Message board topics
Reply Create A New Topic Subscribe to this Discussion
Author:
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
5/19/19 7:37 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I did the dog walk after my last entry. Yesterday, I took the dogs on a slow walk half-way round the block up at the lake. One of the old guys was having a tough time - his back legs are getting pretty gimpy, so we did not get far. I should be in the basement of the elliptical now instead of here....later today, along with some weights.

Visited mom and crazy sister for a bit yesterday. My sister's MIL Joyce was there having lunch with them. Surprise. My sister's husband has been looking for assisted living for his parents the last couple weeks. Joyce spent most of time lamenting leaving her home. She's having memory issues as well. I tried to reassure her, empathize with her feelings, and calmly answer her repeated many questions. Afterwards, younger son & I stopped by to see my MIL (son's MawMaw). When we walked in, I was pleasantly surprised to see her alert and talkative. Husband followed us out as we left - the only time she was like that was the time my younger son was in the room. Said she'd been very unresponsive all day.

Attended a grad party last night and reconnected with several families we have not seen in a while. Good to see them. Hopefully younger son will reconnect with some of the kids and do somethings with them this summer.

The week ahead - no idea what it holds - I have appts on weds and thurs that hopefully will not interfere with MIL care. I pray the room gets ready and all outstanding paperwork is correctly submitted and my MIL moves in. I feel badly for hoping this, but I know it is best for everyone. I hope I can get myself to workout more than 1 x this week! Then work...

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
5/17/19 6:55 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Made it to Group Power last night. A good class. All I wanted to do was curl up on the couch after a long day of work and taking care of inlaws. But - I made myself go and I'm glad I went.

Today - got news that the facility wants to replace the floors in MIL's room before she moves in....!!!!!! I can't help but feel we are getting run around from them. I was hopeful we would move her in this week, then hoping we could get the furniture in this weekend and move her in Monday...Now - I have no idea. SIL had a fit and sent a nasty email saying we need to explore other options. There are no other options! Well - I guess we could get her into a nursing home - but no one has explored that option and we much prefer this place. We are all at breaking points. FIL is being a pain with the caregivers we have now - insisting most of them are horrible and complaining to the organizers about each and everyone. Husband has had to work hard to keep getting anyone. SIL is now saying she can't continue to do her time with parents. How people deal with this for months and years on end - I don't know. Trying to stay calm and supportive. When we get this settled, it is time to organize paperwork for my mom. I want to have everything in place in case things happen with her.

I have no idea whether I will get any exercise in this weekend. SPIN room at gym is closed for renovation, so no class tomorrow. I think I need to shut the computer down, put on my shoes and take the dogs out for a walk.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
5/15/19 8:58 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I managed to make it to Cardio Tone on Monday. Good class and I was so glad to be there, even though I felt so out of shape during the class. I am hoping I can find some time tomorrow to do something. I feel that all we are doing is work and taking care of inlaws.

I seesaw back and forth on MIL's actions. I know the dementia is real. It is just so bizarre how in some ways she acts so ' normal', but other ways, she's not there. I know at times she is acting - I just wish we would get a definitive answer on when we can move her in. I feel badly for wanting to get her in, but I know she will be better taken care of in a facility - and mentally, she needs the stimulation they can provide. At home, all she's doing is sitting in her chair, dozing on and off all day. It's not a good situation. I wonder again how we missed the clues and symptoms. My FIL is starting to have some health issues and I wonder what will happen with him soon. I'm sure stress has something to do with his issues. I'm hoping once we get MIL settled, things will get back to normal - but there is no normal now. A new normal will be found - but I know the next few months are going to be tough. I told my husband, I want to go away for a couple days once MIL moves in - I need some time to unwind - hopefully I can get my friend to do a couple days girls; trip somewhere - family and work allowing.




Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
5/12/19 9:57 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Saturday, I dressed to attend SPIN...then changed my mind and took the granddog for a long walk instead. It was the right move. He needed to get out and I needed to be outside. It started raining right as we finished the walk and has stayed that way for the most part since. There will be time to get back to the gym classes later.

Today, went to church with my mom and then to her place for breakfast. Home for a bit. Then to inlaws. Inlaws spent the whole day yesterday at SIL's - and I was told they had a great day. If so, she's paying for it today. Not a good day. Not a horrible day either - but there has been a significant turn for the worse this last week. There is an assessment tomorrow that we hope she can 'pass' which would clear the way for her to move in to the assisted living memory care facility. I hate to use the word 'hope', but it is hope. Otherwise, I am not sure what we do. My SIL texted tonight which indicated that she cannot take much more.

Here's hoping we make it through tomorrow with grace and compassion.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
5/10/19 8:09 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I sit here wondering what the next few days ahead hold for us all? And then I wonder why does that seem so different now? I guess I live each day expecting it to be more or less the same...now I know that's an illusion. Even the tiny, little changes everyday are making a difference.

FIL is canceling the MRI scheduled for Monday, as he feels the stress is too much for MIL. I understand. I agree to some point (not that it matters), but I also wonder whether the MRI would have indicated some damage due to her falls and possibly, just possibly, there could be a small tiny tear that is causing some brain abnormal functionality. I know she could not handle any anesthesia so I guess it doesn't matter. I remember when our friend/business subcontractor knocked his head in 2013. He had a very tiny tear that over 3 weeks turned into a huge issue. He's lucky to be alive today. His abnormal behavior started slow - but over time, his actions and behavior turned bizarre. He couldn't add, talk, read...altho, as my husband and I review our memories over the last 4 years, we see or re-interpret actions we put down to other things and realize this issue has been here for YEARS. The turning over the checkbook, stopping driving, stopping dance, stopping so many things in her life. Her shuffling started about 4 years ago. Of course, her husband, my FIL, is sticking to the 'story' that the anesthesia caused some massive change. Yes - there is change - but it's not as massive or drastic as they are saying. And a lot of the behavior we associated with her back issues we now understand may actually be related to dementia. Still reading the book, altho most of what I'm reading now is irrelevant to her situation as she is far beyond it. Getting an education which will be good for the future tho. I have not spent alot of time reading the last few years - definitely time to get back to learning things.

Not expecting to get much exercise again this weekend and early next week. It will be ok. I am hoping we have a better plan forward by mid next week. I expect this weekend and early next week to be very traumatic emotionally...

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
5/7/19 8:18 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I think I need to stop writing about attending classes for a while. Sat, I made it to the gym parking lot. I was on a phone call with my friend getting advice about MIL so I missed the start of class. Ended up skipping the class and driving to inlaws with intent to get a walk in. Walk never happened - but it was good that I went over there. Younger son arrived from school and was able to visit his MawMaw for a bit. Older son came down Sunday to visit. Yesterday was a blur of taking people here and there, cleaning, some work thrown in, and cooking.

My main role seems to have become meal provider. A role I like but also hate. I feel I am obsessed with food. With everything going on, it's rather amazing to realize that no one seems to be considering that my MIL needs to eat decent food - at certain times. So - I have taken that on. She really only eats once a day, and I've noticed that if it is at a certain time, she will eat a reasonable amount. Prior to providing meals, I was noticing she was picking at things and not eating a meal. Writing of such, I need to get to the store.

Yesterday, I intended to get to Cardio Tone...BUT...there was mowing to be done at 2 warehouses. My husband and I took that on and as were heading home, with my desiring a shower, got an emergency text from inlaws. Ended up at their house rest of day. Got home at 8:30. Long day. No formal exercise. But that's ok.

