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day's 7 & 8

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Holy cow, I forgot to write here yesterday. I have been incorporating two other modes that are really helping, one called 'The Artist's Way', helping to open up creativity again, and by the same author a book called 'Write Yourself to the Right Size', by Julia Cameron. So I've been doing a LOT of writing.

I have a long history with alternative modalities and healing, starting from when I was 16 and I took my first Massage Therapy training. I've been a massage therapist, Reiki Master Teacher & Practitioner, Kundalini Yoga Instructor, and I've interned under a doctor of Chinese Medicine, taken Herbal medicine courses, and studied Ayurveda for my personal reasons. I'm saying all of this because when I think about how I carry my weight, and what it reflects emotionally, I am needing to address many aspects of my life.

I carry the majority of my weight in my belly. It can look a lot like what they call stress belly, and I've been asked when I'm due more times than I care to count. I've had people offer me their seats on public transportation because they feel bad about the pregnant woman standing. It's the worst.

Anyways, according to energy work/chakra systems, when you are holding a lot of weight in your belly, you are not releasing your creativity and struggling with feelings of worthlessness related to your creativity. I can see where this is true for me- since I was about 14, I've had to work, and there hasn't been a lot of time to do something because I want to, it's all because I had to. When I was a teacher, there was some outlet for creativity, but also so many restrictions it was challenging.

My entire life, the things that have sounded like they were just fun, have been off-limits to me because I've needed to be productive. I've lived on the edge of poverty for a long time, especially as a kid and as a single mom, and it's been hard to change that mindset in the last 10 years. My husband keeps reminding me that not everything I do has to be monetized or financially motivated, but it's hard for me to change that. I have a hard time dedicating time to hobbies or activities just for fun, or just for expression. I tend to always be thinking about what I can be doing instead, how I can be productive, and then when I have downtime, it's more like numbing time, TV, reading, and eating.

Making room for hobbies has been embarrassingly hard. With these books, I am replacing eating with writing and drawing and sketching, and it is a work in progress. Trusting that my creativity doesn't need to lead anywhere is a brand new learning curve for me, and I am again ready to bring my curiosity to this process.

When I see myself healthy, it's less about a goal weight or size, and more about feelings of freedom - freedom to explore, travel, and be present, in a much healthier way, and getting rid of this mental baggage is going to need to happen in pace with losing actual pounds.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ALOFA0509
    emoticon "Reiki Master Teacher & Practitioner, studied Ayurveda" You are my Spirit Animal!! All the things that I dig down to my soul girl!!.. Tapping into that creativity side brings out the Joy and Happy in me too, I need to Tap In cuz my soul has been Thirsty for some creative art time emoticon
    28 days ago
  • ELIR_KVOTHE
    The mental baggage is always heavier. I think it's awesome how much you're poking around that brain to figure out what is going on. Taking a proactive approach to remodel what hasn't been working for you. I want the motivation to do the same because it is inevitable that there will be a point where routine isn't enough. And then it's the all too familiar crossroads where in the past I've always made horrible decisions. I'm hoping continuing to foster a bit of self love and self understanding is going to have me better prepared.
    28 days ago
  • ALEXSGIRL1
    i have to find my creative side again also
    29 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    emoticon
    29 days ago
  • HAWTGRANNY2014
    I carry a lot of weight in my stomach too. After my Mom and hubby died in 2015, a few months apart, Ilost the fun in my life. I have grandchildren but they all work. I have 6 great grands and I do see 3 of them at least once a week and they stay overnight sometimes, the 6 and 3 year olds. I only have the 1 year old for a few hours unless his sister, 6, helps me. I am trying to find the fun back in my life but its really hard.
    29 days ago
  • LORI-K
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    29 days ago
  • GARDENCHRIS
    emoticon
    29 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Good for you for seeing the need in yourself for the release of creativity that is not necessarily monetarily driven! That was a hard one for me, too. But . . . being aware of it is the first step towards doing something about it. Good luck to you and know you're not alone!
    29 days ago
  • MSMOSTIMPROVED
    I felt every word. I didn't have the option of choosing a major in college because of my passion. I needed to get in and get out. I used to do a lot of theater in HS but my parents were very focused on my financial success so, I didn't keep up with my arts or drawing. Now that I am "grown up" I struggle to find things to enjoy because that was sucked out of me so long ago. I bought a sketch book, a tattoo coloring book and I have some other me-projects I literally just blogged about focusing on. This was right on time. I carry a lot of weight in my stomach and I can totally believe it is my creativity suffering. Thank you for this blog. So much to think about. emoticon
    29 days ago
  • IAMTHEELLIE
    I'm sure it doesn't help that our society places so much worth on productivity 😕 It's great that you're taking the time to enjoy hobbies even if it's hard! I firmly believe that the Arts are crucial to overall wellness!
    29 days ago
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