Hi ladies! If this topic is not in the right place, I apologize in advance. But I need to vent and perhaps seek advice....
I have recently started a new job. I was excited at the opportunity to learn many different skills. However, this has been my first job (in a long time) where I was a direct hire. My three previous jobs were acquired through temp-to-perm positions. But that is neither here nor there.
In my current situation, I am the only person of color working in this particular building. I didn't realize that until AFTER I accepted the job. The city I live in is over 50% Black, yet I don't even see 10% of us represented in this establishment.
Over the weekend, I had gotten my locs styled into pipe cleaner curls. So I certainly appreciate the compliments, but where I draw the line is people who feel that they can just reach out & touch my hair, ESPECIALLY without asking my permission first. Usually, if I can see them reaching their hands towards me, I will try my best to move out of the way, and hopefully they will get the hint. But I was caught off guard TWICE yesterday, and those two incidents have me feeling some kinda way.
The first person who did it....when I started on my first day and was introduced to this person, she did not even offer to shake my hand. Not a big deal, because in this day and age with the flu epidemic, I realize that some business people no longer engage in handshaking. So my back was turned in my boss' office, and I felt her fingers squeezing my hair. She asked, "how did you do that with your hair?" I simply replied that it was my secret. She then replied, "you really aren't gonna tell me?" (I'm really not sure why she was so adamant; it's not as if she could duplicate the style with the texture of her own hair). I shook my head no & smiled politely, and said no. I finished what I was doing in my boss' office and then left.
About an hour later, another coworker came into my cubicle area to ask me to do something for her. My desk is in an L shape. So I was facing her while she was talking to me, but when I had to turn around to access my computer, she also came up right behind me and then reached out and touched my hair. Now she said, "Are those your EXTENSIONS?" I politely corrected her and told her I don't have extensions and that it is all my REAL hair. (I have been growing my hair for almost 9 years so my locs are down to my waist) I didn't have time to react and was probably still taken aback by the previous incident.
Now, I'm not ready to call Al Sharpton or file any complaints with HR, but I feel EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE. There have been some other incidents that have happened here since my first day, but I probably have been brushing it off as people sometimes don't realize how things sound after they have said it. Or simply realize that I may look at things differently than they do.
Have any of you ever been in a situation where people have touched your hair without asking? How do you react? In my previous jobs where I had been working there for quite awhile, i may have been more lax, but WHO I let touch my hair has been on a case by case basis. Usually, I've also been in a position where I can politely explain that I would prefer to NOT to have my hair touched, providing no further explanation.
To me, I see my hair as a part of my BODY, and though it may not be the same as someone putting their hand on my breast or behind, I still feel uncomfortable. Not to mention that when using public bathrooms, I have observed many people who (for whatever reason) DON'T wash their hands, so I am squeamish anyway about folks trying to interact with me physically, especially when it comes to people wanting to touch my hair.
While I realize that when I wear my locs in a style other that just a ponytail or with a headband, it is going to spark some CURIOUSITY. I get that. But what I just don't get is how people feel entitled to reach out and touch my hair, especially if they don't ask me first. I don't want to come across as the angry Black woman, or being accused of having an attitude when I speak up for myself. Yes, I know it's not the message but sometimes even the DELIVERY can be misconstrued. Do I need to pick my battles? Absolutely. However, if I am going to continue working here, I feel that I need to somehow address it (in the hopes of preventing any future incidents). Maybe not.....
I would love to hear your thoughts.