Has a whole paragraph that just disappeared??? How does that happen? Guess it wasn't important. OK - off to do another day - God grant me grace sufficient for life's day.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
5/4/19 8:42 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Life is burring by. Been reading The 36 Hour Day to get some insight into what's going on. Makes me wonder how long things were 'hidden' - and more importantly, how could we have been so blind? T0 paraphrase - there are none so blind as those who will not see...big sigh. Last night MIL was asking relevant questions re my youngest. She told me she is looking forward to resuming our Weds lunches. When I hugged her good night, she grabbed onto me and just held me. When my mother's mother passed away (alz's related) in 1993, I read an article about the descent into this disease. The phrase I will never forget was "Hell's not that bad a place to be if you don't know you're in hell." It tears me up not knowing - does she know she's in hell? Or is she numb to it all? Has she passed the point of being aware? I truly hope she is numb to it and not cognizant. Seeing what this is doing to her husband and her kids...plenty of hell to go around.

OK - youngest son has his last final this evening. He will head home to unpack. Go back early in am to check out of his dorm. Then he is off for a few days on a trip. Back Thursday. Lots to talk about. He will work for our company this summer so we need to get that sorted out. Not sure if he will head out of town or we will need him here to assist. I need to consider how much he can handle with his grandmother. He was with my father when he passed and he was a huge comfort to my mom at that time. BUT - this is pretty hard for a 19 yo. Son pulled a fast one on me a couple weeks ago - said he may want to transfer to another college. Of course, my immediate reaction is wondering what's wrong at his current college...followed by some joy that he wants to transfer to this college...followed by wondering if he CAN transfer...followed by panic that I can't go through that again after his brother's experience....I'm a bad mom...LOL. This younger son is a great student, good habits, mature beyond his years. He will do fine wherever he attends. But, lots to talk about. WE have not informed him of his grandmother's condition yet. He saw her Easter for a bit, but I don't think he picked up on her mental status at that time.

I will head to SPIN in just a few minutes. I will actually get to the gym and attend the class. Then - not sure what the day holds.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
4/30/19 8:21 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Had an appointment today at the functional medicine office. One of my oldest friend's has been treated by the doctor for just over a year. She has lost an astounding amount of weight - and more importantly feels terrific. I had told my husband the day she weighs less than I, I am making an appointment. The wait time to see the doctor is 6 months - so I opted to see the PA in her office. I figure I can switch to dr if need be. I was not impressed with the office staff. I am not sure of the PA. I am curious to see what comes of the testing. I have a follow up appt in 3 weeks. In meantime, she provided me with an elimination diet plan to follow. SO - starting tomorrow - here I go - again. I saw another functional med group in 2011. Stayed with them about 1 year...not much gained (lost for that matter). Hope springs eternal...hoping for results this time.

Went by inlaws afterwards. MIL is fading quickly. SIL told us Sunday FIL had realized he needed to find a 'place' for her...but nothing has been done at this point. My friend with assisted living places has provided suggestions. But actually thinking of her in a place is heartbreaking.

I MUST get back to exercise in some form tomorrow. WE have a bunch of work to wade through. I need to exercise more than the dog walks I have managed to get done. Today, I feel I have been in a brain fog - from fasting too long due to blood draw? Not sure what the reason...I don't like it tho.

Time to get something done.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
4/27/19 8:43 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Work and caregiving and dog stuff - that's about all I've managed the last few days. I did weights the other night - but not enough and the elliptical never happened. I have a funeral to attend this morning. So - no spin class. Something must be done today exercise wise cause I feel as if I am about to bust.

My husband was with his parents all day yesterday. I was there for a couple hours later in the day. We actually managed to have meaningful conversation and for about an hour, she seemed her normal self. Then she drifted off and when she awoke, she had the confused little girl look, dipping her chin and peeking up at you from the corners of her eyes. Heartbreaking. HUsband is there now - not sure how today has started.

Today will be an exercise in finding the joy in life, including the heartbreaking/heart-tugging situations.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
4/24/19 6:50 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
How is it possible that sometimes life crawls and then other times you get whiplash? Another sad day. I took lunch to my inlaws. My husband had been there since early morning. My MIL ate relatively well. But she seems in much more pain (back) than she has let on before. She cannot move at all without assistance. Her arms and face are beginning to look as my father's did just before he passed. My BIL seems to upset her...and he is bugging me regarding work. I am trying to control my reaction to him, but my husband is getting pretty fed up. I think everyone has realized there may not be a recovery. She is scheduled to go to the ortho for a check on her arm Friday. We shall see what he says. In the meantime, I try to listen to her when she talks and if she mentions any type of food, that's what I make for the next day. Today was navy bean soup and salad with fresh mozzarella and tomatoes in balsamic olive oil dressing. She stated corn bread would have gone well with it. So - I will make corn bread tomorrow and get that to her for left overs tomorrow. To me, food is love...or can be, when made with the right intent and fresh ingredients.

Oh boy...life moves on...what does tomorrow hold for us?

I did put on workout clothes this am. While we were at inlaws, I asked husband if he wanted to walk around block. He declined, indicating his dad did not want to be without us. I came home after 5 hours. Husband is still there - it's been 13 hours today for him. I will get on the elliptical tonight. And do weights right now.

I have missed more jogging days than I wanted to this month. But - I did not expect this month to have been like this. I have done ok. I am doing what needs to be done.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
4/22/19 7:59 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Too busy taking care of life's necessities to get to jogging - or any classes - the last week. Today, I managed to get back to cardio tone class. Arriving at the gym 1/2 hour before class, I jumped on treadmill. I did 6 2-minute intervals with walking at beginning, end and between intervals. Roughly 25 mins. It was tough. Then I headed into class. Good workout overall. I did not have it in me to get the additional 10 mins jogging in afterwards. But, with all that's been going on, I'm giving myself a pass.

Things are not going well for my MIL. I feel for her and my FIL. My husband is having a tough time getting his mind around all this. He and I were talking this weekend about how we appreciated each other for how we support the other in dealing with parents. my crazy sister does nothing to support her husband in dealing with his aging parents. In fact it seems she goes out of her way to complain...I don't understand the lack of compassion. And I really don't understand how you can watch your spouse struggle and not try to help? I'm shocked at how quickly my MIL is deteriorating - both physically and mentally. Sad sad sad.

I'm glad both my kids were able to be home this weekend and spend some time over with their MawMaw. I think my younger is struggling with what's going on. He was incredibly supportive to my mother when my father passed. He's a great kid (and not just because of that).

I met with my new cardiologist today. I liked him. He changed one med in hopes it will relieve the leg pain. We shall see. I graduated from 6 month visits to yearly visits - unless I have an issue. Not problems in jogging - so I am planning on it being a year.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 4/22/2019 (20:01)
Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
4/16/19 8:27 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
16 minutes jogging - got it done. 8 2-minute sessions with untimed walking in between. I will check my fitbit page in a minute to see how long I went. My right hip is feeling it tonight. Jogging was so much easier (not that I EVER considered it easy) when I was 20 lbs lighter! Husband & I were early shift today. We took off for a walk around the block (and my jogging) when physical therapist showed up today. It's been another long day. I initiated some conversation with my MIL over cooking and her many dinner parties over the years - it seemed to engage her for a while. Afternoon shift was my SIL. I stopped by later to drop something off and BIL was taking his turn. I think we are morning again tomorrow - but I need to find some serious work time soon.

I am not jogging tomorrow. It will be walking - or something else - not sure yet. My hips, back, knees...and mind...are not ready for everyday jogging.



Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
4/15/19 8:46 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Got my equilibrium back by early afternoon. Spent most of late afternoon and evening over at Inlaws. MIL had a couple 'episodes' that are concerning. Waking from catnapping, she was very disoriented and had trouble communicating. Wondering about drug reactions or possible mini stroke things. Then this afternoon, my husband took his dad out to do a bit of shopping (main purpose to get away from home a bit and give inlaws a break from each other) - when my hubby informed his dad about the episodes, he dad admitted he believes she is in early stages of dementia. He hasn't wanted to share his beliefs with anyone because...because it makes it real I guess.

