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RUTHIEBEAR
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Toot your own Horn

Tuesday, March 02, 2021


WHen I was growing up I do not remember ever being complimented. Or being told I was loved.
NO matter how well I behaved. NO matter how much I tried to look my best.
NO matter how hard I tried.
I remember feeling worthless. Ugly. Unloved.
Still I kept trying. I did my best at school. I obeyed my parents. I took care of my younger siblings. I was a kind friend.
WHen I got married, I finally felt loved and appreciated. Having children helped.
But deep down I have always felt less than, not good enough, ugly.
SInce joining SP I have been learning to accept myself for who I am. To see that a number on a scale does not define me. TO find all of the positive attributes I possess.
SO Today I am going to "Toot my own horn."

I am going to list as many good, positive things about myself. I am going to try to look at myself through my husband's eyes, my children and grandchildren's eyes, my friends' eyes.
I am hardest on myself. Others see the good in my. I need not only to find it, but to embrace it.
SO today. let's toot our own horns.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MSHEL7
    I could have written this blog myself. Same sort of situation, never good enough, still have those feelings when I'm with my mom. I'm glad you are able to find things that are positive in your life and speak those things over your life. God wants us to speak his unshakeable love over our lives like he does.
    46 days ago
  • JOYNEW
    So glad you've found a way to know that you are loved and beautiful!!!
    46 days ago
  • 1DARKHORSE
    I didn't have a great childhood either and it still haunts me but I try to keep a gratitude journal each day of all the things I'm grateful for and that seems to help me focus on the positive in my life.
    46 days ago
  • GORDON66
    If it weren't for parents, none of us would need to talk to a therapist. Toot away!!! Take care and be safe!!!

    Leslie

    XXXOOO
    XXX
    47 days ago
  • TERMITEMOM
    Ruthie, I agree with AMUSICALLIFE. I might be your "love language".
    47 days ago
  • DARLENEK04
    Ruthie, I thought you were an attractive woman when I first saw your picture. I know John must
    have thought you are beautiful...he loves you, and we certainly appreciate your blogs and wisdom.
    I did not have a positive childhood. I always encouraged my kids, and the ones who came to our
    house to hang out.....and most of those made it to adulthood and still call me mom.
    You are such a special lady, courageous and witty, and a gifted photographer.....you cannot look at
    your beautiful grandbaby girl and not know you are beautiful....as well.
    Truly, I am sorry you were raised like that, but you must be one strong woman to have overcome that.
    Prayers for you Ruthie, and John. God bless and be with you both.

    47 days ago
  • KOHINOOR2
    emoticon Glad you are tooting your own horn. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    47 days ago
  • 2BE-MY-BEST
    emoticon I emoticon U
    47 days ago
  • MSMOSTIMPROVED
    Toot away! Your uplifting blog and notes of encouragements daily on my SparkPage are examples of your giving heart. The beautiful photos you share are evidence of your creative spirit and gift of photography. emoticon
    47 days ago
  • CHRISTINEBWD
    Hugs and love to you Ruthie! Keep tooting your own horn I think you’re great!
    47 days ago
  • SERENEART
    I have those feelings too.. sometimes that inner "i'm not good" enough comes out... Today, it came out at work a little bit...because I am overwhelmed with all the extra work due to a teammate leaving the company. I had a good talk with my manager... that helped me.

