Group photo
Author:
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/29/19 9:42 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm glad my idea may work for you! And how nice to be able to go with someone--I find errands are much more fun with someone else there. So wonderful you found a compassionate doctor to help! I'm so pleased for you.

Is J the one you've been having issues with? If so, I can understand the caution about how much emotional energy to invest, and what message you may be sending. Smart to consider carefully. Hope you enjoy the lamp--what a great price! I'm looking at possible ones to buy for my desk at work, but it has to stand tall to peer over my computer monitors. When I changed to a sit/stand desk (I basically just leave it up at standing height), the overhead had to come out with it's built in light.

I was very pleased that bus connections worked great this afternoon, with my 150 right on time at his first stop out of the terminal, 3 minutes after I got dropped off ~1/2 block from the second stop. Got to enjoy my new book all the way. I gave up on the one I picked up from the impulse display; I found I just didn't like or respect the main character much. The one I'm reading now, by Barbara Samuel, is already captivating, with people I'm invested in.

Yesterday I mentioned the lovely cherry trees at a park near my job. Walking home, I pass a camellia tree w/dark pink/light red blossoms (some w/ thin white stripes) next to a tall magnolia tree with profuse pink blossoms. They are so lovely!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/29/19 12:28 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
What a neat experience in the park. I bet the cherry blossoms were gorgeous! I love that despite the language barrier you enjoyed each other and the beauty of nature together. Great job getting the extra cardio in!

I like your plan of doing one load and over the weekend one of my friends asked me if we could go to the laundromat together, so Saturday or Sunday I plan to do my one load.

Last night J went with me to urgent care. I have an OCD skin issue that left me with a severe infection. I felt so embarrassed at first, because there is a lot of shame involved with my compulsive behavior. But, there was a wonderful woman Dr. Who understands the condition very well. She was so kind, compassionate, and easy to talk to. I felt good to not be judged. She genuinely cared and had empathy. I am taking an antibiotic. My psychiatrist lowered my antidepressant since we both think it triggered the behavior making it worse. I just hope I will still feel less depressed on the lower dose. I see him Tuesday, so I can update him then. It's not easy trying to get medication adjusted just right.

I read my book for a little over an hour yesterday. It's a pretty good book, although deep and heavy. It's called "American Marriages" I plan to spend a lot of my weekend reading and finishing it up.

I found a really nice affordable table lamp on Let go so in a bit I will be picking it from the couple's porch. I am excited. $7 for a pretty lamp works great for me and my budget.

Today is Js birthday. I feel conflicted. A part of me wants to do something really nice, yet a part of me wants to stick with a basic card and be done. I certainly don't want to do something that sends mixed signals.

It's sunny here and bright. Good day to get out n about.

I feel this looming sense of melancholy. I'm just going to put one foot in front of the other and keep pushing forward.

Happy Friday!

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/29/19 12:42 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
So glad for the good therapy session and the advice and decision to attend a book club. Also for the relaxing Starbucks time and the fellowship with your positive friend. One thought on the laundry issue: would it be less overwhelming to go and do a single load, rather than try to do all of it? It might take multiple trips on different days, but might be a less stressful way to get it done. Just an idea . . . babysteps, instead of all or nothing.

Yes, I have my route down, but sadly the bus times got goofy this afternoon. I just missed a connection I should have made onto my southbound 150. The new schedule shows it should have left stop #1 at 4:58, then the next one at 5:13, but one pulled away from stop #2 at 5:10 before I could cross the street. They should run every 12 to 15 minutes, but the next one didn't come until 5:35, and a bunch of people ended up standing at stops after mine, all the way into Tukwila.

I walked up the many stairs, then a steep hill to Kobe Terrace Park where the cherry trees are blooming lushly. I saw a little Asian lady also enjoying the blossoming trees, taking pictures with my phone. When I smiled at her, she signed wanting me to take her picture. I tried to ask where she was from, or where she lived, but wasn't understood. But she nodded and repeated "very beautiful!" as we looked around us. That was fun.

I did just a few small tasks tonight--often wish I were getting more done. Though I did also do a short interval cardio session to make up for fewer steps, and put in fairly intense elliptical and stationery bike sessions at work. Wishing all my lovely teammates a wonderful night and a Fantastic Friday!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/28/19 11:48 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
So glad you're learning the route and thank goodness you've found other bus stops that were not listed on the map.

I'm sorry that guy from the clinic was a class act Jerk! Ugh...people like that are difficult to deal with. Reading sounded like a great way to unwind.

I've been okay, a little irritable and weepy at times, but happy others. I am grateful for the Windows of happiness.

This morning I met with a dear friend that I met years back at church. We went to Panera bread. I thoroughly enjoyed our time together. She has such a kind and sweet spirit. She was a day of sunshine!

Right now I am at Starbucks taking some me time with some herbal tea, devotional, and now some sparking. I feel relaxed.

Yesterday I met with my therapist. It was another great session. She liked the idea that my pastoral counselor came up with the other day. That I find more ways to get out and find things I enjoy. I found a women's lit book club. The next one meets next week so I have to get to reading.But that's my current goal....read (doing something I love) and attend the book club meeting at the library. It seems doable and I am excited about it.

I have so much laundry to do and it's overwhelming. I need to go to the laundromat and that seems like just too much. But not having clean jammies and clothes is driving me batty. I've got to.muster up from the deep depths of myself to just go do it.

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/28/19 12:21 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
It was so nice to have a pretty full complement in the unit. One person was out, but we had two floats. That made it easy for me to attend my first Conversation Cafe--a monthly dialog of staff from our floor who all work in Public Health, in the realm of equity and social justice. Very interesting. I'm glad Karen invited me.

The after work bussing went great. Caught one of my regular 3 buses up 2 stops, then crossed the street to the second stop. Only had to wait a few minutes, and caught the one I just missed yesterday. I think I've got a winning routine to follow now.

Had more energy when I got home. Did some cleaning and some research on desk fans and desk lights, as well as meditating for the first time in a couple weeks. Not sure if I'll try to finish my mystery book tonight or not. Have a lovely Thursday folks!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/26/19 11:15 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Well today I didn't make such good connections, and just missed the afternoon southbound bus. But I learned some cool things, like there are more buses I can take north, and I can go to the second southbound stop that didn't show on my map, which is a shorter walk from the northbound stop. So I'm still getting it figured out, but good seats are a sure bet. The one downside of the route change is fewer steps per day, since the stops are much closer to my building, cutting out several blocks of walking before and after work.

Had an uncomfortable interchange with a guy at one of the clinics where I called for help and he treated me like a total moron. I was pretty upset and had a hard time going back and finishing with my caller. I didn't turn off my phone 2 minutes before break, and caught a complex one with lots of updating of info scheduling 2 siblings, one of whom needed a new dental account set up. I went to break 20 minutes late, and did not feel up to addressing the guy's follow up email indicating I picked the wrong emergency slot for an adult. I truly hate that the clinics aren't consistent and expect us to remember who schedules one way and who schedules another way.

