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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
1/11/19 9:49 P

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Dog made it home. No chip, surprisingly. So - I did what I hate to do and rarely do - made a fb post. Within 1 hour, we had the link to get him home. Our dogs are happy he is gone.

Dog agility tonight was a bit cold. Glad to be back inside.

My SIL messaged me. My inlaws are signed up for 6 private swim aerobic sessions to see if they can continue on to the swim mobility classes. Tues and Thurs. She asked if I could attend 1 day with them - she will go the other day. So - next Tuesday, I will take them. Not sure whether I will be able to do laps while they do their class, or if I will need to be there in the class with them. I'm fine either way. I've been wanting to get back to the pool.

I have decided that one of my biggest problems is feeling that I must control everything. I like structure. I work hard to have things 'under control'. And I must realize (and be ok with the fact) that control is an illusion. From work to home to kids - I must, for my sanity and health, learn how to handle the journey with some faith, joy and peace. I've got to learn to enjoy the journey and realize that even if things don't go as planned, it's ok. I think my younger son is too much like me in this regard. I don't want him to be as wired as I am...

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
1/9/19 8:53 P

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Did lunch with inlaws today - again something that's been missing for a month. It was good to get together. My SIL has MIL and FIL scheduled for a 'swim assessment' tomorrow. Her attempt to get them to join the gym (the one I go to) and do water aerobics. I took MIL to a class a year or so ago - and she told me they couldn't afford the membership. It was frustrating - I know I wrote about it here. I think they are both too limited in mobility to do this - but it will be interesting to hear the assessment. And if they 'pass' and join - I will do what I can to help them go to classes.

Came home and was working when I saw a dog running amuck outside, then he comes to our front door. When I went outside, he was no where to be found. An hour later, my dogs are going bonkers - and there he is, on our back porch. How he got into the fenced yard, I have no clue. I walked him about the neighborhood hoping he would take me to his house or someone would see us and claim him...found another woman walking a dog and she mentioned she had seen him running about early this am. So - he is in our crate in the entry way. I will get him scanned for a chip at the vet tomorrow and hopefully get him on his way home. Intact male, golden lab, nice looking dog, sweet disposition - I'm sure someone is missing him. I sure hope he is chipped. Our dogs are being surprisingly accepting of him - so far.

No 'structured ' exercise today - just the dog walking. But that's ok. I was better today with reducing carbs and sugar. Not a perfect day - but getting better.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
1/8/19 7:42 P

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Did treadmill for 20 mins and then the Yoga Stretch class. It's been at least a month since I was in the Yoga class. It felt good to be back. The instructor told us to let go of thoughts as you're working out - the majority of my thoughts during the class are negative - as in, I can't believe how hard this is, how inflexible I am, how much easier it would be if I were 20 pounds lighter, how did I get this weight on, etc. I need to redirect those thoughts to be a bit more positive.

yesterday, work interfered with the cardio tone class, so I did the elliptical in the basement. I really need to make a dedicated effort to schedule my workouts and then treat my schedule as a 'work schedule' and let nothing interfere with that.

Another day I was not successful in limiting carbs and sugar. I think I must admit that I am an addict...tomorrow is another day to have a good day.



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
1/6/19 5:36 P

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Attended a funeral today for a woman from church - she was my 3rd grade teacher as well as the mother of my best friend from 1-3 grades. A lot of memories. It was nice to talk with my 1 time best friend - maybe we will get together again. Her older sister has some disabilities, and she lives very close to the gym I work out at - I will try to look in on her some in the next few months as I am sure her life is going to be different without her mom, with whom she lived. My mom is rather unsettled. She mentioned how all the people her age are dying off. I think she's a bit scared.

My goal to come up with an eating plan is ALMOST there. I ate too many carbs again today. However, I noticed in my weigh-ins last week the following: On the days I said I was eating too many carbs, I was down 2 pounds. When I focused on 'eating right' (i.e., low carbs, low sugar), the weight came back. I'm looking at the other factors, too - how did I workout, was I sitting at my desk all day, how much coffee did I drink, etc. It's frustrating.

SO - I have my food plan for the this week, and I have a workout plan written down. A couple days I have alternatives written down so I have a little wiggle room.

I am starting on my unhappiness items - hair is Thursday. Ending night snacking tonight!!! Still adding things to the list. I don't want to attempt to tackle too much at 1 time....



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
1/4/19 6:06 P

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So much room for improvement... emoticon ! My limit and reduce carbs and sugar has been a failure so far. I must get together a basic meal plan. My goal for the weekend. Dog walks are getting there. The weather here has been horribly wet - I need to learn to walk despite the rain.

Water front - my Yeti holds 17 ounces of water, after I fill it up with ice. I fill this up at least 3 times a day - usually 5. So - along with the other stuff I drink, I'm good with water. I am considering limiting coffee. I never thought I would say that - I only started drinking coffee about 7 years ago. Now - I find myself drinking it all day long. Even though I use sugar free creamer, there are still calories in there - in addition, there are other concerns - caffeine...caffeine and cortisol interaction...It's the heated drink thing I'm looking for. SO - more decaf tea is my goal.

The Tuesday SPIN class was removed. This means I need to look at the available classes again and figure out what works with our schedule. I am hoping to start doing something with my husband weekly on Thursday afternoons/evening including dinner out. Working on my goal to improve relationships - so I must consider that when I look at the exercise classes available.

This weekend I will also flesh out my 'unhappiness' or 'what makes me unhappy' list so I can come up with plans to get rid of or change these things.

Tonight is agility with the geriatric shepherds. They enjoy it so much. We are back to the empty nest - son left this afternoon to get back to school. I am anticipating he will have a spectacular semester! (working on my attitude to expect the best, always!) emoticon

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
1/2/19 8:24 P

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Day 2 in - and I knew I was a carb addict, but did not realize how bad I still was. I realize I must plan my meals ahead of time if I have any chance of succeeding. Today's carbs included a mini bagel, 2 small bowls of Basic4 cereal, and a small bowl of left over hoppin johns. I think that was it. I also realized that I am sensitive to beans and rice. I have not had beans or rice in several months. My reactions are not good - nothing too horrible, but I can tell. One of the symptoms is my knees are aching - and i feel very bloated. So - back to avoiding them.

I made the gym to try out the 12:30 class. The instructor from the Monday Cardio Strength class was substituting. I'm glad that the class was a good one - but I'll have to wait til the regular instructor returns (late January) to see if the regular class is 1 I want to go to. Another participant told me the 5:30 class is really good, so I will try that. But - due to our family schedule, I am hoping the 7:00 class is one I like. The instructor for the Monday class is also the SPIN instructor on Tuesdays - she was under the impression the Tues class had been canceled - so I will have to see next week about that. If it is canceled, I may need to shuffle things around again. Nice to know I have options - I just need to exercise them.

Being at work was a bit frustrating today. So much to do - but I keep running into roadblocks.

I started a dis-satisfaction list today. Years ago I read Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. After reading it, I realized I'm 'opposite' of her premise - I think it's more productive for me in removing what makes me uneasy or unhappy- rather than try to figure out what would make me happy, figure out what makes me unhappy and change that. And near the top of the list (which probably makes me out to be a very shallow person... emoticon) ...is my hair. I am very unhappy with the color. I found someone about 2 years ago who did a great job (I thought), but the last few times, I've realized the color is not good on me. I've told him - and he poopoos me. It looks great when he does it - in his shop - but when I do it, it looks horrible - and the lighting at my house and out in public, makes me cringe when I see the color. So - I found another person - and will try her out next week. Is it time to let the grey out and go natural??? emoticon We shall see. Another top item is my weight. Working on it.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
1/1/19 7:34 P

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1st day of the year- low-keyed, nice, basic day. I am considering journaling daily until I get in the habit of living my 19 habits.

