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Holding together

Thursday, March 04, 2021

This is a sun conure. Isn't it bright and beautiful? I needed to see something bright this morning.
Yesterday was supposed to be a chemo day for DH. WHen they did the blood test his platelets were too low so he could not get chemo. This is a different blood problem than last time. a month ago. THis is caused by the chemo. They will have to reduce the medication in the chemo by 5%.
I admit, I did not handle the news well. I had to hold myself together.

SOmetimes that is all we can do. Hold ourselves together.
I am always one to look for the silver lining. The positive. The thing to be thankful for.
IN those moments, I had nothing.
As we sat in front of the fireplace stove, DH was upbeat. I needed to get myself together for his sake. But my face always gives me away.
As he talked about the good things, I kept thinking of the down side.
Finally I had to take a deep breath and let out all of the disappointment. I had to literally change my mindset.
It was not easy. It took most of the rest of the day.
But I can say I held myself together and kept taking deep breaths.
It is ok to have down times. I just do not want to live there.
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