Sadly I'm not feeling as motivated tonight, though I'm frustrated by the creeping mess. I'm going to go make some dinner, then see how much productive work I get done, and how much escaping into reading I end up doing.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/25/19 11:59 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Glad you enjoyed your lunch and sniffing all the scents at BBW. As for the jeans incident, how obvious is the ink stain? Sometimes I've decided to ignore a small imperfection that doesn't detract greatly from my enjoyment of a piece of clothing.

And as far as I'm concerned, you never have to downplay or defend your feelings. We feel what we feel. Sometimes a less involved part of me will have a thought "I may be overreacting here." Then I may get some distance or perspective and calm down or choose to focus on something else. Other times I just haven't cared, and given into the sadness or overwhelm. I don't know about you, but when I stop resisting, and just let myself experience the emotions, the intensity often decreases on its own.

Since I believe prayer is important to you, you could also pray for a new pair of jeans to come into your life that will help you feel good about yourself when you where them, or pray for help in accepting how you look in jeans, and loving yourself unconditionally no matter how you look--and of course you can pray for both things together! Just a thought.

I'm feeling pretty good and proud of myself. I had 3 really cool people help me at the Kaiser clinic dealing with my ear, and I mentioned all 3 on a survey card. I have a nasal spray to help counteract my inner ear-sinus pressure dysfunction condition. (I'm not looking at the paper, and I don't remember what it's called. The PA showed me pictures of the ear and sinuses to answer my questions and help me understand. I got in just a little before 11, and the new bus route went smoothly, with me getting off right in front of the neighboring county building that connects to ours with a tunnel.

My walking pal is back after being gone a couple months (working at clinics), but she injured her leg, so no speed walking for us for a while. I put in 15 minutes on the recumbent bike at lunch, and 10 at break, and pushed my speed both times, and biked over 5 miles! I'm pretty impressed with that. The afternoon commute went really smoothly. My 150 bus was pulling away as I got to the bus stop, but a 101 was right behind it, which goes to the same next few stops. I got off at 4th and Union as planned, walked around the block to 5th and Union (I picked the wrong direction), and I saw the southbound 150 about to pull away from the stop when the light turned green. I waved at the driver, and he saw me and opened the door as I ran across the street when the light turned. I thanked him enthusiastically, and got a good seat. I don't think anybody had to stand, but I was thrilled with how easy it was. People who tried to use the suggested 2nd and James southbound stop were having a hard time figuring out where to stand. I think he picked up a couple people waving at him who weren't at a real stop, since it was the first work day on the new route.

Walked up the hill in the rain, but I had taken my umbrella. I put in several timer sessions, changed my hair appt, started my tarot transcription, charged my cell phone. I like that it tells me how much longer it needs to charge ('20 minutes to full charge'). Prepped salad extras for 2 lunches when I made tonight's dinner salad. Want to mix coffee for the morning and finishing putting away the laundry. Then some stretching before bed. Feeling satisfied and accomplished!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/25/19 9:56 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I had a very enjoyable time with my best friend. We ended up going to Ruby Tuesday since Olive Garden had a very long wait, because they were short of servers. We had a very nice dinner and had fun catching up. We then went to Bath and body works. Holy cow what wonderful scents of candles and bath soaps and lotions. I didn't buy anything this go around but I found something I'd like to get on a future visit. After that we went out for coffee for more chatting.

When I got back home I noticed that I somehow had gotten ink on my favorite pair of jeans. This sounds silly, but the tears came. These jeans were the only pair I had that reasonably fit. They have faded from so many washings, but they made me feel comfortable. I have gained so much weight that it's next to impossible to find jeans that fit. Nearly every time I go searching for new ones, I end up in tears because nothing fits. Then I feel fat and fed up and then just give up and come home. I don't know what to do, because all I have now is an ill fitting pair of black jeans. I am going to have to buy new...whether consignment shops or retail I have to go shopping. It feels like too much. My jeans with ink were more than just jeans they were so comfortable that they had become like a security blanket. I can't begin to explain why or how, but I felt safe in them. I have pajamas I feel safe in. Probably makes no sense...and I am not sure I even understand it. But I am really sad over it. There are more important things that upset people. My friend from middle school has cancer. This pales.

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/25/19 2:02 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi! Hope your Dr appointment went well this morning and that you enjoyed a different bus route!
Way to go getting that laundry done!! emoticon Pansies remind me of my grandma since they were her favorite flower. She planted them, and even made made handkerchief with beautifully stitched pansies on it.

This morning I woke up feeling really down. My toxic 'friend's and another mutual friend of ours were in heated argument yesterday and last night both of them tried to drag me in the middle. I think Toxic...Let's just call him J so that we'll know whom I am talking about ,manipulated the situation to where She would think I was somehow involved in the argument. What a mess. When I confronted J about it and asked him to just leave me out of things, he got mad and threatened to end things. I told him to go right ahead. But then I recanted. Ugh I am so sick of it. Today we've had no contact for which I am grateful. But when I woke up, I was in tears immediately after getting out of bed. I replayed the situation, I replayed not being able to hike. Suddenly I felt utterly alone. I even felt that icky painful feeling of being unlovable....I thought of my ex husband and what I went through with him and just thought "What is so wrong with me?"
very self defeating. More tears. I reached out to a couple of women from my Celebrate Recovery small group. One texted to let me know she was in the road out of state , but we could talk another day. another called and we talked a few minutes. So nice of her to call. I felt better after her call.


I am going t spend the afternoon and evening with my best friend . We are going to Olive Garden. I am really looking forward to seeing her. Good golly how my mind changes. I'm glad I feel better about things. I need to get a shower and get ready.

I'm tired of my mood swings. I'm tired of feeling not good enough. I need to focus on the good things about myself, but it's very hard for me to do. Tomorrow I meet with my pastoral counselor and I think that she'll be very helpful. She's been a rock in my life during hard times in the past.

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/24/19 10:27 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm glad you've had a good day, and really like your intention "to stay present and enjoy." A thought about the singles class--they may not always have such active activities. You could inquire, since you might be able to enjoy some, if not all, of what they offer. And if their fare is mainly things that don't suit you, then they wouldn't be the right place for you--at this time. They could be in the future--who knows?

And I've had the experience of a close relationship fading away. It happens, and it's OK. Sometimes it's possible to recapture or strengthen intimacy, and sometimes they disappear. Whatever happens there, you are both OK.

I've had a pretty easy day. Did 2 loads of laundry, tracked some spending, got groceries. Couldn't resist picking up a couple more pansies (I love their colorful little faces!) at Freddie's, and got them repotted. Also picked up some potting soil & got to break in some dollar store gardening items.