I was mulling over the statement 'Change is Hard' yesterday. Actually change is easy - it's hard not to change. But INTENTIONAL, improvement change is hard. Life seems to be moving too fast all of a sudden. There's a poem I read once about wanting yesterday back so badly...The older I get, the more I understand that. Oh boy...I know everyone goes through this stuff. It's tough.

Had the pups groomed today. It's amazing what improvement that is! Today got away from me regarding my jogging again. I think my challenge has been just that! What with carting the dogs about, shopping for inlaws, making lunch for inlaws, spending time at inlaws, work (very limited - I only did what absolutely has to be done), getting dogs, fixing dinner...I couldn't work Cardio Tone into the day - and I subbed out a 1-dog dog walk for my 15 minutes today, instead of 15 mins jogging. Tomorrow, my husband and I will do inlaw duty in the morning - taking laptop along with us to attempt to get some work done there. Then, errands that MUST be done...and I will take workout clothes with me (actually I may wear them to inlaws) so I can find a time to get in my 16 mins tomorrow - and possibly make the weight class. Hard to believe the month is half over.

Got a call from new cardiologist's office today - asking for records prior to my appt on Monday. IMpressed. I will drop off records tomorrow. I hope this guy works out better than my PCP.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
4/14/19 10:43 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Is it better to scream out loud or scream inside your head? I am sitting here stewing and trying to remind myself that losing control over your life is hard. I spent the majority of yesterday (after I wrote my last entry) trying to get assistance for my in-laws. My SIL and BIL had both taken on the responsibility of trying to find assistance...nothing. I luckily have a friend (the crazy busy one) who has some assisted living places. I called her to see if she could point us in a good direction. She did. I can't thank her enough. We were able to get an emergency assessment done and actually had someone overnight. BUT - the process of getting there, and the attitude and resistance has me at my limit. Watching the posturing and acting and manipulation ( of both MIL and FIL and SIL AND BIL) is more than I can handle right now. I am reminding myself that these are my inlaws and I should pull back. Not that I don't love and care for them...but I need to let the 'blood' relatives take on this task at this point. My MIL was pointing out to me that I don't understand how hard this is for her. I pointed out that I don't want to see her break her leg like my father did - as that was the end for him. He could never recover from that, and did she want to end up in a nursing home or hospital bed totally immobile? All true. Said 'with love'. That made her quiet for a bit - the 'I didn't realize your father had broken his leg...' stung a bit. Oh well...I am done for a bit. I need to step back. I have fallen into my 'I must fix this' stance and it is not appreciated or desired at this point. Well - it is - but it is argued against and forgotten in the stage of denial they are evidently still in. AARRGGHHHH - to channel Charlie Brown. emoticon

With the SPIN, jogging and walking yesterday, I ended up at just under 17,000 steps. My legs were feeling it last night. The new PCP had me increase the cholesterol med I take from twice a week to 3 times a week - and I am wondering if that is also part of the problem. I will make sure to take my CoQ10, the tumeric, stretch and ice today, and rub some cream on tonight - I hate it when the legs start aching at night.

My phone is going off again...time to see if husband needs reinforcements. Oh joy.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
4/13/19 11:15 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Rough week on the home front. MIL fell (again) and this time broke her arm. We knew it was only a matter of time before something broke. She fell Sunday...but they didn't tell us until Tuesday morning. Surgery Weds morning. It's been a hard week of trying to get her to stay seated and not try to use her arm. They finally admit they need assistance - now we are behind the ball in finding it. So - that has impacted my time - and thus I was in catch up mode today.

10 mins jogging on treadmill in 2 min intervals. done
11 mins, 12 min and 13 mins combo of intervals in SPIN class today. I feel like I am cheating a bit here...but I'm doing it. I will get out today with the dogs and do walking for at least 15 mins - so it all is fine.

My friend who lost her sister in February took me to lunch yesterday. She needed to discuss her experience and wanted to compare some stuff with my experience with my friend Sandra. Interesting conversation. That day is still so clear in my mind at certain points. Today, as I was jogging on treadmill, Sister came on. My visit from my friend.

It was interesting as my lunch item was a mistake. I had had the dish several years ago and it was great. Yesterday, it was just a mess. I had a bit and took the rest home. We ended up sharing it with my inlaws. 5 people had a portion - and we put 2 portions back in the fridge for them to eat later. HOW can that be considered a reasonable meal size. 8 servings out of 1 LUNCH meal? Reminder to watch restaurant portion sizes.

This same friend is seeing a functional medical doctor (who is also an MD) - and she has lost so much weight and has so much more energy. I am jumping on the wagon - and have an appt to see her PA in a couple weeks. I had once told my husband if this friend ever weighed less than I did, I was going to her doctot. Well, we're there...

I saw my new PCP last week. Not going to work. No personality. No interest in me as a person...he did give me referrals to cardiologist and for colonoscopy - so at least that is covered. I wonder if someone in his practice might work better?

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
4/8/19 7:10 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Cardio Tone today (great class as always) and then got on the treadmill for 8 minutes of jogging - 4 splits of 2 minutes, with a minute walking in between. April 4, 5 and 6 were all jogged on the same day - April 6 - in the neighborhood again. April 7 ended up being a walking day. And that's ok. My emerging rules... emoticon

Gotta run - be back soon.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
4/3/19 7:27 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Evidently 3 minutes running is a trigger for my body. I did manage my 3 minutes, which is about 2/3 of the way around the cul-de-sac below my house in the neighborhood. Then I walked the rest of the way back. Since I got back, I have been hacking, coughing, sneezing, and wiping my nose and eyes. Is it the pollen? Is it the fact that I have not run for a very long time and my lungs are saying WTH are you doing to me? Is it both? I know I 'should have' continued walking in the neighborhood...BUT...it has been a very long, tiring day at work. And I cannot believe how much I am coughing. Tomorrow will be another long day at work away from the office. I know I will have to talk myself into getting out there for my 4 minutes.

This is the first time in at least 6 months that I have attempted to run/jog outside. That's a big thing for me, as I constantly worry about how slow I am, how sad I might look, etc. Sad statement, I know. There's some quote about Stop worrying about what others think of you - they seldom do...I need to search for it and remember that. I do what I do for me -

Speaking of others - I saw the slow jogger the other day who we see on our way to the lake. I've written about him before. He has severely malformed legs, very bow-legged. But he is out there, slow and steady...oftentimes slow and unsteady...but out there. He is quite the inspiration. If he can do it - I can certainly get my rear out there.

Still coughing....

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
4/2/19 9:09 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Cardio Tone instructor yesterday inspired me to challenge myself in April. Run 1 minute April 1. 2 mins April 2. and so on for the month. Her actual challenge to her daughter involved push ups - but I need the running (jogging...or I guess to be totally factual...wogging at times). SO - that's my goal for April. I don't have to run consecutive minutes, as long as I run that number of minutes in a session (day?), I'm good. April 1 and April 2 done. I mused whether I should start in reverse to make it easier - but no.

Eating has been much better the last couple days. Tomorrow and Thursday will be challenging as I have work events both days. Not sure how long we will be out the next 2 days as well, so exercise may be an issue also. It will get done though.

Work stress has been creeping up as well. My younger son was visiting this weekend and he is stressed about school. I told him to calm down - all he can do is his best - I need to remember that with my work as well. It is ok. It will be ok. All is well.

