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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
9/20/20 11:56 A

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time to do a reality check on my 20 habits to end 2020. For the most part, I am doing great/good/adequate...varies day to day, and some days are better than others...so, life.

Things I need to focus on this week include:
reduce/eliminate sugar, dairy, gluten, corn
stretch and ice daily
follow FlyLady routines
do my nightly care routine
final planning done
read at night

I have my reservations for the gym Mon, Tues and Thursday. Trying a new yoga class on Tues, going to a different muscle madness class Monday. I intend to get a mountain walk this week as the weather is significantly cooler. So long as rain holds out, I will get to the mountain.

Older son's rescue puppy starts obedience class tonight down here, so we are having a family late lunch/early dinner. We did the same last week for sister's bday. Next Sun is mom's bday - so I'm hoping we can start a habit of Sunday's at our house at least for the next 8 weeks.



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
9/17/20 7:41 P

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muscle madness today again. Good workout. I feel I am getting stronger. Plank is still an issue for me. Arms are feeling better. I had to drop the bar on squats after 1 set as my left knee kept getting sharp pains. A bit worried about that, but I did what I could.

I have been ravenous all day since getting out of class. A need for more protein? Will keep that in mind and try to tweak my choices.

Sally dumped several inches on us yesterday and last night. Worried the screening at the lake may not have been enough and was breached - haven't heard from builder today tho - it's his problem to deal with at this point - nothing I can do about it. Will go up tomorrow and see what it looks like.

Younger son made it home this afternoon. He will be home this weekend - or rather, he will be sleeping here at night this weekend. We typically don't see much of him when he is 'home'.

time to walk the dog.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
9/15/20 9:02 P

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Unintentionally put my foot in my mouth after muscle madness today - do people intentionally put a foot in a mouth? Our stretch and cool down songs were to Commodores. Kellie, another participant in class, actually went to high school with me (she's 1-2 years younger) and she turned to me and smiled saying how this took her back to HS. Leaving class with another participant, I asked her if the songs brought back good memories of hs to her. She looked at me oddly and said "I was in elementary school then." I felt horrible. She did ask me how old I was and seemed (genuinely) shocked, saying she had thought I was 'roughly' her age. Oh well. Good class again. I think I'm feeling more fit. Instructor had us do 'down the river, up the river' for military presses and arm raises...oh my...wasn't sure I would, but I made it. I did not however, make the minute plank. Need to work on that.

Dermatologist took off 2 spots yesterday for lab analysis and froze another spot on chest. I'm thinking that's the same spot he took off in January...will keep a better watch on chest. And I think it's time to order more sun screen. I wear a tinted moisturizer with SPF in it - but I think I need something a bit more. Got a cream for itchy forearm. Dermatologist thinks I am starting to have a reaction to one of the meds I am on. Something to research.

Walk tonight with husband and dogs was nice. Cool weather is coming in. Unfortunately, Sally fallout is heading our way. Looks like we are in for rain, rain, rain.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
9/14/20 10:34 A

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Extended family blow up at dinner for remembrance of Dad's birthday on Friday night. Surprising everyone. I jumped in to diffuse situation as everyone else had deer in headlights look on faces. Maybe I should have let the 2 parties continue - but our family avoids conflict. While the 1 party may have deserved what was said, the manner in which it was presented was ugly and had unexpected anger underneath. And upon reflection, fairly typical of what I am seeing in general population - little to no respect. The anger was displayed by my nephew (30) who is unemployed and back in school (possibly a career student) - he used to be a fairly respectful, timid, soft spoken person. Now he appears to be angry, defiant, in-your-face confrontational. A sign of the (new) times? While I am glad he is learning to speak up for himself and his beliefs, I think he should find a better way to express those beliefs. It makes me sad and upset to see someone so angry they are barely coherent. Not good for your soul to be so angry. I hope he finds some balance in his life. As for the other party - he's always been the way he is...at his age, I doubt he will change. He needed to be called out - but not in that manner with my mom in the middle of it. Or - am I just hiding my head in the sand - as I said, he's always been this way...1 reason my husband prefers not to be at these family gatherings. Oh well...mom is upset...altho some financial info on next oldest sister was talked about that should ease my mom's mind a bit.

Sunday, had celebration for oldest sister's birthday. Both sons were here. It was nice. Nephew and BIL both declined to attend. Probably for best. Nice and calm - not a single confrontational thing was discussed... emoticon

I have exercise scheduled Mon - Thurs this week. Dr appt this afternoon to look at suspicious skin spots. Meal plan is prepared. Nothing to stop me this week but myself.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
9/10/20 11:53 A

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Had trouble sleeping last night - got maybe 3 hours total. Hips are incredibly sore - guess it started last night and was one of things keeping me awake? Barely able to move this am, but outside hip area feels warm and loose. ?? So - of course, I canceled out of muscle madness. I WILL get a workout in at home sometime today. Maybe once I get off here.

Getting work done, and taking care of paperwork for inlaws. Have some house stuff to get to this afternoon.

I have a bad habit, begun in late 2012, of using TV noise to lull me to sleep. I know I should turn off TV and read - that used to be my mode of operation when kids were little. I ended up not turning off TV until almost 3. Bad move. Another habit to work on.

Since Sparky has left us, I've found myself rather contemplative. I look at the 1st picture we have of her, with my son holding her in his arms, absolute joy and happiness in his eyes and smile. I remember that day so clearly. There's that saying about not crying because it's over, smiling because it happened (or something to that effect) - and I know I should embrace that. It's a troubling time, not knowing what is ahead for us. Shake head and laugh... emoticon isn't that how it always is? And it's all worked out ok. and it will again.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 9/10/2020 (11:54)
Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
9/9/20 9:49 P

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SO Beginning Yoga...it was hip work night and I am glad I went to class. I learned how to tweak a stretch I (sometimes) do that seemed to really make a difference. She started class by telling us to set our intentions, focus on ourselves only and do what we felt comfortable doing. I followed those instructions, but still felt inadequate. I don't 'know' yoga pose names. The instructor was good, I could follow her movements...but...but...but...I will fill out a survey (management is sending a survey request after every class you go to) and try to explain that that class is NOT beginning Yoga...and they need a beginning Yoga class for people like me who would like to learn it. I did stop as I walked out to explain to instructor what I intended to say in the survey and that it was NOT a reflection on her, as she was a good instructor and I appreciated her class technique. I don't think I was successful in getting my feelings across. She insisted it was beginning Yoga and then proceeded to tell me that the majority of people in the class have been practicing Yoga for 7 - 25 years (yes - years) and several of them are certified instructors...uh...exactly the point I was trying to get across?? I am a bit frustrated - but I know the frustration starts with myself. As I've said before, I am not limber. I am responsible for the physical shape I am in....so...I will try to get into the class again. I will work at home on stretching and learning poses. I will not just give up.

Tomorrow is muscle madness. We have breakfast at FILs before. I will eat lightly and then go to class while husband goes to therapy. Then work and errands.

Friday would have been my father's birthday. I suggested to mom we bring dinner over to her place. Trying to get the 2 sisters who live nearby to join in. Younger son may make it, not sure yet.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
9/8/20 3:55 P

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ran into MaryAnne this am going in to class. She used to be instructor in Muscle madness class, but is removed from teaching any classes this month. She asked what I thought of Lynn - her replacement - and how I felt about her not working out, but just instructing. She then mentioned 'they' would be replacing people again next month. So - I take that as a possibility Lynn will be gone - maybe MaryAnne to be back - but who knows. I am not liking the feeling I am getting from the facility. Seems to be more on cutting corners, having full classes, not having many classes to choose from. If I am totally honest - I do get into my routine and go to the same things. But, I do like to try a new class and instructor every once in a while. And I want to be able to get into new classes easily. Will see what happens.

Class was easier today. Not sure if I am getting stronger or Lynn took it easy on us. I did have problems with holding the planks...something to work on.

My left knee was feeling rather wonky today during squats. I iced last night and will again tonight.

AS I mentioned,I did get a spot for tomorrow's beginning yoga. I know experiencing my limited mobility will depress me... emoticon but I am looking forward to being there.



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
9/7/20 8:05 P

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I did a mountain field walk today - I leave the neighborhood and walk the woods path to overflow parking, then along road back into neighborhood at other end. Took about an hour. I did have music today, but left 1 ear open so I could hear things around. Walking alone, I tend to get a bit 'fanciful' when I hear twigs snapping and cracking nearby. Altho I don't live in a normal bear area, there have been 2 large male bears in the area this summer. In the back of my mind, there's a bear somewhere. Then, I turned a corner and there was a smaller fawn just feet away. Nervously, I looked around for mama, but didn't see her. I just kept moving. Husband had a couple mama deer charge him and the younger dog earlier this year when fawns were much smaller. I was surprised that the 3 streams I cross on this path were all dried up. We've had a fairly wet spring and summer, so that surprised me. Sign of times to come? I did not see a single person until I was leaving overflow parking and getting onto the sidewalk. Then, massive numbers of people coming from the main mountain area. Glad I did not try to do the true mountain walk. I will see how my knees feel tomorrow and if good, then Weds may be my day to do the mountain proper.

Ate on plan today. Except I switched my fruit out. Intend to get another night of no snacking in.

Son headed back to school this morning. Even though he was home Thur afternoon through Mon am, except for dinner saturday and lunch Sunday, we did not see much of him. Not sure of his plans for this coming weekend.

Muscle madness tomorrow. I need to get to some house stuff this week. I ended up doing some work this morning, just to get it done. Feeling restless - as if there's lots to be done, I just can't decide what to do.



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
9/4/20 5:25 P

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September and our new normal with only 2 dogs. Things just don't seem right during our walks. The rescue guy did not react as I had thought - I don't really think he has reacted much at all. He's been a bit more vocal at times (he's a shepherd 'talker'), and he seems a bit unsettled during our walks (he's a follower and reactionary). Things are different. I know it was time, but it's hard. Son came home yesterday for the weekend - we haven't really talked much about her - but I gave him her pawprint and collar. Her remains came just a few minutes ago.

I bailed on aquafit today. I always think as I sign up that 'this' time, I'll go. And then I don't. I should have. I will get on the elliptical in a few minutes when husband gets off. Yesterday's muscle madness was good. They have added space for up to 15 people per class. Will have to stay on track for signing up so I can get one of the spots each Tues and Thurs. I actually managed to get a Yoga spot next Weds.!

Plan is to get a mountain walk in this month - if not 2 or 3. There have been crowds at the mountain the last week weekends - so I may not get the walk in this weekend. With it being a holiday weekend, I expect too many there. We will not be out on lake this weekend either as it promises to be a crazy crowd there.

So - my habits that I need to work on continue to be: no eating after dinner; reduce gluten, dairy and sugar. Eat to the plan.

I am considering stopping a number of supplements I have been taking for a couple years. I don't really think they are doing anything for me - I can always start again if I see somethings changing. I've been stuck here for so long....time to give some thought to things and actually make some changes.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
8/31/20 7:58 P

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Very hard day today. We had to say goodbye to Sparky this afternoon. We've done this with 3 other dogs before, but it never gets easier. In fact, I think it gets harder. You learn so much from each dog, becoming (I hope) a better person with each dog you have - a better trainer - a better owner just doesn't sound right. I think they are the ones who own us. I've said over the last 11 years that Sparky was the perfect princess. She loved everyone and everyone loved her. Her years as a therapy dog were so rewarding (for me as well as the special needs children and hospice patients and families she visited). She gave so much love over her years. AS much as my heart is broken, I know my son's (her 'real' owner) heart is smashed. And just as bad, my husband's. Oh how he loves his dogs! We had hoped our son would make it home last weekend to say goodbye, but he couldn't. We had decided not to tell him, but then he called me this morning. I went ahead and told him - and I've second guessed myself all day. I have the picture of him holding her the 1st day we got her - all 8 lbs of her at 8 weeks. The joy and happiness (and innocence) in his eyes! I recall every moment of that day - a surprise for his birthday. He'd been asking for a GSD since our previous dog had passed. We had no intention of getting a GSD...but then we did. And she was the best dog ever. Full of love. Stable. Happy. She brought such joy to our lives. I remember praying as my son picked her out, please let this be the right dog for us, guide his choice. Today I prayed a huge thank you that this dog had been in our lives. To love us and better us. I hope my son is doing ok. I talked with him for a minute earlier - he didn't say much - he knows we did as we needed to. I hope he makes it home this weekend so I can see how he is.