Water intake was good, although I didn't measure. I have a very large Yeti cup that I fill up at least 3-4 times a day - once I get off here, I'll go measure how much that cup holds.
Sugar intake at a minimum. No added sugar, no candy or treats. I think the canned tomatoes I used in the hoppin johns had some sugar in them as the dish was a tad more sweet than I prefer - likewise the cornbread mix probably had some sugar in the mix - but not a bad day sugar wise.
Reduce simple carb intake - well...cornbread, hopping johns had brown rice and blackeyed peas, I had a mini bagel and a slice of dave's killer bread. I knew I would have all this as it's NY day - tomorrow is going to be different.
Reduce (with goal to eliminate) night snacking - plan to complete Day 1 of this today!
Regularly take supplements - done
steady cardio to build endurance - 2 mile walk/hike on Tuesday
weight training 1 on Monday
Stretch - tonight
walk dogs today
Read/journal at night - tonight
Follow Flylady routines - updated today
Devotions daily - done
Improve relationship with family members -working on it daily

I downloaded the schedule of classes at the gym and updated my weekly plan. There are a couple classes I want to give a try - not sure of timing, but at least I know there are options. I have dropped my Thursday weight class - so I MUST find a class at the gym to replace this - or, if not a class, I need to go and do a weight session at the gym by myself. The weight training I tend to do at home is usually shorter and less intense than what I do at the gym or in a class. There are 3 classes tomorrow that I may be interested in - so my plan is to attend 1 of them. Surely I can get myself to 1 of the 3, right?

I am hoping the gym will not be packed tomorrow, but I know better. I will count myself among the New Year returners. I don't remember the last time I was there - 2 weeks now? But - all that matters is that I am heading back.


Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
12/31/18 3:08 P

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19 habits for 2019:

1. Water - at least 80 oz per day
2. Reduce sugar intake
3. Reduce simple carb intake
4. Reduce (with goal to eliminate) night snacking
5. Regularly take supplements
6. 1 session (minimum) per week of steady cardio to build endurance
7. 1 session (minimum) per week of interval training to build fitness level
8. 2 weight training sessions (minimum) per week weight training
9. 4 sessions (minimum) per week stretching
10. Incorporate stress reduction activities weekly (including yoga, sauna, meditation, etc)
11. Swim sessions (starting goal 2 x per month)
12. walk dogs (goal is daily, but weather permitting)
13. Read/journal at night
14. Follow Flylady routines
15. Continue to cull/organize papers, etc with main goal to finish 'end' plans
16. Be conscious of attitude/behavior before I drive every time
17. Devotions daily
18.Complete 'just because' gestures regularly
19. Improve relationship with family members

I know some of these listed items are a bit vague - but that's ok. Sometimes life can be vague and murky - you must move a bit, get out of your comfort zone - before the path ahead becomes clearer. Once my January gets into 'normal' mode, I will be investigating a couple things. Just not sure right now, how those will fit in nor what timeframe I will be adding them in, if at all.

I read an article somewhere the other day, discussing why we are always trying to be better, improve, be more. The gist of the article was to be aware that we are not really in control. To be the most successful, we need to ask God to make us who we are meant to be. So - while I focus on my habits, intended to improve myself and my life, I'm also willing myself to be open to what happens. To not be upset when my plans go awry. I must trust and believe that all happens for a reason - and so much more and better things can be ahead than what I think is possible. Here's looking forward to 2019 and all that may be ahead!


Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
12/28/18 11:15 A

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Had our after Christmas get together with the friend from out of town. Only 3 of us this year as our extra busy friend is still buried under work, mom stuff, and kids stuff. I always get a bit of a downer after these evenings. 2 of our friends have a lot of drama going on in their lives, we other 2 have the normal aging parent and crazy sister stuff. Life, right?

SO - thanks to ONEKIDSMOM's marble display in her blog, I'm thinking how do I incorporate this so I have a tangible motivation? Should it be a marble a pound for loss? A marble a day of exercise? A colored marble associated with different type workouts? Oh - the possibilities. But - I don't want to get overwhelmed- and I want this to work for me. I'm frustrated with myself for being where I am - as in where I was 2 years ago - no improvement on the weight - but improvement elsewhere in my life. And - I must realize that since I have lost weight and regained - MAYBE IT'S TIME TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT????

Finishing up what needs to be done for work before end of year.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
12/21/18 9:03 P

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Thanks Clare - I hope you have a wonderful Christmas as well.

Husband and I just finished a quick walk with the puppy (the Kraken, as she is known affectionately). It's been drizzling the past 3 days, but it was barely wet with just a few cold gusts. Kept us moving - and I really needed to get out and walk. I did weights yesterday at home. Work and Christmas prep made me decide to ditch the last weight class. Felt a little sad at that - I won't renew for next semester. I WILL be more regular at my gym. I WILL. AS we walked, I reminded myself to get back to the mountain. I need that walk.

So - 2 family gatherings tomorrow. Hope they go well with no drama.

The Best Year of my Life is about to start over again. I turn 55 in 4 days. How did that happen? Time to make 55 a great year.

Deb
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CLARE1952's Photo CLARE1952 Posts: 1,318
12/19/18 3:30 A

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Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Clare

NZST (UTC +12) Time Zone - Daylight savings change 6 April has put the times wrong. e.g., It reads 12.00 for 11.00

SW 127.9 31 December 2016
CW 118

GW 85 kg




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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
12/16/18 10:36 A

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Son is home from college. 1st semester appears to have come to a successful close. He seems happy. Yea! Not sure how much we will see of him these next 3 weeks. Day by day will tell.

We have early Christmas this coming Saturday. For the 1st time in 28 years, my older son will not be with us on Christmas. We will meet this Saturday at 2 gatherings (my inlas, and my moms) for early gathering. I know this will be a 'different' Christmas - but I am trying very hard to be at peace with whatever happens. I have offered to host my in-laws, my bil, my mother, my sister, my nephew for Christmas brunch. very different from the past 27 years, as we have always 'kept' that morning for 'our' family. Life happens - things change. Different. Not necessarily worse. We shall see.

Husband finally voiced his concern out loud - that in 25 years, he will be as impacted physically as his mother. I know he's been thinking it for a few years - but for him to finally say it aloud... emoticon So - we must do all we can - improve diet, continue exercise, stretch, positive outlook, reduce weight? (he's fairly slim now...I have some weight to lose), work on balance.

On that front - I will hit the gym tomorrow and Tuesday. This past weekend was dog walks and elliptical and stretching. College friend's girlfriend asked me if I ever walked the mtn. I invited her to join me weather permitting as I was looking for a walking partner. Even if she doesn't take me up on offer - I need to get back out there. Mentally as well as physically, I need the mtn walks.

Lots to do this week - as always, right? Let's get to it.


Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 12/16/2018 (10:37)
Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
12/12/18 7:57 P

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And similar to last month, I went to Monday Cardio Strength, had a great workout, and woke up the next morning feeling ill. Scratchy throat, runny nose, headache, itchy eyes. BLAH. My older son was visiting this past weekend and he was sneezing...was it from him or from the gym? Either way - I don't like it. Missed SPin and Yoga yesterday - but I did do the elliptical last night. Today, I've been on work computer old day - so I am taking it easier. I plan on going to weight class tomorrow - hopefully I will feel like going.

Tomorrow night we have plans to go out with the old college friend and his girlfriend - hope I will feel up for it. We don't socialize or go out to dinner very often. Last weekend was the family party I swore a few years ago that I would never go to again...but I went. Mainly to take my in-laws as they could not go without help. We stayed about 1.5 hours - long enough. One year we left after 15 minutes... emoticon ...this year, as soon as MIL was ready, we headed out. This party always make me feel inadequate - and yes - I had those feelings during the party. Most women attending wear skimpy sequin dresses...I do not own a single sequin. It was raining as we arrived and I became rather wet - including hair - as I was assisting my MIL in getting into the house. But - that's ok. I'm sure no one really noticed me. My inlaws spent the drive home lamenting their physical demise. Sad - but true. My SIL took a few minutes during the party to lecture her mother on her physical state and declared 'something must be done - you can't live like this. What are we going to do?' Not a topic of conversation for the party...but a topic of conversation for another time? yes, sadly.