Didn't take a nap, since I putzed around and got back from groceries too late. I did henna, and I'm letting my hair air dry. I have a doctor appt in the morning, so will experience the new bus route at a different time in the morning. I did some checking yesterday, and will have several choices of buses to take north after work to get off a block from the first southbound stop. I'm looking forward to experiencing this new change.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/24/19 1:11 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Amanda, so glad you were able to enjoy Pickle Ball with members of your skill level! Sounds fun!. I haven't watched Elementary, but have heard great things about it. Sorry about the fire alarm. That sort of thing happens here at my complex too. That screeching of the alarm is deafening, and triggers anxiety for me. Glad you were able to regroup.

Today I feel calm and relaxed. It feels great, yet I often feel restless on days like this as time goes on..I just need to stay present and enjoy.

Yesterday was a fun day. My good friend that I binge watch Criminal Minds with treated me to a nice dinner at a Tex Mex restaurant. We were able to sit outside and enjoy the beautiful sunshine and warm temps. Afterwards, we went back to her house and let the binge watching begin. It's nice to spend the evenings with. We really enjoy each other's company.

Last night after I got home I checked the group me posts from the Singles class I would like to join in..They went for a hike and I cried because my Fbro riddled body just wouldn't have been able to keep up. I felt that terrible feeling like I will never be a part of the group and that I just don't belong there or anywhere. Sure there are other groups at my church, but I have no idea where I would start. The great thing is that on Monday nights I go to Celebrate Recovery and feel a strong sense of belonging and community there. I think It would benefit me greatly to focus on that than the other.

My best friend and I are getting together tomorrow. I feel bad, because I don't feel excited about it. Since she moved away, I have done a lot of grieving, and it seems like I have built a protective wall around myself, a barrier towards her so I don't get hurt again. I really enjoy when we talk on the phone, yet the last few times we've gotten together I just felt odd. It's on me , nothing to do with her.

I'm going to try to make today continue to be good.

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/23/19 10:18 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Got to pickleball a bit later than planned, and left when the other ladies close to my level were packing it in. I've got 10K steps so far today. Stayed up late watching the final episodes of Elementary Season 6, and I wondered if the series was over. Googled this morning and found there will be a short 7th season to close the series. Watched the special features--theirs have always been good.

On the way home from pickleball, stopped by the library for 2 items on reserve. One was a BBC miniseries I came across, Land Girls, about women who joined a civilian corps during WWII in England, working on a farm. Just 5 episodes (no closed captioning, which is always a surprise), interesting but not great. I laid down for a nap, and was rudely awakened by the fire alarm. Seems one in our building was "pulled" (that's what I heard, but no details), and the shrieking inside the apartment was horrible, so I staggered out. Went back to get book, glasses, step counter. Had to move away from the building, but I hadn't grabbed a sweater and it was cool. A fire truck came. and they finally got it turned off. We certainly know the system works--nobody could sleep through that din!

No going back to sleep, so fixed my half decaf coffee, watched episodes, alternating with transferring all my contacts to the new cell phone, and then with some sorting. Filing papers and purging files is such a slow business, but it feels good to be taking those babysteps!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/21/19 10:48 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Cynthia, I'm so glad you are reaching out and sharing your process. Your therapist sounds very wise. Feel free to let me know if I'm ever coming across as a bossypants. I don't want to push you to do something you aren't ready for or that doesn't feel right--and I don't want you to be hurt. My protective side can come out and want to slap people upside the head for causing harm and upset to people I hold dear, but that's me. You needn't worry about my indignation on your behalf. You just follow your process.

emoticon strong emotions can absolutely tire us out and require extra sleep and rest and self care to recover from. Take the time you need. And honor the different parts who may react in different ways. If you have parts who worry about not doing enough, let them have a timer session to take a babystep, and acknowledge your progress, however small. And remind them you have parts who need to be taken care of. I'm not sure if you've done much parts work; it's been a big part of my journey, but if this doesn't speak to you or make sense, that's okay!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/21/19 8:12 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm exhausted. I had a wonderful time at my good friend's house watching TV and chatting last night. It's just that I stayed up much too late, and all day today I have felt it. I even went back to bed this afternoon to catch up on some sleep. I can't help but wonder if I'm also worn out from all of the emotional junk.

I feel so tired that a part of me just wants to just call it a night. But it's only 8 o'clock and I don't need to wake up at 2 in the morning.

I talked with my best friend for a few minutes. Her husband came home early so we cut the conversation short. She said she'd call back later tonight, but I have my doubts that she will. She has a lot to get done as she and her daughter are making the 3.5 hour trip to the upstate tomorrow. I will see her Monday since she'll be in town until Tuesday.

Tomorrow I am meeting a friend from church for lunch. I nearly forgot. Wow I need to get with it! Lol!!



Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/20/19 2:15 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
You're birthday outing sounds like a lot of fun and your meal sounds scrumptious! I love seafood!

I feel tired.not just physically but emotionally too. I had therapy today and it went very well, but now am tired. She printed out a couple of handouts on the cycle of abuse. We talked about them for a while. I had seen them before when I was married. She said she knew logically I knew the relationship was toxic and needed to end, but that the relationship is very complex and not as simple as it sounds. She said I will leave when I am ready. I wish I felt ready, but emotionally I am not. I feel stupid, but my therapist assured me that I am not and that I needed to show myself compassion.

I feel like napping. My good friend that works at a really cool cafe nearby invited me to come to lunch; the owner's treat. It was awesome food and I enjoyed being out n about. Now I need rest. That or coffee...lol.

My sweet Gabby cat is sitting here on my lap. She is comforting. I love her dearly.

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/18/19 12:49 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I had a nice relaxing day today. I met Mary and Brian (sister and BIL) for lunch. I got the pick two seafood combo with shrimp scampi (love that garlic butter!) and wood smoked scallops (delicately flavored, and only 50 calories for 4!), with green beans as my side plus a nice small dinner salad. I got a free ice cream treat for my birthday which we shared. So good food without overdoing.
emoticon
I got groceries afterward, but have pretty much just been reading since then. I did chop up a new head of emoticon and prepped my salad extras for lunch. But I so enjoying the new Soulwood book, which is very good! So many fascinating interagency and interspecies dynamics (Nell is a new agent with a paranormal law enforcement group). I saw another Elementary episode over dinner, but will read a bit more before bed.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/16/19 4:28 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I am truly sorry for the pain you are in, Cynthia. I do hope you can speak to your therapist soon. I personally would like to see you let him go, because it sounds as though his presence in your life causes you great pain and separates you from your sources of strength and pleasure.

