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Milestone and Social Distance Thoughts

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Today has been a year since my most recent concussion. In that time I’ve seen my GP three times, one (inCREdibly unhelpful and condescending) ophthalmologist, and, as of less than 2 weeks ago, one neurologist. It’s a rainy day. My favorite. My vision is still lousy so I can’t see it well but I can sit under the aluminum roof on the poolside awning and listen to it. I can listen to the trickle of the rivulets flowing from my yard into the creek. I can throw on a hoodie and go see my newly bloomed bulbs. I can play with my dog, albeit in a limited fashion inside as, wimp that she is, Mona doesn’t like icky wet ground. 🙄 My head is achy and I am sluggish (thyroid symptoms that went wonky after the last concussion have returned for an encore with this one). Still, hubby helped with the dishes without being asked. The kiddo, whose school went pretty seamlessly to remote learning this week (go Mercy!), would usually have randomly texted me a kiss or an I love you several times by now. Instead she has come out and given me hugs and told me directly how much she loves me and how the book she’s reading for school reminded her. I haven’t driven since the injury, relying on hubby (who has strong natural hermit tendencies) for all transport. Social distance? I’ve got this. Hubby will go to town for what necessities were running low on shortly. We are thankful we have always, for economic reasons, kept food grade 5-gallon buckets full of staples like flour, sugar, rice, and beans. For the same reason, we have a chest freezer that has allowed us to buy meat when it was on sale. We should have enough TP. If not, there’s tissue and, if needs be a makeshift bidet can be made. I’ve been an elementary and middle school educator for years. Soap? Hand sanitizer? No worries. Always on hand. I still can’t work. I have a couple of good, somewhat functional days where I can actually process more than usual and I wonder why I’m not back in the workforce. Then I go to the grocery store and end up clutching my headphones and sunglasses in the truck, or I try to read a book I’ve read half a dozen times and cannot remember what I just read. Those of you who know me well know how much it hurt me to have to decline when a former student asked me to proofread her college application letter...because I would not be able to read it. STILL, I can use my still-present touch typing skills to do the toughest part of writing, composition, on those good days. I can make lists and plans for what needs to be done to help get the high school’s theater space fully functional and productive again. I can network with friends I haven’t seen in 25+ years to help that happen. I can do SOMEthing. What I can do, I will. It is still somewhat difficult some days not to focus on what I cannot do as these things are often integral parts of day to day life. Please trust me, I am TRYING to focus on what I CAN do.
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