Feeling anxious due to close of year and work - so much to be done. Feeling anxious due to younger son and the close of his 1st semester at college. Nothing to be done there - his life is his. Believe. Have Faith. All is well - there is a plan - trust.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
12/6/18 3:48 P

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Been busy the last few days - but when I look around, I'm not quite sure what was accomplished! LOL

I skipped Monday's class so I could attend a holiday concert with mom and sister. I'm glad I did. Very nice concert and I can't remember the last time I attended something similar. It was a 'civilian' (volunteer) church presentation with choir and orchestra. It reminded me of my band days from middle school and early high school. I loved those concerts. Neither of my boys enjoyed their band 'time' and quit as soon as they were able. Oh well. I found it interesting (and annoying) that my mom and sister were more interested in the other attendees than in the music...! I enjoyed the music.

Tuesday I missed Spin and Yoga - due to work issues. We met with the builder Tuesday afternoon and once home, I had to take care of work and missed my window to attend. I did elliptical, weights, stretching at home - but it was not as intense as class.

I did manage to get to my weight class today. An old friend I haven't seen in a while was there and we caught up afterwards. She filled me in on all the things going on with coaching class - reaffirmed I made the correct decision to drop out of it. But - I do need to gather myself together and focus on what I want to get done!

Time to get my work done -



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
12/1/18 7:19 P

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Dec 1 already. Monthly goal - do 'something' everyday. Doesn't matter how long or hard - just do something to focus myself on being healthy. Is that obscure enough for me to succeed? LOL

Today, I did the elliptical for 15 mins, lifted weights in basement, sat in the massage chair, and stretched. I did make it to weight class Thursday. Instructor told us we would feel it Friday or Saturday - and I did.

An old college friend unexpectedly contacted us today and came by a visit. It was good to see him. Funny how there are certain people we just pick up with no matter how long it's been or what's happened in our lives. I hope we see more of him. We've missed him.

Husband finally set a meeting with a builder to discuss our lake house rebuild - our expected retirement house. He finally sat down last night and looked at some house plans I have been collecting. I hope the meeting next week goes well and we will start making some progress. I am waiting on a contractor to make an appointment to come by our current home to discuss some finishing work I want to go ahead and get done in anticipation of selling this house in a year or so. Looking ahead and making plans. Exciting.



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
11/26/18 7:39 P

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Made it back to the gym and Cardio Strength today. Felt winded and weak from 3 weeks off. But - I'm back. It was a good workout, even though I took it a bit easier at the end. I made a bad decision to eat a snack about an hour before I went...I will learn from how uncomfortable I felt and concentrate on not snacking after lunch on days I work out in the afternoon.

I intend to get to Spin and Yoga Stretch tomorrow.

I spent the majority of today on computer for work. Have a meeting with accountant tomorrow am for year end planning. Head, shoulders, neck, and eyes are feeling very uncomfortable and stiff right now.

Last night, my BIL and SIL came by. BIL brought food to cook. I got a bit annoyed with his attitude, as he was telling me that steaming veggies is healthy for you (I think I already know that...), fish is better for you than beef (not sure why he felt the need to impart that message?), etc. It seemed as if he was lecturing me with the attitude that I am an unhealthy cook and eater. All in all, we eat in a very healthy manner. Oh well - I will choose to believe he was trying to be helpful.

1 month until my birthday. I say again - not where I want to be, weight wise. But - I'm alive. I'm relatively healthy. Still working on getting my exercise routines down and consistent. Still working on improving my eating habits. Getting better everyday.

Deb
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CLARE1952's Photo CLARE1952 Posts: 1,318
11/24/18 5:18 A

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Hi there friend... it has been a while. I just popped in to cheer you on. It seems like we have similar struggles with weight.

Here is wishing you well and telling you I know we will do it sooner or later.

Sooner is probably better, huh! Cheers!

Clare

NZST (UTC +12) Time Zone - Daylight savings change 6 April has put the times wrong. e.g., It reads 12.00 for 11.00

SW 127.9 31 December 2016
CW 118

GW 85 kg




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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
11/23/18 8:18 A

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Happened across a Joyce Meyer broadcast this am about giving thanks in all circumstances. She referenced the 40 years it took to move 11 miles. And my mind immediately made the connection - how many years have I been working on 10, 20, now 30 pounds? I sit and complain about not feeling comfortable, complaining how my clothes don't fit right, disliking how I look and feel? And I fail to be thankful that I have a body that can exercise; that despite the few aches and pains I have, I am able to walk, jog, lift weights, just move; that I have enough to eat; that I have a place to live and can afford a gym membership; that I have amble opportunity and time to exercise, etc?

In all circumstances, give thanks. Work for what I want. QUIT complaining.

So - can I do this - quit complaining and give thanks for everything happening in my life? I'm going to give it a shot. I have a book I've read a couple times - need to get it out - A world without Complaint - I think is the title.

Today - I am working on financial year end stuff. I'll get some form of exercise done today - elliptical and rowing and weight. I have my smoked turkey soup in work - house smells wonderful already! I'll go see my crazy sister before she leaves for home, and make an effort to stop by and see my niece before she heads home as well. I'll not complain...I'll not complain...I'll not complain...I'll give thanks in all circumstances.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
11/21/18 4:30 P

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It's amazing the effect no exercise has on my mood. Not good. The only activities I have managed the last 2 weeks are: 3 dog walks, 1 short rowing session, 1 light hand weight session, and Yoga Stretch yesterday. I feel sluggish and blah - physically and mentally. Still sneezing and coughing a bit - but I think I am finally almost better. I hope to be back on an exercise routine Monday.

Issues with family and work have also messed with my mood. Altho - I am wondering if my mood has something to do with how I feel about these messes...egg and chicken cycle?

I am realizing (again) that if I want something done, or if I want to do something, then it is totally up to me to forge ahead. No more expecting others to be working for or even with me regarding certain things.

My old coaching person has been throwing out a lot of press stuff lately...and I find myself beating myself up mentally about it. Why was I such a failure? Why have I not experienced ANY success? I am still where I was 3 years ago...weight wise anyway . Even though I keep telling myself to get serious, buckle down, do certain things, don't do certain things...I'm floundering. Seriously floundering.

So - obviously, I'm not where I want to be. Not where I expected to be. But - I can get there. I need to stop looking at others and getting discouraged This is my struggle. My life. If I want something, it's up to me to get it.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 11/21/2018 (16:30)
Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
11/13/18 5:40 P

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Another day of no exercise. This cold is a tough one. I've been prepping soups for the rest of the week. Husband has a colonoscopy scheduled for Friday. Hopefully I will get some of the benefit of the clear liquids prep part - without the other nasty part of the prep. LOL

My son asked for my help yesterday with his situation. I was glad to be of use. I am hoping the situation will be fully resolved soon and some attention will be paid to make the situation a learning one. I am pleasantly surprised that I've learned a couple things from it. How worrying really doesn't do anything. How not being upset and anxious makes you a much happier person. My husband told me to realize that my son asking for my help was itself a huge thing - he asked me if I would have gone to my mom for help - or if I would have even ever let her know what was happening...of course he knew the answer - the same for him with his parents - H#ll No. So - if I ever question my relationship with my kids - remember this. Nice thought.

So - tomorrow is one year since my heart attack. I still have trouble acknowledging it was a heart attack, it was so mild. If I had not gone to the urgent care - I would have recovered fine and never realized I had one. Makes you wonder how many people do have attacks and not realize it. I was talking with someone just last week whose grandfather had a heart attack and died 5 days later from complications. I am glad I listened to my uneasiness and feeling that 'something' just wasn't 'right'. I am very glad to be here 1 year later.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 11/13/2018 (17:41)
Deb
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11/11/18 4:26 P

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Still working at recovering from this cold. Ran a low grade fever for about 24 hours. I'm hoping I am finally on the road to recovery.

