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It’s been a long time

Monday, July 20, 2020

Hi.

Death comes in threes or so they say and sure enough it did. First it was our friend Andrea at age 49, then our friend Brad at age 59 and just this past week Tina at age 49. Tina was the only one who was sick. I’ve experienced loss before but this really hit home as these were friends who were of our age group,

And on top of that I’m really struggling mentally. I know one begets the other but I think my mental health was ready to crumble anyways and 2020 just happened to be the year. I know that admitting it is a big step but I can’t say, with complete confidence, that I’m on the road to recovery. My psychiatrist is trying me on a new drug regime (the last change up caused my heart rate to become dangerously elevated) and tomorrow marks one week of the new drug. Fingers crossed.

I’d like to say with confidence that I’ll be back but this time I feel different. I’m NOT suicidal (thankfully) but I feel very unworthy.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BELLSES
    I am so sorry to hear about your friends. I hope that you are doing better now.
    10 days ago
  • 2DAWN4
    Sorry to hear about your friends. I know it hurts but may their memories bring you comfort!

    Praying that the new meds work out for you!
    51 days ago
  • ARTJAC
    emoticon emoticon FOR YOUR LOSSES
    62 days ago
  • POP07POP1
    Sorry to hear about the loss of your friends. Hang in there, you'll get better and better, don't give up....many prayers going your way. emoticon emoticon
    63 days ago
  • CODEMAULER
    I've missed you - you are certainly WORTHY!!
    63 days ago
  • SUSANELAINE1956
    Susan, I am so sorry to read this. I know losing Andrea was very hard on you, and now two more friends to add to your grief. I hope the new medications will help. Thinking of you.
    63 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    I'm so sorry for your losses. So much has changed this year, it's like all the ingredients for a perfect storm for mental health. Add the sudden loss of your friends, and it's no wonder you're floundering. I'm glad your doctor is working closely with you, and I hope that the meds help you.
    63 days ago
  • SVELTEWARRIOR
    My friend you are a sweet, funny, warm and kind person...... the one thing you ARE NOT is unworthy
    63 days ago
  • JAMER123
    Susan, I am so sorry for the loss of your friends. So many so close together. When our ages are really close to those we lose, it is very hard. Many hugs and prayers for you, prayers of healing.
    emoticon emoticon
    63 days ago
  • KAYDE53
    So sorry for the loss of your friends. That would’ve been very difficult to go through. I hope your new meds work for you. Take care of yourself.
    63 days ago
  • GOANNA2
    Sorry for your losses Susan.It really does hit home when it is people who
    are close to us in age. Stay strong and I'm glad you made the step to p emoticon ost
    again. thinking of you and sending you hugs.
    63 days ago
  • PWILLOW1
    So very sorry you are suffering from such loss. At this time everything is so topsy turvey without adding the loss of dear friends. I can truly understand your pain. I hope the new meds work to help you realize just how much you mean to others.
    emoticon
    63 days ago
  • COOLMAMA11
    Susan, I too have lost many friends in the last few years, so I feel your pain. You are so worthy Susan, you are so loved on our team, you made a bright spot on the team with your wit and fun posts. I hope these new drugs do the trick, and your feeling so much better.

    Big hugs
    Elaine
    63 days ago
  • PACEKA1
    You are very worthy and you need to remember that. I am so sorry for all that you are going through. Living in these times right now is stressful for everyone and when you're struggling with an illness it must just magnify things. And now the loss of three friends - I'm so very sorry about that.

    I pray that the new drug regime will work for you and you will find some relief! You're a wonderful person, Susan! We're all here for you.
    63 days ago
  • KANSASROSE67
    My dear, what you have been through would be overwhelming for ANYONE. My sympathy to you for these losses.

    I pray that your new meds will be helpful. I'm so thankful that you have people to care for you and help you through this dark time into a brighter day.
    63 days ago
  • LKWQUILTER
    Sure hope the new meds do the trick. I agree with Sue and believe there is a reason you are still here. With all that has been going on this year with the COVID19, political goings on, the marches and riots, our whole world has gone loco. Just take one minute and a time, stay focused on what you are doing yourself and forget everything else. I admit that is what I am having to do to keep my sanity. Remember you are loved and valued. ((HUGS)).
    63 days ago
  • SPARKPEOPLE1951
    I 'm so sorry to read about your good friends. It really hits home when they are close to your age.

    It is okay to be sad that is normal. Everyone grieves differently. Please try to keep busy and I pray that this new medication will work for you. emoticon
    63 days ago
  • NANASUEH
    You have lost 3 friends with no time in between to heal. That would knock anyone for a loop. My heart goes out to you.

    Maybe you're wondering why them and not you. That would add to the sense of not being worthy, survivor's guilt. Sweetie, it does no good to wonder why. You have to trust the Universe that you are where you are supposed to be, for whatever reason.

    The coming back is rather similar to losing weight: it doesn't happen in big chunks but in little steps, bit by bit. You don't even notice till you realize you don't feel the same as you did before. A day at a time, staying in the present moment with the task at hand.

    You are on the road to recovery; you just don't know what it will look like. Trust that road is beneath your feet, one step at a time.

    You are worthy, even if you can't figure why. You are important to someone and you may never know who. And that's okay.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    63 days ago
  • LYNCHD05
    That is just awful news about your friends. They were so young. It would break my heart too.

    Susan I sure hope the new meds work for you. I csn just imagine how hard this is for you. I actually had you in mind to send a message, I was missing hearing from you.

    63 days ago
  • HARROWJET
    I am sorry for your losses. It DOES hit home when it is people close to our age.

    Let's hope the new medication is the right one for you. emoticon
    63 days ago
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