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DISPATCHERTB's Photo DISPATCHERTB SparkPoints: (0)
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2/18/10 10:56 P

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Great idea!!

200lbs--new book
GOAL MET! 2/14/10

190lbs--new running shoes GOAL MET! 3/20/10

180lbs---pedicure GOAL MET! 5/21/10

170lbs---ipod

160lbs---massage

150lbs---new outfit/girls night out

135lbs---new wardrobe!!

I'M SO DONE!!!


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DAMNITJANET708's Photo DAMNITJANET708 Posts: 29
2/3/10 9:44 P

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I recently read somewhere (maybe on SparkPeople, I don't remember) that you should force yourself to stand naked in front of a full length mirror every morning and find something you like about your body, even if it is your elbows or your fingernails. I absolutely love the idea!

If that's too much just start your morning with something non-physical you like about yourself, like being smart, or being caring toward others.

Also challenge yourself to smile at a stranger every day! It sounds weird, but chances are they'll smile back, and it will make both of your days a little better. Bonus points if the stranger is a male around your age!

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LOSINGITB430's Photo LOSINGITB430 Posts: 678
11/23/09 6:26 A

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good ideas everyone...I am lacking self confidence too... minus the man problem... my husband is wonderful... going to try some of them myself

In all ways acknowledge Him, and He shall make your path straight ~Proverbs

Worrying is like a rocking chair... gives you something to do, but gets you no where!

If you want something you've never had, you'll have to do something you've never done.
�Dave Ramsey

Food network... an informative cooking channel or porn for dieters?


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NICAZZ's Photo NICAZZ Posts: 55
10/4/09 10:54 P

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Try running! Start slow so you don't get discouraged - Couch 2 5K is great.

You'll find yourself accomplishing things you didn't think you could, which is incredibly empowering!
Sign up for races - having a goal to work towards gives you a sense of purpose.

By overcoming challenges you'll learn that you are stronger than you think you are, physically and mentally. You'll gain more respect for you body and your inner strength. This respect will be reflected in a new found confidence which others will notice. You'll find men will be drawn to this new confident you, but that you won't care as much, because your confidence comes from within yourself and isn't dependent on others.

Explore. Dream. Discover.


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BRISA409's Photo BRISA409 Posts: 24
7/11/09 5:36 P