I've come a long way in a year in handling stress better. A couple things this weekend are having me react with some stress - but I am trying very hard to realize the good in these things. Lessons to be learned. Growing opportunities. Blah Blah Blah. The 'old normal' me would be a mess. I am a bit worried for 1 particular situation and how my older son will move ahead...but there is nothing to be done until Tuesday, so I am telling myself to calm down. I have done what I can to help him. That's all I can do - in addition to the praying I am doing. And hope that he and all involved will learn from this situation and work on fixing things. But, as my husband & I remind ourselves - his life and his choices are just that - HIS.

My younger son managed to lock his keys and phone in his truck. About 2 hours away from us. And he figured out the solution without our help. Yea! Minor thing - but something that usually teaches you a lesson you don't forget. He does actually have a spare key in a container - but it is inside his tool compartment - which is locked. emoticon I believe he will be moving that spare key container.

My BIL had his birthday party yesterday that my SIL threw. He showed up 2 hours early - so the surprise was a gradual experience. The evening was rather sad. I saw a few people we haven't seen in 10 - 20 years. There was some reminiscing of the past when my husband when a teenager - the talk centered on events so far in the past, but considered 'the best' ...reminders of spouses of people in attendance who are no longer spouses...life basically - but it seems my BIL's best part of his life is so far in the past that it really is so so sad. I don't know how to put it into words. My MIL was in bad physical shape last night - lots of falling, leaning, inability to move - like I said - sad.

I need to reshape my thinking. It was wonderful that people came to the party. It was wonderful that good memories were reviewed and laughed about. It was good to reconnect with people I haven't seen in years.

There's a Queen song These are the Days of Our Lives - so true.

Deb
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11/8/18 9:30 A

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Thank you Avroien. I am feeling a bit more normal today - but will skip weight class. I am making some chicken soup and will clean the house today. A bit of work will get done later today. Short dog walks also. I wonder how I managed being sick when I had small kids...?

My cardiologist appt went well. EKG appears normal. Last year, I clearly remembering dr telling me to NOT take anti-anflams - ever. I was 'banned' from Aleve and Advil. I can honestly report that in a year - I 'cheated' twice - I had 2 pills over 1 year. While I don't want to go back to aleve multiple times a week, knowing I can have one dose every once in a while comforts me. My legs ache at night - and cardiologist told me to stop the statins from now until Christmas to see if the pain eases up. If it does, I go back to taking it twice a week instead of 3 x per week. If pain doesn't ease up, he said to contact him so he can schedule a MRI to try to figure out what's going on - whether it's exercise pain or something else. I brought up my mom's blood clots and asked whether that is something I should be concerned with - i.e., is clotting a possible genetic thing? I hate sounding like an idiot or paranoid or hypochondriac - but I'm trying to think of anything possible. He said to put that out of my mind.

Then we hit on weight - at my initiation. He's a couple years older than I - said he has experienced the same thing - he has drastically revamped his eating habits. He does a package deal thing that focuses on eating snacks every 2-3 hours, with 1 main meal a day. Lean and green. I looked at the program, but I'm not going to do it. BUT - I find it interesting that just a bit ago I journaled about how as a teenager, I obtained my main nutrition from snacking. There are so many programs out there that say the problem is eating too often resulting in your blood sugar always rising and falling. Then, there's the opposing view that eating every 2-3 hours keeps your blood sugar steady. The 1 main meal a day thing is something I am naturally falling into - I think. At times. Focus on salad. Smaller portions of lean protein, with veggies. I know what to eat. Just do it. I eat too much. I must be honest. I eat too much. I eat too much.

So - eating has not been an issue for me the last 4 days. At least there's a silver lining to feeling crappy.

Deb
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11/7/18 8:19 P

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Hope you feel better soon



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11/7/18 8:59 A

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Got hit hard Monday night by some kind of virus. after that great workout at Cardio Strength, I was feeling great - a bit tired, but great. Got in bed a bit early (since I am alone, I can do that!) and I still clearly remember this horrible feeling coming into my sinus area. I've never felt anything like that - headache, jaw ache and a clear shift in sinus area. Bam. Took it easy yesterday, hoping it would lessen up - but no, today is a bad day. It also happens to be my 6 month cardiologist check up day. I already called them to see if they would prefer I stay away - but, no, they said come in and put on a mask. I also have a hair appointment today...and if I don't go to that - no telling when he could get me in. Can't have the grey showing...!

I do not recall being around anyone who has been sick. Which makes me think I was exposed at the gym - using the free weights from class. Who knows where we pick up these germs - I know it could be anywhere - but I get paranoid about the weights. Just need to be sure to wash hands better and wipe the equipment down before I use it.

Hoping I can snap back by tomorrow. It's been a long time since I've had a cold. I've forgotten how rotten you can feel.

Deb
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11/5/18 7:20 P

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Cardio Strength today was great. I am feeling it now. I need to get a bit of stretching in tonight so I am not too sore in the morning. Instructor really had us work a bit more cardio in tonight.

Dropped husband off at airport this am. I have a list of things to get accomplished before he returns Friday afternoon...but I am feeling very lazy right now. Although it's only 7:15, since it's already dark due to time change, it's feeling so much later. It would be so nice to just grab a hot shower and fall into bed. But I won't. I need to walk the puppy at least once more before bed, get some laundry done, and a few more things so I feel I accomplished something today.

Tomorrow is supposed to be a very stormy day. Not looking forward to walking puppy in the rain. Hopefully the rain will go away before Spin and Yoga tomorrow.

Waiting to hear from friend about her ex-husband's surgery today. Is no news good news?

Deb
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11/1/18 7:11 P

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weight class today. Then lunch with mom and sister. Then headed to mom's to sort out her computer for her. Not sure what her issues were - all seemed to be ok. We went through how to work everything and I backed all her files up to my hard drive - so whatever she manages to mess up, I can get it right again.

Sister asked me about joining the weight class in January. I told her I'm giving it up at end of December and going only to the gym close to me. She said it's too expensive for her...which annoys me. It is her money - her choice. But, I also hear from her what she spends on 'pick-up' classes here and there, on and off. In my opinion, if she would 'just' spend to join the gym, it's the same. However, knowing my sister as many years as I have - I also know she wouldn't go to the gym. So it is a waste of money for her. I've learned to stay out of it and not offer my opinion. But, of course, I have to vent - so there you go.

Heard from a friend today whose life seems to be falling apart. Her mother, her ex-husband, her son all have health issues on top of her business being in crisis mode. I feel for her. I remember just a couple years ago when I was in complete fall-apart mode and couldn't keep up. Makes you rethink everything.

November already. I'm feeling in good shape - but the weight is still here. Yoga is helping me loosen up some. Hips and back are still very tight - but I'm getting a bit more flexible. November will be a month of keeping on with what I'm doing. What gets done - gets done. No stress. be thankful. be grateful. be happy.

Deb
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10/31/18 10:14 A

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Spin and Yoga Stretch yesterday. Spin does not seem as challenging as I thought it was several years ago - is it because I am attending the 30 min class as opposed to the 60 min class? Probably. Or, is it because I am not at tempo for the standing hills? Definitely. I did get a bit winded at times yesterday - easily rectified after the interval, but I am not sweating...yet. My plan is to keep attending through the end of the year and see where it leads. I'll work at getting to tempo while standing.

Today, is office day. Husband is out of town so I must handle the dogs today single handedly. Walking today.



Deb
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10/29/18 8:39 P

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Made it to cardio strength class today. Felt great. Tomorrow, I hope to get to Spin and Yoga.

I actually did some Yoga stretch moves on the beach last week with my friend - I, who do not ' do' Yoga and am horrible at it! Pigeon pose, I believe it is called and a couple others.

I mull over conversations from last week. My friend has been diagnosed as diabetic and is taking the pill form of insulin. She kept talking about limiting carbs to help her with blood sugar control. Something I know I should do. I came home and really concentrated on eating low carb for 2 days...maybe I should say ' lower carb' than my normal eating. A couple pounds went away. Yesterday, I had the Sunday 'wanna cooks' and made 7 layer bars...the weight was back today. I KNOW I am sugar reactive. Why do I do it to myself?! I do not want to become diabetic. I just need to be aware of reducing my carb intake. Every single day. And limit sugar. And exercise. And not get stressed. LOL

Still trying to be more accepting of what comes my way. Mom called today. She pushed a couple of the buttons she likes to push. I resisted reacting. Deep breaths - it's all good. I just wish I knew whether she is starting to have 'problems' or if she just gets some jollies in messing with me. Or...am I the one starting to have 'problems'??? LOL

Deb
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10/25/18 8:38 P

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Returned to my life this afternoon. I will get back to work in the morning and anticipate being at the computer most of tomorrow. If I can work it in, I'll get to the gym for something.

