..please...

Holly
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7/19/07 9:17 P

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Don't worry Holly, we won't lose you, I will come looking for you again! 'cause I knowz where you live!....kind of.....head towards Malone...put my head out the window and take deep breaths to get whiffs of good smelling cakes???? lol
-Raine

Edited by: RAINEMARIE at: 7/20/2007 (11:15)
"I cannot control the wind, I can only adjust my sails."


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7/17/07 11:02 P

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GREAT idea Cathy!! I need to say i'm going to be gone a few days. I have that fair....so when you dont hear from me i'm not lost just away!!

Holly
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7/17/07 2:31 P

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Thought this would be a great place to post if we are in need of immediate help and support to keep up on program and help motivate ourselves.

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.
-Albert Ellis


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