I had signed up for Cardio Tone, knowing what the day held, thinking it would take my mind off things. I canceled. No way could I have gone to class. Our rescue GSD seems a bit off tonight - we walked alone for the 1st time in a long time. Husband took the puppy to class. I hope he can enjoy training with so many memories of Sparky at that place. And I'm sure people will express their sympathies to him.

Life goes on. Sadness and loss are parts of it. Losing a dog may seem trivial to some, compared to what others are experiencing. But right now, to us, it's very painful.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
8/27/20 9:17 P

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muscle madness today. Only 1 move I had to modify. Side lunge on left leg was making my knee twinge so I dropped that. I have a work meeting tomorrow am so will not make cardio tone. I looked over my bingo blackout style workout sheet I;ve kept all month. Doing nicely on it. I need to get a mtn walk in. I think that will need to be on the weekend - weather permitting.

Some house building meetings today. Feeling like we are making progress. Need to run up again tomorrow and review some things they were working on today. Need to place an order tomorrow as well. I have been told delivery would be at most a week....not sure I believe it. Builder gave us a list of things we need to start making decisions on. Will work on that tomorrow and weekend.

Younger son said he may not make it home after all this weekend. Figured. I told him last weekend that once classes started in earnest, he was going to be busy.

will plan some this weekend for the month ahead.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
8/25/20 9:39 P

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It was good to be back in Yoga Stretch tonight. It's hard for me to not feel a bit defeated during this. I know for my flexibility to improve I actually have to do something, instead of just wish for it. emoticon At the end of class, the instructor told us the class is not being offered for September. Since so many members have not returned (and thus income is down), they are only offering the classes that are full. I just looked at the new September schedule and am very disappointed. The muscle madness classes on Tues and Thurs are still offered, as is the cardio tone class on Monday. Other than those, the only cardio or strength training classes offered are at 5:30 am. Not making any of those. I may need to consider doing my own stuff in the open gym on some days.

Food on track tonight. writing down my plan the night before, along with determining dinners for the week and my limited choices for bfst and lunch, seems to be working for me. Just got to keep it up.

reading geneen's book is inspiring me to do several things: clean out my closet and get rid of many things, wear something other than what I call my uniform, be a bit more aware of things. Tigers above and tigers below. Be present.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
8/24/20 7:52 P

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Cardio tone late this afternoon. I am tired. Instructor is good. But - her not doing the moves can make the class a bit too challenging. Or - maybe I am just too out of shape. I had to slow down several times during moves. But, I kept moving. I did almost bail at 4:30...I am glad I went.

I was able to get a spot in Yoga Stretch for tomorrow. It's been a long time since I was in that class. My venture into beginning yoga is hitting a dead end. The class is always full whenever I try to sign up for it. So - yoga stretch it is.

A little wobble on eating plan - my snack was different than planned. everything else went as planned. Now to finish the night successfully with no snacking and reading. A few other things to get to - including putting the sheets back on the bed.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
8/22/20 8:43 P

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I've done a bit of prep ahead for the week work - more to get done tomorrow. But, I need to put down some written intentions. I have a dinner meal plan put together for most of the week, but this time, I wrote out what I plan to eat for bfst, lunch, snacks. A choice of 3 things for bfst. Setting my mind up for this. Eating on plan and no eating after dinner are my habits to work on this week. I've done well with the reading at night this past week. Need to keep it up. My eating plan I put together is gluten, dairy and added sugar free. So I am hitting quite a few of my habits that I seem to not be doing well at so far.

Some annoyances this week. Nothing big. Nothing important, to anyone but me. But I am trying to work my mind around to graceful acceptance.

Exercise reservations: Monday cardio tone, Tues yoga stretch, thursday muscle madness. If weather cooperates, Mtn walk weds. Dog walks everyday.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
8/21/20 8:28 A

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I've been working on my 'read at night' habit this week, and pulled out a Geneen roth book "when you eat at the refrigerator, pull up a chair" (or something like that). Good book. Short little snippets. Good advice. Based on that, I realize I need to start writing stuff down - my intentions for the day, things to get done, meal plans - instead of just having this stuff in my head, or on multiple 3x5 index cards. I've been drifting too long - time to start moving with intention.

Muscle madness was great yesterday. Even tho instructor doesn't do the class with us, she has some great moves. I can feel it today. I am glad I did not sign up for cardio tone today. I need to work towards getting back to at least 4 days a week. Hey - look - a goal for me!

Food wise, FIL wanted me to come to dinner last night since I was on my own. Said he wants to start having us to dinner once a week instead of him coming here 3 days a week, his daughter's twice a week, and on his own twice a week. Unfortunately, this does not support my food goals/plans. Nothing too awful - but dinner included gluten and dairy. Gotta figure something out there. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but he doesn't care to understand food restrictions much. Actually rather ironic as his wife is deathly allergic to beef products and his daughter stays away from all dairy and his SIL avoids all veggies. Maybe I am just concerned too much with hurting his feelings. I will find a way.

Tomorrow I have a pickup from a farmers market. So looking forward to it. Lots of fresh veggies to use. Son will be home in a couple hours from 1st week back at school. Hope it all went well.

Intentions today: clean bathrooms, vacuum whole house, grocery shop, look at lake house, clean office desk, walk dogs (again), clean kitchen, work.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
8/19/20 8:12 P

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Not bad on my list from the other day. Today was a busy day. I am glad to be home and having an early night. It has been storming here for a couple hours. I hope it stops soon so I can get the dogs walked 1 last time today.

Tomorrow is muscle madness. I decided not to sign up for Friday's cardio tone class. At this time, with everything going on, getting to the gym 4-5 times a week is impossible. Well - not impossible - but it's not happening.

Food was ok. Went to FIL's for breakfast. He wanted me to try his steel cut oats...I am not a fan of oatmeal. I am STILL not a fan. I did ok on my own today until late this afternoon. Few bad choices. Room for improvement. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Saw the cabin across from us at the lake is up for rent. Not sure what happened there. The people we were having issues with had told our neighbor they were there until next September - actually, he didn't tell, he basically threw it in his face - "I'll f#ing do what I please until next September, old man" was his quote, I believe. emoticon . Now I see the place is available on Sept 1. Glad those guys are gone - but wondering how bad the new people will be? A lot of the appeal of living on the lake is gone after the summer, so, maybe we will have no one there for a while. And honestly, living across from constant construction (ours) can't be all that fun. We are looking at heavy construction until October at least - still the roof, siding, stone, drywall, septic, etc. to get done. Went over cabinets today. Making progress!

On to see if the rain has slowed enough for a walk.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
8/18/20 8:59 A

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I am alone with the dogs. Son ended up leaving at 6 am this am instead of last night. Husband left about 10 mins later. I have medicated, fed and walked dogs and will leave for muscle madness in a few mins. I do need to get 1 email for work off before I go.

To set my intentions for the day: muscle madness and Yoga stretch. Dinner with FIL. walk dogs. post office. pick up prescription. bank deposits. vacuum. wash towels. clean master bath. work.



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
8/16/20 6:52 P

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attended a wedding last night. Outdoor ceremony, then reception inside. It was so hot outside. Luckily, a short ceremony. We were seated at a family table, even tho we are not family. I know the father of bride was trying to show us how he cherishes our friendship, but the family members at the table were obviously not happy with our presence. One couple at the table went out of their way to be cordial, so all on all, it was a nice evening. It just reminded me of how crazy family can be at weddings.

The week ahead: I just cancelled my cardio tone class for tomorrow evening, as younger son leaves after dinner tomorrow to go back to school. I am signed up for muscle madness AND Yoga stretch on Tuesday. Younger son gone, and husband leaves Tues am for out of town rest of week, so let's hope I can stay on plan and actually get those classes attended. The rest of the week has not been posted yet for signup.

Food wise, I really need to work on the following:
limit sugar, gluten and dairy. Be aware of portion size.
As for my other habits in my 20 to end 2020:
Reading at night...has only occurred once. emoticon
Night snacking is STILL being done. emoticon
Relearning to play my flute...only 1 practice session so far. emoticon
'Nice' gestures....I am embarrassed to admit I am doing horribly on this. Altho, I do think I am being 'overall nice' better than usual. emoticon
And my cleanup/filing/end organization - nothing has been done this month so far.

So - I know what I need to focus on this week while I am alone. 1st time I'll have been alone since mid March. Here's to making this a great week!

And, my crazy sister has finished her radiation. 4 weeks worth. It's amazing how time seemed to fly by. For me, anyway. I read people's blogs and they mention how much they get done and accomplished. think I need to get myself some of that.



Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 8/16/2020 (18:54)
Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
8/12/20 9:54 P

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lake was nice and calm. Saw 3 other boats the whole time and no one near us while surfing. I did try to get up, but was not successful. I need to spend quite a bit of time working on improving my leg and core strength. We were out only a short time, but it was nice.

Husband and I actually ate at a restaurant tonight - just us. It was nice to be there. And strange. They have removed 2/3 of the tables. And the wait staff is all new - not a single person who used to be there when we regularly went there. I asked whether a certain person was still working there and was told she had moved on but they were not sure where. Sad. hopefully we will run into her again at some place.

I was better today about limiting gluten and dairy. Tomorrow is another day to do better.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
8/11/20 9:01 P

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class on Monday evening really worked me hard. I am feeling it in legs, arms, and core. So much so that I dropped the muscle madness class this morning. I could tell last night my muscles needed a rest today. Tomorrow we are putting boat in water. Probably last time for younger son to surf. I am not sure whether or not I will try to get up. Hopefully the lake will be calm tomorrow - both water wise as well as attendance wise.

I ended up having gluten containing items today. And, if I am honest with myself, I can tell. I get a stuffed up feeling in my nose and a slight headache. I used to think this gluten sensitivity stuff was slightly hogwash, but I now I am starting to believe. I do not think I am so sensitive that there will be huge changes,but maybe?

I will review my 20 habits/goals this weekend to see how I'm doing. I know there are several habits that I would like to improve upon. When I first tried a habit thing it was 2011 and I 'only' had 11 habits. But, that time, I focused on 1 habit each week, adding each week - 1 habit week 1, 2 habits week 2, etc. I am thinking I may need to go back to that. 20 things to start may be a bit much. I can do it, but I think a gradual acclimation may be best.

Deb
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8/10/20 7:37 P

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Back from evening cardio tone. same instructor - different routine - same good workout. I had dropped a couple pounds over the last week - and now they are back. Is it the workout (and inflammation) - or is it the gluten I had over the weekend (and inflammation)? Have to watch and see what happens. I am signed up for muscle madness tomorrow morning. Then we have an appt to look at something for lake house.

Had spur of moment lunch with mom yesterday. It was a good visit. She talked some about her sister and brother and their non-relationships. I need to visit her more. As I drove home, I saw a childhood close friend's house through the woods and it reminded me how I would ride my bike 1/2 way and then tromp thru the woods to go to her house. So, I called her sister. My friend passed away in 1988, but I stayed in touch occasionally with her sister and mom. Her mom passed away last year so the sister is all alone in the house now. It was good to talk with her - and we said "we'll get together when this is over." Will we? Will we ever return to how we were before?

