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MZANUT's Photo MZANUT SparkPoints: (1)
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9/10/12 1:44 P

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My boyfriend lived with his son but is blind to his actions. He paid the pawn slips on the items that his son had stolen so that the items could be returned to the rightful owners. He seen him in the hospital when his withdrawals were so bad he had to be hospitalized. The only problem was the hospital on kept him 1 or 2 nights. My boyfriend has 2 houses he owns. One needs total reconstruction on the inside. It is not livable right now. I wish he would get it fixed so that we could have that rental property income. He is making it into a duplex. If he would get that house finished then his son could live there rent free and have only his utilities to pay. That would solve a lot of my issues with his son living near us. But he has no ambition on fixing the house.

Initial Goals:
1. Get back into my previous weight loss jeans.

2. Meet my fiber requirements 5 days a week.

Now that I am finally exercising for the first time in 23 years I have decided to set these weekly exercise goals.

1. Walk or go to the gym 3 - 4 days a week.
2. Strength training 2 - 3 times a week


 current weight: 235.0 
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COLETTEISGREAT's Photo COLETTEISGREAT Posts: 1,090
9/9/12 8:32 P

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Wow... it really sounds like your boyfriend is in denial. It would be wonderful if his son were clean, but it doesn't sound like the son has made any life choices or actions that indicate that he has changed in any way.

Could your boyfriend rent a place for him and his son, so they could live together and your boyfriend could see what his son is like on a daily basis? This might give the opportunity for your boyfriend to really 'see' the situation, without damaging your living condition.

Please don't give up your house!! Your sanity is important!

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MZANUT's Photo MZANUT SparkPoints: (1)
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9/8/12 9:51 P

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Thanks Laurie and Long. I am not going anywhere. I have been reading up on Meth addiction. There is 96% failure rate on giving up the addiction. I think what would be best for my boyfriend and I is to go to a Ala-non or something like that meeting. That way he can get inform about addictions.

Initial Goals:
1. Get back into my previous weight loss jeans.

2. Meet my fiber requirements 5 days a week.

Now that I am finally exercising for the first time in 23 years I have decided to set these weekly exercise goals.

1. Walk or go to the gym 3 - 4 days a week.
2. Strength training 2 - 3 times a week


 current weight: 235.0 
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LAURIE160IN2013's Photo LAURIE160IN2013 Posts: 1,274
9/8/12 1:52 A

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Please don't give up your house. I've changed my lifestyle or home many times for relationships, and it was never worth it; everything we "agreed on" and everything I worked for went down the tubes. Apparently your bf has blind spots/other priorities, and I'm afraid he'll make decisions that will leave you regretting it if you give up your house. Let your bf buy what he wants and live where he wants. You can visit each other, and you won't have to argue about his family. Sorry to sound hard nosed, but that's reality from where I sit at age almost-60. Good luck!
Laurie

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FREDSEVOLUTION's Photo FREDSEVOLUTION Posts: 4,631
9/8/12 12:29 A

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MZANUT,

Don't give up YOUR lifestyle. I don't know you but you see and hear about this stuff all the time and its' sad to see loving people become victims. Your BF is enabling his son. If he really loves his Son and I'm sure he does, he would get him some professional help. This is going to be a hard decision for you but after reading your post you should probably go with your gut feeling.

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MZANUT's Photo MZANUT SparkPoints: (1)
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Posts: 836
9/7/12 9:39 P

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Thanks IMNOT

Initial Goals:
1. Get back into my previous weight loss jeans.

2. Meet my fiber requirements 5 days a week.

Now that I am finally exercising for the first time in 23 years I have decided to set these weekly exercise goals.

1. Walk or go to the gym 3 - 4 days a week.
2. Strength training 2 - 3 times a week


 current weight: 235.0 
250
237.5
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212.5
200
CD11318978 Posts: 152
9/6/12 2:31 P

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I think you are doing the right thing, and your BF will have to respect your decision and views, if he cant then that answers another unasked question.

MZANUT's Photo MZANUT SparkPoints: (1)
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Posts: 836
9/6/12 1:23 P

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Thanks everyone. I know he needs help with his addiction. My boyfriend is blind to his son's actions. He did live with his son for several months. And believed that his son was going to the "gym" for 4 - 5 hours a night. No one goes to the gym for that long of a time. I should tell the b/f ok you believe he is clean... have him do a hair folical drug test. Let's see who's right.

Initial Goals:
1. Get back into my previous weight loss jeans.

2. Meet my fiber requirements 5 days a week.

Now that I am finally exercising for the first time in 23 years I have decided to set these weekly exercise goals.

