Of Course it will get Worse..and Better
Sunday, December 29, 2019
Life is full of things getting worse and better and the worse just makes the better better. Right now it is a gloomy rainy day. Yesterday, was a taste of Spring just tip toeing up to 60 degrees with sunshine. Yesterday, we spent a lot of time getting outdoor movement-walking, shooting baskets and playing tennis. The park was overflowing with people of all ages enjoying this taste of weather bliss. I know after a bout of some rainy days the sun will return again and while not as warm and yesterday, I will enjoy some sunshine while layered up. Things always get better at some point.
I see many gloomy days in the future when I think about dealing with my mother aging and sibling issues. Chances are mom's behavior will get more challenging, though a friend gave me hope when she shared her mother took a sudden turn for the more pleasant. It will likely be heck on earth the day I have to take her car keys, let alone the other things that go along with aging that I already experienced with one parent. If I spend too long thinking about all of that, I get filled with dread and I miss the sunny days. I backed away after one too many tantrums from her and discovered expanding my friendship network, and doing more things I enjoyed.I remind myself the worse days just make the better ones even better, but also having enough "better days" helps us build up the reserves to deal with the worse days.
So I am finding ways to enjoy life to build my strength.There is so much I cannot control in the future and sometimes seeing how difficult my mom can get already and knowing how her mother was, I feel like I have a sword of Damocles dangling over my head. The thing is I must not let fear prevail because it will rob me of sanity. I just have to accept this stressors and make the best of the situation I have and not spend all my time obsessing over the dangling sword.Who knows, when it falls, it may not even hurt much or I may be strong enough that recovery is easier than I thought. Regardless, for today I enjoy all that life has to offer. I plan for fun activities and finally going on vacation this summer. I chose happiness, health, bravery and laughter.