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ALUKOWSKY's Photo ALUKOWSKY SparkPoints: (21,161)
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8/19/19 12:18 P

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How do I handle people? By not assuming that everyone is being "rude," since, in this case, the other person WASN'T. Most people, when they observe someone trying to make positive changes, are motivated by a desire to be helpful and supportive. The behavior and conversation you describe suggest that this young lady was simply trying to establish a connection based on perceived similarities, and share what, perhaps, had worked for her. I understand that you found her advice unwelcome, but YOU chose to engage her in conversation, when you could have instead excused yourself saying, "Nice chatting, but I gotta run (laugh;) gotta get my steps in!"

For a generation that prides itself on openness and holds empathy as one of its highest values, we sure spend a lot of time and energy angrily rebuffing those who actually demonstrate it. I think we would all be happier and feel a lot more supported if we stopped ascribing ulterior motivations to everything other people do and say.

Edited by: ALUKOWSKY at: 8/19/2019 (13:55)
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.


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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (341,675)
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8/17/19 8:40 P



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I would just thank her for her concern, and add that you are being guided by and taking the advice of a qualified health professional, and leave it at that.

Kris

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LIVEANDLAUGH's Photo LIVEANDLAUGH Posts: 2,874
8/17/19 12:37 P

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PCOS is a beast! My daughter has it so I know quite a bit of what you're going through :( As for well meaning/well intended people...as simple "thanks - gotta go" may be enough. I realize they can easily zap your energy, so keep it short and keep going. emoticon

Olivia
"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." Vincent Van Gogh


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SHOAPIE's Photo SHOAPIE Posts: 33,947
5/27/19 11:04 A

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Thank them and continue on your way.



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NIRERIN Posts: 14,765
5/20/19 6:22 P

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Duplicate post.

Edited by: NIRERIN at: 5/20/2019 (18:24)
-google first. ask questions later.

NIRERIN Posts: 14,765
5/20/19 6:21 P

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The instigator in me wants to suggest working sitting/standing or treadmill desks as a superior benefit into the conversation with you walk buddy/ boss. Far better to not sit all day in the first place, though those desks are expensive. www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_subcate
gory.asp?CatId=191
And you can also just search PCOS at the top for more information, posts and groups.

Edited by: NIRERIN at: 5/20/2019 (18:23)
-google first. ask questions later.

LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 31,744
5/20/19 3:33 P

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" I felt like I had to explain/defend myself to this rude person"
But you don't.
Seriously.
You don't have to explain/defend yourself to anyone.

Simply disengage.

Example:
"Today, as I was walking, a girl who works in the cafe downstairs was outside and asked me if I was exercising (really?). I answered yes and told her that I had a job where I sit all day and I was trying to keep moving to not keep getting bigger."
You need to stop at "yes" and keep walking. Offering more information and continuing the conversation invites the very comments you seek to avoid!

(Glad you understand that cauliflower is a carb)

Edited by: LUANN_IN_PA at: 5/20/2019 (15:35)
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
PSEUDONURSE's Photo PSEUDONURSE Posts: 25
5/20/19 9:44 A

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Thanks. I really need to work on my internal feeling of responsibility to answer questions I don't want to without feeling rude. Now I just need to learn to ignore the friend that I usually walk with at lunch. This morning I told her that I had gone straight to the park after work Friday and walked for 45 minutes to complete my 12,000 steps, and got up early Saturday to go back to the park and walk 5 miles/12,000 steps before I started my day (I ended up getting 16,000 steps by the end of the day!). Instead of encouragement, she told me that she didn't think just doing that on Friday and Saturday would do me any good, and I should do that every day on the way home from work. She forgets that I get up at 5am, don't get home until 7pm and still need to fix dinner and eat before going to bed before 9, when she lives 20 minutes from the office and has a lot more time before and after work. I can't respond like I want to sometimes, because she is the office manager, so I just need to get a thicker skin.