Wonderful time with my friend. Ate some wonderful seafood, salads, etc. Really nothing too 'bad'.

I reread part of a book I started months ago, briefed through, but didn't really spend enough time on. When I began reading it, I was a bit annoyed at the author's message - that the 'Universe' will provide if you sit back and let it. As a chronic planner, I have a hard time letting chance happen. the friend I was visiting is also a planner. We discussed this...and as I was mulling over the concept of letting what will be...be...as I sat on a beach, watching the waves, the sunset, feeling the sun and breeze...it finally kinda made sense. Planning everything out in excruciating detail is exhausting, and very upsetting when it doesn't happen as you think it will, and very taxing as you make back-up plans, and back-up plans for the back-up plans, etc. The book basically tells you to expect the best, take chances, go for what you want - and let things happen. as they will. hmmmm - something I have resisted for over 50 years - but maybe about time to start. I drive my husband crazy. I stress out myself and my kids a bit by trying to control everything.

Not to beat a dead horse - but maybe - just maybe - I try to plan too much. I try to live too rigid. Maybe it's time to be a bit more open and flexible. What will happen - WILL happen, despite my plans, my schedules, my diagrams, my desires. I think it's time to live as it comes for a bit. I will work on getting in exercise, eating in a supportive manner...but it's time to be a bit more calm and accepting - and happy - with whatever life hands over. Cause it's been pretty good so far.

Deb
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10/22/18 9:17 A

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I have run away from my life for a few days. Down visiting a friend at her 'next home' once she finally decides to retire - and when her parents do not need her as much at home. This woman has been in my life since 1976-ish. We've had good times, great times, bad times, stupid times...but she's always been there. For me, my husband, my parents, my kids. It'd hard to find friends like that.

Last night we touched on some of the important topics - work, our other best friend's divorce and life, her sister's continuing journey battling cancer which of course led to my memories of Sandra's battle and loss. We have a few more days to talk about the rest - her parents, my mom, other siblings, more work, my kids...life.

I wanted a few days away from my responsibilities to figure out my plan for the rest of the year- and on. My weight is continuing to go up, no matter how or what I eat or exercise. Very frustrating. One item to discuss at cardiologist appt in a couple weeks.

We will go walk the beach in a little bit, and may ride bikes. I am looking forward to getting in the ocean. My friend is still recovering from a virus she had last month. She has chronic fatigue, compromised immunity. So - I know we will not push it too hard. Just what I need, mentally for me. A chance to stop. Not think (too hard). Not do. Just be.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 10/22/2018 (09:18)
Deb
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10/19/18 6:06 P

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I spend time thinking over my 'food memories' before I come here and type them out. I must remember to process the good memories, also. I have typed up a document as I think of things so I can write more about each. I think it;='s going to be awhile before I work through everything. A blog I read here today (IVANHOE, possibly) reminded me to step back and give myself some grace.

I think my dad is probably the most influential person regarding my attitude toward food - funny in that I have read many female posts about how their mothers always dieting and watching food and size impacted them. While I don't remember my mom being on diets or watching food, I do remember her doing Yoga on and off. I may need to do some memory searching regarding mom....

Anyway - my place at the dinner table was to the right of my dad. I always considered my dad heavy - even fat. He loved food. He quit smoking when I was 3 or 4 - and substituted food after that. He seemed obsessed with food to me. I did not like to eat. I grew up in the 70's - so we ate alot of ground beef - ground beef stroganoff, meatloaf, taco salad. Saturday was ALWAYS steak night. I detested any bit of visible fat - and would cut off all traces of it - and my dad would reach over with his fork and eat the fat. Often times, he would just eat off my plate, as I would pick about. I remember many times, just stopping eating because he was eating off my plate. We ate at a unfashionable early time (5PM) - due to his getting home from work at about 4:45 and his wanting to work out in the yard and garden after dinner. Since I had snacked after I returned from school, I was usually not hungry at dinner - hence my picking at food. Then, about 9 PM, we'd all snack on ice cream or cereal as we watched TV. I NEVER ate breakfast, only occasionally ate lunch at school(thus my snacking after school) and as I think back now, my snacks were my main sources of food. But I digress...I remember many times watching my dad at the table and being upset at how much he seemed to enjoy his food. It was as if he was wholly focused on food alone - no conversation, no acknowledgement of anyone else at the table...

How does this influence me today...I tend to pick at my food when at dinner with others. I think I am 'afraid' of having others watch me eat, or being perceived as obsessed with food. I often prefer to eat alone. My braces experience also works in here. I had the glued on braces with the wire running through them - lots of food would stick in the braces. I learned to go long times without eating - and I often preferred to eat alone so I wouldn't have people telling me "you have food in your braces." I do not want people to think I have 'problems' with food. My eating behavior is definitely different when I am alone versus when I am with friends and family - and actually, which family I am with, now that I think about it. I eat very differently when I am with my husband and kids (what I consider normal) from how I eat with my husband's family and my mom and sisters.

Not sure I'm getting the lesson today. Maybe it will come to me later in a dream...

Deb
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10/18/18 3:57 P

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I think...no, I know... I live too much of my life in an anxious state - waiting for the proverbial 'other shoe' to drop. Not quite sure why, as I only need look back on my life to see it all works out in the end. It's getting to the end that seems to be so difficult. Still anxious about son. He is coming up for his dad's birthday this weekend, so I will have a chance to talk with him - and hopefully ease my anxiety a bit. Time I stopped living worried and scared. I much prefer joyful and optimistic. Anybody know how to just be that way?

I am going to visit a friend out of town Sunday through Thursday. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm pushing down the guilt I feel about leaving husband with all the dogs and work.

Today was weight class. Good, but not as intense as it has been lately. Maybe I am getting stronger? I missed Monday's class due to husband's hand surgery/ Made Spin and Yoga on Tuesday. Yesterday was work, meeting inlaws, and Motion Stretch appt. She used this nifty HyperIce Hypervolt thing - loved it. So I ordered one for husband's birthday. I hope it works on his back some.

Not sure I will get any classes done the rest of the week. I'll get something done at home over the weekend. My friend I am visiting doesn't exercise much - so not sure whether or not I will be able to get anything done. Hopefully some beach time. I'm not going to stress about it.

Deb
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10/14/18 10:14 P

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Anxious tonight. Worried about younger son. Actually got to see him a couple days as he has been on fall break. I shouldn't worry. But I do.

I've been reading a book about emotional eating lately. Finished it last night.The author talked about how people assume being 'happy' is a natural state, when it really isn't. People spend so much time TRYING to be happy, that it follows naturally that if you have to strive to be happy, then being happy is not the status quo, if you will. And therefore, you need to acknowledge that not being happy (which is different than being unhappy...my words) is not a bad thing - it's expected. You shouldn't expect to BE happy all the time - that's the problem - when you expect to be happy all the time and aren't. Still working my brain about it, but it gives me comfort in a way. Which comes back to my worries about my son. I so want him to be happy. I feel like he's always struggling to find happiness and inclusion. And I know my worries are based on my assumptions, nothing else. My son is very private (as am I) - so I speculate - alot...Deep breath. He will find his way. His God will protect him. Based on what he shared, he seems to be doing well in his classes. I think he has made friends and has some people to hang out with. I will hope for the best. I will expect the best for him.

I will not make exercise tomorrow due to husband having hand surgery. Hopefully Tuesday, I can make Spin. I need to check who the Yoga sub is - if he is the same as last week, I will skip. I am feeling quite the sloth this week, having gained weight again and not sure why with the way I have been eating. I should have maintained or lost. emoticon

I'd like to get a mountain walk in this week. I miss this.