Anyway - younger son is scheduled to return to school next week. He had a meeting last night where the 'rules' were shared. I don't see how the plan is practical. I suspect he will return home for online classes again before too long. I suggested he take minimal items - enough to be comfortable. He said he intends to return home on weekends...but I think that has a lot to do with his girlfriend being here.

Time to focus on removing gluten and dairy...really...and for the next week - and then we'll see about extending that week.

Deb
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8/7/20 6:01 P

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Cardio Tone this morning. Same instructor and same class as Monday. Enjoyed it again. Funny thing is...I have been told that I work out too hard (get my heart rate up too high) and that is a contributing factor to why I am not losing weight. Multiple 'experts' have told me this. But, I really like to work out this way. Slow, steady doesn't make me feel good afterwards - well, not really. I am glad I do the slow and steady - but I feel accomplished after a hard workout. I signed up for the class again on Monday and Friday. Muscle Madness Tues and Thurs. Yoga Weds. We will see if I actually make all the classes.

Another trip up to lake today. The electrician was there. Good thing we stopped by as we corrected some of the initial stuff. WE met with builder on Monday and went over all this stuff - and gave him pdfs of everything...electrician said builder went over everything with him. Makes me antsy when this happens.

Pulled out some old recipes this week. Things that take a bit of prep and time to cook. Meals have been healthy and good this week. Need to keep this up.

Deb
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8/6/20 2:01 P

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Today is the day my friend Sandra passed away. 24 years ago. It does not seem possible that so much time has passed. As I written before, she was such an influence on my life - and I miss her so much - every day. I have flowers displayed (her favorites) to remind me of her and her friendship.

Last night, I finally opened one of the books I've been wanting to get back to: Works of Anton Chekhov. While in college, I had read one of his short stories and it has always struck with me. Found the story last night (Woe) and came across the paragraph that resonates with me:

"And the turner wept. He wept less from grief than vexation. He reflected how quickly everything happens in this world ; how he had hardly entered into his woe ere the woe was past. He hardly seemed to have had time to live with his wife, speak to her, feel for her, and now she was dead. True, they had lived together forty years, but the forty years had fled away like a mist. What with drink, poverty, and quarrels, life had passed away unlived. And, what was bitterest of all, the old woman died at a moment when he felt that he pitied her, could not live without her, and was guilty before her. "

Life unlived...but lived. The saying "the days are long, but the years are short." Melancholy today.

So I remember the wonderful times I had with my friend. I am grateful to have had such a wonderful friend in my life. Sandra, what's the magic word? emoticon

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 8/6/2020 (14:01)
Deb
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8/5/20 8:12 P

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Beginning Yoga tonight has left me feeling depressed. I have never been a limber person. But, really? My hips are so tight. AT least I went and gave it my all. I know I need to do this on a regular basis. Not sure about the class though. Instructor started by lamenting that 2 of the 'regulars' did not make the class because there were 2 new people who signed up. Then, she asked who 'DL' was (that's my signup name). SO, yes - identify one of the people who 'snagged' a spot so a regular ('who was so upset!') couldn't come...oh well. I will see if the Yoga Stretch class is offered at a time I can go and see about that one.

Another appointment cropped up at the house so I had to cancel a meeting I had scheduled for today. A tree fell down across the street at the lake - blocked the road and hit our dumpster, but no damage to the new house or materials. I just hope more trees don't fall damaging the new house once complete!

Not to jinx myself, but my weight has been down a couple pounds the past few days. Maybe I'm finally doing something right.

Dentist appt in the morning and aquafit class in the afternoon. Menu plan made.

Deb
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8/3/20 11:05 A

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Not a great start to Monday...had to cancel today's aquafit and tomorrow's muscle madness. Work and house building meetings cropped up. Part of me thinks I should not allow these meetings to interrupt my exercise, but that's unrealistic. I can find other opportunities, including exercising at home.

Gill - our gym is open. It is affiliated with our local hospital, so I feel comfortable with the protocols they have established. Includes screening before entering, limited class offerings, limited space in each class, limited machine availability in open gym area, and requirement that you sign up online for classes prior to coming in. You must have reservations to attend classes. Open gym so far does not require appointments, but spacing has not been an issue as of yet.

I did a decent job living my meal plan yesterday, other than skipping dinner - and having a milk shake instead. emoticon Son and DIL brought their new rescue GSD to meet us. 3 month old. Seems like a stable, steady little guy. We had our 3 and their 2 running around. Our 2 yo Belgian Malinois enjoyed playing with him. Sparky stayed out of the way watching. Our grandog Jerry is not quite happy with the addition of a brother. Our male GSD did not like the puppy at all - who is a mini version of him. Such is life.

Took son and DIL up to look at house building - run in with neighbors across street. Next door neighbor has been battling them all week, so now we have been tossed in. Renters across street have always been a problem - I just hope once we are up there living full time, we can have some peace and quiet. I realized last night the anxiety I am feeling is classic bully/victim feelings. I being the victim, in case there is any question... emoticon

Later: I salvaged the day by going to Cardio Tone class late afternoon/early evening. It was a very good class and I am so glad I made myself attend. She had us do Burpees...and I hate burpees. I did slow down considerable on the 2nd go round. But - I did get a great workout. Eating wise, I had a few things not on my plan. But - progress overall. Perfection is overrated.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 8/3/2020 (19:16)
Deb
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SWEETENUFGILL's Photo SWEETENUFGILL Posts: 21,356
8/2/20 11:00 A

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I feel for you re Sparky ....... knowing what a tough call it is with our pets makes you also realise why there is resistance to euthanasia for people - it's a tough call, and someone has to make the call. No-one really wants to have that responsibility. And it's heartbreaking not to be able to visit your MIL.

Still, your gym is open? Classes are happening? That's good. You might like this - it fits with the signature you have on your profile - 1 step at a time.



Edited by: SWEETENUFGILL at: 8/2/2020 (11:00)
Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
8/2/20 10:36 A

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Thanks Gill. I find your journal and blogs to be encouraging and inspiring.

I did fairly well on the 1st day of August. My habits/goals for the next 20+ weeks are defined. I have set up a tracking system. I am looking for improvement over the next weeks - not absolute compliance. I will highlight a few certain habits that need to take priority.

Life goes on here. I was very slowly walking Sparky around the cul-de-sac yesterday afternoon and spent a few minutes talking to my neighbor. We were both at loose ends. Felt we should be doing 'something' but not sure what. My heart is sad to see Sparky. She is obviously in great pain (back issues). Determining when to let her go has been an item for this entire year. Last night, she was doing her mind-meld stare...it's the first time I've wondered if she was trying to tell me it was time. Our english setter would stare at my while panting as she had cancer, and I remember very clearly her look of "help me, I hurt". Breaks your heart. And then my mind shifts to my MIL - stuck in Assisted Living, alone all day and night long - and her back pain. And our inability to do anything at all - no visits, no caring touch, no talks. Then I shift to my husband, who finally is seeing someone about his back pain. Xrays are very discouraging. He has attacked his physical therapy with a vengeance. I think too much so, but that's who he is.

SO - need to get to a better frame of mind and reference. I will go print out my therapy and his therapy exercises to I can join in with him, instead of just sitting around. Therapy exercises may be the something I should be doing.

I have signed up for aquafit Monday, Muscle Madness Tuesday, Beginning Yoga Weds. I cannot make Muscle Madness Thursday, but may go to gym on my own that day. Yoga is on my list of habits for the next 20 weeks - I am off with a bang.

Deb
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7/31/20 2:55 P

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Great idea!

Gill

Time Zone GMT (London) - yes, I'm hours ahead of most of you! Cornwall, UK

"...regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being." Daisaku Ikeda

www.sparkpeople.com/system/howitwork
s.asp




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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
7/30/20 8:24 A

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so my numbers interest started last night when I realized there's 5 months left in the year - so close to 20 weeks. I just verified on the calendar - and starting next week, we have 22 weeks left in 2020. SO, of course, the possibilities just starting screaming:

To end 2020:
20 habits
20 pounds to lose
20 mantras
20 accomplishments

and then - let's just get 2020 over with... emoticon

Yes - I'll succumb to my need to do a numbers thing. I just need to find the 'right' 20 things. While the 20 lbs would be nice to lose, I'm not setting that as a 'goal'. A by-product or intended consequence, yes - but not the main thing I'm working on . I'll spend the rest of this week identifying my 20 things I need to accomplish. My 20 habits. And see what else pops into my brain.
20 actions.
motivation comes in many forms. Numbers get me. why? who knows. Just hope the numbers motivate me enough. And surely, 2021 has GOT to better than 2020?

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 7/30/2020 (08:24)
Deb
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7/25/20 9:47 A

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just back from a walk in the neighborhood. No music today - just wanted my thoughts with me. It's been way too long since I had a long walk. Getting a bit heated as I was heading home. So glad I did something today. Yesterday, I did lift weights and do some stretching - at home. I have not been a total slug - but I need to re-motivate myself.

It's been a long time since I've walked without music. Interesting to see how my mind flittered about - from lake house building, to younger son, to sad news of death of son of an old friend... need to send a card and plan on attending visitation next week.

Will spend some time getting organized for the week ahead. I already made a batch of chia choc pudding. Have berries to go with that. A pineapple in the fridge outside - may try to grill some of it tonight as I've never done that. Getting back on board.

Deb
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7/22/20 2:52 P

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breakfast with FIL and SIL, and while husband was in back therapy, I went to the gym. Did a warmup short walk on the treadmill and then did the weight machine circuit. Nice and short. Only about 10 people in the entire area, so it was nice. Was able to get back to pickup husband from his appointment with a few minutes to spare. Spent those minutes cleaning out and organizing the car and my purse.

Made a dish last night that I saw on one of the cooking shows. Turned out pretty good - but I told husband I'd really like to find out where the dish was made (on the show) and go there and have it. Mine looked not a bit like the dish on the show - LOL. Lots of work though. I think that's a lot of my 'problem' with cooking. It just takes so long. And you (we) eat in 10-15 minutes.

Trying to motivate myself to get some cleaning done. Lots to do - if I would just do it.

Deb
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7/20/20 5:46 P

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I guess it's really me challenging myself - not the month. I ended up taking off the entire week from the gym. And it's looking like I will take off this week as well. Too much going on with the house build and work. It's ok. I think I need the break mentally and physically.

Husband started therapy for his back today. I'm going to try out his exercises and dust off some of the therapy moves I have for my IT band issues. Stretching and icing. And the slow dog walks. I will lift weight for arms tonight as well. Nothing too strenuous.

Had confrontation with neighbor 3 doors down at lake. Still bothering me. I'm a bit scared of him. now though. Wondering how unstable he may be. We have only been around him 3 times, and 2 of those times resulted in confrontation. He's feuding with the neighbors immediately to his left as well. Something to watch out for...another crazy person at the lake...and there's lots of em! Thought ala Everybody Loves Raymond...maybe it's me. LOL Brings about the pit on the stomach when I wonder how 'not' peaceful our move to the lake may be. When I (stupidly) tried to point out to him how we might have 20 years living in close proximity and that it might be nice if we could be civil, he turned bright purple and stormed off cussing. Sigh.

getting back on track food wise. It's awfully hot here. When I was younger and we didn't have air conditioning, I stopped eating. Not going back to no air conditioning, but am trying to find lighter food to eat.


Deb
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7/14/20 7:52 P

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July is still challenging me - mentally and physically. Work has interfered with my formal exercise plans almost every day. But, I have kept up the walks and done some weights at home. I keep telling myself to stop letting work and home commitments 'get in the way' - but I think I need to face reality that this is how my life goes sometimes. Roll with it.

Rolling with food is something I need to stop, however. After a fairly decent June of reduced sugar, gluten, and dairy - July has been filled with homemade treats including dairy, sugar and gluten, as well as way too many grains each day. Time to review the Red Mtn eating plan - and actually make some plans...and then actually live the plan.