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The sentence that stood out to me the most was "and although I’m very lucky to have amazing friends and family, I’d like to start dating and be appealing to men."
You have friends and family that love you just the way you are. Count that as a big blessing! Not everyone is fortunate enough to have that.
The second part is the easy one.
I'm 25 and about 15 pounds heavier then you. But that has never stopped me from having men around me. I currently have a wonderful boyfriend who I hope to marry one day. Even though I am in a committed relationship, I still have suitors. But I am not anywhere near what I want to weight. I am working on it, but have a long way to go.
Here is something for you think about, from the book called "Act like a lady, think like a man", there is a man out there for every kind of women. Really, not all men want this petite thing that might break in half.
The most appealing thing us woman have is self-confidence. If you think you are hot, then men around you will think you are hot.
Really, I always wondered why ugly fat woman had super attractive man hanging all over them. I finally figured out that it’s their confidence. I had a co-worker, who looks like a pickup truck, but her husband is extremely handsome and sweet. Another co-worker who had the face of, well, she’s is just ugly, to put it nicely. But her husband, my gosh! You would think he came out of the TV set! But the thing both of these females have in common is their confidence. Neither of them ever show up to work without nice clean clothes, hair and nails done, and full made up faces.
So, for young females like you and me, here is what works. Because of our age, we are naturally still pretty. So, take advantage of that.
Get a new hair cut, something totally different than what you have, but make sure it’s one that looks good on you and that you will be able to fix to be cute every day. The drastic change will get you noticed by the men that look at you every day and are used to seeing the same you all the time. This really works, I went from long curly highlighted hair to short straight natural color hair over night. The compliments were endless!
Hair done next is make-up. Take a day to go to a Macy’s or Dillard’s, make an appointment with a makeup specialist. Yes, they are trying to sell you their products, but to be honest; you want to buy their products! So be prepared to spend some cash. Hey, beauty comes at a price of money too, not just sweat and tears!!! Ask for advice on what looks best on your type of skin. Some of us look good in cool colors (me), some are better off in neutral, or warm colors. And learn the difference between these! For applying make-up I learn lots of great tips from Youtube. Really, go to Youtube, search make-up advice. There are some great make-up gurus. Of course you will have to filter which ones are good or not. My fav Youtube guru is Pancake (its something like that, I’d have to go back and look at my subscriptions to spell the name correctly). She is from England, and is as average as you and me. But there are lots of others.
Make-up done; now clothing. We are big woman. Although we are doing something about the big part, we have to deal with it for the moment. Do not try to shop in the juniors sections. That can have no good outcome. Look for a plus size specialty store. My fav is LaneBryan. Their clothes are cute, professional, and we fit into it! There are lots of plus size specialty store everywhere now. But you can also find good plus size clothes on line. My fav web store is Curvigirl.com (I think that’s it, but you can Google it to make sure). They specialize in plus size clothing that is super hot! Like club clothes, but that fits. Always looks for clothes that compliment you. Dark colors work best for us bigger chicks. But don’t be afraid to play with colors! Do stay away from big prints and skinny jeans. Those are not for us. If you have never been one to dress up it’s time to start. They say that clothes make the man, well, we live in a country of equality. Some goes for us. I’m not talking about having the name brand clothes. But clothes that look good on us. I got the best clothing advice ever from my younger sister. “Dress for Power.” It hit me like a bat when she said it. If you don’t know what I mean, think of how Oprah and Queen Latiffa dress. They are both women our size, but they dress for power. Now check out Rose O’Donal, we do NOT want to look like that. Queen Latiffa, yes, Rose O’Donal, no!
And last, just for an added touch, get a mani and pedi! Nothing makes a girl feel better then a relaxing day at a spa! You know what is really weird, men notice pedis. Or at least, men around me have. Two of my exes encouraged me to get my by-monthly pedis all the time. Two totally different kind of man, but both took notice. Recently, I heard one of my male friends compliment my best friend on her cute pedi. Guys do take notice of well kept hands too. They want to feel soft clean smooth hands.
After all of this, take a look in the mirror, tell yourself that you love you. And believe it, loving your self is the best thing you can do. If you didn’t love yourself, then why try to lose the weight? Why go through all the trouble?
Oh, and one last thing on the appealing to men. Once you have fixed your hair, learned to put on make-up, dress correctly & attractive, and got a mani/pedi (that’s just for you), the last thing to change, most important of all, is your attitude. If you look your best, then feel your best. They go hand in hand. Just because we are not a size 5 or smaller, does not mean we can’t be sexy. Think sexy. Trick yourself into if you have to, but believe it. Tell yourself, YOU ARE A SEXY BEAST!
Next time you go out, after getting yourself straighten out, have fun. Really, have fun. Be the girl in the whole place that is enjoying herself the absolute most! I’m not talking about falling over laughing while drunk. NO! Drunken females are not appealing, not matter how big or small they are. But smile, be welcoming and approachable. Men read body language, and if you do not “look” approachable, then they are not going to approach you! Flirt with your eyes. Give that one cute guy across the way the “look.” You know which one. The one from “Memoirs of a Geisha.” The quick gaze into his eyes that you hold for 3 seconds then look down all innocent while hiding a shy smile. Count it, 1 sec, 2 sec, 3 sec, then look away, smile, and continue to have fun.
You will start to get noticed once you have a note worthy attitude! Hope this is helpful. I know it’s long, sorry about that, but you just made me have to reach out to you. I have been there. I know what it’s like to want to be noticed by men. Now, still a big girl, but with a different attitude, a positive attitude, I do not remember what it's like to be lonely. And the few times I had that feeling start to creep up on me; I fall back on my same blessing, great family and friends. I’d love to hear from you!