I don't know what will help you at this point. I don't know if getting your analytical brain working on the issue might help by calling forth a non-judgemental but discerning aspect of yourself to evaluate what you gain by having him stay or go, and what you lose by having him stay or go. Simply noting patterns and consequences, without blame or shame, may help you gain some clarity. And of course choosing soothing activities and reaching out to supportive people is always good in times of stress. So is deep breathing to calm and center and get out of your head and into your body. Trying some free online meditations may help.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Well I am super relieved about having my taxes done! Turns out I did have all I needed--she said I was very organized. They have a bit more to do, and will call me this week to come in and sign a form and pay for the preparation. Because of 2 W-2s from the 2 jobs, plus various schedules for interest, dividends, capital gains and losses, the tax bill will be higher than she normally sees for a single person without a business or itemized deductions, so she's giving me a discount (a good thing to encourage a repeat customer). But I will get a refund this year (I paid last year--though too much, since the IRS gave some of it back). I'm thinking I will put it toward a flat-screen TV to replace the old tube set I still have, which can tie in to my computer.

I got out of the tax appointment in time to go to Costco before they got super busy. Then I ran by the dollar store to pick up a bunch of stuff. Called Mary when I got home (after playing with Dora, of course) and made plans to meet her and Brian at Red Lobster in Federal Way for another birthday celebration-- emoticon emoticon . I'll also bring the rest of The Others series for Mary to reread, including the last 2 which will be new to her. I'm excited to hear her take on the two set in different locations & introducing new characters, although within the same universe.

I'm rereading the last Soulwood novel, another urban fantasy series set in Tennessee (by Faith Hunter, author of the longer Jane Yellowrock series), and have the newly ordered 4th book in that series which I can read right after. I'll do some relaxing this weekend, and refocus on other goals, now that taxes are handled for the year. She also gave me some guidelines on withholding, which I appreciated.

After my nap this afternoon, I put in several timer sessions, which always feel empowering!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 3/17/2019 (00:28)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/16/19 1:24 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I hope everything is in one place. I know from experience that not being able to find things and have to search by digging into every document I have is so daunting.

Today I am numb. Last night was hell and a lot of it could've been prevented had I just not called this toxic 'friend'. Or had I just let go of that fear of abandonment and instead just let him go as he threatened to end things. All of what little self respect I have is gone. Begging, crying, pleading, and ultimately giving in to his request for one of my medications in order to keep him from leaving. I feel deep shame. I feel that self loathing that I so often feel.

I have no one to share with. My sisters hate him, so they would just judge and spew venom which I think would only make things worse. last night My best friend whom I call when things become unbearable was unavailable. It went straight to voicemail. I needed her, but have no negative feelings towards her. I felt utterly alone. I still feel alone. I know God hears my prayers and is faithful, but last night I just needed a voice on the line to comfort me and help me know I will be okay.

I might call my therapist office on Monday to see if they just might have an opening.

Things are bad and this is just fueling the depression. I don't feel depressed today, just numb. I don't feel anxious either. Like I keep saying...just numb ...feeling absolutely nothing. But I know shame is there. Fear, anger is in there deep.

Thanks for listening.


Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/16/19 1:02 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon about the anxiety and isolating. Glad you are much better than before, and I understand how sometimes you just can't face something that feels too hard. Sometimes you can choose to try something for a little while, making it okay to just spend a short time, and not stay if it's too uncomfortable. Then you learn more about what you like and don't and where your limits are, and you discover that you can handle a little bit of new or uncomfortable.

I'm trying not to beat myself up about getting to my taxes this late. I had really planned to find someone to work with before this. At least I've been gathering documents, and may have everything I need in one place--hope so!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 3/16/2019 (01:30)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/15/19 10:58 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
My anxiety has been very intense. I haven't left my house since Wednesday evening at my friend's. I just cancelled yet again on a friend. Tomorrow evening I was going to go with her to our Sunday School class's get together. It's for singles aged 35 and up. It's just a small gathering, but I don't know most of the people there. My anxiety about going has been very high since the day after I agreed to go. I cancelled tonight rather than my usual cancel the very last minute. My psychiatrist would've encouraged me to make myself go. He really would like me to challenge my tendency to avoid social gatherings. But I just can't. So I succumbed to the anxiety as usual. Now to go out of my house tomorrow.

19 years ago I had crippling anxiety...panic attacks and didn't leave my apartment for nearly a year other than to go to Waffle House in the evening with my then husband where we knew pretty much everyone and to DBT therapy M-F for several months. I rarely even went to the mailbox and I became too scared to drive. It was hell. I have gotten soooo much better, yet I still haven't recovered 100%.close though, but then there are times when I hole up in my apartment here for a few days at a time. Then it becomes difficult to leave....not as terrifying as it once was, but still not easy peasy.

Tomorrow is a new day. Yay!

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/14/19 10:36 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon You set my mind at ease. I want to offer support without sounding like I'm trying to tell you what to do. I admire the work you are doing, am impressed by your self-reflection and growing recognition of your patterns, and want to remind you how wonderful you are and that you deserve all good things in your life, and don't need to stay in toxic or harmful relationships.
emoticon
I'm pleased that you have many supportive relationships that build you up, and am happy to hear you plan to put more time and effort into nurturing the relationships that nurture you. Glad you and your new friend had a great talk and fun TV time. Great to hear about a good therapy session too. You sound like you're in a pretty positive place, and that's wonderful!
emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/14/19 12:26 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Amanda, thank you so much for not only expressing your concerns, but also sharing your story. I'm happy you found the courage and strength to walk away and not look back. I'm proud of you for having such great self love and boundaries. I'm really struggling in the self love area. I'm trying to work on that. I did have a great therapy session yesterday morning.

I feel okay this morning, but when I think of walking away from this person and writing him off I get extremely emotional and it's very painful. However, I am willing to step back and spend less time with him and nurturing the other healthy friendships that I have.

Yesterday afternoon I had a wonderful uplifting conversation with a good friend. I haven't told her about the situation, because we are working on a newer friendship. However, we have shared some personal things regarding our last marriages. Anyhow, we had a great chat on the phone and she ended up inviting me to get home to binge watch out favorite show. I had a great time and it took my mind off of things. She is a great friend and I feel blessed by our friendship.

Today, I'm sparking, doing devotions, and unsure of what the rest of the day holds. I have a spark mail to reply to. I have an email to reply to, so that will be something to do with my day.

Hope you have a great day!
Hugs and blessings

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/13/19 11:00 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Cynthia, I do hope you are able to sleep well, and that your therapist can help you work on these issues. My major concern is that the situation you've described does not sound physically or emotionally safe for you. If you had a friend in such a situation, wouldn't you advise her to distance herself from someone who is a danger to her?

For myself, I love myself too much to ever be with someone who treats me unkindly or disrespectfully. I was married for just a few years when I was 20. He was emotionally abusive and I developed a "nervous stomach"--a precursor to an ulcer--from the stress. My sister visited me in Texas for a week, and saw some arguments between us. Her return flight was delayed, and as we sat in the waiting area, she asked me "Are you happy with Dennis?" That was all. But with my new job at the post office and working mandatory overtime for 3.5 hours most nights, I kept returning to that question. When I recognized that I wasn't happy, and likely never would be happy with him, I knew I needed a separation. I hadn't made any firm decisions, but after the first weekend alone in my new apartment, the relief and ability to relax was so huge, I knew I would never go back.