Homewise...lots going on. Some good. Some bad. Some uncertain. Fear is not a good thing. Ever. For anyone.

Deb
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7/6/20 10:10 P

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Aquafit was good. There's a max of 12 allowed in the class and you have to sign up. Class started and 5 mins later...gasp...a 13th person entered the pool. It was actually rather amusing to see everyone count and count again. The instructor was not sure what to do. In the land class, the instructor has asked if everyone in the class signed up - and the culprit has always fessed up and left. We were all spaced out and no one said anything. There were 2 people doing laps - the guy was a double lower leg amputee. Makes me really feel ashamed when I complain and 'find' reasons to be inactive. But - today, I focused on enjoying exercising in water and feeling less stress on my knees.

Been feeling very out of sorts the last few days. Trying to get back to a more serene, but optimistic viewpoint. If I've learned anything at all in life the last few years, it's to realize things are as they are for a reason - and all is fine. No matter what happens - all is fine.

Lunch tomorrow with mom and oldest sister. Not really looking forward to it - my 'encounters' with both of them lately have been uneasy. I will approach tomorrow with my better attitude and work on improving my relationships with each of them.

Food so far this month of July has not been what I wanted, nor planned. Time to get back in charge of my food.

Deb
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7/4/20 10:04 A

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Happy 4th! It's a different type celebration this year. For the 1st time in a long time, we will not be at 'our' lake. Older son and his wife have plans elsewhere. Younger son and girlfriend will be at the lake at my SILs. We will go by later today, just to visit for a bit. In my childhood, we sometimes had croquet games. I enjoyed that. So, I went by and picked up the set from the warehouse yesterday as plans were not set and I was hopeful at some point, we would have someone here at the house. So, maybe I will go out later when the heat is less, and practice my game. And remember July 4ths from long ago. We are planning on bathing the dogs once our grand-dog shows up. Then, a few cleanup activities around the house.

Work interfered with Spin and training on Thursday. So, just walks the last few days. SPIN has disappeared from the schedule going forward. At this point, I would LIKE to get to the gym and do my own cycling...but will I actually follow through? We will see. I have signed up for muscle madness Tues and Thurs am, and aquafit on Monday. SO, if I can get to the gym 45 mins before muscle madness, I can cycle or treadmill or walk the track prior to class. Or - walk outside prior to going to the gym. Lots of ways to get in the cardio.

I would like to resurrect a couple 'old' habits/attempts. 'A Complaint-Free World' needs to be found and reread and IMPLEMENTED! July needs to be a reset month where I focus on the positive and stop annoying myself and others with finding fault anywhere it is and discussing it. Focus on the positive. Find the joy. Find my Sandra attitude.

So - Happy 4th! Celebrate the good. Focus on the positive. Be hopeful. Have my Best Life.

Deb
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6/30/20 9:06 P

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How is it possible that 1/2 the year has gone by? June has been a decent month as far as effort in exercise. Improvement still needed. But - I feel good about the month. I did manage to walk neighborhood Sunday for 45 mins and I did go to aquafit yesterday. Good class. Muscle madness this morning. Instructor had us do inchworms...I do not like inchworms. I did 1/4 of them, guessing. Knees and weak abs. I did something else instead for the most part. Tomorrow is a day off, other than walking. Thursday, I am signed up for Spin and training. Planning on keeping it going in July.

Food wise - still working on dairy free, gluten free, sugar free. Good days (many) and then a few bad days. Overall, getting better.

Gym is changing schedule next week. I think their intention is to add some classes and bring back more of the instructors. Spin guy said the Thursday class is probably going away. I have 3 more training sessions. For the last 2, I can do treadmill or jump on one of the bikes in the workout room.

Knee is feeling a bit better. I will add mountain walk back on the bingo board for July.



Deb
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6/29/20 10:39 A

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This am had been a bit mellower than usual work related. I am now waiting to go to aquatics class - and fighting the urge to cancel and just carry on with other activities. why do I do this??? An 11:15 class can allow me to get morning work stuff done and be a great break activity. or, it can be a hindrance in delaying other things I need to get to. I need to make myself set a schedule and live it...uh, I think I've been saying that since 1998.

This afternoon, we have a couple appts regarding the house. We have officially hit the stage where we (husband and I) need to be mindful of respecting our differences and what each of us wants in the house. I am a bit peeved at the builder as I think he is not really listening or understanding what I have told him multiple times. I am trying not to get upset, but it's very frustrating when I feel no one listens or responds until I get upset and make a scene. I don't like confrontation - but I really dislike not being listened to!

Discussion with mom over weekend. Neighbor situation seems to have blown over - neighbor made her brownies and apologized - and mom has decided what they did is really quite nice...great. But we touched on discussion over grooming, shaping behaviors, and use of fear. I hate living my life in fear and I think it is becoming a prevalent feeling for many. Standing up for oneself is hard when you are overly concerned with what others think of you.

Speaking of confrontation - ha - got a partial refund from fired designer (she said she was going to return everything (big HA) - along with a note asking us to use her services in future (bigger HA). At least we got something back. Another person who did not listen or hear what I was saying. Her boyfriend (our old college friend) reached out to husband over weekend (after check cleared, evidently) asking to get together. I would like my husband to preserve his friendship, BUT I do not want to socialize with her. I have problems, I know!

Deb
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6/25/20 2:53 P

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just back from 30 min Spin and a training session. Both good. 2 of us in the class. I don't know that I do SPIN correctly...as I think I mentioned, this instructor has you match a specific RPM at certain times. I find myself slowing down. I followed the instructions for resistance, but everything just seemed too easy. And maybe that's good? Training session was good, also. The trainer talks a lot during the session - kind of using me as an older woman therapist, in a way. He's young. He needs advice... emoticon .

So - I talked with crazy sister about the lunch meeting. A planned picnic style, so no restaurant. But, I can tell crazy sister (and BIL) are very uncomfortable being with several people at one time. So I declined to attend. Then older sister texted trying to talk me into going - funny in that she never invited me in the 1st place. Crazy sister mentioned how she cannot afford to get sick at all (cold, etc) as that would delay her radiation treatments scheduled to start in 10 days. Another reason not to expose herself to others.

I know my mother is upset with me - from a discussion had yesterday - and possibly because I am not going tomorrow. Ugh. Neighbor issues that arose a few months ago - mom was given opportunity (several times) to talk with neighbor and even as late as yesterday it appeared neighbor was providing an opportunity for mom to state her preferences (according to story mom told me, neighbor kept saying 'what would you prefer?' Mom's answer - "oh, it's all up to you.") SO - I get a bit frustrated with her to hear all that, and then have her call me and complain. She said she had a question to ask me and I honestly do not remember a question being asked. Not sure what she wanted from me. The fixer in me resisted fixing anything...lesson being learned...but now it appears this has resulted in mom being mad at me. My mother cannot make decisions. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that here. I despise the phrases "let me think on it" and "I'll let you know" - cause that means she wants it to go away and nothing will be decided or acted upon. So sorry - but my journal to work out my frustrations.

Speaking of frustrations... emoticon ...made food for MIL that FIL took over. FIL had a facetime session with MIL - she really tore into him, then seemed to calm down. Asked for my bean soup and cornbread. SO, I made it. To me, food is love (pretty sure I've stated that also here) - you cook for people. You show caring for people by making the time to MAKE something. Altho today is national catfish day and she loves fried catfish - we settled for navy bean soup. Hope she enjoys it. And I hope it calms her down some. Still not idea on when Assisted Livings will come out of lockdown.

Deb
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6/23/20 8:37 P

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muscle madness again this am. She did super sets. I liked it. There was only 1 move I had to modify. Feel as if I am improving. Slow dog walks are it for cardio lately - altho I did hop on the elliptical yesterday for 5 mins. Actual time. I had my slides on as I was too lazy to go get my workout shoes. Was not feeling it, so I stopped and indulged in the massage chair. I will get back to my neighborhood walks - tomorrow.

Mom and sister are heading down on Friday to meet crazy sister and her husband for lunch. I have been invited along. I need to know a bit more before I commit. I feel an obligation to go - altho my understanding is that BIL is deathly afraid to get out of the house, much less be around several people. Add in my mother is afraid to eat in restaurants. So - I need to know what the expectations and accommodations are before I make a final decision. If my presence upsets my BIL - and thus crazy sister - then I should not go. We will see.

SOn and girlfriend made dinner tonight. It was a nice treat to have someone else cook - and the food WAS delicious. Glad to see son cooking.

Tomorrow is a rest day. We have an appointment regarding house. Had an appointment today with builder. Things are moving along and looking nice.

Deb
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6/18/20 9:11 P

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muscle madness better today. Feeling some tenderness/soreness already.

3 very slow, very short dog walks. Sparky is having more trouble moving. This afternoon she wanted to walk, then we got to the top of the driveway and she just looked at me. We did manage the small cul-de-sac and up another street 3 houses. Then, shuffled back. Hard to see her slowing down so much.

Lunch with mom and sister tomorrow. I will pick something up and take it to moms. Hopefully weather will be nice and we can eat outside. It's been unseasonably cool here the last few days.

Deb
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6/17/20 9:27 A

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Muscle madness yesterday. Challenging - which was rather a demoralizing thing. At one point in my life, I would have complained the class was way too easy...but that was then and this now. I managed to tweak/pull something in pec area yesterday am (getting the shake container into the base and holding it in to blend) - how I was brought down by something so simple is another demoralizing thing! I have several bruises on arms and legs and no clue as to where they came from. Anyway - point about pec pull was I was unable to do pushups, tricep on right arm, and some of the core work. But, I modified and did the class. I did cancel my trainer session on Thursday and signed up for the muscle madness class again. Hoping the pec area will be ok by tomorrow. And I managed to snag the last open spot for AquaFit on Monday - yea! It's nice having a limit of 12 people in classes - but it's a pain having to reserve the spots.

Son's internship has started. So far, so good. I think he will learn quite a bit from working for them this summer.

MIL is still on lockdown - maybe some easing at beginning of July. After demanding we bring food everyday, now she says bring no food because 'it goes bad for her'. Implying the caregivers are mad at her for us bringing in food. I learned long ago you cannot make her happy - no matter what, she will complain.

Which reminds me of a comment I heard on a talk radio show. I have described myself as a 'fixer'. And on this talk show, the therapist 'expert' claims that 'fixer' are really just bullies. Fixers believe they know best. They force their beliefs and manners on everyone around them. Hmmmm. Interesting. While I would argue I do not force things on people, hearing this does make me take a stance back and re-assess. I've been telling myself that people who complain to me are not really asking for me to fix things - they are just venting. And I've worked at resisting fixing things. So now I must really work at understanding my motivation when I do try to fix things.

Maybe just don't try to fix anything...except myself. emoticon

Deb
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6/15/20 7:42 P

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Bailed on lap swimming. I need to remember that Mondays are too busy getting work stuff done. Got a couple dog walks in, tho. I WILL make muscle madness tomorrow.

Worked all morning, then headed out for errands. Got some things done, but did not manage to get grocery shopping done. Again, something that must be done tomorrow.

Son got home from 1st day of internship. They gave him some nice stuff. It seemed to be a good 1st day - hopefully it will be a good experience for him.

Been waking again at night - usually 2 and 4 am. I think I've allowed too much sugar back into my diet. I KNOW I must eliminate sugar, gluten and dairy...how many times have I said this - WHY can't I do it? Starting again tomorrow....

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 6/15/2020 (19:43)
Deb
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6/12/20 10:20 P

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Spin was good, as was training session. I did not enjoy watching myself in the mirror. The knee held up ok in SPIN. Instructor had us watch the RPMs during class. I liked that. Usually I feel as if I am not keeping up with others, but regulating the RPMS puts emphasis back on me. And the workout felt almost too easy. CHecked HR and it was a decent number. I made another appt with him for next week - just need to remember to sign up for SPIN before the training session. The Aquafit class on Monday is already full, so I reserved a lap lane. I was able to reserve a spot for TUesday's muscle madness class. Set for next week.