    You are so valued and loved.. You are awesome!. Have a great day! emoticon
    47 days ago
  • BARBARAROSE54
    Go ahead toot your own horn
    47 days ago
  • SPEDED2
    So many of us with similar backgrounds/childhoods, the common thread is that we turned to food for comfort because we couldn't find comfort from the "adults" in our lives. emoticon
    47 days ago
  • LAINIESNEWLIFE
    Ruthie, you are a wonderful and beautiful person. I say that you put the past behind you. I'm so sorry that you had a sad childhood. I had some sadness in my childhood, but I knew that my parents loved me. They didn't always say I love you, but I knew that they loved me. I'm so glad that you have a loving family now.
    47 days ago
  • PATRICIA-CR
    About the same memories here too, except for my dad. I think I was able after way too many struggles to overcome that feeling. emoticon Cheers to all of us! emoticon emoticon
    47 days ago
  • KATHYJO56
    I remember feeling just like you. I did not come from an affectionate family. Getting married, having a son and joining Spark People is what made me realize that I wasn't worthless.
    47 days ago
  • JACKIEWALKS4FUN
    Oh you are the best Ruthie emoticon We do need to learn to toot our own emoticon horns.
    47 days ago
  • LIS193
    You are a wonderful person and a great sparkfriend!
    emoticon
    47 days ago
  • ALEXSGIRL1
    You have so many great qualities i had same upbringing keep tooting your own horn and love your kids more
    47 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/2/2021 6:52:25 PM
  • ALEXSGIRL1
    You have so many great qualities i had same upbringing keep tooting your own horn and love your kids more
    47 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/2/2021 6:51:16 PM
  • LINDA!
    I grew up in a similar home. My parents were strict and religious. They were good parents in many ways. I only remember twice in my life one of them saying you are pretty. I don't remember anyone telling me I was smart or capable. I had a lot of criticism from my mother. It certainly did contribute to my poor self-image. For this reason, I am the opposite. I call my DDs beautiful, smart, and many more things. We never leave a conversation without I Love You. I am happy that your hubby and children have provided you with what you missed as a child. emoticon
    47 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/2/2021 1:34:52 PM
  • MEADSBAY
    Oh, dear Ruthie. I am so sorry you were not raised to appreciate what a wonderful, smart, creative and beautiful person you are!
    emoticon
    47 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Sweetie, know you are well loved by me and Sparkdom! AND your family. So, no matter what was your childhood, you have love NOW. That's a blessing.

    I totally feel blessed for the parents I had and KNOW there are so many out there who cannot say the same thing, and that is very sad.

    I think AMUSICALLIFE may be onto a truth . . . often parents don't speak your love language but show it in other ways. Some parents. Telling you outright you're ugly or whatever . . . that crosses a line that really should never be crossed with a child!

    HUGS
    47 days ago
  • KITT52
    So many people feel the same way... I'm so proud of you for taking positive steps to living yourself...

    I was very lucky to have a grandma and Aunt who thought I was a cutie pie...lol. I sort of was lost in our family of 6 kids...

    Have a great time tooting your own horn....you certainly are worth it.

    47 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    I grew up in a household where saying I Love You was far a few between if ever. You just assumed you were loved. Since I was the baby of the family, I was treated as such. Never part of any of the adult conversations or was my opinion ever listened to. I also felt worthless. I tried and tried so hard to be perfect. All I did was eat my emotions and made food my friend.

    You are so right I found out different by my husband and son. I have family who loves me and very good friends. I don't look back at those years.

    Just know you are loved by your family and that's what's most important in this life. I consider you a dear friend here in Sparkland and feel privileged to know you.
    47 days ago
  • KATHLEEN624
    There is no excuse as far as I am concerned for a parent not showing love to a child. It saddens me to here that. I am thankful you have a loving family that appreciates you for being YOU and by all means you deserve to toot you own horn. Don't look back Ruthie - look forward. Here's to RUTHIE - TOOT TOOT You are a good person. emoticon
    47 days ago
  • 2BDYNAMIC
    I was raised by a mother who told me almost every day."You are Stupid!" First heard when I was about five. That was in between her shaking me so hard my teeth rattled! .....I applaud you for who you are, and see your goodness. It is appealing what too many children grow up hearing! It is a miracle we grew up.....but must work harder before we can see a glimmer of worth. ...Toot your horn! You have a right to! Think I will join you..
    47 days ago
  • SPARKFRAN514
    “Think and wonder. Wonder and think.”
    “If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too.”
    You’re off to great to places. Today is your day. Your mountain is waiting. So get on your way.”
    Dr. Seuss
    great Blog love your idea we all need to take time and what posters say
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    47 days ago
  • BLESSED2BEME
    Makes me sad to hear you did not have your horn tooted by others while growing up. I'm glad that you know now that you can do it yourself and that you have amazing qualities.
    47 days ago
  • BKRMKRLGHT
    emoticon emoticon
    47 days ago
  • WHILLSW
    Thanks for reminding me to toot my own horn & accept who I am...
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    47 days ago
  • HARROWJET
    I think many of us grew up feeling like you did. I am thankful we are learning to overcome those feelings and that it is okay to toot our own horn.