There are times I'm lonely, and I would like to be in a romantic relationship, but I can only be with someone who builds me up and appreciates me, and respects my boundaries. I hope you will remember how precious you are--to friends, to family, to God--and treat yourself accordingly.

I hope I've expressed my concern appropriately, without sounding too bossy or like I'm telling you what to do, because of course, you have to make your own choice about what is best for you.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/13/19 12:30 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Amanda, I'm so proud of you for getting so much accomplished when it would've been so easy to put it off till the next day. Easier until that next day of anxiety that you talked about. Great insight and motivation!!

Today was kind of good. It had its moments...such as finding four like new dining room chairs for a very reasonable price from let go app. The young woman I purchased from was very kind and helpful too.

But the other parts overshadowed all of that. I'm in a very unhealthy friendship with my ex boyfriend. I got very angry at him today over stressful at the time things, but wouldn't have been so stressful had I just taken a low dose of my anxiety medicine to help push through feeling badly. I apologized and did my best to make my amends.

Later this evening he came over for a visit. During the visit a lot of innuendo was tossed my way and he made an advance at me. It was humiliating and I was very hurt and angry and yet I said nothing. Them later tonight after a few tears and just turning numb, I found the courage to confront him and ask him to please stop with the inappropriate behavior. Well he became very belligerent, yelling at me over the phone, making threats to end our friendship. I became so emotional and the fear of abandonment was so strong that I pleaded with him to talk it out and just honor my request. He refused. He said he wasn't going to change for me.

We've gone through a vicious cycle of similar problems and other problems. He belittles me, tried to push buttons. I am not great, I yell a lot and say a lot of mean things myself.

I just cannot seem to move on. There's something wrong with me. Anyone else would've ran the other way long ago. He can't move forward either. Yes, I'd be devastated to leave him or for him to leave me, yet This isn't working.

A mutual friend of ours was not very kind not compassionate when I mentioned it. I'm too tired to go into it.

I feel terrible. I'm mad at myself for letting this go on and on. Thankfully I see my therapist tomorrow.

I'm off to hopefully get a good night's rest.

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/9/19 10:33 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm so glad some of my ideas may be helpful! I've had great therapists, attended powerful workshops, read insightful books, and I can sometimes distill things or combine them into something easy and practical to try. It's a gift I've used in my own healing and transformation, and I love sharing ideas with others. And I'll never be offended if something that resonates with me doesn't work for a different person.

I'm also really happy you are listening to your body, and paid attention when you needed to rest. I had been looking forward to pickleball today (the only day I can play around here, since I work full time), but realized I was behind on chores and errands, and would feel overworked and anxious trying to squeeze them all in tomorrow, or forcing myself to be active after running around for 2 hours. So I stayed home this morning and did 3 loads of laundry, then went to the bank and shopping, finding athletic shoes on sale as well as 3 striking tops on sale as well. I used my BD coupon at Ivar's to get 2 crab caesar salads for the price of one, and picked up a few things at Target where I bumped into a dear coworker from my state job, whom I'm seeing later this month after she returns from a trip w/ girlfriends to Jamaica! I also had a delightful interaction with a sweet cashier about my age with whom I laughed a lot. I want to send in a survey praising her as a great employee.

Then I read and napped and read some more until I finished my wonderful book, Wild Country. Just got off the phone with Mary who has begun to reread the awesome urban fantasy series of The Others, and let her know this latest one is excellent--in fact I just started it again, so I can savor the details this time through, like the final words in Chapter 2, as the new sheriff, a Wolf shifter, thinks to himself "Humans. Couldn't live with them; couldn't eat them all."

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/9/19 4:44 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Amanda, thank you! I feel very safe here and I really appreciate your encouragement, sharing of ideas. You are amazing! The idea of asking myself how my friends or God sees me is brilliant!

Today I feel so darn tired. Like the energy has been sucked out of me. I think it's just Fibro fatigue. The gloomy weather might play a part too.

I've had a good couple of days. I've kept very busy, and today My body is telling me to rest, so I have. I just got up from a little nap a little while ago. One of my friends wanted to come up to my place, but we've spent a lot of time together lately and I just want a bunch of quiet me time. However, later this evening I do plan on going out to another friend's house to watch movies and have pizza. That should be fun.

I've felt the compulsion to eat, so I have snacked quite a bit today. It's not out of boredom, or strong emotions, just that obsessive thought on food.

Oh I feel a nap attack coming on...geez how I hope I can find energy to go to my friend's. I know how much I will enjoy it.


Edited by: HLTHAPPINESS4C at: 3/9/2019 (16:57)
Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/8/19 12:30 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Cynthia, I am honored by the depth and honesty of your sharing. Thank you for the trust you are demonstrating. I hope you don't mind me offering some ideas to consider. And let me preface sharing those by saying I will never tell you that you shouldn't feel the way you do. Your feelings are yours, and are always valid. And it's good to remember you can choose different thoughts and feelings if you wish, though it can take practice to change mental & emotional habits.

We all fall short of how we want to be and behave at times because we are not perfect beings. And we can practice self-compassion, just as we offer compassion to dear friends, counseling them not to beat themselves up for making mistakes. When we hurt another person, we can apologize and offer to make amends if appropriate. And we can do so without being unkind to ourselves.

One particular exercise that may help when you catch yourself feeling unlovable or unworthy is to ask "How do my friends see me?" or "How does God see me?" or "What would one of my dearest friends tell me right now about this?" or "What does Jesus want me to remember or to feel now?" You can always change the channel from an inner critic to a more compassionate voice.

And I want to congratulate you on a pretty quick turnaround from crying last night to feeling more hopeful and happy today. It's real progress when the blues don't keep you down for days. I want to find the lyrics to a song I like, Everyone's Been Blue, to share with you. OK, all for tonight. I want to check in with my other 2 teams!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/7/19 1:44 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Amanda emoticon for sharing some great ideas that have the potential to help me.
I love Trader Joes! One of my favorite grocers. Hope you enjoy your new books! What fun!

Today I am feeling quite well. I went to lunch with a group of women from church. They are so nice and I enjoyed the fellowship. Right now I am Starbucks just hanging out. I stopped in before I head home. I enjoyed a caramel macchiato iced....it was my freebie. I feel rather happy. I hope it lasts.

Yesterday afternoon a good friend and I went to a used bookstore. It was fun. I put some store credit towards some great books. 4 Amish fiction that I have been wanting to read and a new devotions book..