Knee is really giving me problems. On the other leg, just below knee I have a huge bruise and some swelling,as well as a bruise on my opposite arm, close to my elbow. No clue what I did - no recollection of hitting or running into anything.

Sister texted she will be undergoing radiation for 5 days/week for 5-6 weeks. Surgeon had indicated she would need chemo first, but oncologist said only radiation. Hope all will be well.

Spent a couple hours in sun today - got burned. Need to remember to put on sunscreen. Baz Luhrmann... emoticon

Deb
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6/9/20 4:47 P

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AquaFit yesterday and Muscle Madness today. Plus multiple dog walks each day. My last 10 days' counts have been between 10K and 15K. I'm not sure which is the better accomplishment - actually wearing the Surge or getting the number of steps. emoticon

Thursday, I have signed up for a 30 min spin and then a 30 min session with the trainer. Turns out I have 5 sessions remaining from a couple years ago. My knee has been really bothering me, so I will see how Spin goes. I told the trainer no squats, no lunges, no jumping.

Icing and stretching tonight.

Deb
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6/9/20 4:43 P

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Thank you for leaving a thoughtful and supportive comment on my journal. You, too, my friend, are going through some hard things. It's never easy when a loved one has ongoing medical problems. We love them dearly and it weighs heavily. It can be a lonely journey at times. I was blessed to be a hands-on caregiver to my family for many years. It's hard to raise parents.
emoticon emoticon

Edited by: ANNIESADVENTURE at: 6/9/2020 (16:43)



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6/8/20 7:28 A

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so - MIL was never admitted to hospital due to a wrong test scheduled. We returned her to the AL after a few hours. And...she is now eating and taking her meds again. So maybe she will not have to leave. And maybe the botched test was just what was needed. She sat in a car with her daughter and SIL for almost 3 hours, got out of her AL, had some family contact and was able to vent. I took her favorite meals by for her Thursday and Saturday, my SIL took meals by Fri and Sun (no way to know if she ate it as I can only drop off). Need to check on today. And hopefully someone from AL will give us an update. FIL told me Friday night when he is allowed to visit he plans to start spending 1-2 nights a week up there with her in her room. Not entirely sure that will work out well - but whatever he wants to try. My lesson - the frustrations and 'things not working out' are sometimes...always?...for our good. May not be apparent immediately, but it's all for a greater good. (I hope).

Husband made it home last night. We all had dinner together- both sons, DIL and girlfriend. It's been a long time since we did that. It was nice.

today - lots of paperwork for me since the work trip return always provides a desk load of papers. Getting organized. Payroll.

I signed up for HydroFit at 11:15 for a mid morning break. Got to make the class. Better get to work.

Deb
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6/3/20 8:20 A

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Family issues with MIL came to a head last night. So, I canceled the HydroFit class for today as I will be needed elsewhere today to get things with her settled. Not sure everything can be accomplished today, but I am not in charge. My crazy-busy friend who runs ALs was a huge help last night, but she also brought up some things to think about. Makes me wonder what my MIL's AL is doing and why. As I laid in bed last night trying to get my mind to shut off, I prayed for peace, acceptance, and yes, closure. My MIL is desperately unhappy. I understand. I empathize. I would never, ever want to be in her situation. But - what can you do? So, my prayer was the one that admits I have no idea what the point is, but I have to believe there is a point. Help us. Help her. And I think that prayer goes beyond my MIL's situation to life in general.


Help us. Send peace. Send your Holy Spirit to increase our Faith to trust You in all things.

SO - missing my first hydrofit class of 2020 isn't that big a deal. Helping my inlaws with this situation is much more important. My husband and BIL are out of town swamped with work. My husband has been on the phone trying to arrange everything and he is at a breaking point regarding this situation and work. Help him...

My FIL came to dinner with me last night and was reminiscing about before MIL broke her arm - where he knew there were issues but didn't want to face it and she didn't want any of the kids to know anything. We've had this conversation a number of times already. He just needs someone to listen. Help him....

I know so many people have so much bigger problems. I know everyone is hurting in some manner. Help us...

OK - what a happy journal entry... emoticon ...reality. On to the day. Not sure how it will end.

Deb
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6/2/20 1:00 P

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The gym opened up yesterday. You have to register to take classes - limited to 12 people per class. I took a muscle madness class this morning - the 2 other people who had signed up didn't show. SO, a private session with MaryAnne. It was nice to be back - but I really don't like the 1-1. Makes me feel so out of shape. Tomorrow, I am signed up for a hydrofit class and repeating the muscle madness class on Thursday - all with MaryAnne as instructor. A slimmed down schedule for summer and the only instructors are the full time trainers. But - it's open!!!

The weight room and all the equipment can be used without reservations - just every other machine is roped off - and on weight circuits, you need to balance out distance. I'm sure pretty soon there will be issues with too many people in the room. But - take it as it comes.

I have started June off with a bang. Even if it is just 2 days in - it's 2 days I have done what I wanted to do. Success. Now - to keep it up.

Deb
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5/31/20 9:27 P

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New month tomorrow. Intending to get back to making more of an effort. Reduce coffee. Eliminate/reduce gluten, sugar, dairy. Increase water (cucumber water and lemon water back into play), have the turmeric drink daily again. Make my meals based more on lean protein and veggies again with snacks of melons and apples, breakfast of chia pudding, berries and slivered almonds and not avocado toast daily. Get the Red Mtn cardio and weight programs done and add in stretching and icing again. Work on organizing and culling. Really work on my attitude - especially giving my loved ones some understanding and leeway. And maybe, just maybe, extending that attitude to myself.

Not sure what June holds for us all. I've been really shocked by everything March, April and May has thrown at us. Expect better. And do my part to make better happen.

I need to send some encouraging messages and items to my sister (the crazy one). My BIL started to do his normal derogatory statements about her at breakfast this morning. I steered the conversation away from that and onto her health issues. I don't know why my sister (the one married to him) didn't get him to be nice...everyone always says it's ME that 'goes after her' (the crazy sister) - but it's not. It's my BIL. Family - what are you gonna do?

Husband got a call from assisted living. MIL refusing to take meds and eat. Says she wants to die...not a lot we can do. She's been isolated for almost 3 months - and probably another month to go. I understand her despair. Just not sure what to do...



Deb
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5/29/20 4:04 P

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The crazies are out driving again - must be returning to normal! Had a guy almost run into the back of me, as I actually had to slow down to merge - there hasn't been traffic lately at that intersection, so people have gotten used to plowing through. Had a trash collection truck switch lanes suddenly almost into me when the light changed and he decided he wanted to turn right instead of wait for the light. a couple cars swerving in and out at high speed. Reminded me of why I hate 'normal' traffic in this area.

Actually had a hair cut today. Took forever. Looks better.

A few work situations/crises I've had to get to. Things not progressing well at 1 site. Hopefully things will turn around.

This morning was my 'no coffee' day...bad choice to go cold turkey. Migraine feelings with caffeine withdrawal. Got home from haircut and took some migraine meds, drank a coke zero, and had to lay down for a bit just to take edge off of nausea. Starting to feel a bit more normal - but thinking a hot shower may be needed.

Walks have been taken with the dogs. Just came in from back yard throwing the tug for puppy and letting older dogs roam around. It's hot and humid here today. Bad storms blew thru while I was having hair done. Strange strange weather.

Sister will require another surgery to get a 'tiny' piece in the margin...she didn't mention radiation or chemo.

Not sure if that's got me edgy or just life in general. Things feel out of control, on the edge, about to explode.

Deb
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5/28/20 9:16 A

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Listening to talk radio the other day - heard a few things that resonated with me. When I tried to recall them, poof. Gone. I did a bit of research hoping to remind myself. Being happy with yourself. Not being concerned with what others think of you. Being free of the fear of ridicule or judging from others. This is NOT to say that you can act any way you want and be obnoxious and annoying. No, it's being comfortable with who you are - being a decent person because that's who you are. Not because someone is watching and judging you and your actions.

And I think that fits in with my annoyance with my mom from the other day. Ever since I remember, she was SO concerned with what others would think. I am having lunch with mom and sister today, so I'm trying to get myself into a state where I am not annoyed with them for any reason. Oh look...I'm judging them...LOL. Reel it back...I should be concerned with myself alone. Be kind.

Hope sister gets good test results today. Some work I need to get to today. Several dog walks. Knee is getting worse. Not horrible. Going down stairs and trying to kneel are problems. I am hoping a couple more days of icing will help. Massage this afternoon. It's all good.

Control myself. Be compassionate with others. Mottos for today.

Deb
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5/25/20 8:24 P

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Another blah day - and totally my fault for being this way. Husband left today to drive to job site (gen contractor insisted they be ready for work tomorrow am and since we must drive 12 hours to get there, the drive occurred today), and while I have gotten in many dog walks and done a few critical things - I sat around way too much and ate too many things. I had a disturbing conversation with my mother - so I am thinking I let that get to me, as well. Makes me wonder why we act as we do...

The basement framing is coming along nicely - it was a nice surprise yesterday when we stopped by. Daily visits are going to be necessary from now on. I spent quite a bit of time making notes today regarding things I want/don't want. A bit nervous trying to do this on our own now. But having found a couple granite pieces we like seems like a starting point for us. Gives me a place to jump off of. And I want to try to use some of the fabric and wallpaper left over from this house if at all possible, along with trying to reuse some of the curtains. I have been told that people will not like our curtains and they should be taken down before we try to sell...by the decorator/realtor we let go...so - if that is a possibility, I may as well take what I like with me when I go.

Husband, puppy and I did the mountain up and down, and then the trail walk back to the neighborhood on Saturday. Saturday night, my left knee started hurting. I can't bend it all the way and it only feels off when I go up and down stairs. This is the knee that experiences sharp pain in the front when I squat and lunge. I squatted down yesterday to get something on the floor and could barely get up. Walking is not a problem. Not sure whether I will schedule an appointment- or just ice it for a few days and hope for improvement. I am very worried I have my dad's knees.

I am very remiss in not starting with Memorial Day...so many people to think about and be grateful for. I think of one in particular for my life.

Deb
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5/21/20 10:24 A

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Feeling keyed up and not sure why...

Went to a massage Tuesday - 1st since early March. Massage therapist said "I can't believe these shoulders!" It hurt so good. I am going to try to get back in next week to get some more relief.

I will get out on a longer walk today. Soon. I think some of my feelings are from not getting out enough and being here working too much. So far this am, I have dealt with work stuff, FIL's stuff, older son's stuff, dog stuff, personal stuff. And I think that's part of my problem - I'm not being organized. All my various 'stuff' is being handled as it pops up, instead of my making piles of related stuff and working through with purpose and intent. And I must blame my husband for some of that (of course). He's been around so much more and he comes up here and needs things emailed or scanned or copied - and I get sidetracking and frazzled. Such is life.

It's our anniversary today - 32 years. Dated 6-1/2 years before that. So - yeah - a long time together. We've grown up together. May at times drive each other crazy - but can't imagine life without each other. 'remember when...' and 'don't blink'.

ok - on to getting a bit more organized and focused.

Deb
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5/15/20 4:25 P

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altho I have been on computer for work a significant part of today, I never got to wc audit prep. The webinar was useful, but too long and unstructured - basically a mish mash of whoever wanted to join (125 people when I joined) and questions being shouted out. One person couldn't figure out how to mute their computer, so a lot of background noise for a while. There were some useful questions here and there, but I finally had enough and left. Got FIL's stuff done - mostly.