My arms and shoulders are rather fatigued - Cardio Tone yesterday and Group Power today may have worked them a bit more than they are used to. Feels good.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
3/30/19 3:34 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I went clothes shopping today... emoticon ...I think I should force myself once a week to go to a store and try on clothes. Maybe that would motivate me to do better with my eating and exercise. I have a work function Thursday. Have no idea what to wear. I ended up purchasing a top that I hope will go with some jeans I have. I literally wear the same 3-5 outfits all the time. AS I work out of my house and rarely interact with more than my family members, my uniform has become yoga pants (yes - I'm on of those people) and Tshirts with a long sweater or jacket if weather requires. I have a few dresses I will put on in the event I have to go somewhere, but they are casual. I guess when I stopped wearing clothes with zippers and buttons, I kind of lost track of myself. Yoga pants are very stretchy...the weather has warmed up today, so I did switch out the yoga pants with my stretchy skort. And I hate to admit it, but I did purchase some of those jeggings so I can look like I'm wearing jeans - all with the comfort of no zipper. Time to get real.

I must admit to myself I am out of control. I can lie to myself - have been lying to myself - all I want but I must change my habits drastically if I want to be healthier. I KNOW what to do. WHY will I not do it?

After shopping, I did some yard work, walked the dogs, got on the elliptical (need to get on for a bit more time), did some meal planning and food prep, and made a dish for tomorrow as we will be going to lunch at in-laws. I also went through some meal info I have used in past to lose weight. I read through stuff, made some notes, gave myself a good talking to. Now - let's see what I can do to make some needed changes in my life. I am very disappointed in myself...very. But, what's even more disappointing is how long I have let this go on. Years too long. Years.

Can't end on a bad note. I can do this. I can change my eating habits. I have done it in the past. I can do it again.



Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
3/27/19 7:04 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
the last week has just been a blur. I've made a few classes at the gym, walked the dogs several times, did weights and elliptical at home a couple times - so I've kept up with exercising, just not hitting it every day like I would like to do. Eating has been fairly decent...but again, not the consistent 'clean eating' I would like to say I do. Today, we had lunch out with the inlaws. Just after, I was hit with a massive headache. I'd been on the computer all morning, so that could be partly at fault. I just wonder what seasonings the restaurant uses that might also be a factor?

The pollen is beginning to be noticeable here. I was sneezing a couple weeks ago, but that seems to be easing. I guess that could also be a factor in my headache. We've had so much rain the last few weeks, the normal yellow haze is not as bad as usual.

I scheduled a massage for Friday. So looking forward to it. I hope it will ease my neck, shoulders, and back some and help ease the headaches.

Enough whining. Time to get some things done: elliptical, laundry, dusting, vacuuming, feed the dogs - relax.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
3/19/19 8:05 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I always thought I enjoyed my alone time. A chance to do what I want (within reason), cook or not cook, get projects done without feeling I am neglecting others, and just enjoying being alone. I'm a lifelong introvert, in case that's not apparent. emoticon

However, I am alone almost 24 hours - and I feel anxious. Despite my intentions, I ended up eating horribly Monday during the day - not any one thing - just too much of 'good stuff'. At least until about 3 pm. I was snacking on nuts (and a few M&Ms...) when younger son called. He was stressing about a test he had just gotten out of and he feels he did horribly on it. Talking about how he'd rather be working than going to school...(first time we've heard that)...and immediately, I am imagining the worst. Takes me back to 2013 anxiety levels. I did not eat the rest of yesterday. Had some hot tea. I know this is a normal part of life. he must learn to deal with stress and failure and learn how to challenge himself. With all the talk of helicopter and snowplow parents, I am fairly confident we have raised a kid who does his own work and has a good ethical and moral standing. But - it's still hard to see your kid struggle. BUT - I KNOW he will be a better person for learning how to move forward. He will decide his path forward - and I told him that. Calm down, listen to his 'gut', move forward, let go of the frustrations as he can't change what has happened. Make his decisions wisely and calmly. It WILL be OK. Then I did some praying - for him and for me.

This morning, I was a bit happier with my weigh-in - due to not eating the rest of yesterday, in part. Today, we shall see where my stomach leads me. The anxiety is still here - I am trying to control it. I know all will be as it should. I do. It's accepting the 'as it should be' that is so hard sometimes.

I have a tough day ahead switching out work computers. Another stress raising event for me. I hope to have this complete this evening. Not sure if anything else will get done today - other than taking care of the dogs.

Everything's gonna be alright...

And - it's my older son's birthday. The day I became a mom. What a great reminder of that - anxiety over your kids' lives...once a mom, always a mom. emoticon



Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
3/17/19 8:28 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Husband was dropped off at the airport a couple hours ago. I have walked all the dogs. Had dinner. Took the dogs out to play a bit. Cleaned a little. Now, I'm sitting here contemplating the week ahead. What do I want to accomplish? More importantly, what must I refrain from doing this week? emoticon

I would like to avoid the store and eat this week from what I have. If I head to the store, I am of the feeling I would indulge. In the last few years, I have lived the adage that what no one sees you eat, doesn't count. Which I know is not true, but I keep thinking if I try it often enough, I'll make it true. I am quite certain I have enough in the fridge and pantry for 3 if not 4 days. By then, I should be feeling accomplished in not indulging while I am alone.

Exercise wise, I have a list of attractive classes at the gym - every day highlighted. I will miss Cardio Tone again tomorrow due to an appointment. So, I must make another class. With everyone out of town this week, I have to play work by ear. I need to be available - but I don't have to sit by the computer/phone all day every day. I MUST MUST MUST get in some cardio everyday as well as weight work at least 2 days. And I will be walking the dogs every day.

Household cleaning...nothing is striking in what needs to be attended to. But - I think the closet is calling for the season switchout. I prefer to do this when alone. Now may be the time.

The week's ahead - no one standing in my way but me.



Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
3/16/19 12:20 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I started the weekend correctly by going to Beginner Spin. Good class. Only 45 mins. I was surprised to see the instructor - the woman from the weight lifting class that I was quite envious of a couple weeks ago! She teaches Spin 4-6 times a week. So - mystery solved - that's what it takes to be in good shape. Will I do Spin 4-6 times a week? No...once a week, intend to, but I know I must add in some cardio the rest of the week.

I did not stay for the weight lifting class afterwards. I had errands to run, which included stopping by and checking in with my inlaws. They seemed ok. MIL informed me she is DONE with swimming. Forever. emoticon She said she felt it didn't really do anything for her. Who am I to disagree? I hope she does something. She sees the neurologist Thursday and hopefully he will recommend something. He's told her in the past there's nothing he can do for her anymore.

Back to weights - I lifted a bit yesterday. Will get in some TRX later today. Need to get back to cleaning house.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
3/15/19 8:43 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Another week with minimal activity towards the end...instead of getting upset with myself, I need to realize this is what happens, add in what I can, but adapt. Realize that I need to hit it hard on the weekend and 1st half of the week. Then do what I can.

Husband is heading out of town Sunday for the entire week. Usually I take this time to clean (really clean) the house, organize, cull clothes, and throw in some pampering for myself. There's also more daily activity stuff I have to shoulder by myself (the dogs!). Working on my plan. I already know I will miss Cardio Tone again on Monday, so I need to find something to go to earlier that day if I can.



Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
3/13/19 6:37 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Mtn trail walk was ok - not great. My friend is in worse shape than I, a bit heavier and having some knee issues. She needs to walk on soft surfaces and had on her trail shoes which have soft soles. I need to walk on harder, more smooth surfaces, due to my plantar fascitiis (and like I always say, sometime I'll learn how to spell it). I slowed down for her and we cut it short due to cloudy, windy weather. But - it was nice 1.5 mile walk at that. Better than nothing.

I am not going to weight class so I can get some more work done. I intend to do some lifting at home - and jump on elliptical as well to get a bit more cardio in.