Deb
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10/10/18 9:49 A

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I managed the 30 min Spin class yesterday and then went to the Yoga Stretch class. I lived through Spin - I hope I will come to like it once I get more comfortable (is that possible?). Yoga Stretch was with a sub who had not been informed that this a Yoga STRETCH class - as in - NOT a traditional Yoga class but one for non-Yoga people - or NOGA people. The lady next to me was there for the 1st time - she shot me several glances during the class as if to say "WTH???" I assured her afterwards that this was not a typical class and to please come back. Funny in that I really don't care for the regular instructor...but after this class - I realize she may actually be pretty good. I had a chiro appt yesterday also to try to work my hips. It really is embarrassing to be as stiff and inflexible as I am.

SO - after my last entry I implied I would start hand writing my 'food issue memories" - but I know I'm not going to do that. Writing on here may be rambling and tmi - but since this is my journal - who cares?

I'll start with my first food memory - the infamous peanut butter sandwich and food presentation. I was between 3-5 (before kindergarten) and at the kitchen table for lunch with my mom. I hated to eat - always skinny. I didn't like peanut butter sandwiches either - and I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted mom to cut my sandwich into 2 diagonals - thus 4 pieces. Mom would only cut my sandwich in half - straight down the middle. I can clearly remembering asking her before she cut the sandwich - "cut it in half long ways then in half again" - and she cut in the 'normal' way she did and told me that's the way she cuts sandwiches. I think I had been at a friend's house where her mom cut the sandwich in that exotic diagonal/diagonal and I thought it was so cool emoticon but my family was utilitarian...Anyway, I didn't want to eat and kept dawdling. Mom getting upset with me to eat. Finally mailman came, mom walked to driveway to get mail, and I promptly threw the sandwich in the trash. Mom came back and was thrilled I had decided to eat. And I think this was normal thing for me - I knew to wait until she left the kitchen and I could trash my food. I mentioned this to mom a couple months ago - she said she had no idea that was what I was doing...In her defense, I am the last of 4 all born within 6 years of each other and I admit I was the most difficult of all of us. Looking back on this memory, I think this influenced me several ways - I hate peanut butter sandwiches, food presentation is important, I tend to resist people urging me to eat, and I'm sure there's some other stuff in there for me to understand.

Why I remember this event so clearly has always troubled me a bit. Why do certain things stick out in our memories. All in all, this is a non-event. Is it the 'lying' and concealing to my mom - my 1st memory of being sneaky that is the pivotal thing - or is it the food. Is this when food and subterfuge became intertwined? Ahha??? Light bulb moment - or just plain crazy? emoticon

Deb
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10/9/18 9:11 A

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I need to give some thought to why I struggle so much when I am alone. Stopped on way home from airport Sunday and picked up some things I didn't need - shouldn't have. Went to a fast food place yesterday - shouldn't have. Weight this morning was at all time high... emoticon emoticon

I started to make an entry yesterday - it got too long and detailed - so I dropped it. But - the gist was I needed to finish my alphabet. And I needed to get started on giving some thought into my past and why I seem to be where I am with eating habits and weight and feelings. I came to the conclusion as I was writing, it may be best to hand write this stuff out. Perfect time to do it with my being alone for a coupe days. Just need to make the effort. Initial things I started to write about yesterday: pnut butter sandwich; food presentation; eating next to dad; braces and getting food stuck in them; difficulty cutting steak; manners...lots to write about.

HIIT class yesterday. It's a good class to get me back into the habit. Neighbor walked in afterwards - she attends the Zumba class afterwards. Never tried Zumba...maybe some day. Today, my intent is to do the 30 min Spin class before Yoga. I had another stretch session after HIIT class. Hips are feeling out of place. Chiro appt booked.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 10/9/2018 (09:16)
Deb
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10/7/18 9:30 P

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Dropped husband at airport a couple hours ago. Fed dogs, walked the puppy, talked with a neighbor, updated my calendar, made my plan for exercise. Now here I am.
Younger son will probably be home for a couple days at the end of the week. It will be good to talk with him in person and see how college is progressing for him. Saw older son and his wife for a bit yesterday. They dropped off the dog for a couple hours while they went to a party. It was good to see them all.

After a week of very low steps per day ended with Saturday at 15K. Cut grass at 2 locations, then did yardwork at the house - picked up pinecones, blew leaves, thinned out irises, trimmed bushes - and then burned. We were both exhausted last night - and had to stay up late - dog-sitting - until son and his wife came to pick him up. Made me realize I really need to get some weight off, and get more limber, before I have grandkids...if ever. No pressure!

This week, I'd like to get more cleanup and organization done while alone. I will need to spend more time with the dogs since husband is out of town. They get groomed tomorrow, so I have most of day alone to get some stuff done. Monday is usually my heavy office day at work.

More cardio this week is my plan. And, as I am alerted by the news, I am eliminating LaCroix. Not sure I believe everything in news - but I think it's time to get back to tea and plain water....

Deb
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10/6/18 8:37 A

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This week's step numbers are way down. Lots of sitting this week unfortunately with work. Thursday's weight class was good. We also walked the dogs at the field Thurs night. Less cardio than the last couple weeks. Friday's activity was ONLY dog agility - which means nothing.

A couple conversations with various people this week, along with my weight inching up (as I've been very careful with eating) have me re-thinking my exercise habits. I'll peruse the class schedule and my calendar this weekend and see if I can shake up things a bit. There are some new activities I'd like to try - as well as resurrect some old habits. One thing is clear - things aren't working for me weight-loss wise - time to make some changes.



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
10/3/18 9:14 A

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Cardio Tone on Monday was another good class. No hollow feeling in the chest during burpees, which was good. I do like that class. Although, once I was home, legs were aching pretty severely. I wish I knew what is the 'cause' - muscle soreness from working out? statin reaction? blood clot potential? being tight and needing to stretch more? I will bring this up to my cardiologist when I go in November.

Yesterday was the Yoga Stretch and then I stayed for the Barre class afterwards. Same instructor. I've done 1 introductory Barre class. I liked it much better than this class. So - I am not sure whether or not I will stay again for the class. I need to go, that much is clear... emoticon

Today WAS to be swim. But it will not be for a couple reasons. Tomorrow is weight class. Friday - may be the Cardio Strength class or swim...or rest - based on how my legs hold up.

I went to Motion Stretch again yesterday. Therapist was really good and my hips felt a bit looser. I did purchase a 5 stretch package and I intend to go once a week for the month of October. Limbering up a bit is one of my goals for this month.

Family drama is starting to ramp up unfortunately regarding holiday plans...doing what I must do for MY family.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
9/27/18 1:49 P

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Just back from weight class. Good class, as always. Monday afternoon I tried a new (to me) class at the gym. Cardio Tone. HIIT and weight. Good class. During burpees, I felt a strange hollow feeling in the middle of my chest...I slowed down a bit, but honestly, it's been so long since I've pushed myself cardio-wise, that I know it's just getting used to that again. Tues, i made the Yoga stretch class. I think it's helping a bit. I need to keep it up. Yesterday was my planned swim day. A storm came through just as I was set to leave the house. Lightening kept the pool closed. Possibly tomorrow. I have work meetings in the morning, so if I go, it will be in the afternoon or evening.

Girl weekend went well for the most part. I did stay calm. I avoided controversial topics and statements. I had some deep breathing, walk away moments a couple times. I do see how my mom is playing games with me (and my sisters) - I'm just not sure if she really is aware of what she's doing and doing it on purpose - or if she's just 'that' way...she's doing it again to me today. emoticon

On these getaways, I'm always appalled at how poorly my mom and sisters eat. And yes - I find it so ironic that I am the only one with heart issues of all of us... emoticon I am reminded of how my mom and sisters are food pushers and exercise ridiculers. As well as healthy habit ridiculers. I am making up that word if it's not one. I did manage to get to the beach and get in the ocean for about 1 minute. It was very hot - my mom didn't want to walk down to water's edge - and we didn't want to leave her in the sun too long. We did a lot of sitting around. I came home feeling very stuffed and uncomfortable.