Several dog walks - Sparky again makes it to the fire hydrant and then wants to go back home. Went to lake to check on things - looking promising. Stopped at our local grocery store on way home. Not too crowded. I was almost done when over the intercom "Shoppers, please be aware of the one-way signs on the aisles. Remember we are all in this together" - delivered in a rather tired, here we go again voice...Not sure if it was directed (solely) at me...This is the 1st time I've been in this store in 2 months and yes - I was clueless and did not see the signs. I guess I don't look at the floor too often as I walk - too busy looking around. Lesson learned. And I'll try to be more cognizant when out and about.

All family members are on their way home. Expect 1 about midnight. Son may be 2-3 am or tomorrow morning depending on whether they stop on the way.

Feeling claustrophobic in a way. Been inside, by myself too much this week - feels like 2013 busy time. And my hair has gotten to a point I must figure out something. I have a feeling lots of people will be cutting their hair shorter. Possibly including me.

OK - time to end my work for the week. Get to the rest of exercise and figure out if FIL is coming for dinner. Cause if he is, I need to figure out what's for dinner.

Deb
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5/14/20 9:47 P

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spent way too much time at work on computer today. Got several things accomplished, some other things handled until I hear back, and 1 thing started with more work planned for tomorrow. I also have a webinar I need to log into in the morning.

Several dog walks today. Sparky will walk to the fire hydrant in the neighbor's yard to do her business and then turn around. She seems to have lost all desire to walk. I guess her back pain has progressed. Probably about time...

I was hoping for a night off from dinner - but my FIL told my SIL that he was declining her invitation to dinner because he felt sorry for me being on my own with everyone out of town, so he was eating dinner with me...he didn't stay long and we had nice conversation, but I still had to cook and I would have enjoyed the solitude. Had dinner last night with mom and sister - good to see them. Sister had her lumpectomy today. She said the results won't be back for 2 weeks. That was surprising.

Younger son driving me crazy with his ups and downs...I gotta learn how to not get too reactionary with what's going on in his life and his decisions. Good kid. He will be fine....really.

Tomorrow - webinar, FIL needs me to do some copying/emailing for him, check on lake house, clean some stuff, wc paperwork for audit, and - dog walks. mini bands, weights, stretching.

Deb
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5/12/20 8:17 A

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I'm not sure why I find it so difficult to track my exercise. For that matter, why do I feel the need to track it? I used to put a little sticker on my tiny calendar in my bathroom. Fell out of that habit. I have a notebook with a larger calendar - used to track on there as well. Somehow I forget for a few days then...just don't. If it serves as a motivator, I need to make an effort.

In other words, I know I've been walking everyday and taking the dogs on 1-3 walks per day. I've been doing mini bands and weights and stretching. Not everyday, but usually every other day. The mountain opening up yesterday - so, I have a goal to do that walk this week. I did the elliptical a couple nights ago. So - yeah, getting in some exercise.

Family situations discovered the last week - a sister (the crazy one) with breast cancer. Looks like a 'mild' case, caught early, with a plan of action already in place. A BIL laid off - again. Younger son at ER a couple nights ago - he's fine, but some anxious and sleepless hours for a bit.

Everyone left town about an hour ago for work. I hope all goes well. So I am on my own this week, possibly through next week. Me and the dogs. Lots to do in the mornings getting everyone up and medicated and relieved and fed and walked. Intending to spend some time on eating plans this week. Cleaning and culling. Getting paperwork done.

Off to walk the dogs.

Deb
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5/6/20 8:27 P

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Lots more to contemplate about my health situations...but, as soon as I posted my last journal entry, I was suddenly aware of how negative I sound in my posts. So - I must follow up my last post with another reality post highlighting all the positives about my situation:

I am alive. During the time of my heart attack (in ER and hospital until official diagnosis and following morning's heart cath), I was never worried or afraid. Knew there wasn't anything I could do, so...I was calm, collected - I did pray for acceptance of whatever came. So the good thing is I was given a warning. I'm on a med that will hopefully prevent another occurrence. I know what to look for going forward. I was given an incredible gift.

I really am in pretty good health. I can walk, I can lift weights. WHile I may have some limitations - they are just that - limitations. Not restrictions.

I have access to so many things - the mountain for walking, a basement full of equipment to use, a gym membership that will eventually be open again, dogs to walk in the neighborhood, access to numerous parks around - my opportunities to get some exercise are numerous and readily available.

While I do work, I have free time every day to work in exercise. I am not as constrained in my time as I was when I was younger. Opportunity abounds.

I am blessed to have access to healthy food, and the ability to get it. I am grateful for the availability. I know how to cook - and do. I know how to make healthy meals and feed my body well. I have access to so many books (too many) regarding healthy food and exercise.

In other words, I have access to all I need. It's up to me to use what I have to do what I should to get where I want.

Deb
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5/4/20 7:47 P

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Here to do some journaling about facing my reality. I wrote a blog about my first acknowledgment about reality: being honest about how old I am - 56 - and maybe now's the time to stop coloring hair. Sounds shallow, I know, but it's a big thing for me. I had an appointment for root touchup scheduled from February. Our salons are open on a limited basis as of May 1 - but masks, gloves required, no washing or blow outs. I'm not exactly sure color can happen with masks and no washing...and since I am seriously considering growing out my grey, I called today to cancel. I hope I don't regret it. It's funny that as I am the youngest of my siblings, I have the most grey hair. And since I color and highlight, there is a hard line of color up against the battleship grey. I'll see how it goes. I can always change my mind.

So - as I walked today, I was musing over my next thing to face about reality. I think I need to seriously list and understand my health issues. On any random day, I'll tell you I'm in good to excellent health. But - really? I had a heart attack 2.5 years ago -( yes, mild; no intervention; hbp and stress related; considered anomaly by all doctors) - but, yes, I had a heart attack. I happen to have 'sticky blood/cholesterol, so I am on statins (even though cholesterol numbers are good). I am overweight (even as people say I don't look it). I have sarcopenia in legs. I have IT band issues and some degenerative tissue associated with knees. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto disease (not sure I totally buy into it all...). As I read back over this, I found it interesting that I comment in parenthesis to indicate my refusal to face reality... emoticon .

Reality. While I remain somewhat active, eat somewhat healthily, I have some health issues I must accept and address. I'll do this in a written journal or on computer, away from journal here. I have several books I have looked through and then forgotten. Time to look them over again.

Getting lost in where to start. How to start. What's the most important thing? Trick is not to get overwhelmed, depressed, beaten before I start. Move away from the cookies...

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 5/4/2020 (19:48)
Deb
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4/30/20 8:49 A

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late start today. Sparky nudged me awake at 6 as she had to go out. She and rescue guy went out to do their business, then I gave them their meds, started the coffee make, and then slipped back into bed. Older son called about 7 to ask some questions (usually by 7, husband and I are both at work). AS soon as son hung up, husband called from out of state, assuming I was at the computer. Got everything done that needs to be done - then took dogs out again, fed them, then made myself some breakfast. Reading blogs as I eat (I know, I should be focused on eating alone) and ruminating on what the day holds - and the coming month.

May is my favorite month for some reason. This year, in particular, it seems to hold the promise of rebirth,as it were. On my visit to my happy place in Feb, I was encouraged to spend some time thinking about/journaling/meditating on what my main obstruction is in my health/weight 'journey'. When asked that question, after my initial pause and thought of "what does it matter, the weight is here, the question is how to get it off"...it came to me: Accepting where I am in life is my biggest impediment..realizing my age and physical 'reality' is what I need to spend some time thinking about and acknowledging. So - that's what I'm tackling in May - along with the final plans stuff I still haven't gotten done - and the house. And and and... emoticon

time to get the dogs walked, the laundry going, the house cleaned, figure out dinner, and...work.

Deb
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4/28/20 10:58 A

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Neighbor just dropped off a tub of Lamb's Ear. We've been talking for years about my digging some of them up and transplanting. AT least 3 years. This year, I noticed a small patch of them by my mailbox - she planted them for me last year without my noticing - they were mixed in with the iris. DIL wants some of them. I will get out and plant 1/2 of them in my yard, and get the others ready to give to DIL. I will also sprinkle the daisy and black eyed susan seeds I have (may be too late?) and ask FIL if I can come dig up some of their daisy plants. I noticed my next door neighbor returning during one of the dog walks with some plants. I guess our nurseries are open. Not sure I want to go - I can always drive by and see how crowded it is and decide whether or not to go in. I would like to get some herbs going. My luck with tomatoes and peppers has not been too good the last few years.

I ended up verbally terminating our contract with the designer last night. Feel rotten about it. Husband has been wanting to get rid of her for at least 6 months. I still need to send her paperwork to terminate - she asked me to talk about it again with husband and get back to her. I think she thinks I'll change my mind since she's the girlfriend of one of our old college friends. Bad mistake - doing business with friends. I hesitated to enter this agreement and I should have gone with my instincts. Problem is - I can't do this on my own. Not creative. I just know she's not the right person.

So - time to get moving. Already done 3 dog walks. Weights and minibands on plan. Along with longer walk. Planting plants. Visiting mom?

Deb
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4/27/20 1:02 P

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Walking and walking and walking. husband is out of town at work for a week. Younger son is beginning finals today. I have the 3 dogs to myself. So I will continue to walk. Today, I did a huge batch of filing at the warehouse. After I finished, I walked through the warehouse, making sure all the doors were locked. There is a huge mirror in the receiving room...OMG...I guess I should put one of these somewhere in my house. For those days I tell myself I don't look THAT bad... emoticon . No denying evidence. Time to get out there and do my walking. I will take the puppy on my long walk today - we've already been on a short stroll and I did take all of them with me 'to work' which they enjoyed.

And time to ditch the coffee and creamer. This time I mean it...LOL. I've been saying this for at least 5 years. Time to get back to iced tea (unsweetened), as I used to do, along with water.

Focus on what I can do. Work on my attitude.

Yesterday, after husband left, i cleaned the garage including windows, descaled the coffee make, defrosted the ice maker, rearranged the porch furniture, and went through the books in the family room. I brought some mags up to the bedroom to review for garden and house planning- with intent to toss after going through. I also put all the diet/nutrition/exercise books (too many) together so I can look through. Again, intent is to toss when I have looked through and torn out what I want from each book. Organizing my exercise notebook is also on the list for this week. Actually doing exercise....yes - that's also on my list for the week. emoticon Did I put on here that my old walking partner contacted me last week? I think she had an ulterior motive for contacting me, but she suggested we get together to walk since she is out of work right now. I declined. For various reasons, including that we shouldn't be getting together. I was a bit surprised SHE suggested it, which reinforces my belief there's an ulterior motive. I am not sure whether or not we will ever walk together again, as it was difficult the last few times - we are very different in our viewpoints in life. Altho that can be refreshing and educational at times, it can also be a pain.

Time to change and get outside.

Deb
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4/19/20 8:43 P

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I have done my walks pretty much everyday - except today as we were hit with thunderstorms most of the day. So, I did my 'C' cardio routine on the elliptical this evening. Going to make an effort this week to follow the RM plan. I also used the hypervolt on my hip as the leg pain has been getting worse. Hope it helps tonight.

We cleaned the stove today - and I cleaned out the kitchen junk drawer, dog supplies cabinet, cabinets above the washer & dryer, appliance cabinet, spice cabinet, and odds and ends cabinet. Also worked on defining the new kitchen a bit more.

SOn and his girlfriend played scrabble with us yesterday. I'm not very good at it....hopefully we will get another chance at game night. We don't do it enough. When the kids were little, we did have game night, but our son says he has no memories of it. Interesting the things you remember. Or don't.

Had a zoom birthday for MIL last week. She looked better and seemed more with it than I was expecting. I think she likes her isolation. We had dropped of 6 mini bundt cakes for her the night before - she told us on the call she had 1 left. Not sure if she ate them all or shared them with staff. I guess we need to drop off more sweets/food items for her during this isolation time. FIL has fallen several times in the last 2 weeks. Not sure what's going on there. He got rather defensive when husband was asking him about it.