I did not make lunch with inlaws today either. Husband went - and returned to tell me his mother fell getting into her chair, and took out his father as he was helping her. Nothing broken (on them or in the restaurant) except for pride. Not sure how much longer they can function alone. Husband needs to do a better job being at the ready when he is with them. My sister's FIL was in a wreck last week - drove his car in front of someone. Broken leg, inserted rod in thigh. He is 90...supposed to go into rehab facility tomorrow. He is very upset - as I would be in his position. It's tough getting old...

Discussion with my walking friend today also centered on that. She said in the last 5 years she's put on 50 pounds due in part to knee issues. She says she's determined to get off the weight. Hopefully we can assist each other in that endeavor.



Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
3/12/19 8:47 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Back at swim today. 12 laps, 24 lengths - not sure which terminology is correct. Combo of board, crawl, breast, and back strokes. MIL and FIL seemed to work pretty hard at their class while I was swimming. They even arrived early today!
At home, I supplemented with 10 mins on elliptical and a short dog walk with 1 of the dogs.

Tomorrow I have a 'date' with a friend to walk one of the mtn trails. She is not up for attempting the mtn itself - and that's ok. Hopefully it will be nice and sunny for our walk.

Missed MOnday's cardio tone class. That's ok.

Work is still pretty intense. More intense than I like. I am hoping we are getting over a mini hump soon.

Food has been pretty good the last week. Husband and I pulled into a place to get a dessert last night...they were out of what we went for...sign from above. emoticon It was actually quite interesting. For 1/2 hour, I was focused on getting that treat, wanted it, knew I wouldn't be able to forget about and just go home. Once they said "we're out of ...", I was fine. I considered stopping at grocery store for a substitute...but no, I was fine just going home. Need to remember this - and get my mind telling myself no more often.


Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
3/6/19 9:30 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Went back to the weight lifting class tonight - and there was a different instructor. She had the music fairly loud and she has an accent I had trouble understanding. She kept talking to me (it seemed) but not quite sure what she was saying a few times. I like to be left alone in class. I'll smile at what the instructors say, but I'm not a talk back to you in class kind of person. I feel that I got a better workout this week compared to last week. I did go higher weights on the bar, but it was more her technique compared to the instructor last week. Good class.

I needed to go to class just to relax. Work was intense again today and I am stressed out over a certain situation. Not sure how it will end. I find myself mentally back in my crisis year 2013 frame of mind and that is not a good thing. Deep breaths. focus. believe.

Tomorrow, not sure what I will get done exercise wise. I will see what the day brings with work. And adapt.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
3/5/19 8:40 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Swimming did not happen. MIL fell last night and had a bleeding head wound and did not want to get into pool. I am not sure how many more times she can fall before she breaks a bone and is seriously hurt. Honestly, I was glad to be able to make it through a full day of work.

I hit the elliptical this evening before dinner. Only 20 mins - but 20 mins is better than nothing. I relaxed in the massage chair before cooking dinner.

I feel better prepared for tomorrow. Bagels are gone. House is fairly 'clean' as Lent hits tomorrow. I'm not really giving any one thing up...I think one year I did give up GS cookies and actually succeeded. I do need to give up whining and complaining. Along with sweets, excess coffee (define excess...), stressing. I think I will focus on being the best person I can be during Lent. Is that too vague? Probably. But - that's what I'm doing. Thinking. Considering. Acting on that. Kindness. Awareness.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
3/4/19 8:40 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Cardio Tone tonight - the class is actually getting a bit crowded. I spoke with 2 new people tonight. And I saw someone across the room that I went to high school with. I didn't talk with her, but I did wonder if she recognized me. She doesn't appear to have changed much in the many years since I have seen her. Me - not so much, I am afraid to say.

It is getting bitterly cold here again, so I am not sure whether swim is on for tomorrow. I will plan on it, but also be open to other options. For the past 4 days, my eyes have been itching and watering, and I have a slight headache. My nose feels as if it is getting heavy. Not sure if it is allergies - or the start of a cold. I will see how I feel in the morning, and adapt as needed.

My goal this week is to actually go to some sort of exercise Weds, Thurs, and.or Friday and break my habit of only getting in exercise early in the week. Surely I can have a success in this. I am hoping it will warm up and dry up so I can do a mountain walk.

I am getting my eating back under control. Need to finish this week's meal plan.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
2/28/19 2:04 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I thought I had made an entry since last week - but I guess I started and decided what I had to say wasn't worth saying.

Not sure this is worth saying, but here goes:

Last night I went to Group Power - weight lifting class. There were 7 of us in the class - 8 if you include the instructor. 1 older gentleman (who was wearing dress shoes...), a couple of 'kids' in their 20's, 2 women about my age, 1 woman a bit older than 1, and moi. I was the most fluffy and evidently not the only 1st timer. I took it easy on the weights added to the weight bar at first, then doubled my weight. I never broke a sweat. And there was only 1 exercise for arms where I felt anything. Abs excluded here.. The instructor was drenched in sweat after 5 mins. I didn't check out the rest of the participants. But, the Thurs weight class I used to take was a much harder class with many more reps and many more moves than this 1. Which, as I said to my husband last night, makes me wonder what am I doing wrong? I don't want to load up the bar and hurt my joints or back. The Monday Cardio Tone class is a great class and I get some cardio and weight work in. When I go to Spin, I get a workout but not a great one. The mountain walk was a challenge for me a couple weeks ago. I just feel that I am doing decent workouts, but it doesn't seem to be doing anything for me. Am I not pushing myself hard enough?

Swim Tuesday didn't happen due to work and my inlaws running a bit late. I opted to get on the treadmill while they had their class. It wasn't much but it was something. I think I need to devote a bit more time to my exercise routines. Am I worth the investment? Just need to make a decision, carve out the time, and make myself do it. Just frustrated that I am ending February as I started it (weight wise).

I found myself being quite envious at weight class. The older woman than I - or I assume she was older. It was hard to tell as she is in fantastic shape. Good muscle tone, not TOO skinny, just right. And I remember, so long ago, when I thought I was that way. And I so want to be that way again. her weight bar was loaded up. So that's what I wonder when I say what am I doing wrong? Should I be hitting the weights harder? I just went through an old article I have about how women train the wrong way. It has suggested workouts - which seem so tame compared to what I do...confusing. Nothing seem to be working for me.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 2/28/2019 (16:49)
Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
2/21/19 9:06 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Frustrating day of intense work today. I had dressed this am in workout clothes with the hope I could get to one of several potential gym classes. Nope. I sat in front of the computer all day today. My head is aching, my shoulders and neck are strained, my eyes hurt - and I am in a rotten mood. I could (should) go down to the basement and jump on the elliptical - but I'm not going to. I will lift a few hand weights and do a couple things on the TRX.

My friend's sister passed away last night. Very sad for my friend and her family. While I am glad she did not linger in pain, it is very hard to lose a loved one. I've never liked February - there's been a lot of sadness in this month this year.

Tomorrow, I have a massage scheduled - and I will NOT let work interfere with this. I hope she is able to get some tension out of my back and shoulders. I also need to do some errands to help out my friend. I doubt I will get to the gym tomorrow. Again, I see that exercise seems to not happen later in the week for me. I need to turn this around. I need to retire.... emoticon

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
2/19/19 6:34 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Cardio Tone instructor had a sub yesterday - the guy I used to take kick boxing from. It was a modified kick boxing class. Great class. It seemed harder than it used to be...maybe cause I am older and heavier than I used to be - but I got through it, had fun, and feel better for making it through.

Today at swimming, got my inlaws in the water, made 2 laps, and the pool was shut down due to lightening. Took a while to get the inlaws out. MIL fell on steps getting out. She's falling at least once a day, sometimes more. I think she has had a black eye every time I have seen her lately. Her foot was bruised and swollen from her latest fall. I don't know how she thinks she can travel this summer. I never realized how bad my FIL's hammer toes were until we began swimming. Makes me sad.