    (Thank you for your support over the past month.)

    emoticon emoticon
    47 days ago
  • SAMMILESSACH
    You are such a smart woman! Our childhoods and our families don't know our true selves, at least mine doesn't always pretending to be someone I am not...until my husband came and I am me, not an actress anymore. Well I may not be clis e to my family but I don't want to be fake either.

    Every morning I weight my self hoping for a smaller number knowing how hard I am working, but it doesn't seem to budge.

    I am not letting myself be a number, I have spent too many years doing that!

    Yes toot, our horn, twist and shout embrace the food women that we are! emoticon
    47 days ago
  • READY201811
    Wow we have so much in common and probably why of all the people on this site we found each other. My parents called again to put me down for giving them a gift certificate and now my sister again blasted me my Facebook. So much hurt!!!!
    47 days ago
  • JUSTJ2014
    We do not love another based on the same things we love ourselves. That is where we need to refocus our brains. Learn to love yourself the way you love others. Not for the waist or looks but for their inner beauty. You are beautiful
    emoticon
    47 days ago
  • MARITIMER3
    Ruthie, you are loved by many people. I'm sorry that your parents didn't know how to show their love, but I'm sure your children grew up knowing that they were loved, and now they and doing the same with their children... and I can just imagine how much love is showered on your dear little granddaughter and your grandsons.

    You are proof that old patterns can be broken.

    Hugs, Gail
    47 days ago
  • GLORYB83
    I grew up feeling the same way Ruthie but now realized that my sisters all loved & wanted me, even if our mother didn't. There is always a silver lining. Accept the good, reject the bad.
    Okay, I'm going to 'toot my own horn' today too, great idea! emoticon
    emoticon

    47 days ago
  • GODS-PRINCESS
    I grew up the same way!
    Good going tooting your own horn!!!
    47 days ago
  • BROOKLYN_BORN
    So many of us have similar backgrounds that caused us a lifetime of being our own worst critic.

    We all here see your wonderful qualities. So go ahead, toot your own horn so you are always aware of them too.
    47 days ago
  • NJ_BEACHCOMBERS
    We share similar backgrounds..I struggle even today believing I am good enough, smart enough or worthy of acceptance from anyone..I am glad that your have your husband and children...I work on self-love and still I struggle at times..thanks for sharing
    47 days ago
  • FRITZYS_MAMA
    Sorry to hear you didn't have a positive childhood, but many others see how beautiful and worthy you are and you have lots of support now. I hope you can find your inner self worth and come to terms with your past. Sending many hugs your way. emoticon
    47 days ago
  • NAVYWIFESKI
    Let’s make it a terrific Tuesday and not be so hard on ourselves!:) 🤗💜🌸
    47 days ago
  • VHAYES04
    I have the same memories. I always said if I had children I would always brag on them and tell them I love them all the time. Everytime I see it talk to my kids I tell them I love them!
    47 days ago
  • AMUSICALLIFE
    Same here. I believe it might be your love language. What your husband gives you feeds your love language. Parents didn’t feed your love language but loves you in other ways. Message is too short. I could write a sermon on this. Love ❤️ + joy for U!
    47 days ago

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