Last night I had a crying spells because earlier that day I had lashed out towards a friend. It's not the healthiest friendship. But there was no reason for being so mean. Last night the self loathing came and I just cried. Because of my anger issues, I don't date. I feel unlovable and unworthy. I never lazy out at my girlfriends. They are strong healthy relationships. I mean some things frustrate me or I feel disappointed, but nothing like relationships with guys...boyfriends, ex husband ect. I feel so alone....which is ridiculous since I have friends that love me dearly.

My psychiatrist did another med change. Today is the first day. Oh I am hopeful . The last recent med change a little over a week ago was fair, but my Dr thought it should be tweaked a bit. Treatment resistant bipolar depression makes me feel hopeless at times. But I am hopeful now.



Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
3/5/19 11:52 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
It's good you are aware of patterns, like the tendency to take an emotional nosedive in the evening. I wonder if you've tried reserving certain fun activities for that time--Sparking, doing puzzles, reading, dancing? It might be a nice time to journal, too, with those cool new ones you got. You can review progress you've made, list blessings, make plans, write affirmations.

Have you done much work with affirmations? I use them quite a bit to focus on positive thoughts and intentions. A couple possibilities popped into my head, like "There is beauty to be found in every hour of the day" or "Blessings come to me by day and by night." No idea if something like that appeals to you, but thought I'd toss out the idea.

It's wonderful that you have so many loving and supportive connections with people. You could write out letters to people in the evenings, or take up a craft and make things for those special people. I love brainstorming possibilities!

I'm feeling pretty relieved that I got home in time to drive over to Burien to hit the Trader Joe's and get enough groceries to last until the weekend. It was approaching full dark by the time I got home, but I came by the big streets, and know the way well. Had yummy leftover potato soup and fresh veggies with spinach-parmesan dip.

I'll drive over to Barnes and Noble after work tomorrow to pick up the brand new Others novel by Anne Bishop that came out today. I'm still reading book 5, which sets up the new story, taking place in a frontier town (so to speak), called Wild Country. I think I'll prep for work tomorrow, then read some more.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,473
3/5/19 8:09 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
So far today I have felt emoticon , which feels good. I say so far today , because a lot of evenings I end up feeling quite lonely and very sad despite having had a good day. My mind will suddenly drift to dark places. Then all hell breaks loose with my emotions. It's an all to often and common occurrence.

This morning I saw my psychiatrist. He changed up my medication a bit. I am hoping that it will work. I will be praying that it works. I am grateful to have such a kind, compassionate doctor that listens and is very helpful. Afterwards, I dropped off my prescriptions at the pharmacy. I walked around the store and found some nice journals on sale. I love journals. I really like journaling, but don't do very often anymore. However, I think it would really be helpful.

Once I got home, I ate a bite and then texted a good friend. We ended up meeting at a fun coffee shop downtown that we both enjoy. We had an enjoyable time. I am grateful for the sunny day and the chance to go walking. Also grateful to have such a good friend to enjoy coffee with.

I talked to my brother this evening. I always love our chats. He brightens my day. I generally don't share many of my problems with him, because he has mild autism and bipolar disorder and has his own struggles. He would just worry. He brightens my world far more than he is aware.

I plan on calling my best friend I a little bit. She too is a bright light in my world.

I need to wash my hair tonight, but my fibro is starting to flare up. More than likely it will have to wait. Thank goodness for dry shampoo.

Off to eat dinner...tonight's care is an Amy's kitchen gluten free bean burrito.





Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 January SparkPoints: 1,235
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
2/2/19 12:50 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
My meeting with Karen was great. She's really happy with me. She likes how conscientious I am and how quickly I've learned a lot of complex information. She complimented how I interact with callers and other staff on the floor. She definitely wants me participating in activities like the Float Pool staff meeting (an all-day event) in March (sort of a quarterly thing), which is all the people under her. And she also talked about the informal ESJ (Equity and Social Justice) gatherings that generally happen monthly. She thinks I'd enjoy them, and will speak to Ian about letting me take part. Sounds like we may be getting someone transferring in from one of the clinics to help with calls which would take some pressure off when it comes to being able to take part in activities outside the unit.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
1/29/19 12:18 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm getting caught up with my checking for old records & reporting when they aren't linked. I actually began checking today's clients. I had been running 2-3 days behind! I haven't had a one-on-one yet for "official" feedback. I think I'm doing well, but want to get a more formal sense of how the 2 supervisors think I'm doing.

I'm really pleased that I spent time on all 3 goal areas this evening. This first month of the year, I'm working on developing routines that will help me make more consistent progress. Will be thinking about what I want next month's focus to be.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
1/26/19 9:57 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
My weight jumped up a couple pounds from Friday. Not sure how much was the high-fat, high-sodium nachos. And not sure how much my ~2 hours of pickleball will counter the gain. I was playing the whole time, from some gentle practice sessions to warm up or catch my breath waiting to start another game, to pretty steady doubles games with the running and swinging. I did better than I expected after a 6- or 7-week absence. Sure, I missed some easy shots, but I also made some pretty great plays also. It was my back that was hurting as much as my shoulder by the last half hour (plenty of twisting and bending down), since my new racquet I was breaking in (a Xmas gift) is only 9 ounces compared to my first one which was wooden and weighed ~ 1 pound. Still when I got home, I took a naproxen gel cap before reading and then taking a nap.

Since getting up, I've cleaned in the kitchen and mixed my coffee beans (flavored plus espresso) for home and work. I've also alternated timer sessions with reading--a new series by Charlaine Harris--details in the reading thread. I'm also trying out timing my Spark and Spider sessions with the count up feature, just to get a sense of how much time I spend doing those activities. Hoping to get a bit more done this evening. Wishing everyone a great rest of your weekend!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
1/25/19 11:12 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Yes, nacho day was fun. I could have chopped more tomatoes--they were the most popular, though they also used most of the olives and some of the green onions. I enjoyed a couple of small bowls myself. We had one crockpot of refried beans, and one of the nacho cheese with ground turkey, so they were hearty. The TJ's garlic salsa went over well, too, with about half the jar gone. So no Chinese takeout for lunch today, with my nachos instead. I did run downstairs for a latte--a new flavor: Pistachio Brittle with pistachio and caramel syrups. Next time I'll try their Zesty Pistachio with orange zest. Walked up the steep hill to Kobe Terrace Park & sat and read a while, sipping my latte. Then returned and had some fruit before returning to work. Our callers cooperated by not inundating us with calls--but then we had an extra float today--she of the January birthday who requested nachos for the birthday potluck.