After the inlaws left the gym, I did sit in sauna for a while to take a break from work. It was interesting where my mind wandered. One of my oldest friend's sister has entered hospice. What a couple days ago was expected to be about a month may be down to final hours. This situation, along with the death of my childhood friend's mother on Saturday, crept into my mind which naturally led me to remember Sandra. As I said above, makes me sad. I will go to a funeral tomorrow - and hope to be uplifted by remembrances of a long life and happy times.

I came home and did some hand weights after I finished working. I may go get on the elliptical for a short stint as my exercise was cut short. It's a cold, dreary, raining night here. Makes you just want to curl up with a hot beverage. I may actually put on a fire in a bit. Comfort seeking, I suppose. I have strayed from my eating plans today - but I am still under calorie expectations. It's all fine.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
2/17/19 5:42 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I did get on the elliptical, but didn't force the handweights. Should have. I have cardio tone on schedule tomorrow. Tues is back at swimming. I have a selection of classes for Weds, Thurs and Friday. If weather cooperates, I'd like to get to the mountain also.

The mother of the friend from long ago that I went to visit a couple weeks ago passed away yesterday. I figured it was coming. SO, I made another coffee cake this morning, along with a few other things - and my crazy busy friend and I went and visited this afternoon for a bit. Feels like the end of an era. The funeral plans will possibly affect my workout plans, but that's ok.

I have finished all the coffee creamer in the house, so I will not be tempted anymore. My modified W30 starts tomorrow. I can do this. I can. I will.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 2/17/2019 (17:43)
Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
2/16/19 3:42 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I need to determine an action plan for staying committed through the week. Exercise Thurs and Friday doesn't happen very often, so I need to rethink my plans.

This week without husband in town wasn't that bad, although I did eat off plan again. And my frustration has opened my mind up to ...attempting another whole 30 - but modified. After the 1st whole30, I dropped weight quickly, BUT my cholesterol went up significantly. I hear all sorts of things about it not being associated with intake of animal protein. But - I am going to start again Monday the 18th with intent to go through Lent, focusing on eating in a whole30 type manner. No bread, sugar, beans, grains, dairy. I am also going to significantly reduce coffee intake. Focus more on veggies and salads with limited protein. I will revise the rest of Feb meal plans to reflect this - not too hard to tweak, and I have already made a list of meals from 2 cookbooks.

This morning, I woke feeling a bit like I have flu or cold coming on. I hope not. I didn't sleep well. Son had a minor traffic accident last night - no injuries, not his fault - but I think it keyed me up. One of my best friends contacted me yesterday that her sister is apparently on her last days. She's been battling cancer for just over 3 years. I am instantly brought back to my emotions when Sandra was at her end. I made some food (cause that's what we do in the South) and went to visit her parents today. In other words, I am feeling in a funk right now and need to work my way out of it. I will hop on the elliptical tonight and do some hand weight work. I will finish my plans to start my modified w30 - and on Monday, I WILL drop the sugar, flour, coffee, etc.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 2/16/2019 (15:44)
Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
2/12/19 7:55 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I guess I should learn to pay more attention and double check things. I again talked myself into following through with exercise tonight, as swim time with inlaws this afternoon was canceled due to storms. I knew there was a 30 min SPIN class, so off I went. And I also took my bag with me with a plan to maybe get in the pool and sit in the sauna afterwards. Got into class, got on the bike that is hidden behind the speaker - that way I can't see my face in the mirror. Class started and I paced myself...got to 30 mins and we are climbing hills. ??? Turns out the class is a full hour! I managed to get through it - feel quite accomplished by the way - but the tush is a bit uncomfortable. Tomorrow is going to be a doozy!

I bailed on the swimming as kid swim classes have started and the pool looked a bit crowded with multiple kids and an adult swim aerobic class going on. I also bailed on the sauna. I am not sure whether I will work a swim session in this week - but that's ok. I hooked up the TRX over the weekend and did a couple workouts, along with the elliptical. So far this week, I am getting my sessions in.

Food was better today - not perfect - but better.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
2/11/19 7:55 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I managed to argue with myself and I won. emoticon I did make the cardio tone class, with 1 minute to spare. I was working and went over my target leave time. Then the bargaining logic comes out - you're going to be late, you won't get your spot, you can do something in the basement, it's going to start raining, and on and on. BUT - I went anyway. I did have to hustle to get to class on time. 'My spot' was taken, but I still managed to be at the back - it was a good spot. And it did start raining as I left the gym. But - it was great class. I feel better mentally and physically for going. I also got in 4 dog walks today - short walks - but nonetheless, walks.

Eating has been so-so. I again successfully argued with myself about stopping for a certain breakfast fast food item as I was driving home from airport. Round trip took 2.5 hours. I came home and had an early mini lunch or late breakfast of left overs. Then a late mini lunch. Went to class, came home, fed dogs, then had a larger dinner than I intended - and not what I had planned. But- at least what I ate is now out of the house. I threw out the last of the item I made to give to the new neighbors - but couldn't because it didn't turn out ok. emoticon Do you ever do that - make something - and you make 2, because you have to taste it to make sure it's ok to give away? Well, this did not turn out right. And it seems that I have lost some of my baking ability. I wonder - is it the oven? I followed the recipe - and this is something I have made many times and it turns out great...but not this time. SO - both my husband and I tasted it - and agreed it was not worth giving as a welcome gift to new neighbors. But - it was ok for us to eat...Husband ate most of it and after he left this am I threw the remainder in the trash. I made a coffee cake and took that over this afternoon. That turned out ok...and we ate the 2nd one too. But that's gone also...so I think the house is safe now.

I have a plan for eating tomorrow. I am trying to mentally steel myself to do what I plan. I have a hard time making myself do what I want myself to do...why is that? I used to have such a determined spirit. I used to set a plan and then live it, no questions, no wavering, or - at least, I have at certain times in my life. Let me get back to that. Please.

Tomorrow will be a very busy day running about for myself and my inlaws, swimming with them (they are very disappointed that my SIL is making them take 6 more swim classes...), and getting some work done. I can feel my anxiety about work rising as a few things seem to be about to cause some major issues. It is what it is...it will work out - or not. Faith.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
2/9/19 9:14 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Weds was a rest day. The Motion Stretch session was very needed and she was able to work out some tightness on calves, hamstrings and hips. I followed up with a chiro appt on Thursday which also helped. He told me to do the hanging leg stretch often and get some motion stretch work on the psaos - I about came off the table when he was trying to relieve some of the tightness! I again feel I am becoming a brittle, aging rubber band! Hope I don't snap one day.

Thursday was a 30 min spin class with an instructor I have not had before. She was challenging. It was a good class. Friday was a session on the elliptical in the basement. Today, I will get in 2 dog walks and do a strength training workout at home.

I am pleased with what I did this week - but - again - my weight is up. Is it inflammation? Is it eating too much? Is it that I need new batteries in my scale? (Yes - I have considered this!). So today, I will change out the batteries. I will prep food for the week ahead. My eating plan needs to be tweaked a bit for next week as husband is now heading out of town. I will simplify the plan - and tell myself I MUST eat at home - no grabbing stuff cause it's convenient. I am prepping myself mentally to be strong and focused.

Job stress has been building this last week. I am working on a list of things i would like to get accomplished next week.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
2/5/19 7:12 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I feel so much better prepared having the month of February dinners already planned. I reserve the right to tweak and move things as needed, but just having that plan ready and available seems to be helping. Of course, we are only 5 days into the month...