So - lots to regroup on. I don't feel very satisfied with my Sept performance. I must do better in October. Plans to be made.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
9/21/18 12:50 P

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I did manage a swim on Weds night. 30 mins, combo of crawl, breast, back and kickboard. Lots of room for improvement.

Weight class yesterday had a bit more cardio in it than typical - it was nice. I do like that class - but already I can tell my mind is shifting. I drive across town - 30 mins - to get to this class. I have a membership at a gym so close to me. I have paid for this class through mid December. I am on the fence about renewing the class for next year.

I am about to head out of town with my 2 sisters and mom to visit my other sister. I am giving myself pep talks - stay calm, be nice, don't get...insert any or all of the following...annoyed, exasperated, angry, frustrated, political, upset. emoticon 2 days. I can do it. Honestly, I think it will get me processing some of my feelings/beliefs about food, as these are the people who helped make me who I am... emoticon

The weather is supposed to be turning, but I hope we get on the beach for a bit. I don't remember the last time I was on a beach in warm weather. Sad statement. My younger son called this morning - I feel a bit guilty. It is parents weekend. Over a month ago I had asked him what he wished for us to do - come or not come. He said not come. This morning he called to extend an invite from a group he is committed to to come by and meet everyone...which I'd actually like to do, but can't as I committed to this family trip. We do drive through where he is...so we may stop by either tonight or Sunday just to say hi. I am really trying to get myself in the right frame of mind for this trip. My sister made a comment yesterday to me about how frustrated I get with mom for not being able to make decisions...I must remember to be kind. It is still September... emoticon

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
9/19/18 2:58 P

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I've started to write a few times, actually written a couple lines - then logged off. I have several things swirling in my head. I imagine if I could manage to get it out of my head, articulated, then...THEN...everything would fall into place and POOF - I'd be on the 'right' path to ...not sure. Ever feel that way? I don't like feeling that I am swirling about without purpose or direction.

I think my introspective attitude started a week or so ago after reading ONEKIDSMOM blog where she intentionally (imagine that!!!) wrote about processing feelings and memories. It sparked my thoughts (pun intended) and reminded me that when I 'did' Beck, I just glossed over the exercises. I don't need to do that...I said to myself in a rather smug manner. I know I have some deep seated feelings about food, eating habits, etc. BUT - I've never really considered myself a food 'problem' person. Is that one of the reasons why I'm where I am now? So - I thought about starting to put my thoughts on paper or cyber journal. But I haven't - yet.

Then - I am in a quandary also about what to eat and how to exercise. I have read so many different things and seen so many different plans. I heard yesterday someone somewhere talking about how as she got older, she switched to very low impact exercise and POOF the weight was gone, Just gone - yes. POOF. No hard core cardio. Just gentle yoga and stretching. Her premise - That inflammation from weight lifting and hard cardio will make your body hold onto water weight. I have a history of gaining 5-10 pounds within a couple days of starting strength training, so I don't doubt that a body can hold onto water weight. BUT - I am finally at a point in my strength training that I am starting to see some improvement and slight definition - so I don't want to stop.

However - isn't there always a however? - I know the morning workout routine is not sustainable given the dogs and work and husband possibly out of town soon. This week in particular, I missed Mon and Tues am workout. But I did a home weight routine and made Yoga Stretch yesterday - and intend to go swim tonight.

But I digress. Then also yesterday, came the study results about cholesterol and how it's all wrong...and the conflicting info I glean from plant paradox and other food books...it makes my head spin - and then I go eat sugar... emoticon I did make some 7 layer bars yesterday...not sure why. And my head hurt and legs ached last night more than they have for several weeks. So - I KNOW sugar is bad for me. My body does not like sugar. So - why do I eat it?

Which brings me right back to knowing I must process through my memories and feelings, as ONEKIDSMOM indicated. So, going forward, I will be sorting and sifting through my food related memories and feelings to get to where I think I need to go. My husband has no 'relationship' with food - food is food. You eat when you're hungry. You don't eat when you're not. Oh - to be that way....

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
9/11/18 7:11 P

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Work interfered with Tai Chi again today, so I just got back from Yoga Stretch. I think it helps but it does reinforce the feelings from yesterday. I am stiff, I am uncomfortably stiff and inflexible... emoticon and I am uncomfortable with my weight in attempting poses. At least I will get better...

Saw younger son today for lunch. It was good to visit with him. He seems happy with his choice in college. He seems to think his course work is getting a tad more difficult this week. Hope he does well.

Spoke to mom for a bit today. My BIL fell down her stairs at the end of last week. I was over there the morning after for several hours and we actually all went out to lunch (except for said BIL) after they returned from doctor visit. BIL cracked a rib and has a badly bruised back - he's very lucky it was nothing more. As I spoke with mom tonight she proceeded to tell me all about it - has no recollection of my coming over and us all going out to lunch... emoticon While I was over visiting, 2 of my sisters and I were reviewing some monetary things with mom - she got a bit agitated (with me only interestingly) during our discussions. So I am rather surprised she doesn't remember my being there. She did tell me 'they' went to lunch...but my being there...nothing.hmmmmm. Not only am I her least favorite child, I am heading towards not being remembered as part of the family...LOL. Today would have been my dad's birthday - so maybe her emotions are a bit off today.

Thursday is my oldest sister's birthday. Either lunch or dinner will be the plan. We had briefly discussed an overnighter - but no one has decided anything - and it is not possible for me to 'just go' due to work and the dogs. Only 1 of my sisters works (and takes lots of time off) - 1 never had a career and the other retired 5 years ago. They tend to forget work is a requirement...annoys me quite a bit...as you can tell.... emoticon

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
9/10/18 11:19 A

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Back from RIPPED. Good class. I am always a bit shocked - and disappointed - in how stiff and inflexible I am in my hips. I know I must stretch more to get this area to open up - and that it won't happen overnight.

Lots of walking last week while at the lake. I hope to continue that even though we are home now. I searched for some classes to take in evenings. Not much (anything) offered at the gym. I may expand my search to community college continuing ed classes. Or - come up with a schedule for completing some home projects/personal projects that have been on the back burner for a while.

I have my plan for the week. Lots to get done.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 9/10/2018 (11:19)
Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
9/4/18 4:50 P

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Well - I did not make my weight loss goal for August. I am down 1 pound...1 pound...since beginning of August. Which is in my daily fluctuation pattern. BUT - that's ok. I do know I am eating better. I have reduced my sugar intake. I have improved. It's not all about the weight. But it sure would be nice to have less weight to carry around.

RIPPED was canceled yesterday due to holiday. I made it to Tai Chi today - and I think I did a bit better. The instructor separated the class into 2 groups towards the end of class. I, along with 2 others (both long time attendees of the class), was in the remedial group, of course. It helped - but I am still a long way from remembering the routine.

We were at the lake this weekend - went surfing a bit. My hip and leg were aching all weekend. Lots of walking. We went home last night - then came back up today. We hope to function this week out of the lake house. It's so nice and quiet here now. Just walked the dogs and talked with the neighbor. No one is out on the water. Lovely and peaceful. End of summer feeling.

Weight class on Thursday. Friday may be the cardio strength class, depending on how leg feels.

September goals: keep up reduced sugar. Plant paradox influence on eating. water. exercise. Be kind.


Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
8/30/18 8:42 A

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The scale did move today - a nudge down. I had to laugh at myself as I was happy to see that number. At 1 point in my life, not so long ago, I would have shuddered at that number. But - it is what it is. If I am brutally honest with myself, I realize it had been since before I was expecting my youngest that I was at ease with my weight. It's sad to realize I have spent 19.5 years unhappy with my weight...I think it's about time I grew up and decided to be happy no matter what my weight is.

And - I don't want to give the impression that I let my weight influence everything about my attitude and life. I don't. However, it is always lurking there in my peripheral vision, if you will. "I'd feel more comfortable if I was lighter"..."I look so much heavier than I used to"..."I AM so much heaver than I used to be"..."When I was lighter, I could exercise easier"...always there - but not preventing me from being happy.