And when I walked home today, it was still light in Seattle, and with mostly clear weather, it wasn't full dark in Tukwila. To the east the sky was navy, but to the west the sky was a dusky lavender with traces of pink clouds just visible. I love the increasing light. And I'm so happy to have my energy returning. I checked in with my pickleball buddy & printed directions to the SeaTac Community Center where they start earlier and have more nets. It's been at least 6 weeks since I've played! I'm looking forward to it, though I'll need to build my stamina and skill back up.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
1/25/19 12:22 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm glad it's not dark now when I leave work, though it is by the time the bus drops me off in Tukwila. I just checked the weather to see if I need an extra bottom layer--when the nights get down to the 30s, I wear an extra layer under my pants. Only supposed to get down to 40. Next Monday was predicted with a low of 31, but that's gone up to 34. I'll keep an eye out. I have my lighter and heavier Cuddl Duds I wear, depending on just how cold it is! The low temp also determines whether I wear my fleece jacket or puffy, insulated coat.

I mailed my auntie's card--made sure it stayed in the purse. Of course no mad dashes for the bus today. I also got my retirement form turned in to the payroll group. It was due on Saturday, I think. When I began with the state, I wasn't careful with the 90-day deadline. I had 3 months in my head, and missed the last day by either 1 day or 2, and the default was not my first choice! I figured I needed it in this week, and last night when going through papers on the table, I found a county letter written 45 days after my hire, reminding me of the due date. So while I'm happy I took so long, I'm glad it's done in time.

I did a few timer sessions, as reported in the Babysteps and streaks thread. Chopped green onions, tomatoes and olives for our nacho bar tomorrow, and just put the Trader Joe's Garlic Chipotle Salsa jar where I'll see it in the morning. I'm running out of steam, so will read a little and call it a night.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
11/1/18 12:36 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I used to do a Tarot reading for all eight yearly festivals (of which Samhain or Halloween is one), but haven't for the last few. And right now I'm guarding my energy. It's mostly good stress I'm experiencing, with so much new stuff, but it is tiring. I'm enjoying both my cozy mystery on the bus and at work, and Jim Butcher's newest fantasy, The Aeronaut's Windlass, at home. We occasionally get the action from the viewpoint of a cat, who thinks very little of the great majority of humans he encounters.

Did an informal training on a number of the programs of the Community Health Service focused on women and children. Finished the project I began yesterday of putting labels on mailings for the Access and Outreach group. Did 300 yesterday and 339 today. I finally ran out of the pre-stuffed envelopes, and had to put together the last 50 or so. I also began a series of e-learning modules on HIPPA laws, policies and procedures. I finished 3 of the 12 that are due on 11/13, and scored 100 on the two that had a quiz after the material was given. Found out the supervisor of the call center unit Ian (as opposed to my supervisor who heads the float unit, Karen) is an avid reader as well. He was reading a historical fiction novel by an author I wasn't familiar with at lunch today. Just a few coworkers dressed up today. One was just amazing, in a beautiful embroidered black Mexican style dress, with her face made up as a Dia de los Muertos skull. I don't know if I've met her yet. I have to go see what she looks like without the face paint!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
10/26/18 10:00 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I talked to my old supervisor (through today) about the eligibility documents, and she looked it up; she was surprised that the rules have changed, in that you used to be able to use 2 "group B" forms of ID, but now you need a B and a C document, if no A (passport or equivalent). But she found in the C list, well below a Social Security card, a receipt for a replacement SS card. I can order a new card, and I don't much care the price--it will be good to have, even if the original turns up! I emailed that option to the new HR lady who said yes, bring the receipt in on day 2, and the card when it comes. {{Heavy, relieved sigh}}
emoticon emoticon
Had a good exit interview with supervisor (for 7 months) and manager (for 11 years). They had good questions, and let me enumerate and discuss the things that had caused the greatest frustration and unhappiness over the years. They each said they agreed on several of the points, and had communicated similar feedback to higher ups. And the manager thanked me for an agency-wide training recommendation based on the superior Customer Service University tool (which I participated in the design team for back in my early days). I also took screenshots of some of the elements, creating an overview document to share with the county.

I continued purging wildly, and was able to box up some supplies I had brought from Tukwila that would have been tossed or surplused in Seattle, for the manager to return where I figured they really would get used. I had been bringing a few things home the last few days, but underestimated how much remained, including a banker's box (with lid) from home which got filled up that I carried in addition to my purse and a full rolling bag. Had to use the elevator for the first time to get down to the transit tunnel for the bus home.

I even rushed through the annual Employee Engagement survey at the end of the day. They added a bunch of items this year--160 in all, degree-range multiple choice except for the last 2 open-ended ones. I even created messages for email and phone until they take them down, which always seems to take a couple of weeks. So now I have bunches of work stuff to sort through as well as the mess left by the electricians from the fire alarm install! But not tonight. Right now I'm just giving myself time to feel the relief of this ending, towards which I've been rushing for so long, and to decompress!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
10/25/18 12:36 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
My morning tomorrow will be simpler in one way, since I showered and washed my hair after my massage today, so can skip in the morning. But my apartment is on the list to get the new required fire alarms installed, and I received a letter a few days ago saying pets had to be caged or crated for the day while they are working--and going in and out. Since the only thing I have is a small carry crate, and didn't want to stuff her in there for 11 hours, I figure I'll take her litter box and food out onto the balcony. I already have a water dish out there (as well as one inside). But she'll have more room and entertainment and be way more comfortable. I think I'll even put her bed under the outdoor rocker for padded snoozing.

Though more of my mouth was numbed with this filling repair (they said that's true when working on the lower teeth as opposed to the upper ones like last week), it took less time, since pieces hadn't broken off, just needing resealing. I made sure to have a big breakfast before so eating wasn't a challenge. Had a great massage, though got a shock when I paid afterward and found that while the introductory price I got last week was only $10 more than it used to be, the "regular price" which I hadn't asked about is over 50% higher! I told them it's the last time I'll go there; that I wasn't prepared for that huge a jump.

At least the AAA office and store that went in this year across the shopping center gave me a bunch of new, up-to-date maps for FREE! I had planned to do a little shopping at the expanded See's store, but being over budge with the massage, skipped it. I also got the book rate when I mailed my overdue "just because" gift (I've had it for months now), which was considerably less than I was expecting.

Just two more days with my agency! It's all about the clean up, purging and organizing now!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
10/23/18 9:07 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I am feeling *so* relieved, since my eye pressure was way down and in the normal range for both eyes today. Normal is 10-20. Last time after dilation (which has raised it in the past), the right was low 20s and the left was over 30. When I returned a few hours later, they had both lowered, but the left was still well over 20, so I got eye drops to use--one drop before bed just in the left eye. I've been very consistent for 4 weeks, only forgot one time on night #2. The eye doc was very pleased and recommended I keep taking the drops, and we'll monitor in 6 months.