Getting the mtn walk accomplished yesterday is also a huge mental accomplishment for me. Knowing I CAN do it is so reassuring. I don't know how many times I have made it to the cross walk and bailed. They are paving the mtn road and only 1 side is complete. SO, I will need to watch and see when they start paving the other side, as walking up the road will be restricted. My choices at the mtn are: all the way up; to the cross wall, through the woods and jog back by the road; up and down the long hill from overflow parking. Weather feels springish today, so I am hoping to have a weekly mtn session from now on.

Today was swimming. I did 12 laps (24 lengths) of various strokes in 25 mins. The woman next to me kept up an impressive crawl for over 40 mins. I gotta stop comparing myself to anyone else. Swimming was never my strong thing, but I know I will improve as time goes on. After I got my in-laws on their way, I sat in the sauna for a bit. Felt great. My inlaws were a bit upset as they thought this was their last session - turns out they have 1 more. They want to be done. To be fair, my MIL has severe back issues. I think last Thurs' session was a bit challenging for her and she is in some pretty severe pain. I am glad I was able to assist them and I guess I needed them to push me to get back into the water. I hope I can make myself keep it up.

I think tomorrow will be a rest day. My hamstrings are pretty sore and I can feel my front shoulder areas aching a bit. I have a motion stretch session scheduled to work on my hips. I was on the ladder for a few hours this past weekend and I can feel some tightness especially on one side. Rest and recovery for tomorrow. We also have a family lunch that I hope my DIL will be able to come to. My mom called this morning to see if I wanted to go with her to pick up my dad's ashes. 'He's' been at the funeral home for 4 and 1/2 years. Mom's mentioned getting him several times and then said she couldn't handle it. I'm not sure what made her wake up today and decide to go get him. My oldest sister was going with her, so I don't feel too badly about not being able to go with her. I called her earlier to see if she actually went and did it...she didn't answer.

So far this week, I feel I'm doing pretty well. Knock on wood...knock knock knock.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
1/30/19 1:59 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Thanks to SPARKFRAN for reminding me that fitness is 80% what I eat. I am not doing well with my eating goals so for. Actually, I am failing miserably. Why - is the question.

Yesterday, I made home made beignets. Twice. And once (so far) today. there are about 14 little squares of dough to finish off tonight - and I INTEND for these to be just for my husband. Why I made these...? The only thing I can think of is that when we went on the sister and mom get together months ago, mom wanted to eat beignets at a restaurant on the riverfront in Savannah. There was a 2 hour wait - so we did not. But, we talked about making these at home when we were little. I have fond memories of making the dough, frying them up in batches, sifting powdered sugar on them. I remember doing it - I don't recall my sisters being involved. They often called me susie homemaker (in a derogatory tone) when we were younger because I did enjoy cooking and baking. I remember quite clearly cooking and baking with both my grandmothers and my mom. Never with my sisters. So - when I thought about making the beignets - am I trying to recapture the sense from years ago - or just wanting to eat beignets? emoticon I am telling myself that since I made a batch (first batch I've made in probably at least 35 years) I am done for another 35 years! Let's hope. The house reeks of cooking oil - not a good thing.

So today, to combat the powdered sugar frying episode, I have a large batch of lentil soup cooking. I pulled out my old New American Diet cookbook that I purchased while in college. And - I am thinking about making myself cook recipes from this cookbook ONLY for the month of February. I love that cookbook. Why I quit using it an a regular basis, who knows. I left it on the counter for me to flip through later today to flesh out a plan for February and my 80% fitness plan. February must be a better month food wise than January has been.

Exercise-wise, I feel good about January - but of course, I see room for improvement for February. Mtn walking is something I really want to get back to. How long have I been saying that??? Years! It's about time to start doing instead of wanting or thinking about or intending. I want to keep 1 day of swimming. Keep the cardio tone class. Do 1 class per week each of Spin and Yoga Stretch. And do a machine circuit workout at the gym. OK - something to build on. My inlaws swim class from yesterday is rescheduled to next Tues - and that should be it for them. After that, I can move swimming to what suits my schedule the most.

I read something yesterday about a celebrity who has lost a significant amount of weight - all at the prompting of her kids and their request for her to be healthy. I keep telling myself my heart attack was a non-event (cardiologist's words) as related to damage to the heart and considered a one-time stress related event (again the cardiologist's opinion and words). BUT - I know better than to think like that. I KNOW I should be tailoring my diet. I KNOW I should be exercising correctly and adequately (both steady state and interval training). I KNOW what to do. My husband and I both laugh when our kids answer us "I Know!" ...wonder who they got it from? emoticon

LATER: I went through the book, read (skimmed through) some portions - and realized there are not that many recipes I use anymore. I noted about 10 soup recipes and 2 or 3 dinner type things Ended up going through 5 other cookbooks and made a list of several other things. Made up a February calendar sheet and scheduled all dinners for the month based on these recipes I noted. Lunch is scheduled to be left over dinner items, soup and/or salads. I feel very optimistic for the month having this planning done. Now - all I have to do is live the plan...

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 1/30/2019 (19:11)
Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
1/29/19 10:02 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Thank you Renia and Cynthia for your comments. I was so surprised to see that someone actually read my journal - and was kind enough to leave such nice messages.

Yesterday's Cardio Tone class was a good one I almost bailed on it - but, I convinced myself that I must attend because it was Sandra's birthday. So glad I did. Swimming today has been canceled. We were expected to get snow...but did not...it is raining (barely), but since schools were canceled, they cancel the swim classes. I have to admit, I'm ok with that. It is cold. After swimming, I assist my mil in getting changed and then help them out to the car - while in my wet swimsuit, a robe, wet hair and sandals. Not pleasant. So - we are rescheduled for next Tuesday. Today has become a 'serious' work day and I will fit in elliptical and rower later today. I must get some major stuff done at work today so I can keep the anxiety from building. I had a flash of the 2013 feelings the other day - and I can't go back there.

Found an old college friend (who didn't know he was missing, I'm sure!) for another college friend. It was interesting to get them back in touch with each other. Which brings up the memories of being 'side-friends'. I always get a bit reminiscent on Sandra's birthday, thinking of the close friends I had who have passed. Seems like so many. I haven't made any effort to establish new friendships - no time as work takes up the majority of my time, then family seems to take up more and more time as I get older. Oh well - just musing - not really bothered by it - just an observation. Marcus Aurelius advised never to say you have no time, especially to family members - I need to remind myself of this more and more.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
POLSKARENIA's Photo POLSKARENIA Posts: 12,870
1/29/19 5:03 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Life never seems fair and often those dearest are taken all too soon. Good for you, remembering your friend like this.

Renia , Lavalette, France GMT +1



 current weight: 206.0 
230
214.5
199
183.5
168
HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 42,325
1/28/19 4:32 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi!

What a beautiful tribute to your dear friend. You've done an excellent job honoring her. I am sorry you lost her. Sending hugs your way.

emoticon
Cynthia

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 November SparkPoints: 268
0
662.5
1325
1987.5
2650
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
1/28/19 11:49 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Can't let today go by without my message to Sandra:

I have kept my vow - I think of you everyday. You are not forgotten. Your life made an impact on so many people - I guess I am mainly concerned with how you influenced mine. You brought awareness to me of people who struggle - and succeed - and fail but get back up again and keep going. People who work their tails off to get what they want and fight everyday to get where they want to be. One of your favorite lines is from Howard Jones No One is to Blame song: "You're the fastest runner but you're not allowed to win." That song came on the radio yesterday - and it played the day I raced across town to be with you as you died. It reminds me of how unfair life can be. I remember how angry and confused I was when you were sick - and after you died. I can recall in vivid detail the man who mumbled 'eat something' as we left the restaurant the last time we went out to eat. I so wanted to go back and scream in his face that you and I both wished desperately that you could eat. It reminds me to not judge when I see someone rail thin - it's not always a choice to get that thin. I hope that man has gained some wisdom and compassion over the years. I thank you for guiding me with your friendship, for being an example of how to live. I hope to reaffirm my dedication to a healthy lifestyle. I still don't understand why you left so young. I don't understand why my path has been so easy compared to yours. And why I continue to complain rather than be grateful...still working on that. I wish you a happy birthday. I still miss you terribly. Thank you for being my friend.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 1/28/2019 (11:50)
Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
1/27/19 5:24 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
stayed up at the lake this weekend. Got in more walking that way - along with cleaning. Stayed on my feet all weekend. When we came home today, ended up doing yard work for a few hours. My feet, ankles, legs and arms are tired. I feel like we accomplished quite a lot though.