1. Walk or go to the gym 3 - 4 days a week.
2. Strength training 2 - 3 times a week


 current weight: 235.0 
250
237.5
225
212.5
200
CHICA125KML's Photo CHICA125KML SparkPoints: (0)
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9/6/12 11:00 A

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MZ-- Meth addicts need professional help to actually overcome there addiction. I think that you should stick to your guns and stay where you are. Good luck

~Kara~

It's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why you sometimes need really special shoes. - Sex and the City quote

"Stop living life for what's around the corner and start enjoying the walk down the street" ~~ Grant Miller



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RAVINRADISH's Photo RAVINRADISH Posts: 238
9/6/12 10:35 A

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Mz - I agree with everyone else. I wouldn't give up my sanity for anyone. I think if bf really believes his son is recovered, then maybe he should live with him and give a "test run." I think he'd see that you are right real quick. The kid needs support, not enablement. I think you're right to be cautious about this. Follow your instincts.

“The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.” - Roseanne Bar


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TRINITYROYAL's Photo TRINITYROYAL Posts: 2,406
9/6/12 9:17 A

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@MZANUT, I too think you're making the right decision. You seem to have worked very hard to provide a good life for yourself and your children, and it's not right to jeopardize all of that so that your BF can enable his addicted son.


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MZANUT's Photo MZANUT SparkPoints: (1)
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9/5/12 10:38 P

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Thanks Steve. He is in denial. Sends him money whenever he asks for it. The kid hasn't worked since he left IL in Nov. He has drug addict friends in TX and IL. The initial reason his mom sent him to IL in the first place was because of his drugs. My boyfriend believed the son when he would tell him he was going to the "gym" for 4 - 5 hours. I told him no one goes to the gym for 4 - 5 hours a night.

Initial Goals:
1. Get back into my previous weight loss jeans.

2. Meet my fiber requirements 5 days a week.

Now that I am finally exercising for the first time in 23 years I have decided to set these weekly exercise goals.

1. Walk or go to the gym 3 - 4 days a week.
2. Strength training 2 - 3 times a week


 current weight: 235.0 
250
237.5
225
212.5
200
APACHESTEVE's Photo APACHESTEVE SparkPoints: (36,527)
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9/5/12 10:28 P

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Hi Mz! First let say that my heart goes out to you in this tough situation. You are correct in being cautious over the son in question transformation without any help. My life experience is apparently the same as yours that folks do not beat meth addiction without some considerable professional help. Often family are the biggest enablers of the addiction cycle thinking they can love someone out of a drug problem. "If I can just get him away from his environment, they will change." is a common misconception. Without professional help, an addict will be able to find the drug crowd anywhere. If push comes to shove and it boils down to son or you, don't be surprised if he chooses son, especially if BF is in denial of his son's issues. My best wishes, and I'd love nothing more than to be wrong.
Steve

If you believe you can, or can not, either way you are correct.
Arkansas U.S.A.
Central Time Zone


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MZANUT's Photo MZANUT SparkPoints: (1)
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9/5/12 10:17 P

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My boyfriend wants to buy a bigger house for us. Right now we are living in my small 2 bedroom house. This would be all fine and dandy. But he has a 24 year old drug (meth) addict son. Right now his son lives with his mom in TX. We live in IL. He believes that his son is clean. I believe he is full of crap. You don't go from being an addict to being clean just by saying you are clean. He hasn't had any kind of medical help for his addiction. But my boyfriend believes he is clean. Anyway, when his son lived near us a year ago he stole from the people he lived with. He also stole my boyfriends power tools and pawned them. All to get his fix. The son rang up 20+ a month in 411 calls. I guess he was too lazy to look numbers up in the book. When I confronted him about it he was very disrespectful to me. My boyfriend allowed this behavior. My kids are never disrespectful to the boyfriend. If they ever were there would be hell to pay from mama. (my kids are both in college trying to better themselves. his son is a drop out that refused to go to college when boyfriend offered to pay for it.) So here's the problem. I think he plans on moving his son back here when he buys the new house. I told him several months ago that I would never live in the same house as his son. (Why should I have to worry about my stuff being stolen? Or feel the need to have to lock my bedroom so he doesn't go through my stuff?) My boyfriend touched on the subject tonight. When he seen it was going to start an argument he didn't pursue it. I think once he buys the house he will be the only one from this house moving into it. I'm not giving up my "paid for house" to live in fear of being subjected to a drug addict.

Initial Goals:
1. Get back into my previous weight loss jeans.

2. Meet my fiber requirements 5 days a week.

Now that I am finally exercising for the first time in 23 years I have decided to set these weekly exercise goals.

1. Walk or go to the gym 3 - 4 days a week.
2. Strength training 2 - 3 times a week


 current weight: 235.0 
250
237.5
225
212.5
200
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