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day's 7 & 8

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Holy cow, I forgot to write here yesterday. I have been incorporating two other modes that are really helping, one called 'The Artist's Way', helping to open up creativity again, and by the same author a book called 'Write Yourself to the Right Size', by Julia Cameron. So I've been doing a LOT of writing.

I have a long history with alternative modalities and healing, starting from when I was 16 and I took my first Massage Therapy training. I've been a massage therapist, Reiki Master Teacher & Practitioner, Kundalini Yoga Instructor, and I've interned under a doctor of Chinese Medicine, taken Herbal medicine courses, and studied Ayurveda for my personal reasons. I'm saying all of this because when I think about how I carry my weight, and what it reflects emotionally, I am needing to address many aspects of my life.

I carry the majority of my weight in my belly. It can look a lot like what they call stress belly, and I've been asked when I'm due more times than I care to count. I've had people offer me their seats on public transportation because they feel bad about the pregnant woman standing. It's the worst.

Anyways, according to energy work/chakra systems, when you are holding a lot of weight in your belly, you are not releasing your creativity and struggling with feelings of worthlessness related to your creativity. I can see where this is true for me- since I was about 14, I've had to work, and there hasn't been a lot of time to do something because I want to, it's all because I had to. When I was a teacher, there was some outlet for creativity, but also so many restrictions it was challenging.

My entire life, the things that have sounded like they were just fun, have been off-limits to me because I've needed to be productive. I've lived on the edge of poverty for a long time, especially as a kid and as a single mom, and it's been hard to change that mindset in the last 10 years. My husband keeps reminding me that not everything I do has to be monetized or financially motivated, but it's hard for me to change that. I have a hard time dedicating time to hobbies or activities just for fun, or just for expression. I tend to always be thinking about what I can be doing instead, how I can be productive, and then when I have downtime, it's more like numbing time, TV, reading, and eating.

Making room for hobbies has been embarrassingly hard. With these books, I am replacing eating with writing and drawing and sketching, and it is a work in progress. Trusting that my creativity doesn't need to lead anywhere is a brand new learning curve for me, and I am again ready to bring my curiosity to this process.

When I see myself healthy, it's less about a goal weight or size, and more about feelings of freedom - freedom to explore, travel, and be present, in a much healthier way, and getting rid of this mental baggage is going to need to happen in pace with losing actual pounds.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ALOFA0509
    emoticon "Reiki Master Teacher & Practitioner, studied Ayurveda" You are my Spirit Animal!! All the things that I dig down to my soul girl!!.. Tapping into that creativity side brings out the Joy and Happy in me too, I need to Tap In cuz my soul has been Thirsty for some creative art time emoticon
    28 days ago
    The mental baggage is always heavier. I think it's awesome how much you're poking around that brain to figure out what is going on. Taking a proactive approach to remodel what hasn't been working for you. I want the motivation to do the same because it is inevitable that there will be a point where routine isn't enough. And then it's the all too familiar crossroads where in the past I've always made horrible decisions. I'm hoping continuing to foster a bit of self love and self understanding is going to have me better prepared.
    28 days ago
    i have to find my creative side again also
    29 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    29 days ago
    I carry a lot of weight in my stomach too. After my Mom and hubby died in 2015, a few months apart, Ilost the fun in my life. I have grandchildren but they all work. I have 6 great grands and I do see 3 of them at least once a week and they stay overnight sometimes, the 6 and 3 year olds. I only have the 1 year old for a few hours unless his sister, 6, helps me. I am trying to find the fun back in my life but its really hard.
    29 days ago
  • LORI-K
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    29 days ago
    29 days ago
    Good for you for seeing the need in yourself for the release of creativity that is not necessarily monetarily driven! That was a hard one for me, too. But . . . being aware of it is the first step towards doing something about it. Good luck to you and know you're not alone!
    29 days ago
    I felt every word. I didn't have the option of choosing a major in college because of my passion. I needed to get in and get out. I used to do a lot of theater in HS but my parents were very focused on my financial success so, I didn't keep up with my arts or drawing. Now that I am "grown up" I struggle to find things to enjoy because that was sucked out of me so long ago. I bought a sketch book, a tattoo coloring book and I have some other me-projects I literally just blogged about focusing on. This was right on time. I carry a lot of weight in my stomach and I can totally believe it is my creativity suffering. Thank you for this blog. So much to think about. emoticon
    29 days ago
    I'm sure it doesn't help that our society places so much worth on productivity 😕 It's great that you're taking the time to enjoy hobbies even if it's hard! I firmly believe that the Arts are crucial to overall wellness!
    29 days ago
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