As for the cauliflower, etc., I know they contain carbs, but they are "good carbs", so the "don't eat anything white" would have you exclude them when every diet and expert says you should eat lots of vegetables - I have discovered riced cauliflower and love using it as a low-calorie substitute for rice. I was on a diabetic exchange diet many, many years ago, and they were not listed under the "bread" category, so this was my point.

I certainly would like to find a PCOS group if there is one on here. Where do I look?

Edited by: PSEUDONURSE at: 5/20/2019 (09:45)

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NIRERIN Posts: 14,765
5/16/19 8:43 P

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You stop engaging them in conversation. "Are you exercising?" "Nope" and that is the end of the conversation. If you find more persistent people, you might want to have something in your back pocket like "No, I was walking out a charley horse," but be prepared to hear cramp remedies and stories about their charley horses and maybe even a few that-time-I-hit-my-funnybone stories. You could also respond along the lines of "Yes, I enjoy it, thank you and have a wonderful day." Include the close and don't offer up your situation because, as you have noticed, when you prompt them with a scenario they feel compelled to offer their advice. If a coworker mentioned that they were having a really rough time with a teenage child/pregnancy/parent/pet, you would probably spout off some words of wisdom for them as well.

Also, cauliflower is a carb as it's neither a protein nor a fat, which leaves carbs as the victor of the three options. It's a lower carb vegetable, but most produce falls into the carb category. Avocados (fat) and beans (protein, but they can swing) are the only produce I can think of off hand that would fall into a different category.

For your closer friends who know you struggle, consider focusing their helpfulness if they are so intent on offering advice. Mention that you are sick of walking, and are wondering if there is anywhere nearby that offers water aerobics/spin class. Mention your interest in more active meet ups instead of going out for drinks. Mention that you're having such a hard time finding a good cauliflower pizza crust recipe or a great vinegar based salad dressing. Say that you don't need advice, but you do just need to vent every now and then and you would appreciate them being a sounding board.

If you haven't reached out to a group of others who have PCOS, do so. Having support from others in the same boat can make this a little less overwhelming and make it easier to brush off the well meaning repeaters that you seem to encounter without a lesson in your medical history.

-google first. ask questions later.

SLASALLE's Photo SLASALLE Posts: 18,775
5/16/19 5:23 P

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I would just say "thanks" and then steer clear!! I agree that it's enough sometimes to make you crazy.



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PSEUDONURSE's Photo PSEUDONURSE Posts: 25
5/16/19 10:03 A

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I have increased my goals to 12.000 steps a day and 5 miles, and lowered my calorie allowance to 1,000-1,200 calories a day. I have been hitting those goals 6 out of 7 days, but still the scale is staying at the same place. To achieve my goal during the week, I have to sneak out of the office and take several laps around the building every hour (my FitBit tells me to get up and move every hour). Today, as I was walking, a girl who works in the cafe downstairs was outside and asked me if I was exercising (really?). I answered yes and told her that I had a job where I sit all day and I was trying to keep moving to not keep getting bigger. She then went on to start rattling off all of the stuff we already know - drink lots of water, no sodas, don't eat anything white (cauliflower is white but not a carb, corn is yellow and is a carb, so that generalization is false), etc., etc. Gee, I have NEVER heard ANY of that before. I told her I already know all of that, I am already doing all of that, and I am kind of tired of hearing it over and over again because EVERYONE feels the need to rattle off that same advice. I then felt obligated to tell her that I have polycystic ovary syndrome, which causes insulin resistance, which causes severe weight issues. It was none of her business, but I felt like I had to explain/defend myself to this rude person. I hear all of these "helpful suggestions" almost daily from supposedly well-meaning people (even friends who know how I struggle). It makes me want to throw in the towel, or seriously consider any type of bariatric procedure that they would do on someone who is not yet 100 pounds overweight. I am already discouraged because I spend every spare waking minute walking to get my 12,000 steps and have no time for anything else (I get up at 5am to leave in time to get to work by 8, and don't get home until 7pm), and I am restricting my calories to the point that I might as well just be fasting, with no results, and it is hard not to let these "helpful" people send me over the edge.

Edited by: PSEUDONURSE at: 5/16/2019 (10:21)

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