Not sure what the week ahead has in store for us work wise. I need to get some filing done - my least favorite thing. Filing here at the home office and then filing at the warehouse. We pressure washed the back porch and porch furniture yesterday, then son worked on front walkway. Still have drive way to do. Will find some way to be productive.



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4/10/20 4:09 P

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Feeling defeated a bit right now - and the fact that I am the one defeating myself makes it worse. While I have been fairly productive today, I have also failed myself with how I have eaten today (and this whole month, so far). I have not done meal plans, or even spared much thought about continuing the eating habits from RM. True, things aren't 'normal' right now. But, that should not be an excuse.

I feel awful right now after the eating as I have today. I know better. I know as I start that I shouldn't be eating these things. Actually, it goes further - I know when I buy the stuff that I shouldn't be bringing it into the house. I justify it in saying they are for my husband or son...but I'm the one who eats it all.

Instead of beating myself up more, let me reshape the day by reminding myself of what I should be doing: NO SUGAR. No Gluten. Limit starchy veggies to 1 serving per day. Limit grains to 2 per day. Eat more non-starchy veggies. DO NOT buy tortilla chips or any type of chip or cookie. DO NOT buy chocolate. Plan my meals. Be kind to myself by eating right.



Deb
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4/9/20 3:56 P

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Husband did leave Tues for job site. Not sure is he's coming home this weekend or staying for next week. Although Easter WILL come on Sunday, the family get together will not happen. So - no big deal if he isn't here. I did go ahead and get most of our food stuff so if nothing else, younger son and I will have Easter dinner. I picked up some Easter basket stuff for younger son and my mom and sister. Easter is Easter. Maundy Thursday, tho is my most meaningful day. I chance to reflect on the why and the need and the thank you.

SO - walks are continuing, especially with husband gone. I gave blood yesterday and was told not to lift weights until tomorrow. So, tomorrow it will be. The minibands will be put to use tonight for some leg work.

Planted some seeds today (puppy dug some of them up and ate them!), finished cleaning the porch, picked up the back yard (poop and pinecones), and contemplated scrubbing down the deck furniture. We started cleaning between the boards of the porch last weekend (all the gunk that gets stuck in there) and are about 1/3 of the way done. It rained yesterday, so boards are a bit swollen. I will need to wait til it dries out some before finishing that. Upstairs needs to be dusted, vacuumed and walls wiped down. Thinking that will start tonight. It's funny all the cleaning I've noticed in the neighborhood as I walk - people pulling down curtains and cleaning windows! Which reminds me of cleaning the blinds...

OK - need to get something productive done instead of just contemplating.

Deb
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4/4/20 8:44 P

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And since GA is now considered a hot spot, the work trip is off. I am glad husband will not be traveling. Tomorrow or Monday we will contact the other project site as I suspect they won't want us there either. How this will impact us project wise/future...don't know. And not worrying about it.

Today included cleaning, errand and yard work. Was picking up pinecones when neighbors called out. Talked to them for a bit - not my favorite people - but hope to remain on better than civil terms. Did a bot burning yard stuff prior to burning ban at beginning of May.

I did get one short walk in, as well as minibands and weights. Food has been pretty good today. Haven't done my planning yet - I think I'll push it off to tomorrow.



Deb
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4/3/20 9:17 P

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walking and walking and walking. Several shorter dog walks and 1 long walk alone - used the shuffle. My mind mused on several things as I walked. Snippets of advice from RM personnel, mainly. How I was told that I need to calm down my exercise routine. And I am. And I really hope I start seeing some results.

Made a trip to Sam's today with husband. Stocked up on some things. It was a normal stock up trip, didn't go crazy. No TP or paper towels were bought. emoticon We did purchase some things for MIL - happy to find some gloves that we are asked to provide for the caregivers. We will need to drop some more things off for MIL early next week.

Tomorrow, I will sit down again and do some planning. Husband will leave again on Sunday, hopefully to return by the end of the week. It's been beautiful weather today, hoping it will continue. Altho, the pollen buildup will have us soon wishing for a bit of rain. The sycamore and pine pollen get everywhere. It's amazing to watch the wind blow curtains of pollen.

Lots to do for work - paperwork - this weekend. And walk some more. May be time to get back on the elliptical.

Deb
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3/31/20 8:32 P

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I did finish the closet (mostly). Bagged up some donations - I'm sure the charity shop is going to be overwhelmed when they start taking donations again, as I am sure many, many other people have been cleaning and culling. Went up to bed last night to find the puppy had torn into the bags and scattered stuff all over the upstairs. Clean out the planters outside and prep for new planting - done. Blow the pollen off the porch and deck - did not do, but rain today took care of it. Laundry - done. Clean bathrooms - done. Start personal paperwork - nope. Review RM stuff - yep. Meal plans - kinda. dog walks - yes. minibands - nope, TRX - nope.

Today, several dog walks. Trips to post office and bank. Drove by lake to check things out. FIL came for dinner. Kinda weird with just him and I eating. younger son and girlfriend came and sat with us. Son shaved his beard - and regrets it.

About to do minibands and TRX that I didn't do yesterday - and some hand weights and stretching. got in about 13K steps yesterday. Just under 10K today.

Older dog has ear infection. Vet was able to treat her yesterday and she seems better today. However, she got me up 3 times during the 'night'- 1, 3 & 5. I hope she does better tonight. Husband is hoping to head toward home Thursday. Time to get exercising.

Deb
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3/30/20 9:57 A

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One dog walk this am. About to break and get the 2 older guys walked. Sitting here at work for last 2 hours. Time for my mid morning break.

Husband made it to his destination. Found out 1st thing the client has adjusted 'facility ready' date to early June. At least they are being a bit more realistic about things with all that is going on. Being considered an essential service, I guess they figure all aspects must forge ahead. We will see what happens. I'm not stressing about it - not worth it. And, realistically, what's gonna happen?

Vet appt this afternoon. Hope we get her ear fixed today. I need to review all the dogs meds and take the opportunity to get anything I night need for the next month so I won't have to get out again (for them).

I have my bingo style sheet prepped - will print out and stick it in my sheet protector (ala FlyLady). Later today, I will review all my RM stuff and spend more time reviewing the food plans and stick my typical meals/snack stuff in MyFitnessPal to see how my reality matches what I am thinking. I have the time, right?

Yesterday, I spent some time in the closet. Each season, I SAY I am going to be honestly ruthless and toss what I don't wear. However, I tend to wear the same 3-5 things over and over. I have some things I'd like to hang onto for the few times I 'dress up' (for me). But - I would like to toss the things I'm hanging on to in hopes of getting back into them. I have 2 large bags full of stuff to get rid off. Of course, donation places are going to be overwhelmed when this distancing is over. Some of the things I put in the bags still have tags on them. And then I get frustrated with myself. Why did I buy these things in the first place? BUT - I WANT to pare things down prior to us moving. NOW is the time to do it.

All right. Today: finish the closet. Clean out the planters outside and prep for new planting. Blow the pollen off the porch and deck. Laundry. Clean bathrooms. Start personal paperwork. Review RM stuff. Meal plans. dog walks. minibands, TRX. on to the dogs.

Deb
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3/28/20 9:28 P

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2 dog walks today and washed the car and truck. Did get out to pick up prescriptions. FIL came for dinner. My husband leaves town tomorrow morning for a couple days, maybe for a week. I had trouble sleeping last night, I think in part having some anxiety about him leaving. Other issues - it was too hot and the oldest dog must be getting an ear infection as she kept shaking her head. We cleaned out her ear this afternoon and I'm hoping she will sleep tonight. I think her vet is open in case I need to get her in next week.

After husband leaves tomorrow, I am prepping another bingo sheet style workout tracker for this week. I've been really good about my long walks and some other stuff, but I haven't been tracking. ANd just like that, I'm asking myself why I need to track??? I have not found the time to review the info from RM, YET. Again - tomorrow.

I baked a couple things this week that I didn't need. I find myself, especially this week, falling back into my 'food is love' thing. With FIL coming for dinner every night, and younger son home for the rest of the semester (and probably summer), I'm cooking more - and trying to think about what they like. I made individual chicken pot pies last night (actually they were turkey)...using the recipe from my best friend, Sandra. My husband and I joke about 'Sandra's secret sauce' (cream of mushroom soup). The pot pies are really good and easy. My FIL mentioned them today - saying how he really liked them last night. Then I made 7 layer magic bars as a treat for son. That needs to stop. First, because I need to get sugar out of my life again - and second, because I am running out of things and I don't want to go shopping.

Back at it again tomorrow. Get organized - I let this week kind of slide in and slide out. One thing I learned about at RM - I need to stop trying to 'be in control'. Instead, 'be in charge'. There doesn't seem to be much I can control right now. But, I can be in charge of a few things: how I react, how I prepare, how I respond, how I go about the day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

Deb
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3/26/20 7:53 P

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Another beautiful day here. 2 dog walks with the older guys - 1 first thing in am and the other mid afternoon. Then I headed out for an hour by myself. I put my shuffle to use and was pleased to hear my old playlist. I spent a lot of time putting together the songs on the shuffle years ago. Each song is a reminder of a time and place in my life. I must say (to myself) I did a good job.

Talked with a neighbor I haven't seen in a long time. Good to visit. Checked in via email with older neighbors next door. FIL is coming by for dinner every night. Checked on my mom in person Monday and called today - will probably check on her again in a bit as I haven't heard from her. Want to check on my older son - it's been a rough week for him I think.

FIL was able to visit MIL over video today. Said she was in good spirits. But he also said she only made small talk. Maybe he will recognize her limitations now. I'm glad he was able to talk with her.

Heading out to pick up pinecones. Been spending too much time on computer lately.


Deb
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3/25/20 7:47 A

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started today with a dog walk for the older guys. Last few days have all included dog walks, longer solitary walks, minibands, weights, and stretching. Today, the TRX will go back up.

Park service closed the mtn Sunday/Monday. Too many people. Supposedly this includes the trails, but I'm not sure how they will enforce that. Honor system? not sure that works for the mtn and trails - too many people have access to the trails at various points. Our shelter in place order for our county goes into effect at noon today - will look over it to see what exactly that means. Not sure what it means for us workwise,as well. It is what it is.

FIL has been coming over for dinner nightly. He said he would go to his daughter's place if a restriction came out. He wants us over for lunch today so we will see what is discussed.

finally got the office closet cleaned yesterday. Now for the rest of the office. Then the master closet. Then the personal paperwork.

Deb
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3/22/20 5:02 P

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Dog walk this morning. The red buds and forsythia made me smile. And my dog wood is just about to open up full force. I have 1 deep purple iris at the mailbox. From a volunteer group that got mixed in with another transplant. The dead nettle is starting to spread. Spring is here - almost. It was a bit chilly but I like that at night. The pollen is collecting. We had a short burst of rain that I hope will help wash some of it away.

Drove by the lake yesterday and I could tell they started grading across the street where the septic system will go. I hope we start seeing some fast progress soon. Can't tell yet if we have picked a great time or horrible time to build. Hope we can keep some people employed and supply places working. Day by day. What happens happens.

Project sites sent out more restrictions. Temp readings prior to being let on site. No mixing with client personnel. At all. Not sure how that will work as some of our stuff has been turned over, some still in work is technically in client areas. Will see what happens in the week ahead. I dreamed the 3 states we are involved in issued shelter in place orders.

Miniband workout done, along with some weight work, stretching and limited rolling. My right hip flexer is very weak. Will work on it. I want to review my RM stuff and suggestions. Remember to do the suggestions. Time aplenty to work on improving myself. Studied the bookshelves today and considered cleaning them and culling out books...didn't happen. But it's now on my list of things to do.