To exist is to change to change is to mature to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.


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MSHEATHERMARIE's Photo MSHEATHERMARIE SparkPoints: (0)
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7/11/08 9:57 P

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I look in the mirror every morning and tell myself, you are beautiful and you are not the only one that thinks so.

It's so very hard sometimes because my self confidence is extremely low, but try to stay positive and you'll start feeling better.

“Healthy citizens are the greatest asset any country can have”
- Winston Churchill

“If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.”
- Lewis Carroll


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JEANELLESTEEVES's Photo JEANELLESTEEVES Posts: 102
7/10/08 10:52 P

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I was really really skinny when I was younger, but my family members ALWAYS called me fat, even when I was still shopping in the child section at walmart when i was 16. Finally, I DID get fat, from 110 to 180 in about 6 months. and when i was fat, no one called me fat. the point is, in order for me to love me, i had to get out of the situation and really put myself out there. sometimes, i still catch myself be shy and withdrawn and doubting myself, but once i met with a psychiatrist and she told me, when we're faced with a bad situation instead of making yourself endure it, leave. because if you leave, you're brain learns to trust you, and it will become more comfortable with you. and if it's comfortalbe with you, it can be with others. i don't think that helped, but i tried...

I AM A MAXIM HOMETOWN HOTTIE-TO-BE!


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GOOSER's Photo GOOSER Posts: 176
7/3/08 9:27 P

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You know, it took me a long time to develop some confidence about myself, but once I really knew who I was and what I was about, that made a huge difference. Make a list of things about yourself- what do you like about yourself? What are you good at? What kinds of things do you like and dislike? Sometimes just realizing that my opinions matter just as much as everyone else's made me feel better about myself. And knowing what I liked and disliked, and what things I was good at and liked about myself, gave be something to fall back on when I was getting down on myself.

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BMOREFIT5's Photo BMOREFIT5 Posts: 107
7/3/08 7:27 A

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Wow, that is some great advice from everyone. Take baby steps and like everyone else says you can't love anyone unless you love yourself. Surround yourself with positive poeple, do things to make YOU feel good. Let's not worry bout other people right now lets FOCUS on you. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! Keep going strong your going the right direction, we are all here to help.

GOD IS SO GOOD

ONE POUND AT A TIME


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LINDY2202's Photo LINDY2202 SparkPoints: (0)
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6/26/08 2:50 A

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that was some pretty awesome advice. i have some confidence and reading that post made me feel even more confident! thank you.

i was also going to suggest doing something you enjoy, when you feel happy inside, you smile, and that in itself releases confidence i believe.

confidence is tough. remember that you are your biggest critic.

self acceptance is key too. it took me a long time to embrace my flaws and not be ashamed of them. i have a large nose, a butt chin, different sized breasts (not too big), and a rather large booty and i have cellulite on my thighs. wow lol that was a lot in one paragraph wasn't it?

the bottom line is... i am a WOMAN, i am REAL, this is who i was SUPPOSED to be. if i can't love myself and all my flaws then no one else can. and personally if people don't love me AND my flaws, then they are not worth it to me anyways.

i hope that this helped in some way. hold your head up high, you are beautiful. you just have to believe it and then you will start to see it. emoticon

It's easy to say you're too tired, too stressed, too busy, too this or too that. Too bad. The only way you'll strip away the fat is to start by stripping away the excuses." -- Dr. Oz & Dr. Roizen- You on A Diet


Don't look back and think "I wish I had...", look back and say "I'm glad I did..."

Forgive yourself for letting yourself go.

Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person's physical, emotional, and mental states. ~Carol Welch



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WANDERLUSTROUS's Photo WANDERLUSTROUS Posts: 592
6/25/08 11:21 A

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First of all, know that you're completely normal! Everybody feels this way at some point in their life, but the fact that you're willing to admit it proves that you have enough confidence to do something about it.

