Saturday, May 30, 2020
Didn't realize how long it had been since I blogged, but I knew it was way before Covid was on the map as a "thing".
Maybe I shouldn't trivialize it, but a part of me needs to take the fear out of modern living and for the past few months it's been all covid, all the time.
I just can't take it any more!
I've run the gambit between buying into the paranoia and looking for good information and being horrified by the way that all of this has been politicized.
I've come to the conclusion that this is the inevitable conclusion of the mantra "the personal is political".
I think a lot of good intentions have just clouded people's sense the past few months (years, decades).
There's obviously the need for black people and others to have their rights recognized by the government and society - me too and the rest of them are legitimate movements and there are legitimate grievances here.
I guess what I'm struggling with is the fact that all of this anger is being released so destructively. Which I guess is to be expected, but people always expect the revolution to go their way and don't seem to remember the examples of the violence in France and the aftermath of the Russian Revolution. The causes were right and true, but the leadership got radical and they ended up destroying a lot of good things along with the bad things.
I'm trying not to be morbid or just see things from my own perspective, but I find it sad that we've created a society that values violence and anger over peace and cooperation.
At a time where we are more in tune with mental health than ever, but we are still so dysfunctional as people and a society.
There's a part of me that's very nihilistic. Let's just burn it down and start over. But the sensible part of me says "how to we reform what we've got to make it better."
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm feeling divided and not clear about the path forward.
Racism and Sexism are great sins in the fabric of our society. There are truly wrongs that need to be righted. However, I have to wonder if people are attacking the wrong villain. Instead of damaging the local CVS or the local Arby's, why not attack corporations and the leadership -
Instead of hurting your neighborhood......
This is where I think a lot of the protesters lose people. I want to be supportive, but I can't justify destroying neighborhoods and businesses.
Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way, but it seems to me that this is another instance of where society is reaping what it has sowed. I've been saying that a lot since the beginning of the Covid problem. People wonder why their employees aren't loyal, but look at how employers are treating them. All of this is just truly tragic - especially in light of the fact that a lot of small businesses haven't been able to open and are really struggling to get by.
I guess my problem with all of this is that there's an official narrow "accepted" opinion which is parroted like it's the gospel truth. And anything outside of that narrow viewpoint is denounced as conspiracy or invalid because it doesn't match up with what the mainstream media puts out there.
It wouldn't be bad if I saw the bias and the outlet told me they were bias, but the reality is that they still want to pretend that they are neutral and try to represent both viewpoints fairly - which they just don't succeed at much of the time. So I end up seeing all this bias and others act like I'm the one with the problem. When I'm not the one with the problem.
Question authority was never meant to mean only question authorities you don't like. Just treat people fairly. Apparently, this is really just hard for a lot of people and our society.
I'm feeling a bit disillusioned about this because I like to think that people are mostly good and that all they want is a fair shake in the world. But when you marginalize whole groups of people..........and you start seeing people as groups.....and Team Blue and Team Red and then we wonder why we are a hot mess.
There's a lot of blame to go around and I'm having a hard time with that idea b/c that would mean that I share in the blame and of course, I don't want to see myself as a bad person.
But, again, there's a lot of anger and frustration that needs to be dealt with because our society has (in a lot of ways) been blind to poverty and injustice.
I feel like we have the opportunity to be a better society once we come out the other side of this, but I'm not optimistic about our near-term future.
My mind is having a hard time making the mental leap from save our small businesses to burn everything down. Because, yes, buildings can be replaced, but is it really justice to burn and loot stores which really haven't gone out of their way to be racist or sexist towards people.....individuals matter. And if people are burning and looting just to burn and loot and "express their anger" because of "systematic racism".....well, I have problems with that.
Apparently, this is another area where I guess I've had a real blind spot b/c I want to be angry about all the riots and crazy, but on a basic level, I simply can't get too angry. Again, people are reaping what they sowed and we've been sowing a lot of anger and discontent for a long time. I want to act like somehow I'm above this behavior, but the thing is that even when we do change - that doesn't mean that the effects of what happened before aren't going to still be in the universe.
Around 2014-2015 I decided I wanted to be a different person than what I was. I wanted to be more peaceful and non-violent because I want to live in a peaceful, non-violent world. A lot of that meant getting out of politics because for most politics is about making the other side "their enemy" and destroying the enemy and beating the enemy and quite frankly - I didn't like that. There was a lot of angry at people because they didn't vote the right way and they didn't see things exactly the same way as you. There's simply no room for compromise or discussion w/out hate.
At the time (and still) I was struggling with how I could support a party that wanted to keep the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq going and just the increase in militarization of our police and society. People keep wanting to act like things are normal, but our society went off the deep end after 9-11 and I did nothing to stop it. Not really. I was brought up to think that the military was always good and "might makes right" and all that stuff that we tell ourselves about being a strong society. But I haven't bought that for a long time now.
Obviously - I probably should change my blog entry title because I've barely touched on Covid, but all of this connected, right?
People are angry and uncertain about the future. States like mine still haven't opened - so it's been kind of amusing to watch people riot (and not social distance), but totally wear their masks. That's just a huge contradiction. Honestly - I'm not trying to be a 'Karen", but the thing is that this is just another reason why people on my side are going to give for not supporting the protesters and continue to backlash against all the covid restrictions.
If being in public and not social distancing while wearing masks is okay for some people, then we need to okay with it being okay for everyone.....not just people looting and burning buildings. But.....nobody seems to mention that in the media (which isn't too surprising, but is given how the same media was freaking out about all the people who went the beach this past weekend w/out masks and w/out social distancing).
People simply see these contradictions and wonder why it's okay that social distancing isn't being enforced in these crowds. Is there an agenda? Is it because the agenda is supported by the media? Is it because wearing masks and social distancing really is just a show to say we are doing something? It simply doesn't do to blanket say that people are conspiracy theorists for asking about people's motives and why things are the way that they are - especially when things don't seem to make sense.
A lot of us are just very tired of being cooped up and not being able to go anywhere. To pick up my kid's things from his locker, I have to fill out a form which asks "have you been out of state". As if that's any of the school's business. I get why the question is being asked.
It makes sense. It really does. But that's just a level of paranoia that I haven't seen yet and it was unexpected.
I just don't think that a lot of this is going to end as well as some people believe that it will. I like to think that after this period of anger purging our society will be much healthier, but there's a long way between here and "the future".