I am still adjusting to my younger son being at college. It will be 2 weeks this Saturday. He's called a few times. I am trying to find that balance between intruding and letting him know we love him. Hard to find that balance with a son. Someone (a woman) told me she called her mother 5-6 times A DAY when she first went off to college... emoticon ...I think I left for college (parents waved goodbye at the house) and came home for the 1st time at Thanksgiving. I did talk to them a couple times the 2nd weekend when my friend had her accident. I am not sure whether he will come home for the Labor Day weekend or not. My DIL implied he would not - that he thought he had other plans. And I hope he does. And I am glad he is talking to his SIL!

I have done some deep cleaning and culling while husband has been gone. He comes back late tonight. I still have some to do - and a trip to the thrift to get rid of some things. It will be interesting to see whether he notices. It actually doesn't seem different, but at least I know it's clean. Wiping blinds and cleaning windows are not my favorite chores - but at least I got that done in the most lived in areas of the house. Still have living and dining room and spare beds to do - but that can be done later.

Weight class today. I am not sure whether or not I will make the Cardio Strength class Friday. Depends on a couple things. We hope to be at lake - if water levels allow. Lots of walking planned for weekend.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 8/30/2018 (08:43)
Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
8/28/18 8:57 P

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I had to do some work 1st thing this morning, so missed my traffic window of opportunity to make Tai Chi. I did go to the Yoga Stretch class this afternoon. I am not a limber person. Let me re-phrase that. I am a very stiff and tight person. My body doesn't do most of the stuff I associate with Yoga. However, this was a good class for me. All the stretches and poses were on the mat and it was very slow paced. I made myself concentrate on what I could do, put it out of my mind that others were possibly looking at me and finding me 'sad', and really worked on being ok with the image I saw in the mirror. Long way to go there. I am feeling very uncomfortable in my own skin. And wondering what is going on. Why am I so tired, so stiff, so sore?

I go to get blood work done next month for an appointment the next month with cardiologist. I have started following the plant paradox guidelines (not 100%, but pretty close and working on getting to that 100%), I am very regular with my meds and supplements - so I am looking forward to seeing what the blood test results are - and I am certain (hopeful) that the weight is going to start dropping off me any second now. I imagine waking in the morning to see pounds gone... emoticon

We shall see what tomorrow looks like on the scale...

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
8/27/18 4:02 P

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Made it to RIPPED this am. So glad I did. As I am alone this week, I had to get up about an hour earlier than usual so I had time to handle the dogs before I tackled the traffic to the gym. I was pleasantly surprised at the lack of serious traffic this morning. Not sure why, but it was nice. I had time for a 25 minute treadmill walk before class. I limited it to walking due to the radiating pain I have from hip to knee. I am debating whether to head back to the ortho guy. About the only thing he can do is write me a prescript for therapy. Which may be worth it. I found my light therapy apparatus last night and used that. As well as heating pad, ice, stretching and massage.

Will plan on Tai Chi tomorrow. The instructor had implied he was making me a video on beginner poses and routines. Since I didn't make it last week, I am wondering if he thinks I am giving up. Hope not.

W Words: willingness, wholehearted

I need to work on my mindset - give my all.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
8/24/18 2:57 P

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V - Valor and Vanquish

Vanquish my self sabotage and doubts. Valor for the journey.

Today feels as if it is a wasted day. Unexpected overnight guest messed with my plans for last night and today. There's still time to get stuff done - and I will - but I did put off my plan to start the 3 day plan until tomorrow. I did get the shopping done today - except for 1 item, which I will hopefully find - otherwise, I will do what I can. I have broccoli and cauliflower roasting in the oven now in preparation.

I feel unsure about this. I am disappointed in myself for even considering doing this - because I've tried so many other plans. Plans that have worked for a short while, then stopped. Mainly because I don't stay on the plan...which means it is not sustainable for me. SO...why am I trying something AGAIN that I know is going to be hard to do? Because. Because I hurt. Because I've gained weight. Because I feel tired and bloated. Because of my heart and health. I'm really working myself now to realize it's past time for me to get my eating habits revamped. This way of eating can be done. It can. I just need to adjust my expectations and my mind set.

I am also a bit worried that the family is going to react again - "Oh, she's eating weird again..." smirk, smirk. BUT - I can just refrain from eating with them for a while until I get my habits down.

I am also a bit worried about what do I do if this DOESN'T WORK??? Stop. No going there. GIve it an honest try.

I did make it to weight class yesterday. Glad I did. Altho I feel as if I am bone tired, I did well in the class. We did quite a bit of leg work - and I was fine with it (except for the left kneecap sharp pain).

So - granddog has gone home. We are back to our new normal of 3 dogs. I will get them out for separate walks later, I have the back yard to cut. I have several projects to get done tonight. More food to prep so I am ready to start the 3 day plan in the morning. No excuses.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
8/23/18 8:50 A

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I have left off my alphabet...so - to that first.

U. There are so many 'un' words. I will use only 1 - 'unintended'. Ultimately. Unction.

Ultimately, my decisions make my life.
Unction needs to be part of my daily life. Never having comfort is a bad thing.
Unintended consequences seem to be so prevalent. Live as you intend. Avoid unintended consequences.

This week, so far, has been what I am terming as a recovery/resting week. My lower body has been so bone-deep tired. I wonder is it has to do with one of the medications I am on, or whether this is a result of my increased activity along with my hip bursitis? I am working on unction actions (massage, heat, rollers, stretching, ice, etc.) and slower walks - not pushing it, but not total rest either.

Granddog is back for a day. I am having to keep 2 of the dogs separated, so I went on 4 dog walks this morning. Husband left today for at least a week. I felt, yesterday, as if I had 3 toddlers (before the granddog showed up) with them all looking at me as if to say "What are we doing?" every second of the day. The older dogs are fine lazing around, but the puppy needs activity and stirs everyone up. I hope to remain sane this week ahead.

With husband gone, I am starting the plant paradox 3 day plan tomorrow. I am looking forward to seeing some improvements in joint pain, and energy too. I hope I will experience some positive results.

I am off to weight class in just a bit. Then I will stop at store on way home to get what I need for the 3 days ahead. Cleaning out pantry and fridge this afternoon. Got a plan. Sticking to it. I hope the dogs behave while I am gone. More dog walks when I get back.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 960
8/21/18 8:54 A

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Another day of listening to my body. Am I looking for excuses? I don't think so. I skipped Tai Chi this morning. Partly for how I feel - still tired - and partly for work. I have tons to do and am here, taking a quick break, working since early this am. I plan on getting to the gym this afternoon - really! I did some weight work last night at home. It was a quick and dirty routine - nowhere near the amount of time or effort spent when I go to class - but it was something.

I read quite a bit of plant paradox last night. Finally got to THE PLAN. The 3 day initial plan will fit in nicely with husband being out of town. I will re-read it again today and make some notes along with a grocery list. I was a little perplexed, as almonds do not show up on either the Yes or No list. Aren't almonds a fairly popular choice of nuts? And almond milk? I was also a little confused with the use of pressure cookers to remove the lectins from quinoa and veggies with seeds (aka fruits)...no directions on how to do so - and I can't tell whether it is suggested/recommended? So - more research needed. I was glad to see the veggie list included quite a few that are my staples. Disappointed to see some on the No list. Beets show up as a YES in raw state...why only raw? Very sad to see melons, cucumbers, squashes, tomatoes on NO list. But - again - if the seeds and peel are removed, and/or squashes cooked in pressure cooker to remove lectins - are they are ok to eat? Very confusing to me. I will start with the obvious YES foods - and see what happens.

I need to return to work. Then I have some work errands to run. Then the gym.

Son called last night - good to hear from him. He sounded good. I told my husband I'm afraid he's a bit lost right now - and he reminded me it's time for him to be that way. I tried hard to remember that time in my life - and I know it's normal. Expecting the best...working on not worrying!

Deb
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