TTRAC02 has some great ideas that may work for you as well.

Think of the big picture- find a path in life. It could be religion, or spirituality, or love (they're all in the same anyways, aren't they?) Smaller things become petty, and life somehow becomes easier after time. Have you read A New Earth by Eckart Toll? It's not a self-help exactly, but it helps put things in perspective. Oprah talked about this book for months, it was able to help a lot of people in a lot of different ways.

Reinforce something you've been good at, even if it was in your childhood. Did you play an instrument? a sport? write poetry? Pick it up again, and remember that amazing feeling!

I'm a big believer in therapy- everyone should be in therapy. A good friend of mine once said, "Therapy should be in therapy." It doesn't have to be formal therapy, especially if you're not covered by insurance. Journalling, yoga, focused walking, book clubs- all of these activities can be therapeutic.

Over the months you'll see you're body changing- and remember exercise releases endorphins- know that will feel better.

22 is a challenging age (I'm 22 as well). We're finding ourselves and gaining independence- It's a year in limbo. Know that SP is a great source and there's some great people on here. If you ever want to chat (any of you) feel free to contact me. I spend endless hours in an office at my tedious internship, and I'm always looking for an excuse to not to work.

All the best :)

"The unexamined life is not worth living." -Socrates


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TTRAC02's Photo TTRAC02 Posts: 31
6/16/08 11:31 P

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For me, I started small. I got a new haircut that I really liked and started from there. Little things that make you feel attractive- like a new hair cut- gets the ball rolling. I also began going to church and joining groups and volunteering to meet new people. It helped me find a buddy that is very supportive and has the same goals for life. It took me awhile to gain a little self confidence but I think I am slowly working up to it and get better with each week, month, year!

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CORRIN32's Photo CORRIN32 Posts: 6,166
6/14/08 2:54 P

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yes this is hard and at your age I was HORRIBLE and felt I was not appealing to men at my weight. What I know now is that I WAS appealing to me (still am) I just wasn't appealing to me, and that is not appealing to men. It's hard to love yourself when you are so good at disliking things about yourself. BUT, with a positive attitude and thinking good about yourself it will become natural. Over the last year here on sp I found that the thing I am most happy about changing is the fact that I look at myself in a good light. I love myself, I love how I look, I love how I feel, I know I'm pretty no matter what the scale says. It's a long journey to self acceptance.

~Rin

A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.
- Anonymous


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SKEMERICH's Photo SKEMERICH SparkPoints: (0)
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6/14/08 10:54 A

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I agree with the positive affirmations as well. Also, set your self mini goals, even if they have nothing to do with weight loss. When you receive the goal you will have a sense of accomplishment and it will help boost the confidence levels.

~My Name is Sarah~

Keep Moving Forward! Change doesn't happen when you stand still!



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SHYANNARAY Posts: 265
6/14/08 8:06 A

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Well it's was a hard thing for me as well. I still have my days but you need to start with positive affirmations. Tell yourself each morning your worth it over and over and over. And that you deserve to be healthy and happy. Eventually you start to believe it.

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NA.NA.NA.NAO's Photo NA.NA.NA.NAO Posts: 16
6/13/08 9:12 P

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this may seem foreign to some of you, but because i've been overweight for so long, i've somehow managed to never learn how to love myself. i don't even have an ounce of self-confidence -- and i don't know how to fix it. i know that by having confidence, it projects something that just makes people want to be around you. and although i'm very lucky to have amazing friends and family, i'd like to start dating and be appealing to men. you'd think i'd start to have this figured out, at the ripe age of 22 ;)

and maybe this is just me being pathetic, but what do you guys do to give yourself confidence? i'd love to hear any tips you've got/suggestions/books to read/etc.

thanks!

They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. - Andy Warhol


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