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Spark is a safe place...

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

My heart hurts today. Really today is full of happy things. I lost a pound according the scale this morning! The renovations at work are wrapping up and a week from today I will be in my newly renovated space! I've been displaced since the end of May...so this is BIG! The sun is shining and the skies are cloudless! Can't hardly ask for a more perfect Fall day! Yet, here I am on the verge of bursting into tears.
There are so many little quips and quotes that float around social media about not knowing how strong you are until you have to be strong, or "be kind", you never know what battles a person is fighting...I read these and press the thumbs up button. Yes I feel those words. But today...today those words took on new meaning.
So, so, much has happened in the past 6 months. I have sworn off saying "what next?", because the universe is always determined to answer me with what is next...and so far, it hasn't been easy. I am learning daily how to be strong. Some days, okay actually most days, if not all days, I overthink every situation. Which makes me stronger? Or weaker? I'm not sure anymore. I know that I don't have much strong left in me. So, as I sit here, taking a big gulp, and blinking back the tears, I know there is a little more strength within.
I don't write this to get sympathy. I write this as I need to release it. I am not ready to name what is happening. But, I'm ready to put into words that I'm hurting. This place, Spark, seems to be a safe place to lay my words out. A safe place to let my spark friends know that I'm hanging on. I'm healing. Spark is just a safe place.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Your blog today reminds me that I'm not alone in experiencing pain. It helps. I don't know if it helps you to know that someone else out here is feeling near the end of her rope, clinging to that last shred of strength and hoping it will swell, grow, sustain me, but here we are. I can say that trying to find those mental breaks, little time-outs, from the relentless re-hashing, problem solving, that we have in our heads is pretty essential. I don't know what works for you, but for me, listening to music, escaping to a book, TV show, or game of some sort, picking a project that I'll be happy of at the end, cooking a nice meal (as long as I don't get interrupted 75 times). And sometimes, watching a comedy of some sort, something that helps me tip my head back and laugh, can feel really healing. Hugs to you.
    114 days ago
    So sorry you are going through a tough time.

    114 days ago
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    I'm so very sorry that you are hurting. Good for you for hanging on. You've got this.
    115 days ago
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