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But my dietician told me so

Tuesday, September 01, 2020

I had this VERY long entry about my conversation with my dietician, my guilt of what I eat, her trying to reassure me that the slurpee I had wasn’t as bad as I told myself and I should forgive myself.

I LOVE watermelon. I could eat a small one in two days. But now that I know how much sugar is in it I get such a feeling of guilt. My dietician tried to tell me that if I want some it’s okay but don’t eat all of it in one sitting. LOL, if only she knew. 1 cup won’t kill me. What I don’t believe that the cheeseburger I ate the other day is okay too. Having a “no” food every once in a while won’t kill me. No, probably not but it’s like putting poison in my body.

Then we talked about numbers. Doing one of those put your info in & it tells you how many calories, carbs & so on. My Fitness Pal said 1200 if I wanted to lose weight. This last one I did said 1500 which in my eyes is WAY to many. I’m going to try and stay around 1350. My dietician suggested 25 to 30 carbs a meal and 12 carbs for snacks. Okay I have a goal.

I am very anal about logging my numbers and what I eat. She thinks I have OCD. I’ll take a pic of my log & you decide.

The biggest problem I’m facing right now is exercising. I can’t really do it. I’m doing PT & OT due to being sick in January. Now we are trying to build my muscle back in my legs and arms. I got myself out of the wheelchair but have to use a walker. I hate it.

In keeping this short I will just say it. I have cancer. I was asked to join a study and do immunotherapy. 3 months in I got VERY sick. Stopped in January and nothing since. Had to wait until my body was strong enough. 100mg of steroids sucks. So no chemo. COVID hits, no chemo. It’s now September still no chemo. 2 months ago I was told I’m in remission. How? I haven’t been treated in 7 months. No one knows and no one is going to ask why. Then last week the people who are doing the study wanted me to have a CT scan done. Another long story short, I’m no longer in remission. 4 times this tumor has left and come back. I’ve named him Harvey.

I have to have a PET scan to verify that what they saw was the tumor. If it is then it’s grown too. Ugh, I’m so tired.

So here I am. Dealing with diabetes as well. My dietician said I’m OCD because of how I’m dealing with this. Please don’t get me wrong. Most days I can’t stick to a low carb diet but I try and that’s all I can do. I think.

I’m going to try and post the pic of a page out of my blood sugar & food log book. It gives me some sort of peace when I completely do this.

Well there you go. Not too healthy but I stayed under which is suppose to make it fine but I will never believe that.
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