Because of my eye anatomy, and a "narrow angle" issue, I tend toward higher pressure, which is why I had a laser procedure which created another tiny hold for eye fluid to drain. It also puts me at risk for developing glaucoma, which I've heard of but didn't understand what it was. I learned it describes damage to the optic nerve and there are different types. I had a vision field test today checking my peripheral vision to set a baseline. There were issues with that test, and I wasn't happy when it was done; used the long wait for the doctor to calm down and start writing up negative feedback. The young cute doctor was very nice, and very sympathetic when she came in and I complained about the earlier test. But she also delivered the news that I did really well on the test (which she also said is really hard and everyone hates), and it indicates my optic nerve is very healthy. She explained a lot of stuff and gave me brochures to read, and I plan to give her very high marks when Kaiser sends me their survey. I haven't bothered in the past, being busy, but I want to tell them the bad and the good in this visit.

Then I treated myself to a visit to my old office in Tukwila to run around and say hello and good-bye to the people who were there. Had a few really nice talks with people, and got a recommendation on another Seattle garden to visit. I even got to help one of the newer employees who has just become the secondary sales auditor, since the primary was out today, and I was the primary sales auditor for many years. I was happy to train him--much easier than trying to get help by phone from another office or leave the fiscal correction until the next day. Now relaxing . . . ahhhhhh . . . !

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
10/23/18 12:04 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
What class are you trying? I had to give up gym membership a few years ago due to cost. I do a number of online videos for ST and cardio.

I'm working on purging papers and wrapping up my accounts. I'm down to 4 from my 20 they gave me back 2-3 weeks ago. And I'm continuing to help train the new CSS in the Collections DJA. (I tend to copy and paste the same updates on a few teams, but I realize you aren't familiar with the Developmental Job Assignment I had for 6 months working Collections for worker's comp taxes for the state.)

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 10/23/2018 (00:06)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
ILANAALIX's Photo ILANAALIX Posts: 278
10/22/18 12:32 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm just about to go to my women's gym for a class I haven't tried before. Yay! My fibromyalgia pain is really bad in my left shoulder. Will that stop me? heck no!

 current weight: 124.6 
147
139
131
123
115
ILANAALIX's Photo ILANAALIX Posts: 278
10/22/18 12:31 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Wow! That's awesome! Well done

 current weight: 124.6 
147
139
131
123
115
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
10/20/18 5:22 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm tired and ready for a nap. Played pickleball this morning for ~ an hour and a half, or a little more, so am pretty worn out.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
10/18/18 9:40 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm happy and relieved: Finally! After more than 4.5 years of searching, and 81 applications submitted, I officially have a new job with the county, and a start date of 10/29! It will be a 20% pay increase, and I can't wait!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
7/13/18 12:39 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
It's late and I'm tired. I pushed through and finished my application--a very good one, IMHO--and got it submitted. Ready for a little reading, a treat, then bed!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
6/14/18 1:20 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I took a sick day today. I totally rested and read today; will go back to work tomorrow feeling more balanced.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
5/10/18 12:20 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I just heard I was one of 6 from my last interview who made the list they'll draw from when an opening comes up. I'll stay on the list through 2018. No guarantees, but very satisfying!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
4/28/18 7:55 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Had a good interview, I think. It was the most relaxed and informal one I've had. The supervisor of the float pool and a colleague. They had 4 questions they let me read and jot notes for ahead of time. The other supervisor (also in the Public Health Department) asked some questions about Labor and Industries, because he didn't know much about what we do. As I described all that we're involved in, as well as what people mistakenly think we do that we don't (different agencies/jurisdictions), he commented that could really help me in the job they were interviewing me for. What I didn't realize is that it's term limited--only a year, and as a floater, it could mean reporting/filling in for a few weeks or days or longer at any of the clinics countywide. If I should get an offer, it might make a difference in how much they offered above what I'm making now: a little, probably not, a lot--them maybe.

It was cool that the county building was just a few blocks away. When I was done, I popped next door to the espresso shop for a latte with cinnamon syrup. Yum! And being Friday, I got lunch out, returning to the Mexican grill nearby for a burrito bowl, with enough for leftovers. Naturally I added veggies this morning, and ate only half (still 2 servings), so more tomorrow--thus 3 meals for $10--not bad!

Went to Costco for groceries today, then to the library to pick up several books (including the next 3 Jane Yellowrock novels), when I discovered I didn't have the one I'm reading now--that I'm almost finished with! I was reading it in line at Costco, so checked my bags in the trunk--not there. I remembered setting it on the pay shelf while making my payment, but couldn't remember picking it up. So back to Costco--luckily finding a parking space way back in the corner--and asked the one employee I know who was at the entry this visit. She called somebody about it, but suggested I go back to the checkstand I had used. I had a general idea among the dozen they have, and was cutting through a closed one, explaining I was looking for a library book, and the employee I spoke to called someone else who walked over carrying it. I thanked him profusely, showing the bookmark position, saying "I'm almost done with it!" When I went out the exit, I ran over to the entrance to show Michelle I had it back, and thanked her as well.

I read, then napped. Read more over afternoon coffee, then some cleaning and Sparking. Next time I sit down, I'll finish it. Oh boy! This dark urban fantasy is complex and exciting, with fascinating mythos (like the origin of vampires being connected to biblical history).

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (340,140)
Fitness Minutes: (272,405)
Posts: 21,420
4/24/18 10:37 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon and emoticon . Your name seems familiar, have you joined in the past?

My Seattle walks are the best! Way more tulips open today in the waterfall park--of course it was also warm (low 70s eventually) and sunny. Up the hill at Kobe Terrace, the one light pink rhodie with darker pink buds is suddenly mostly in full blossom, surrounded by dark magenta azaleas that are just passing their prime. For my afternoon walk I usually return to the waterfall, but today I explored a bit more of Chinatown, traveling side streets I hadn't been on. Interesting. And I love not obsessing over exactly how many minutes I'm on break--a nice difference from the other office.


Ran into some complex account issues, but I was pleased that on one I put forward what I'd like to see us do, not being sure if it could be done. Gary (the collections supe) said it was a good catch and a good teaching example, and we'll take care of it when he returns on Thursday. I had hoped to get back to my customer, but completely ran out of time. I'm glad he and Alan (the trainer/lead) won't be in tomorrow, so I can play catch up!

I did several little tasks this evening after work, and then just realized "that's enough." I don't feel exhausted, but just need to reserve and replenish energy. I'm thoroughly enjoying this urban fantasy novel I'm reading, and plan to request some more in the series. Think I'll go make dinner now.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 149.2 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
NJ_BEACHCOMBERS's Photo NJ_BEACHCOMBERS Posts: 22,316
4/24/18 4:22 P

Community Team Member

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon blessed

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.”
Oprah Winfrey


 current weight: 169.0 
200
182.5
165
147.5
130

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Survivors of Abuse General Team Discussion Forum Posts

Topics:
Last Post:
1/4/2020 3:33:37 PM
1/7/2020 12:03:23 AM
7/27/2020 12:45:55 PM
7/28/2020 2:59:59 PM



Thread URL: https://sparkpittsburgh.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=0x2525x27584541

Review our Community Guidelines