Deb
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3/21/20 6:52 P

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Been walking more. Short dog walks and then longer walks with just myself. Last night, as I finished up a neighbor pulled into his driveway and popped his hatchback. 3 HUGE packages of TP! I couldn't believe. I was so tempted to ask him why he needed so much...Today, I stopped in a grocery store, not my normal one. Much better stocked than our local one. And the specials! I must admit I picked up a couple things not on my list. Finally found bread. Got 1 loaf. A man close by picked up hamburger buns and his wife put them back - she complained about them being a bit smushed. I laughed and said "now is not the time to be concerned with smushed buns - at least they have buns." Her husband laughed - she did not. The store actually had a display of TP and I did not see a single person rushing the display. Restored my faith in humanity. emoticon

WE took the dogs and met older son, DIL and her brother up at the farm today. Spent the day in the sunshine, tilling, chainsawing, and clearing fallen trees and limbs. I left with the dogs after the work was done and they were turning to fun - clay shooting. I made a point to walk as much as possible. Older son asked me if that was my new fitness routine - walking. As I walked by the site where older son and DIL had their ceremony, I offered up a prayer of thanksgiving that I am still here, almost 2.5 years after their wedding (and my heart attack 3 days afterwards). Read ONEKIDSMOM about her sister reviving the gratitude journal and it seems people are heading back to the 911 niceness (I hope) and being more grateful for what you have. Found out my DIL's parents are both unemployed - have been for almost a month. Makes me wonder what I can do to help without being a busybody...

Feeling a bit anxious about work situation and trying to convince myself to let it be. I cannot control the work situation. It will be what it is. We will do our best. Husband may be heading out to a work site next week - and who knows whether he will be allowed to travel - and when he will be able to come back home. At least my younger son will be home to assist me with the dogs should that happen.

Look for the good. Concentrate on the positive. Open my eyes to what I can do for others.



Deb
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3/16/20 10:01 P

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short dog walk this am with 2 older guys and younger son. It was nice to have his company. evening walk with husband and puppy - well, half a walk, as I broke off from them again as they 'worked'. Came home to do the miniband routine, a short weight routine and some stretching. The perfectionist in me says I could have done so much more...but at least I did something. And the gym closed today. Figured it was coming.

Late afternoon, son and I headed to post office and then hit the store to get a few things. It was surprisingly calm, considering what I have been hearing. No bread. No potatoes (looking for my FIL). A few empty areas. Son was a bit disappointed as he was expected a friend to drop by for a bit. Friend's parents don't want them out. Son's school is on hiatus for this week. He is at loose ends. Husband will probably put him to work for a couple days.

FIL is struggling with not being able to visit MIL. We got a text today from the facility with a list of things we need to bring by. No visiting, just drop off. FIL's activities have closed down as well, so we need to have him over more.

Tomorrow - more walks. Weight work. Work. FIL stuff. MIL stuff.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 3/16/2020 (22:02)
Deb
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3/14/20 9:47 A

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2 short dog walks this morning with the older guys. Can't take both of them at the same time due to my finger situation. Thinking about getting on the elliptical in a bit. It's a lazy morning here with not much on the agenda. Neighbor is getting married tonight, she used to babysit our youngest. I hope her day is a good one. I'm glad I ran into her on the dog walk this morning so I could wish her happiness.

The craziness here is...crazy. And I was struck with the irony of it all the last few days. We have lamented the limited social skills the younger generation has, due in part to their reliance on social media. It seems they prefer to have virtual rather than personal interactions with others. Now, we are encouraging that - don't go out, don't socialize, isolate, virtual schooling...I understand the intent behind it all, I do. I just find it ironically funny. My younger son's school is planning on regular classes next week and then offering students the option to finish the semester online. He has 2 weekly labs, so he has the option of coming home for online access, and then going to campus for 2 days to do his lab work. We will see. Luckily he is about 2 hours away from campus so it is an option for him. So far, our work has not been impacted, but that could change any moment. It is not an option for us to work online.

A friend of mine sent me pictures of empty aisles at the store...Luckily I went serious shopping on Monday. I know we have at least a month's worth of food (if not more) - may not like what we have at times, but it's there. If son comes home, I may need to supplement if possible.

I have been rather dismissive of this situation, and I still can't understand the panic. Well, I have my theories about the panic, but I won't go into that here. However, my husband is on Humira, so I guess he could be in a precarious situation. My MIL's assisted living went on quarantine Thursday afternoon - no visitors and no one can leave. Not sure how that is sitting with her. She does not have a phone, so we have no way to communicate with her now. Anyone reading this - she doesn't have the mental capacity to use a phone, but she can get the facility to call us for her if needed. FIL is having problems not being to visit with her. We spent some time with him yesterday and will need to be diligent in that going forward.

So - I'm sure there's all sorts of stuff I could do here. I just need to get motivated.

Deb
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3/12/20 7:58 P

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Tonight, I hit the neighborhood. I THOUGHT husband and I were walking together, but he had the puppy and was 'working', so I left them in the dust. Got in 50 mins in zone 1. Earlier, I had taken the older one out. So, I'm good on the time. I will do the miniband workout when I get off here. Now my nose is running - I think it's the bradford pears - definitely got a whiff of the fishy smell.

I managed to slice my finger open Tuesday. 4 stitches. So my plans to get to the gym for swimming and group power are off. I am hoping the swelling will go down by the weekend and I will be able to lift some weights then. My sister told me the gym is taking your temperature before letting you in...Younger son will probably be home this weekend as his college will probably go online.

Not sure what will happen in the days ahead.

Deb
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3/8/20 5:54 P

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had a good overnighter with my friend. It was enjoyable - but not as good or relaxing as I had imagined or hoped it would be. I think my week long visit to my happy place kind of spoiled me for anything else. That place really is a great place - I need to remember to send them a note about it.

Today, lunch with inlaws, including SIL and her husband. Then husband and I went on a 4 mile walk to the mountain and back with the youngest dog. The 2 older ones can't go that far anymore. I did get them out earlier for the cul-de-sac walk. Did mini band routine and stretching last night. My hope for the rest of the week is to get in the other 3 (minimum) cardio workouts as laid out by RM, Group Power at least once, the machine workout at the gym, another mini band routine, stretching, 1 water aerobics class, and sit in the sauna.

Eating wise, I have dinners planned for the week. I will get together a plan for the rest of the days, each day tonight after husband leaves for dog class.

Tomorrow will be a heavy work day as I get stuff taken care of that has been ignored since I left Thursday morning. I want to get some personal paperwork stuff going again this week also.

The lots at the lake are almost cleared of trees. Hopefully the grading will get done this week and we will begin to see some progress soon. We will also try to get by the stone place this week to review siding options. Maybe a meeting with the builder. Our meeting with the decorator/designer last week left me feeling frustrated again. After she leaves every time, I wonder why we met as we still don't have any design/decorating presentations and the things she questioned us about include finishing details rather than room schemes. I have spent quite a bit of time on line looking for pictures of rooms that appeal to me. Not sure where this will end up.

On to the week.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 3/8/2020 (17:55)
Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
3/4/20 8:49 P

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Walk in the field on Sunday for the Zone 1 60 min cardio workout, and did the mini band workout. Tuesday, I did the 40 mins alternating between Z1 and Z2. Then, Group Power. Rain has come back in so I have bailed on the last 2 days of dog walks. I'm heading out of town tomorrow for 2 days - don't expect to get any formal workouts done.

Eating has been ok - a few things I wish I had stayed away from. I have not done the planning I need to do. Will work on that this weekend after I return. For the next 2 days, I will do the best I can with what is available.



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
2/27/20 7:56 P

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Spin and Group Power tonight. I wore my Ionic and tried to monitor my heart rate during Spin, working to keep up with the class as I also tried to keep my HR in Zones 1 & 2, with limited Zone 3 time. I think there is a delay, as a couple times, the HR seemed to spike at odd times.I still need to get in one more slow (Zone 1) 60 min workout for the week. and do some concentrated leg work. And do some stretching.

My sister was in Group Power - glad to see. She has really been making an effort to try out the classes. I hope she gives some serious thought to continuing the membership after this trial/gift month is over. I spoke with my mom after class for a bit and she expressed the same thought. It is expensive - but it's relative. It is my sister's money and I have no right to tell her how to spend her money...BUT - I see what else she spends money on and I have to disagree when she says she can't afford it. I will try very hard to not argue with her choice if she decides not to continue.

My discussion with my mom was ok. If she is upset with our 'encounter' Sunday, she is not expressing it over the phone. My younger son will be home for a week starting Friday night and I wanted to see if she is available to have dinner one night while he is home. It's been since Christmas that they have seen each other. Son needs to see his other grandparents also.

Weight has crept back on since I returned home. 3 pounds lost. 2 pounds gained. However, I feel better. I need to review stuff again. Refocus every day. That week I was at Red Mtn, It was so easy to get 20K+ steps per day, multiple workout sessions, time to relax, time to focus. Being home and staying committed is hard. I know it's totally my choice, although home commitments are real and cannot be denied. relative. No beating myself up.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
2/25/20 8:47 P

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elliptical with the routine recommended for D4 - 30 mins of intervals between Zones 1, 2 & 3. About to do the mini band routine to finish the day. I made cardio tone yesterday and then did 15 mins on treadmill - so I would say that matches the recommended D1 - 60 mins in Zone 1.

Eating was a bit derailed as we grabbed lunch out. I was getting a bad headache and needed to eat. Dinner was very light - but the cookies called out to me. I know that I SHOULD make it a rule that I do not eat alone. That would solve so many things for me. Will work on that .

Lent starts tomorrow. Need to figure out something to focus my mind. Be kinder and gentler...where have I heard that before? emoticon Work on family relationships, perhaps? the problem with that one is there is an assumption that the 'other' family members want to see improvement - and I am not sure that is a valid assumption. I can only do my part - but do it honestly. Wish me luck.

Tomorrow is lunch with in laws. Wish me luck with that one too...Weather may support a longer walk in the neighborhood - or maybe the mountain?



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 997
2/23/20 10:21 A

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I've been struggling lately with church 'obligations'. I attend (usually monthly only) the church I grew up in. I've often thought about leaving this church - not for religious reasons - for personality reasons. Never felt welcomed or fit in - even though I have been there 'all my life'. And the church has ALWAYS had financial problems - they never seem to learn. I attended this am but wish I had not. This time the unwelcoming people were my mom and one sister. emoticon It always amazes me how my mom seems to think (my interpretation) that to build up my sisters, she must tear me down - in front of them. At Christmas, she made a snarky comment about my husband, as we were preparing to say grace before eating - in front of everyone. Kind of like a bravado act to show she doesn't favor us (?). I like the messages of the pastor - although I don't like the financial and management skills he has/doesn't have. I never socialize with anyone other than my family. So - after the 'emotional beating" today - I realize I have probably attended my last service there. I must admit, I did comment to my mom, and I feel badly/guilty that I did. Basically I told her she needs to realize how the things she says are interpreted. Think before you speak - which I guess I should adhere to myself...

After church, I came home to let the dogs out as husband is out of town still. Instead of going to eat with 'them'. Seriously I would have done that even if the event had not happened. Otherwise, I would have returned home to numerous accidents. Anyway - just feeling blah about the whole situation. I would like to find a church to attend. Just not sure where. With the house change situation coming up (albeit late this year), it's time to look forward to where I will be- and start making changes all through my life - now.

So - still working through analysis paralysis with eating plans. I'll get something hammered out. Not perfect - but a start. I did some of the stretching stuff last night. Didn't seem to help the right leg, tho. Rescue guy was limped yesterday on our walk - I think I challenged him a bit too much. Elliptical tonight. Tomorrow I WILL go to cardio Tone and watch my heart rate to keep it within limits that were set for me.

On to a good week.



Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


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