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9/11/19 9:30 A

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Val

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4/30/19 4:57 P

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Val

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4/9/19 2:01 P

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A blast from the past ...



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4/5/19 12:03 P

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3/21/19 9:00 P

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Val

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3/17/19 1:25 P

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Val

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3/6/19 10:27 P

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2/22/19 2:27 P

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2/12/19 2:28 P

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1/29/19 11:02 A

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TERRACOTTAGE shared



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1/12/19 1:59 P

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1/7/19 7:31 P

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12/31/18 12:15 A

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12/11/18 2:11 P

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10/26/18 1:21 A

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7/21/18 10:19 A

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7/17/18 4:13 P

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6/12/18 11:07 A

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6/3/18 4:11 P

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5/31/18 12:44 P

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Modern day ...

Well the first thing you know
Ol' Jed's a millionaire,
Kinfolk said "Jed move away from there".
Said "California's the place you outta be".
So they loaded up the truck
And they moved to Beverly.
Hills that is, Swimming pools, movie stars...

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5/21/18 9:03 P

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4/17/18 3:02 P

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Canada

On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and
said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will
be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall
majestic mountains full of mountain goats, and eagles,
beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests
full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches
with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in resources so as to
make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants
Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly
people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel "don't you think you are being too
generous to these Canadians?"

"Not really," replied God "just wait and see the winters I am
going to give them."

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3/24/18 4:50 P

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6/5/17 1:08 P

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6/2/17 12:24 A

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5/26/17 2:21 P

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4/24/17 7:28 P

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4/18/17 11:22 A

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Just a few seconds, but it will leave you smiling ... beagle who sings and plays the piano ...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6nhS
DAKRj8


Good job Buddy!!!

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3/11/17 8:15 P

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2/18/17 10:33 A

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2/13/17 6:22 P

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Sorry, but I couldn't resist!



Val

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12/24/16 8:57 P

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12/21/16 7:10 P

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12/10/16 4:20 P

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11/15/16 3:46 P

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10/26/16 1:21 P

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9/1/16 11:43 A

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Val

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8/14/16 10:35 P

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8/10/16 5:51 P

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8/3/16 8:48 A

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7/22/16 4:58 P

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7/12/16 10:45 A

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6/29/16 8:32 A

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Val

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6/25/16 11:21 A

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Val

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5/30/16 11:36 A

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Val

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5/23/16 9:53 A

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Val

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Val

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4/28/16 2:43 P

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Val

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4/25/16 9:25 A

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Val

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4/8/16 11:36 P

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A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"...

He quickly told the instructor, "Call for backup!"

Val

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4/4/16 10:13 P

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What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?

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Val

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3/28/16 7:05 P

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Val

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3/10/16 4:38 P

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Speaking of eggs ...



Val

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2/3/16 11:38 A

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Great jokes Val. Brought a smile to my face on this very dreary day when I am feeling a little fatigued! I'll have to do some digging before I can make any contributions though.
emoticon

PS I had an egg for breakfast too - NOT Cadbury's emoticon

Edited by: RETIREDSUE at: 2/3/2016 (11:40)
Sue
Orillia Ontario (Canada - Eastern Time Zone)

I just wish people would realize that anything is possible if you try...dreams are made if people try. - Terry Fox

Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle. - John Watson

What you will do matters. All you need is to do it. - Judy Grahn

If you don't do what's best for your body, you're the one who comes up on the short end. Julius Erving



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2/3/16 9:11 A

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How's the diet going?
Well - I had eggs for breakfast.
Scrambled?
Cadbury's.



Edited by: EDWARDS1411 at: 2/3/2016 (09:11)
Val

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1/22/16 11:27 P

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Val

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10/30/15 4:13 P

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Val

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8/12/15 11:50 A

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3/14/15 9:37 P

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1/24/14 7:34 A

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Not really jokes, but they may bring a smile to you face or a bit of a jiggle to your belly.

"I don't want to brag or make anybody else jealous... but I can still fit into the same earrings I wore in high school."

"Calories (noun)
Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night."



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10/31/13 7:01 A

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Q. What did the ghost say to the bee?
A. Boo bee!

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite instrument?
A. The trombone.

Q. What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
A. A nectarine.

Q. What is the problem with two twin witches?
A. You never know which witch is which!

Q. What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the water?
A. A chicken sand witch.

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Q. Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A. The BOO-hamas!


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10/30/13 1:02 P

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My bed is a magical place where I can suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.
emoticon

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6/3/13 10:14 A

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SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang.. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, " Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-25. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!"



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Barb was lying in bed one night. Art was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting.."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me.."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..."

Angrily, Art threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Barb asked..

"To get my teeth!"




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3/17/13 11:52 A

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emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave.

"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing," he replied, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon



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4/11/11 8:49 P

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These made me laugh out loud. Thanks for sharing them with us emoticon

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Got these from another team - they're too good not to share!!!

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?" One child answered, "Mary." The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?" A little kid said, "Verge." Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?" The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.''

----------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
3 -year-old, Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

----------------------------------------
----------------------------------------

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, ! if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

----------------------------------------
----------------------------------------

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."

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After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

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I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail.


Edited by: EDWARDS1411 at: 10/5/2010 (21:11)
Val

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10/4/10 4:15 P

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HOW TO BE A GRACIOUS BITCH

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear.....I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding."

(NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?)


Val

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Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going!

EDWARDS1411's Photo EDWARDS1411 SparkPoints: (1,030,286)
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9/3/10 11:21 P

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Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,

'For the love of God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably an Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing!!

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment, that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

I will write again soon,

Love, Grandma.




Val

Moving More! Eating Less!
Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going!

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