This week's plan:
Mon - Cardio Tone
Tues - swimming
Weds - class at gym
Thurs - elliptical, rower at home
Friday - class at gym or rest day - will see how the week goes

Dinner meal plan has been written. I think I need to firm out my breakfast, lunch and snacks plans since those seem to be my biggest problem areas. Since I work at home, I find myself taking a break from sitting at the computer - and I grab something to munch on, or a coffee to warm myself up with. Habit - for the most part. Not true hunger. Need to watch.

Hard to believe Jan is almost over. Tomorrow is Sandra's birthday. I wish she was still here for us to celebrate - but I will find some way to honor her.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
1/23/19 8:07 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Monday was Cardio Tone class (a good one), Tuesday was swimming laps (22 lengths of the pool, various strokes), and today was elliptical in the basement. Tomorrow, I will plan on getting to the gym for something. I need to get out of the office (house) more instead of sitting at my desk.

Work wise, I am in a lull - although I know there are many, many things to get done, I am feeling stalled. Until the critical things get done, I don't want to tackle the non-critical things...and I am in a holding pattern for the critical things. I need to just make myself get started on stuff.

Lunch with inlaws today. It was interesting to hear them wiggle their way out of staying with swimming. They both said they like it, they are feeling it is helping, BUT...BUT...will they buy a gym membership - don't think so. I will go with them again next Tuesday and that will be the end of their swimming - unless my SIL can convince them to spend some money. My husband and I had discussed a year ago purchasing the membership for them - but if they are not going to go, it's a waste of money. I can only control myself - so I intend to keep up the swimming once a week.

Even though I have been very disciplined since the start of the year, I am feeling very uncomfortable in my skin. I think I had mentioned that even with watching my food intake - my weight is up. I really don't understand it. Other than the fact that I realize I have been drinking more coffee (with sugar free creamer) than usual, since it's cold) and much less water than usual. Could this be associated with weight gain? Time to drop the coffee and get back to water, water, water.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
1/20/19 6:29 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
It's been a busy weekend, although I feel I did not accomplish much at all. Saturday ended up including an unexpected visit with my crazy, busy friend to the mother of a long-ago friend. I have a feeling it was a good-bye visit. She has been in ill health for many months - and with her age and health, I do not expect her to last much longer. I am glad we were able to visit with her and I hope we brought her some joy.

Today was an overdue birthday party for my FIL with the family. My younger son was not able to be there, but most everyone else was. My FIL enjoyed this get-together and I guess that is what is important - to cherish family times.

Despite feeling I am getting things together, my meal plans have been awol. I have a general plan - but the plan gets overwhelmed with actual snacking and adding a bit here and there. So - I dusted off the 'general plan in my head' and entered it onto a spreadsheet for this week. Well - 3 days are planned. I will see how these next 3 days go and continue on after that.

Exercise plans: Monday - Cardio Tone; Tuesday - swimming and possibly Yoga; Weds - class OR gym OR walking at mtn OR elliptical and weights; Thurs - same as Weds, Friday - agility. Weekend is open at this point based on how well Mon thru Fri go.

Work will take priority tomorrow. I must get a few things complete. Next emphasis is completing filing and getting some organizing done in the office.

In reviewing what I wanted to change, I have not been reading at night as I intended. So that, along with devotions in the am, is another focus for this week.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
1/15/19 9:22 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Thanks for the wise words, Clare. SO true. I get so frustrated with my mother for worrying as she does - and forget to look at myself. I'm a work in progress.

Made it to swimming today. I did laps for 30 mins (lost track of lap count) but I am definitely slower than I used to be. Forgot my hairband so I had hair in my face as I turned my face to breathe - I ended up doing more breast stroke than anything. My Inlaws seemed to do ok. MIL did better than I expected. After I helped get them changed and off, I sat in the sauna for a while. Felt good. However, the whole experience took 3 hours! For 30 mins of swimming! But that's ok. I can do this for a few weeks to assist them. And I hope to continue the lap swim and sauna for myself after they are done with swim classes.

Cardio Tone yesterday was good. The class attendance was at least double what it normally is. I tried to up my cardio a bit. The core work really got to me - weak abs!

Not sure what I will get to tomorrow. Work is calling - lots to catch up on.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
CLARE1952's Photo CLARE1952 Posts: 1,318
1/14/19 8:47 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there friend

I read your post with empathy. I too am a worrier and you are right, most of the things (disasters) we imagine can be happening are not. And we have strong intelligent kids who will learn the lessons, like we did, that keep them thriving and safe. Best wishes on your continuing journey.
I am starting again, again. This recent loss has spurred my strictness. That is where I fall down, allowing little tastes of treats opens a door. A bit like the first taste of drink for an alcoholic. Fine tuning each misstep is where I am at.

Cheers, Clare .

Edited by: CLARE1952 at: 1/14/2019 (20:49)
Clare

NZST (UTC +12) Time Zone - Daylight savings change 6 April has put the times wrong. e.g., It reads 12.00 for 11.00

SW 127.9 31 December 2016
CW 118

GW 85 kg




 Pounds lost: 24.0 
0
23.75
47.5
71.25
95
CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 1,151
1/14/19 9:48 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Thanks for stopping by Annie - I'll have to check out your adventure journal.

So - Saturday, I lost it. Over an identity theft issue - nothing really happened (I think) but the response I received from our paid identity protection 'helper' was less than incompetent. I wonder what I am paying for. And it scares me. But - I made some actions. Husband said I MUST learn to not be upset. That what happens happens...can I get to that? Not sure how. I love thinking I am in control therefore, nothing bad will happen. Not true. SO - moving on.

I am still keyed up about younger son starting another semester. I must let that go as well. It is his life. What happens happens - and he will find his way. I am glad that he calls - I just need to learn to not imagine the worst, make guesses about what I think is going on (when probably nothing is), etc. When I wake up at 2, 3, 4 am, I need to stop imagining what he could possibly be doing that is causing me to wake up... emoticon ...I did this with older son for about 6 months. I have a vivid imagination - that needs to start imagining the best instead of the worse.

Moving on again - I succumbed to comfort food this weekend. And the scale and mirror reflected that. I stocked up on veggies - and they are still waiting in the fridge. The week is ahead. Regroup.

I have my exercise plan for the week. I have my list of work and personal items I need to get done this week. Time to get moving making progress.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


 Pounds lost: 2.5 
0
2
4
6
8
ANNIESADVENTURE's Photo ANNIESADVENTURE Posts: 6,933
1/11/19 11:09 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I enjoyed reading a few of your entries here. Like the idea of a dis-satisfaction list, things that make us unhappy. I've not heard of that author.




 Pounds lost: 69.2 
0
26.25
52.5
78.75
105

Report Inappropriate Post

Other Community Journals Topics:

Topics:
Last Post:
.
4/15/2020 11:29:27 AM
10/18/2020 9:39:49 PM
.
4/23/2020 10:38:18 PM
.
4/20/2020 5:04:49 PM

Thread URL: https://sparkpittsburgh.sparkpeople.com/myspark/messageboard.asp?imboard=4&imparent=36306808

Review our Community Guidelines